Session Eight : Apologies in Black Ink

It wasn't till he sat down on the yellow couch that Spike realized he was shirt and pant less. He fought back another wave of nausea. He still couldn't believe what he did. This is some sort of nightmare...How could he have hurt someone he...cared for so much? He sighed. It probably hurts her more in her belief that he doesn't care. He never really did show her what he felt for her. In fact, it confuses him what kind of care it is that he feels towards her. Is it that of friendship or...

He decided he should go get some clothes but then rethought it when he recalled Faye was still in his room. Or at least last time he checked. Should he check? He shook his head. Everything seemed so blurry, everything was closing in on him, blocking all his senses. Suffocation...

His fist connected with the couch's arm. If only Jet were here...

Suddenly, Spike felt the couch vibrate as another body sat on the opposite side of him. Turning, he saw Faye, dressed in the attire he had left for her. Her features still pained him, her eyes bloodshot and her hair draping over her face, constantly reminded him of his deed. There was a balled up piece of cloth resting on her stomach. Her gaze would not leave the floor.

They sat in silence for awhile.

"I killed him..."

Spike's words melted into the air. Faye slightly flinched but did nothing more.

"I don't understand," she finally spoke, her words a whisper. What the hell am I doing here? She mentally questioned herself. Is it because I feel like it was all a mistake? Like he didn't mean to do it? Why do I think that? Do I love him that much that I'm willing to forgive him for this? She paused ...Yes I do...

"It's my fault Jet died," Spike said, driving her out of her thoughts. "If I hadn't distracted him, he would've been able to dodge it, and fire back. He would still be with us."

Faye remained silent, quietly replaying the events of their tragic bounty in her mind. She recalled it all since the moment they first set foot in that office to the second when Jet's body was taken away. Faye found herself unable to cry.

"You've never seen me drunk, have you? At least not like this?" Spike's unexpected words brought her back to reality once more. "I mean..." He rethought what he had said, thinking the atmosphere was too delicate to bring that up.

Faye's whisper of a voice arose never the less. "What do you mean "not like this"?"

"This is the second time I've done something this horrible," Spike continued. "Usually I have control when I drink, and after I drink. I mean I've had hangovers but...You see alcohol and depression don't mix well with me. Heh, as stupid as that sounds. It's just that I've never felt like this in a long time. The first time was when I had to leave Julia."

Faye quietly winced.

"I don't really wanna say what I did," Spike did not hesitate. "But...it was nothing compared to what I did to you. I tried to stop I really did...I'm sorry..."

"I..." Faye brought her legs to her chest, squishing the cloth ball on her stomach, but kept her head up.

"Faye," Spike turned towards her and grasped her hand, noticing her bruises once again. A faint wave of alarm visited her face upon his touch. He acknowledged it but chose to ignore it for the time being and for the sake of what he was going to say. "Faye, I really am sorry! I'll do anything, even leave, if you'll just forgive me! Or at least look at me! I can't stand talking to you while all you do is stare at the floor! Faye please!"

Faye slowly withdrew her hand and draped it over her leg once more, leaving Spike's hand to rest on the couch. But, she finally decided to face him. "I always felt a lot of things towards you. But never was I afraid of you."

It was Spike's turn to flinch.

Faye continued. "Though I may...forgive you, I will never be rid of that fear. Please don't fault me for being cautious around you."

"But...you...forgive me?" Spike was astonished. "So easily and quickly?"

"Of course not. But, forgiveness will come as the time passes. Soon, enough forgiveness will be placed upon you to cleanse you."

"No," Spike said, inching closer to Faye. "I will never be cleansed. I never was to begin with but as long as I have you here, I don't need anything else. Just be here with me. You're all I have left."

Faye fully lifted her head at his words and dared to make direct eye contact with him despite her fear. What she saw in his deep and pained eyes was truth in his words. She gave a faint smile.

Spike returned the gesture. "Thank you."

"Here," Faye said throwing him the balled up cloth that had been resting on her stomach. "I'm returning a favor. Don't worry, they're clean."

Spike uncoiled the cloth and noticed it was a pair of pants. He almost laughed out loud. Faye gave a small grin as Spike quickly put them on and sat down closer to Faye than before.

Feeling uncomfortable, Faye felt like breaking the silence. "Uh..."

"Sorry..." Spike recoiled away from her.

Faye looked down at her hands. "It's fine..." So why do I still want to be held by him? Looking back at Spike, Faye noticed he was staring at the ceiling, or more specifically, the ceiling fan. "Spike?"

He turned towards her, sorrow woven within his features, his tainted soul shining brightly through his eyes. "I don't deserve forgiveness of any kind."

Surprising herself, Faye reached out towards Spike and brought his head to her chest where she held him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kept them there, his palms flat on her back. They sat like that for the longest time in silence and it was during that time that Faye knew she had offered Spike the forgiveness that his soul viciously burns for.

Oh yeah! Managed to update before vacation was over! Well now that we have that review reply thingie...I'm gonna make sure to reply to all my review! How fun! Well, thanks for reading, I'll see you guys later! NOOOOO! I don't wanna go to schooooooooooooool!