"So," Johnny Eames said an hour later, putting down his fork and leaning back in his chair, "tell us the truth, Alex - how are you feeling?"
"Right now? Or in general?" she responded without looking up from her plate, where she was fashioning a pile of mashed potatoes into something resembling a human face.
"Both," Rob said, then reached over two people and three serving dishes to snatch the fork out of her hand. "Give me that before you hurt yourself."
Deprived of her artistic tool, she looked up and frowned at him. "How could I possibly hurt myself with a fork, unless I trip and impale myself on it?"
Two sisters, a brother, and a niece all made a point of knocking on the wooden tabletop in response to that. The rest of the table stifled laughter.
"At least she wasn't using her fork to make semi-obscene shapes in the food like you used to do," Kate told Rob with a smirk.
Bobby blinked in confusion but kept his mouth shut, afraid to ask.
"Rob went through a stage where he thought it was fun to sculpt things in his food," John explained, noticing the look on Bobby's face. "To our eternal amusement, it happened to coincide with the time he started noticing girls. I think we actually might still have one of the -" He stopped and looked over his shoulder at the smaller table the children were sitting at.
The five adults sitting nearest the kids' table each reached over and covered the nearest set of underage ears.
". . . one of the breasts he made out of somebody's birthday cake icing, in the back of the freezer," John finished when he was sure they couldn't hear him.
Alex, even though she had already known the punchline of the story, was so startled by John's satiric delivery that she spat the mouthful of cold potatoes she had just started to eat across the table as a laugh burst out of her against her will.
"Alex!" Jen yelped, pushing her chair back and trying to scrape off the film of potato that was now spattered over her chest and rounded stomach. "You could have given me some warning!"
"Oh, come on, hon," Rob teased, adding his napkin to the removal efforts. "One kid or another always spits up on someone every time this family has dinner. You should be used to it by now."
"I learned to protect myself from kid spit-up," she said dryly, "but I never thought I'd have to protect myself from sister-in-law spit-up."
Alex, whose brain was slightly dulled by the Vicodin, was as stunned as everyone else at the colossal faux pas she'd just made; she couldn't decide whether she was amused or mortified. "Jen, I'm so sorry," she managed to get out. "Here . . ." She stood up with the intention of walking around the table to help with the clean-up, but didn't even get to step away from her chair before she dropped back into it, her face paling.
Bobby was leaning toward her almost before her legs touched the seat cushion again, worry in his eyes. "Are you ok?" he asked in a whisper, then realized a second later that whispering only made him look ridiculous. "Alex? Are you ok?" he said again, this time in a normal voice.
"Alex?" Molly echoed anxiously, staying in her chair only because her husband was holding one of her hands to keep her from standing up.. "Are you alright?"
"I'm, uh . . . yeah, sorry," Alex muttered, dragging a hand down her face, which was now turning from a bloodless white to an embarrassed pink. "I guess a whole pill was a little too much. I just got dizzy for a second."
"Well maybe if you'd keep your butt in the chair, you wouldn't have that problem," Bobby snapped, masking his concern over her condition with curt words before he could stop himself. Then, realizing what he'd just said, he snapped his mouth closed and braced himself for attacks from her family members, who would be right in telling him that he had no right to talk to her like that.
There was utter silence, even from Ashley, for a few seconds, and Bobby didn't dare turn his head to see the people sitting around him. Instead, he kept his eyes on Alex, who, rather that delivering a stinging retort, was staring at him silently, eyes wide.
Then, out of the silence, came Laura's voice: "I'm changing my vote, Molly. Bobby definitely gets extra dessert."
The table exploded into the din of ten people agreeing at once.
"I can't believe it!" Kate burst out loudly. "I think that's the first time I've ever seen Alex back down from anyone."
"No, I think she let Jimmy Calhoun down the street win a fight once, in third grade," John corrected.
Rob, eyebrows slightly raised, gave Bobby a what-can-ya-do shrug. "They're right. If any of us had said that, she would have just laughed. It seems you've got the magic touch."
Bobby blinked and looked back at Alex in confusion. She was scowling at her brother, but when she turned back to him, her face cleared somewhat. "Control issues," she said shortly, leaving him to wonder if the issues were hers or her family's. "Would you all stop looking at me like that?" she growled, turning back to her family.
"Looking at you like what?" Sean said ingenuously, arranging his face into an expression of angelic innocence. "Ow!" he grunted when Joanna sighed and slapped him lightly in the back of the head. "Stop that."
"You're all looking at me like I'm incapable of taking care of myself, and I don't appreciate it. Come on, Bobby," Alex said, putting her hands flat on the table to help herself stand up. "We're leaving."
"Alex!" Molly exclaimed in distress. "Stay, please. They'll shut up if they know what's good for them," she added, giving the table at large a threatening look. "I haven't had a chance to make sure you're ok, and you're not going until I have."
"Look, Mom," she sighed, starting to stand, "honestly, I'm really tired, and . . . what the hell?" she broke off, looking down at Bobby's hand where it was clamped just above one of her knees, holding her in the chair. "Let go." She reached down to pry his fingers loose but found the task more difficult than she'd expected.
"If you stand up fast like that, without help, you'll just get dizzy like last time," he informed her calmly. When he saw that she had gotten his point - although she didn't look like she agreed with it - he released her leg and stood up. "If you're going to get up, let me help you."
"God, you're as bad as them!" she groaned.
"Nah," Sam contradicted coolly. "If he was as bad as us, he wouldn't have just offered to let you stand at all. I say you should take what you can get, Aunt Alex."
"I second that," Beth and Jen said in unison. They glanced at each other, grinned, and looked back at Alex. "A little concession is better than complete concession," Jen went on. "Let the guy help you."
Alex sighed. "Fine." She allowed herself to be hoisted to her feet, supported firmly by Bobby but still swaying slightly. "I'm tired," she said unnecessarily.
Molly stood up and walked over, putting her hands on her daughter's shoulder and scrutinizing her face. "Are you really tired, or are you just sulking because everyone's telling you what to do?"
Alex snorted indelicately. "I got used to being bossed around years ago, Ma. I'm really, honest-to-god tired. But the good news," she added with a slight smile, "is that although I'm ready to fall asleep on my feet, I'm feeling no pain - and overall, I'd rather be asleep and not in pain than awake and hurting."
"Here," Beth broke in, appearing from behind her and holding out a hastily-prepared plate in one hand, balancing Nathan in the other arm. "Dessert sampler," she explained, giving the plate a shake, "and your goodnight kiss," she finished, holding out her son so he could reach Alex's face. "He's been asking for you a lot the past few weeks."
Bobby hastily took the plate so Beth could move closer and watched as Alex's face broke into a gentle smile he would have been shocked to see a few minutes ago and she gave her nephew a smacking kiss.
A few seconds later, Beth was heading back to her chair as Bobby and Alex made their way out of the room. "You know," Alex said, stopping abruptly and looking over her shoulder at her gathered family just before they stepped through the doorway, "next time I'm just going to send Bobby with a status report." She elbowed him playfully. "Since you seem to have so much more fun with him than me."
A piece of soda bread, the sole survivor of the loaf Sean had attacked earlier in the evening, came flying over the table to hit her in the side of the head. "Go on, get out," Rob called jokingly. "Two of you gone means more dessert for me."
"Not if you keep up like that, it won't," his wife told him archly. "Night, Alex."
She gave the table a grudging smile, knowing she wouldn't stay mad at them for this. "Night, guys. Mom, I'll call you tomorrow."
"You'd better," Johnny agreed, "or she'll send me to find you."
"God forbid," Alex said with an exaggerated shudder. "C'mon, Bobby."
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"Now that," Rob said slowly when his sister and her partner were out of the house, "was interesting."
"Ten bucks says a date within a month," Jo spoke up in response.
"Are you kidding?" Beth said. "My money's on a date within a week."
"I happen to know," Rob told the room at large, "that, well . . . let's just say my money's on the date having already happened."
"Exactly what does that mean?" Johnny demanded of his son, eyes narrowed. "Is there something I should know?"
"Chill, Dad. I'm just saying that I would find it hard to believe that he's been taking care of her for - what? - three, four weeks already, and neither of them's said anything about all those undercurrents? Nuh-uh. They know."
"He's her partner, Robert!"
"Believe me, she knows. He does too. They'll work it out one way or another."
"Since when are you such an optimist?" Sean challenged.
Rob smirked and purposely waited a second too long, building the tension. "Since I found out they've been sharing a bed," he said deliberately when he was sure everyone was paying attention.
The room erupted into chaos;Rob sat back, put his arms behind his head, and enjoyed the fireworks.
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A/N: I honest to god have a cousin who habitually makes boobs out of cake icing at family parties. We froze one and we plan to bring it out for his wedding ;)