But Boone was looking fine. Well, okay, he'd definitely looked better, but considering what he'd been through, he hadn't come out all that bad at all. The swelling in the leg had gone down but Jack was making sure he kept a very close eye on it, the jungle wasn't the best place for open surgery and he didn't know what kinds of infections could have gotten in there, just waiting to show themselves. The stitches in his chest were holding together, not that Boone had particularly moved much yet, which was starting to be another problem. The head wound was never that serious but it was healing up nicely now. Jack leant down and listened to his breathing, regular and clear. Nothing to worry about.
He gave Boone another once over with his eyes, checking for anything he'd missed. Once he was convinced that Boone really was doing okay, he headed out of the medical tent and over to the pool. He splashed some water on his face as Kate came over.
"Hey," she said. "How's he doing?"
"He's okay," Jack nodded. "I mean he's in pain all the time and he can't really move all that much but he's being really pretty great about it. I don't think I'd be holding up quite so well."
Kate nodded. "He's being a little trooper, isn't he?"
"That's Boone," Jack agreed.
He got himself a drink and sat down heavily by the side of the pool. Kate looked at him.
"And how are you?" she asked.
"Me?" he asked. He hadn't even thought about that if he was honest. He was fine, a plane didn't fall on him. But he guessed Kate was talking about mentally and emotionally but he didn't really like to think in those terms. "I'm fine, Kate," he said.
She looked at him. "You sure? You look kind of fried."
"So maybe I haven't exactly been sleeping great," he said. "I get insomnia quite a lot though, it's not a big deal to me. You should have seen me the first year of my residency, I don't think I slept through a single night, and not because I was on call."
She smiled at him. "Yeah, I can imagine that, you do seem to take a lot of responsibility onto yourself."
"I didn't take it, Kate, it was given to me," Jack explained. "My father worked at the hospital too and those weren't easy footsteps to follow in. He didn't leave a lot of room for failure in my life."
"Is that the only reason you went into medicine?" she asked.
Jack thought about it. "It's probably the reason I went into pre-med," he admitted. "But I don't think it's the reason I'm a doctor."
She nodded, seeming to understand the distinction. "You really love it, don't you?"
Jack shrugged. "It's what I do."
"And now you have to do it alone which must be kind of tough," Kate commented.
Jack shook his head a little. "That's not why I'm fried," he said. "I mean, it's not easy being the one everyone comes to but that's not what's going on right now. I'm just worrying about Boone. I just... Everything's kind of shifted since the accident."
"How do you mean?" Kate asked.
Jack sighed and wondered how to answer that question. "I guess I mean our relationship," he replied. "We were just getting started and now I'm his doctor."
"You're more than just his doctor, I think you both know that," Kate pointed out.
"It's tough though," Jack stated. "And because of all his injuries we have to put everything on hold which just makes it doubly hard for us to hold on to our old roles."
"I'm not really following, Jack," Kate said, shaking her head a little and looking at him with a questioning expression. "What's on hold? Surely you don't have to..."
"I can't touch him, Kate," Jack cut in. "There is no part of him that I can touch without hurting him. I can hold his hand but that's just about it. I can't even really kiss him, not comfortably. I can't lean down because I can't touch his chest. It's just really difficult to make it all work, I feel like we're at a stand still."
Kate looked amused. "Well, maybe you guys will have to actually talk instead of just groping," she suggested.
Jack looked down. "We don't grope, Kate," he dismissed.
Kate laughed a little. "Right, yeah, okay, Jack," she said. "I won't tell."
Jack looked at her, finding himself getting wound up. "Don't pretend you know a goddam thing about my relationship," he snapped, taking the smile off her face. "It's not like that, okay? We were taking it slow. We hadn't got to any of that stuff yet and now it feels like we never will." He sighed and looked down again, embarrassed by his outburst.
Kate looked at him. "He's the first guy you've ever been with, isn't he?"
That annoyed Jack for some reason and he didn't know why. He just didn't like that she could read him, he hated being read. "Yeah," he replied quietly, not taking his eyes off the ground.
He saw Kate nod a little out of the corner of his eye. "That must make him pretty special, huh?"
Jack couldn't help but smile. Yeah, Boone was his lifesaver. But then, that's what he always said when he was in the good part of a relationship. It didn't really seem like two minutes ago that he was telling Sarah at their wedding how she saved his life. It felt real every time though.
"Special's an understatement," he told Kate.
"Then you should count your blessings you still have him," she said. "Some people aren't so lucky."
Jack thought it sounded like she was talking from experience and remembered the little aeroplane that she carried around with her. The aeroplane that belonged to the man she loved who was also the man she killed. He wasn't sure she should be allowed to feel sore about losing someone that she herself had taken off the earth but he didn't know the circumstances and he wasn't about to ask.
"I know," he said. "I don't mean to bitch so much. It's kind of stressful is all. But I'd rather have him this way than not have him at all."
Kate nodded. "Good choice."
"There's so many unanswered questions though," he said. "I mean, he told me all about the accident but I'm still wondering about this hatch."
"Did he tell you what it was?" Kate asked.
"He said he doesn't know," Jack replied. "I think I'm gonna go check it out myself, see what I can make of it. I'll have to wait until he wakes up so I can try and get some directions out of him."
"That won't be necessary."
Jack and Kate both turned around to see Sayid stood by them.
"I already had Locke show me where it was," Sayid continued.
Jack stood up. "Can you take me there?" he asked.
"Of course," Sayid replied.
Jack nodded and turned back to Kate. "Can you keep an eye on Boone for me?"
"Sure," she replied.
"Okay, just let me grab my pack and we can go," Jack stated.
He went back into the medical tent and grabbed his stuff. He gave Boone one more check over before he left. Leg -still attached. Stitches -still holding. Breathing -still regular. No problems at all. He leant down and placed a kiss on Boone's forehead before standing up and heading back out.
"Okay, let's go," he said.
Sayid nodded and led the way out of camp.