VERSE IV

I KNOW

"You've got such a pretty smile

It's a shame the things you hide behind it

Let them go, give it up for awhile

Let them free and we will both go find it"

-- "I know" - Jude

The aroma of coffee filled my nose and my mind before I was even aware I was conscious. I involuntarily took several deep breaths, not knowing why, not knowing how, not really knowing where or what I was, until…

A shrill beep resounded through my head, forcing me awake, fucking tearing out my eardrums. Once it was established that I was in full consciousness, all my senses turned against me. Bright light streamed in from between the cracks on the old blinds haphazardly covering a window across from me. The gentle coffee aroma strengthened into a sickening, overpowering smell. Dizzying confusion overcame me as I looked around and saw no familiar furniture; hell, little furniture at all, just the scruffy couch I was on and a coffee table with three legs. And the sound…

The offending beep was soon joined by the heavy thumps of footsteps. I could hear the unmistakable sound of muffled expletives getting closer, and in a few seconds, a blur of a figure came running into the room, clutching a towel to their head, and leaving a trail of water in their wake. Soon both noises ceased.

As my eyes focused a little better, I made out the image of a short girl dressed in two towels—the previously mentioned over her hair, and one covering the rest of her. It didn't cover much, though, and for a second, I couldn't help but eye the wet figure underneath…before the pain in my head forced its way behind my eyes, and I closed them with a loud "Fuck!"

When I reopened them, the blonde—April, of course—was holding out a steaming mug of coffee below my nose.

"I made you some coffee," she said quietly.

"Yeah, I heard," I said, as coldly as I could with the blaring pain in my head. I took the mug graciously though.

"I'll be right back," She said, a little warily, before getting up and going back through the door I knew led to the bedroom.

I looked around. I realized that both times I had woken up here, I had been nursing a hangover—this one was much worse, though, and I didn't have the warmth of sex veiling my eyes. Why had she brought me here? I assumed she had brought me here, what other fucking person would lead me to this hell-hole…though, looking at the window with the shadows of the top-most branches showing through, I couldn't imagine how she'd managed to haul my ass up those stairs.

Oh yeah. That fucking stoner. Stan.

When April returned, she had dressed, and her wet hair hung limply at her shoulders. She gingerly sat down on the coffee table, careful to balance her weight against the missing leg. Our eyes met, and I was struck again by how sad the brown in her eyes were. They were the same color, but seemed liquid, as though too many tears had filled them, and not had the chance to escape. Well fuck her, what the hell did she have to be sad about?

"Do you feel any better?" She asked at last.

"Where's Stan?" I snapped, wanting to get to the point. "Or better yet, who's Stan? Well I guess I can answer that. He's the fucker, he's the reason you never called me. Tell me April, do you pride yourself on being a hypocrite? Or were YOU just too stoned that night to realize I wasn't Sta-"

"He's my fucking landlord, alright?" She yelled. "I work at a café, but that hardly makes enough to buy groceries, much less rent, and electricity, and water. Stan and I, we—we have an agreement…"

She broke off, and darted her eyes down. I saw her shoulders shake a little, but when she finally looked back up, her eyes were still dry.

"The day you left," She started again, her voice much quieter now, "my rent was due. I didn't have the money, so I went to go see Stan. I knew he'd…well that he thought I was hot, so I figured if I flirted with him, he might give me an extension, or something. Only…he really didn't respond to just flirting…"

"So you fucked him for rent," I spat. I wasn't really angry anymore. But my insides were tearing up inside. My head fucking hurt. And, above all, I was jealous.

"Look, I'm not proud of it," she said coldly. "But I've got nothing else to do. The past month has been shit. But what am I supposed to do? I've gotta live!"

"Well come live with us for Christ's sake!" I blurted out.

I didn't know why I'd said it. I honestly hadn't been meaning to, and God knows what Mark and the others would think. But once the idea was out, I knew it was the only thing I wanted. April gave me a funny look.

"Live with you?" She said, slightly suspiciously. "For how long?"

"As long as you want, hell I don't care," I mumbled. "Look, all I know, is, when I saw you with that fucker last night, I was jealous." I could feel the blood rising to my face. What was getting into me? "I've never been jealous before. I'd never felt that way before, and…" Well here went my entire rockstar front, "…and I was scared."

April looked at me for a long time. My head was still slightly throbbing, but the coffee and the conversation had sobered me up tremendously.

Finally she got up off the coffee table, and wiped her hands on her pants. "Well, I'd better go get my stuff."

I grinned. "Need help hauling this furniture down?"

She glanced at me, and finally I saw a glimpse of that spark she used to have. "Hell, they don't even belong to me. This was Stan's idea of a 'furnished apartment.'"

I felt a weight being lifted from me, but it didn't last long. As she walked past the kitchen counter, she grabbed something from the top. She turned to me, cigarette sticking out of her mouth.

"Got a light?"

END: VERSE IV