Bittersweet Indigo

by DahliaASant

Shion and KOSMOS reminisce to that conflict 14 years ago, when their peace and tranquility were destroyed forever...as well as their complicated relationship with eachother.

I'm afraid this isn't very good...probably because it's shorter than most of the stories I'm accustomed to writing. So I apologize in advance for the crappy quality. This story is very heavily KevinxShion with slight ShionxKOS-MOS and foreshadowing with ShionxAllen...because it takes place with a series of flashbacks in Shion and KOS-MOS's past 14 years ago. It switches POV's back and forth between Shion and KOS-MOS and...well...enjoy. I like feedback. :P

Bittersweet Indigo

Would feeling pain make me complete?

Whenever I look at you, I see him.

Whenever I look at you, I see myself.

I see everything but what you are. What you were created to be.

It's strange that things would turn out this way. That you would become my grief, my anger, my passion.

That you would become me, KOS-MOS.

I run my fingertips over your face, its pure ivory surface like an angel's. Sometimes, when I am touching you like this; examining you as a doctor would a patient, I can almost feel your pulse-I can almost hear you breathe.

But it's pure nonsense. You are cold as ice, your body a frosted mound of snow, angel carved from dead, unresponsive metal. You are a composition of disembodied parts, a Frankenstein to the modern world; eclectic in your duties, unbending in your purpose.

That's why I can't bring myself to hate you for what you've done. For what you continue to do.

My trembling fingers continue their examination; their desperate search for something surreal, something I would never find. It's always a reunion of unwanted memories when I am touching you, when my fingertips brush across the pale lips, stroke the digits of your synthetic hands. It's as if I'm caressing a corpse so tenderly, the blue body an aftermath of succumbing to a violent frost, the lips a frozen testament to the mortality of man.

It's as if I'm touching him again.

I force myself to stop; my fingers are on fire, the burning swallowing my logic and unnerving me, reaching across my eyelids. My lip trembles, and all at once I fight the urge to cry; to cry out his name, syllables slurring on my lips, filled with subdued disdain. I watch you sleep, lying there in your blackened crypt; unhearing, unfeeling, unaffected by your actions.

The blue of his eyes.

The blue of his hair.

Animated in your sapphire mane, glowing softly against the dim lighting of your chamber within the Woglinde. It's after-hours again; the time I spent with him flooding back into my senses like a haunting dream. I modeled him after you, I realize; with a gasp of horror, bewilderment. I had no idea I had done it, but now…now, staring at your pale flesh, at the thick lashes, the sapphire armor; everything reminded me of him, of being in his arms, of his scent, of his taste.

And you took him away from me.

With one simple flick of your wrist; a god to all robotic creatures, a savior to humankind. Conqueror of the gnosis, brought to life by your own desire to kill-by your murder of the man I loved.

Why?

Why, and why, and why?

I've asked myself this question hundreds of times, reliving that moment every moment in my mind, in my heart. But I can never find an answer. I am Shion Uzuki, accomplished woman at the age of 18; the head of the KOS-MOS project, younger than all of my fellow workers at Vector. A genius, they like to say, to snarl beneath their breath with something deeper than respect, something more grotesque than envy.

But this is a puzzle I will never solve, an enigma I can never unlock without breaking my heart to pieces in the end.

But I remember it.

I remember it all, for you.

If feeling pain would make me complete, then the world is numb.

That is my observation of the cold, human-infested universe in which I have come to inhabit. After decades of sleep within the chambers of my mechanic uterus, I have grown accustomed to the sounds of petty deaths and bloodshed, warfare becoming integrated into my very being, my very soul. In essence; that was why they created me-a powerful android series destined to defeat Gnosis and propel humanity into further evolution and protection as they grow in all their grotesqueness.

I am KOS-MOS, a tool of warfare designed to do nothing but search and destroy my intended targets; most prominently the alien threat known as Gnosis. I am KOS-MOS, mannequin of Vector Industries and initially created by a deceased human whom had insisted I refer to him as "Kevin." I am KOS-MOS, emotionless android, who is hopelessly in love with the pathetic homo sapien, Shion Uzuki.

There is a high probability that what I have just told you would have shocked, or disgusted you. There is an even higher probability that you disbelieve and discredit my factual confession, reducing it to the mere malfunctioning of my internal modules. Yet Relians can love. Those despicable, metallic creatures harbor human emotions within their artificial hearts; and why can I not? Why am I forbidden to express any fragment of emotion besides the stoic mask of a warrior?

The world is numb.

I have watched her from afar ever since I was brought into this world by Kevin. Kevin, the proud Vector scientist, with his flowing locks and tranquil eyes, pools of old Miltia that exuberated the lost peace of the universe. I remembered vividly, within the depths of my metallic being, the words he had spoken echoing throughout my mind.

Good morning, KOS-MOS.

A name. A greeting. All it had taken for me to identify myself with him. With his species, with his origin. It is said that when a small animal is introduced to the world, the very first being it lays its eyes upon will call it "mother." I suppose that was what had occurred with this being known as Kevin; for my innards burst with some intangible warmth that I had not realized would be forbidden to feel in my future, a happiness that manifested itself into me and made me; for the very first time, complete.

I cannot describe to you how I had felt while in my programming stages. Before I was introduced to the world of Vector Industries, to the cosmos that I would inherit my namesake from. At birth, the average human child stays in fetus form for 9 months; yet my own incubation period lasted for years upon years of torture within my cold isolation in my metal container. It may seem inhumane; yet you forget, I am nothing but a pitiful android to the eyes of my makers. Cold eternities bound within that box, gazing into nothingness but a blackened shell had shaped me into the creature I am before I was truly conceived.

Being buried alive before you are born.

That is how it felt. That is the accurate description to relate to a human being. That was when I, caught within my shell of purgatory; my cold, impenetrable silence, had learned to scream-to beg and plead in that box, in my own consciousness, for release. It had been hours upon hours of torment, endless nights and endless sinking throughout the black of that container, that I realized that I would eventually be saved.

And one day, while staring into the boring metal coffin that held me prisoner, I saw something different.

Revelation.

And then there was light.

I could see the first pinpricks of what I perceived as dawn penetrating throughout the tiny, insignificant holes of my crypt, causing me to reel backwards in an attempt to shield my eyes from the burning of the artificial bulbs. The box hissed to life, a serpent that was steadily releasing me from its iron coils; and yet pain filled me with the growth of that saving light, as if I were suddenly being burnt into embers of my own fears. I pulled a hand out towards the heavens, begging for anything but the scalding heat that hit every side of my numbed body, begging for that cool, dark metal again-even though it would suffocate me, entrap me in its grip for decades more.

I no longer cared whether or not I was to be freed. I wanted the death, I wanted the feeling of being buried again. Anything but this. Anything but the world. My mind was like a child's; knowledgable, yet inexperienced; undeveloped only to the new world before me. A foreigner to a New World. Yet a voice comforted me; a hand gripped mine so tightly and with such astonishing strength in my weak state that I found myself uttering a weak, croaking gasp from the depths of my mainframe. The mechanically-tinted vision of my eyes receeded from their blur, and I concentrated on the feminine face emerging from the smoky depths of my coffin; the dying twilight fading into the irises of her astonishing eyes.

It was the first smile I had ever laid my eyes upon; and, ironically, it would be the last. Her eyes were not the ones I had expected to have seen from my birth; not those tranquil, soothing eyes of Kevin's I had glimpsed within my slumber, yet they were young, vibrant-exuberating an emerald so bright I found myself instinctively reeling backwards in fear they would burn me. Her lips, tinted the red of a human heart itself, seemed to emanate so much welcoming, even as they formed the cherub's slope of tender words, I wanted to throw myself at her and be buried in her vibrance.

I felt that if I threw myself into the arms of Shion Uzuki, things would make sense again. I would be back within the comfort of the darkness, the mere child I was, a young android unfamiliar to the harsh light of the unforgiving world; to the reality of the duty I was and forever shall be bound to. Yet as I reached another gloved hand outwards; gingerly, slowly, as I was afraid I would be scorched by the artificial bulbs set about us if I had moved any faster, a male's hand behind her swooped out of the scalding light and gripped mine with a tight, painful discomfort.

I let out a cry from my weak lips, one that sounded more like a frustrated animal's growl than anything tangible. His grip was strong and intimidating; not of the warmth of this woman's before me; it was grip that claimed me, that owned me. A touch that sought to complete me; that wanted to be my world.

At that moment, Kevin's brows had furrowed into a slender patchwork of aggravation, and he released his grip from me-causing me to flinch as I struggled to pull myself back into my suddenly inviting metal coffin, wanting no more of this monster before me.

Where was Shion?

The name floated into my consciousness like a dream. How did I know it? Why was I so tense-why was I so angry?

At this-as if he could read my thoughts-the man sighed, and I could feel the mixed emotions rolling from his being like the convoluted waves of battle. It caused me to shudder within his grip, yet as he turned his gaze upon mine, it was kind and gentle. I nearly collapsed from the strength of that gaze; consuming, intimidating. Possessing.

"Good Morning, KOS-MOS. My name is Kevin. And…well, you could say I am your father."

He had saved me from my prison. He had damned me to the world.

He was my savior. My father.

My God.

The rain fell like daggers on that day, and I laid against my computer chair, staring longingly out at the frost coalescing against the window panes. Slowly I rocked myself back and forth, struggling to count every single droplet-wondering just how someone could create all of them, something so breathtaking and cleansing all at once.

Something like KOS-MOS; a mammoth of beautiful destruction.

I could never see the destruction in anything.

Not even on that fateful day. Not even during your death.

Not even in you.

Suddenly I realized that my fingertips were burning-and, gasping, I turned my head to find pinpricks of blood running in rivulets down my palm. I hadn't realized how hard I had been clutching onto my glass coffee cup-for it had broken while caught up in my reveries, tiny illuminated shards sticking deep within my skin.

"Damn it," I groaned, pulling myself out of my chair to tend to the cut that seemed to bleed deeper and deeper at every second.

As I whipped around to grab something relatively clean in my quarters; a rag, a napkin, anything, I found something quite unexpected instead.

"Chief…you alright?"

I suppose that when they say everyone has something of a guardian at their side, it has some truth to it. I looked up quickly, in shock that there had been a person in the room all along-watching me, observing me-and was swept up into a forest of strong, green eyes, mottled with emerald concern. My words caught in my throat in a mix of shock and pain, and so I merely willed myself to nod in agreement, though Allen did not seem all too thrilled or convinced.

He sighed, bringing a hand behind his head and searching in his pockets with the other for something for my wound, observing the bleeding cut with an almost paternal tenderness,

"You know, Chief, when you're caught up and thinking about things, it's not good to take it out on your body."

I scowled, realizing that he had witnessed my daydreaming and felt somewhat ashamed that someone-especially a man-would catch me off guard like that.

"Allen, please!" I quipped, "It's not as if you're made of metal and don't cut yourself at all. If anything, you should be out looking over KOS-MOS; who knows if Kevin may be struggling with her?"

I winced, realizing my words may have had the wrong effect, because Allen hung his head unusually low, his eyes poignant and almost genuinely hurt. I don't think I could ever read Allen's emotions for the life of me, simply because he seemed more complicated than myself at times. But at the mention of Kevin's name, he had gone from nurturing and supportive to almost child-like. Pursing his lips, he had me clench my fist and slowly drew the pieces of glass lodged within my flesh, bandaging it quickly with white gauze. It was a period of awkward silence between us as we glanced towards one another in occasional curiosity-since meeting Allen I've always wished I was able to read minds, because I knew that part of me would love him if I understood him.

"Well, Chief," He interjected suddenly, causing me to look up from my throbbing wound, "I just want you to be careful now, okay? You haven't been acting yourself lately…and neither has Kevin."

His voice trailed at the end of the sentence, as if he had not wished to say it at all-yet instead of looking at me to gauge my reaction, he turned his head to side in a slow melancholy and began to walk the opposite way.

"Allen-wait!"

I followed him quickly, never realizing how fast Allen could bring himself to walk when wanting to ignore someone. We traversed from my quarters throughout the corridors of the Woglinde, past the throngs and clusters of Vector employees on break who were chattering to themselves and into the humming silence of the testing laboratories. It was then that Allen turned his head very abruptly, stopping in his tracks, and reached out a hand to grab me. Gasping, I allowed him to put his hand-though hesitantly and with that shyness that was trademark of my friend-upon my shoulder to guide me deeper into the corridors. It was a sector that I was vaguely familiar with; though I realized it was mainly off-limits in my experimentation, and as to why Allen found it right to lead me here I did not know.

"Allen," I asked, furrowing my brows in confusion and struggling to pull myself away from him, "Allen, where are you taking us!"

"Chief," He retorted quickly, turning to face me with a sudden look of frustration in his eyes, "Chief, there is something wrong with that KOS-MOS…thing! I know it hasn't awakened yet, but-but…"

"Allen, you're being ridiculous!" I screamed, my voice ricocheting off the walls, making it inevitable for us to be heard throughout the whole ship, "Now stop fooling around and let's go back to see how Kevin is doing!"

"But Chief, I-"

Allen had no chance to finish his statement. As soon as his lips had outlined his next word, the shrilling, ear-piercing screams of the alarms penetrated the air like scarlet banshees. The corridors were bathed in red light, throwing us both into a state of bewilderment-instinctively I clutched onto Allen's arm, watching him shriek in surprise and look about in worry.

"What's going on!" He asked in terror, as voices began to cluster all about us-hostile, angry voices, shouting and yelling orders to men that did not sound like Vector employees.

Not in the least.

I said nothing, merely held on tighter to Allen, fear covering my body like a second skin. Slowly he walked forward, with a cautiousness that made me want to hit him in my panic-I wanted to run, I wanted to run and see if Kevin was alright, see if it hadn't been anything wrong with him. I realized the whole of Vector was in danger, yet all I could think of was his safety.

The sounds of gunshots hit the air like death.

A soaring scream into the hall, and the violent aftermath of an explosion left miniature flames leaping across the wall in an attempt to devour us. This was no minor warning-this was no minor occurrence, no simple problem with the mainframe, not even the terrifying revelation of a Gnosis attack.

"We're being invaded…"

My voice was a mere whisper amongst all the screams-the terrible cries of the wounded, the angry shouts and orders of the ebon-suited soldiers that prowled the halls like tigers. Fear gripped me and I clung to Allen as if I would lose him if I ever let go, wondering what would become of us.

What would become of him.

It was raining blood.

I realized how foolish the assumption sounded; for it could never truly rain blood, as the skies were not weak enough to ever be human. Yet on that day I knew that such a spectacle had existed whenever man warred. Man had the power to stab into the sky, into the pores of the earth itself, and draw blood in all its destruction and misery.

I had the power to create oceans of blood.

My master was a fine imprint of blood against the tranquil horizon before bloodshed itself; a scarlet testament in his flowing cloak, of all that was chaotic; of all that was good through the revelations of death. He stood near a soldier; his tendrils of sapphire hair the only thing seem from the absent blackness of his face beneath that billowing hood.

And yet I knew him.

I heard him.

I breathed him.

His thoughts, the laughter within his mind. As the solder took my controller in his hands, my body went numb yet again-my ventriloquist, reducing me to another puppet of a synthetic god.

I was theirs.

I was his.

I belonged to myself.

Orders imprinted themselves within me, flowing like stubborn rivers within my mainframe; to override my thoughts, override my emotions. I found myself trembling in my metal husk, in the coffin that held me so stubbornly; no and no and no, I am not your damned puppet.

Yet it is my purpose.

I am Death Incarnate.

I have no place in this world but to bring about the death of others. To end life, to destroy it-to make it sacrilegious, to make it vulgar and profane.

I did not combat Gnosis.

That was not what you wanted, my master.

Never what you wanted.

You wanted death.

You wanted glory.

Your smile as the hands of that controller fell into the commander's naïve fingertips.

Your smile as the explosions rocketed Vector from the inside.

I thought of Shion. Where are you? I cannot find you.

I do not wish to awaken.

Let me sleep.

Let me rest.

Your smile as my mind became crippled, bending like clay into the will of my controller.

This is destiny.

This is fate.

No.

No.

No!

I fought. My mind reeled incessantly, my limbs losing control of themselves as I fought within myself. I fought valiantly, stubbornly-clumsy android, silly slave within the mind of my master, for control, for the sake of life, for the sake of Shion, for the sake of Vector.

I am not your puppet.

I am not yours to control.

Yet you swallow me-you take me within yourself, drowning me. Pulling me into darkness.

Burying me.

You laugh.

And I want blood.

And I want life.

And I want death.

Ye Shall Be As Gods.

The world was dead.

Pain bloomed within my chest, a bullet lodged between my ribs to infest me. My legs were like lead, but I willed myself to go on, tears stinging my cheeks as I passed the lifeless corpses of so many, littered as casually leaves against an autumn day. Countless bodies scattered across the earth around me, a never ending maze of death. Decades of love, of pain, of hope, of life, were buried within a moment, within a simple pull of the trigger-a simple flourish of the bullet into the brain.

I wondered if Allen would be in this sea of corpses; I wondered if Kevin was already beneath them, a fine sapphire buried beneath the bloody remains of mortality.

"Hey! You! Come back here!"

Gasping, I pumped my fists and my adamant legs-they ached in every tendon, every ligament, making me cry out with pain at every laborious step I took-ignoring the frantic screams of the soldiers as they loomed closer and closer to me with each second, my mind slipping farther and farther away from consciousness.

In my hurried frenzy I nearly slipped-I gasped as pain tore through my ankle, the inevitable sound of bones breaking, of my heart losing more and more of its hope with every crack of those ligaments. Inevitably I found myself stopping to touch my ankle-automatic reflex, yet I urged myself to go on at the sound of a gunshot right behind me. They were at my heels, their boots clacking against the concrete, making me cry out in terror, pushing my body to the edge of its limits.

"Kevin!" I cried in fear, hoping he could hear me.

Hoping anyone would hear me.

"Please! Kevin!"

"No-one can hear you now!" A soldier's cry, frighteningly close.

I gasped as the sound of his voice cut into the air before me-his breath coalescing at my neck. My body was on fire, adrenaline pulsing throughout my veins, and I screamed so loud it penetrated my ears, filled me with even more pain than the metal forcing its way into my back.

It was warm, liquid oozing down my back-I had been shot. My vision flickered in and out of consciousness, and I wondered if this soldier had killed off all of Vector as well as me.

No.

Allen.

Kevin.

The world was encased in light, and I became dizzy in all of it; drunk in the aftermath of my pain. I was being dissolved, encased in nothingness, encased in everything around me as death began to wrap me in its cold, forceful embrace.

I couldn't die.

Not here.

Not now.

I couldn't.

"Stupid Vector bastards," A voice loomed above me, disjointed, fading into absolute nothingness, "Always think they can get away from us, but then we teach 'em, who do they think they are…"

A sudden cry of pain that was not mine.

Begging. Pleading. Screaming.

With the remnants of my vision, I could see a saffron blaze of fire before me-as if the sunlight had taken human form, its gleaming armor a beacon of light cutting across the darkness.

The smell of something burning.

My stomach tightened, and I realized with a feeling of sickness that it was the smell of burning flesh. The soldier that had shot me was crying for mercy, sprays of cold liquid falling against my skin, into the air like rain. A dagger flashed throughout the sky, long and astonishing and deadly and terrifying all at once as it raked up the dead like leaves, tore away at flesh as if it were butter.

Fear enveloped me as I struggled to pull myself away, sliding like a worm on the concrete, helpless and dying. Out of the corner of my eye, a soldier ran forward, shooting bullets from his weapon in a wild torrent, and I felt sure it would destroy the woman in that thick armor. I wanted to scream something-turn around, move, you'll be killed, too-yet my mind would not register.

Her body ate the silver bullets, dissolving them within her flesh as if they were always a part of her. With a sudden silence, she turned on her heel and, dissolving the bullets that flew and screamed within the air that had torn through the flesh of so many others without as much as a flinch, she dove the knife into him with a simple flick of the wrist. Utterly, completely, it impaled its way forcefully within him, cutting through the layers of metal armor, rendering his bones flimsy, useless against her mammoth strength. The silver of the blade protruded throughout him like a pincushion, emerging on the other side in a millisecond. I trembled, cried at the sheer power of it-the sheer terror of this woman who had destroyed the enemy, who had done it so savagely and viciously it was as if she were a vengeful god.

Blue hair flew immaculately throughout the sky, encasing her with a purity that could surpass the wings of angels themselves. With a flick of the blade, she had raised the man-screaming and writhing in terror in her grip into the air. Blood splattered against the ground in thick, scarlet puddles as the raised him higher up in her grip, until he was directly above her. His scarlet liquid fell upon her hair, tainting the holy with the blood of the mortal. Scarlet tears as he begged and pleaded for mercy, yet she seemed not to hear, not to register. Instead she twisted her hand, the hand with which the blade protruded so forcefully that a cracking noise protruded from his insides-and he fell limp, flat and
hanging against her fingertips, his body slipping against the sheath of the blade, coated with the red mark of existence.

It was raining blood.

Thunder boomed, destroying the sky in its terrifying wake, outlining that deadly figure in an aura of insanity. In an instant, her head had turned in a complete circle, as if her neck were not truly attached; studying every inch and every centimeter of the world around her with in frantic chaos. I found myself sobbing against the ground, too weak to move, too weak to beg or plead for my life. I knew that she was going to kill me now, to destroy me as effortlessly as she had those thousands of corpses on the ground, her recent victim still hanging limply against her dagger like a fly.

And then her eyes turned towards me.

Even her eyes were death incarnate, for they were pools of shining blood in the pouring rain.

Lifeless.

Careless.

She advanced towards me, a walking corpse-a walking deity, tossing the body off of her hand as if it were nothing but an annoyance. As if she had swatted a mosquito and let it fall effortlessly from her immaculate flesh. I was writhing and screaming and begging her not to touch me, not to hurt me-though all I could do was whimper and moan and cry out like a wounded animal.

Yet as she stared, boring straight within my eyes, raping my soul with her cold orbs, I felt the world shift as-very suddenly, very unexpectedly-those eyes jerked themselves away from me. I followed them as they continued on their course, searching, looking frantically for someone-for something-

And they gazed at Kevin.

Kevin.

He was there suddenly, a pistol in his hands, his eyes wide and stricken with shock as he glanced at the vengeful creature before us and my own wounded body. For a moment his deep blue orbs met mine-and I felt an inevitable cold fill me, detached and terrifying.

What was he going to do?

"What is the meaning of this!" He cried, running forward frantically towards the ruby-eyed demon as if she were less than human, "How dare you do this, KOS-MOS! Why? Why!"

KOS-MOS.

Shock gripped me, boring into me like the lightning that tore the sky. Dagger into the flesh of my logic.

She was his creation.

His Frankenstein.

KOS-MOS's gaze was lifeless, stoic. Uncaring. It was a machine, boring into him with the same intensity as it had into me-yet crueler, almost filled with a cold hatred that caused me to tremble. The life had been pouring from my body with every second of that terrible encounter, yet I did not care to realize that I was dying any longer.

I knew what was going to happen at that moment, when she advanced like the devil itself towards Kevin.

She was going to destroy him, utterly and completely.

And I could do nothing.

Nothing.

I was sobbing senselessly, whimpering, crying out for him, though blood gushed from my mouth and choked my insides, rooting me to the spot. Kevin, I wanted to cry, wanted to scream with every fabric of my being, Get out of there, now! Kevin, please! I want you to live!

I want you.

I need you.

He stared at me with worry, reaching an arm out across the hundreds of feet that blocked us from one another. His gaze was frantic, imploring,

"Stay there, Shion! Don't move! I'll help you-I just need to override…"

A growl from the monster.

Deep and emanating, like a vicious animal's; the saffron beast had screamed in rage, as if the thought had repulsed her. She glided across the earth like an Angel of Death, outstretching her sinuous arms, the dagger gleaming and covered in the lives of those taken from that terrible rage. I struggled to pull myself up to my feet, but my body would not listen-I was possessed by my weakness, sobbing and shuddering and reaching out with my trembling fingers for Kevin, unable to see the terrified look in his eyes, unable to watch the pistol as it fired madly, senselessly those bullets that sailed throughout the air, useless and tragic as rain-

They tore through her arm, and for a moment I thought they had dismembered it; for she paused suddenly and craned her neck towards the smoking holes that had formed within her iron appendage.

Only the Creator could destroy its creations.

Kevin jerked the pistol forward, sweat running down his body, continuing to fire senselessly, desperately. KOS-MOS was too fast; she read his movements like a god, pulling herself from the bullets as if it were a useless game. Her scarlet eyes were a fire that was untamable, filled with such rage I found it unbearable. Yet Kevin continued to fire, rolling across the concrete below him, ducking a downward sweep of the knife in KOS-MOS's arm that could have impaled him within seconds. He wouldn't last long-what human possibly could last against immortal vengeance?

I couldn't last any longer.

I couldn't watch this.

Tears filled me like adrenaline, and I spat blood so forcefully my throat began to wheeze into seconds of bare life,

"Kevin!"

My voice.

I clutched onto my throat, as for a moment, Kevin had pulled himself from the consciousness of battle-had turned towards me, a look of bewilderment on his face. I gasped as his eyes caught mine again-they were filled with desperation, tinged with outrage.

With disappointment.

At the fact I was alive?

At that moment, I screamed.

It was not from anger at his expression-not from the frustration of my weakness, from my worries for my Vector employees, from the fact I would die if I was left there any longer-

KOS-MOS had torn a hole straight through Kevin's heart.

In a moment, his pistol had fallen-his eyes widening like wide, dying oceans, rivers of blood running from his opened mouth, staining his uniform. He was twitching and trembling like a bug that had been ripped at the seams of its skin, his knees interlocking, his fingers releasing their grip on the fists they had balled into-losing their grip on life itself.

It was as if she had torn a hole straight through mine.

I was screaming, screaming. Screaming his name, screaming senselessly, crying out and blubbering useless words that poured into the air with no meaning and no benefit and nothing but heartbreak, nothing but pain, nothing but sadness.

Nothing but nothingness.

His eyes were opened as he slid against the ground, a trail of blood flowing from his body as the crippled organ of his heart fell to be squashed beneath the heel of KOS-MOS. Sickening, how it twisted beneath her foot so simply, so finally; as if it were nothing at all. As if I had not loved that heart with all my soul, as if I had not been willing to give myself to him for years and years, to give my life for him.

As if he had never existed at all.

His opened eyes tore through me and destroyed my sanity.

And then there was rage.

Rage empowered me. It brought my body up to my feet, wobbling and unsteady and dying-but for that moment I was alive. For that moment I had been more alive than I had ever been, the pistol lying only feet away from me, having been kicked into my line of vision while that demon destroyed the love of my life. I could no longer cry; my tears were numb and frigid, icy frost against my icy body. With the last of my strength, I willed myself forward and took the pistol into my hands, ignoring the pain that seared through me, ignoring the cold that wrapped around me, the dying of my vision with the dying of my body.

All I could think of was revenge.

My fingers grasped the pistol and it filled me with warmth.

My hands stroked the trigger and I was ecstatic.

She turned towards me then, slowly-as if that monster were shocked that I could still bring myself to stand.

It had presumed me dead.

Perhaps I was dead.

My lips mouthed his name and I was exuberant.

She turned towards me, raising a hand to steel herself against me.

She could destroy me.

So what?

Yet she made no move to.

She made no move to even try and fight back.

My fingers pulled the trigger and I was alive.

Ye Shall Be As Gods.

The world is dead.

I lived in darkness, though I was still alive; no human could ever comprehend the fact that when you die, you are more alive than ever.

But you killed me, Shion.

At that moment in time, when I had gone mad from the attempt of my Maker to devour me, from my God to possess me-

You had killed me with your anger.

I loved you, Shion.

And therein lies death.

Therein lies destruction.

Therein lies my tragedy.

I am a mere android now. I am a mere shell; because at that moment you made me into one. You would never know how human I was then, how I had so willingly submitted to your destruction of me. You completed me; and it was suicide.

I am a husk of metal floating in the depths of my coffin.

Serving you, my unhearing, pathetic human.

My salvation.

I hate you.

I love you.

I am your puppet; and I will always remind you of it.

I am frigid, I am barren.

I am lifeless.

I have felt pain in all its forms; pain in loss, pain in death.

Will it make me complete?

Will it make you look at me in any other way than your lover's murderer?

A soul cannot love a machine.

Something real cannot love the artificial.

Whenever I look at you, I see him.

Whenever I look at you, I see myself.

I see everything but what I am. What you created me to be.

It's strange that things would turn out this way. That you would become my grief, my anger, my passion.

That you would become me, Shion.