"What Shannon?" Jack found himself half-yelling as he made his way into the room.
"I have to pee," Shannon announced, looking up at him from where she lay.
Jack looked at her with disbelief. "There aren't three other people in the room that could have helped you with that?"
"Well let me finish," Shannon said, rolling her eyes a little. Jack motioned for her to continue, attempting to look half patient but really doubting it was working. "I have to pee," she repeated. "So do I still have to pee in that stupid thing cos I'm so not bleeding internally."
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you perform a laparotomy?" Jack asked.
Shannon gave him a look. "Quit using big words."
"Shannon, I am trying to keep you alive here, feel free to co-operate," Jack said, trying not to talk down to her too much.
"I'm just saying," Shannon began. "I feel way better, I think if I was dying you'd know by now."
"Well excuse me for treading on the side of caution," Jack replied.
"Talkin' of feelin' better, I got the spring back in my step over here, Doc," Sawyer cut in.
"You're not going anywhere," Jack told him shortly.
"If he goes I can have his bunk," Shannon said. "I'm sick of being on the floor."
"You've been sleeping on a beach for the better part of two months," Jack exclaimed.
"I have a tent," she said defensively.
Jack rolled his eyes. He really didn't have the energy for this right now.
"I'm just gonna pee in the toilet," Shannon announced, sitting up.
Jack looked at her. "Shannon, come on, it's not that much hassle, just give me one more day and you can pee wherever you want."
Shannon looked at him. "Ew."
"Y'know, Doc..." Sawyer began.
"Sawyer, I swear to God, shut the hell up," Jack warned.
"Or what, hero?" Sawyer asked.
"What's with the crazy, Jack?" Shannon asked, giving him a look.
"Are you serious?" Jack asked. "It's like being in charge of a bunch of pre-schoolers. Why can neither one of you just take in what I say to you and go 'Yes, Jack' and damn well do it, why does everything have to be such a fight? Why can't you see that I am the only person here that can help you and I'm trying my best to do it and all you do is question me at every single turn. I am goddam sick of it."
Everyone just kind of looked at him like he'd gone completely insane and Jack was starting to wonder if he really had.
"Jesus, Jack, calm down," Shannon said, sounding completely condescending.
Jack shot her a look. "Calm down? Do you not get this? Can you not just listen to me?"
Shannon looked at him for a moment. "I want to pee in the toilet," she said, attempting to get up.
"Do you know what I want, Shannon?" Jack asked. "I want to not have to look after inconsiderate brats that really don't deserve to be looked after. So how about we all get what we want? How about everyone gets what they want? You can pee in the toilet, Sawyer, go wherever you goddam want and I'm gonna get the hell out of here. You realise you'll probably both die but, hey, that's your prerogative. Maybe I'll catch up with you later."
And with that he turned around, headed down the hall and exited the hatch. And wondered what the hell he was doing. He should go back, he was being an idiot, he was the one acting like a pre-schooler. But maybe this was a good idea, taking himself out of the situation, letting himself cool off. So he started walking and he didn't look back.
"Hey, you."
Jack tensed and spun around, looking for the voice. He found Ana-Lucia stood a little away from him, a half-smile on her lips. He let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding.
"Please don't do that," he said.
Ana smiled fully. "Sorry," she said. "What are you doing out here?"
"Could ask you the same question," he countered.
"So go ahead and ask."
"What are you doing out here?"
"Taking a walk."
"Ditto."
She smiled at him again. "You were stomping," she said.
Jack shook his head. "I wasn't stomping."
"Okay."
Jack looked at her and considered his options. "You want a drink?" he asked. "I kind of owe you one."
"That's okay, I got some water," she replied.
Jack shook his head. "I'm not talking about water," he said.
Ana looked at him curiously. "Alcohol?" she asked.
Jack nodded. "Yeah. I could really use a drink. You?"
Ana nodded. "Wouldn't say no."
Jack nodded again and started walking. Ana fell in step beside him.
"I thought Sawyer still had it," Jack began. "The alcohol. Which is the main reason I figured I'd take it. I already told him I took his stash, I may as well get some use out that white lie. But then I remembered that he gave it to Kate when Boone was injured. I have it at the caves." He wasn't quite sure why he was telling this story. He wasn't quite sure it was even a story. "I might go steal something from him anyway. Just to spite him. He deserves it." He paused again, realising how immature he sounded. "Alcohol's less fun when you don't have to steal it. I should know. Loses a lot of it's edge. But the idea was planted and now I just want a drink."
"You sound like you've had a bad day," Ana observed.
"In the great scheme of things, I think it's probably one of the better days," Jack replied, smiling a little at the irony of it. There had definitely been worse days, but none that had driven him to drink. Jack tried to stay away from alcohol, he had a certain amount of issues with it. Growing up with an alcoholic father made you view the substance differently.
But it was his drug of choice, it was the first thing he reached for. He was straight and level and never touched a drop if he was at the hospital or on call but the times that he felt free of the place for a little while, if the situation suited, he'd reach straight for it. And he hated that about himself. It forced him to admit how like his father he really was. How he could slip so easily into those shoes.
Jack wasn't an alcoholic. He knew alcoholics, he'd seen alcoholism in just about every form at the hospital over the years. That wasn't what he had. That wasn't what this was. He knew the old line 'You don't have to drink everyday to be an alcoholic' but it really didn't apply to him. So sometimes he got a little wasted when he was down. Who didn't?
He reached the camp and noticed Ana stop short. He looked at her.
"I'll just wait here for you," she said.
"Are you hiding?" he asked.
"I don't really like the caves," she said. "Too closed in. Too cosy."
Jack nodded. "I'll be right back."
He grabbed the bottles and the two of them found a fallen tree in a clearing to use as a bench while they divvied up the miniature bottles which Jack found rather laughable in the situation. Good luck getting anywhere near drunk off them. If Jack kept all of them for himself he might have been able to get close but half wasn't going to do anything. But Jack thought that maybe a bit of company might be better than oblivion so he didn't mind as much as he thought.
"What were you stomping away from?" Ana asked after they each downed their first bottle.
"I wasn't stomping," Jack insisted.
"What were you walking calmly away from?" she asked.
"My patients," he replied.
"Your patience?" she asked.
Jack looked at her. "Patients," he corrected, stressing the word. "Shannon and Sawyer."
She nodded. "How are they?"
"Okay," Jack replied. "I think they're fine really. I just want to be careful, I don't want them backsliding. I need to make sure they get fully recovered before I send them back out into the jungle."
"So why did you leave them?" Ana asked.
"Because if I stayed I might have had to kill them," Jack replied, opening another bottle and downing it.
"Why's that?" she asked, following suit.
"Because they seem determined to test my patience to it's very limit," Jack replied. "And let's just say they found the limit."
"Must be tough being the only doctor," she noted.
Jack shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it," he said. "I'm sick of talking about it. I'm sick of thinking about it. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to think about anything." He downed another bottle. "You're behind," he observed.
Ana gave him a smile and opened another bottle, catching up. Jack turned to look at her.
"So you're living at the beach?" he asked.
Ana nodded. "Yeah."
"Have you integrated at all?" he asked. "Do you talk to anyone?"
"I don't think they want to talk to me," she replied.
"No, probably not," Jack replied, opening another bottle.
Ana looked at him. And kept looking at him, clearly trying to get Jack to start backtracking, which Jack actually found quite amusing. He downed the bottle.
"You kept them all alive, that right?" Jack asked.
"I looked out for them," Ana agreed.
"Then I guess you got nothing to worry about," he said. "People always need people to look out for them. Trust me, I know. They're feeling pretty sore about Shannon right now, they probably think you're a trigger-happy idiot, but if you're not then they'll find that out."
"Yeah," Ana said. "I guess they will." She opened another bottle and downed it.
Jack watched her and then downed his last bottle. Ana was one behind and he found himself eyeing the drink left in front of her. She saw him looking.
"You want it?" she offered. "They are yours, you didn't have to share."
Jack shrugged. "What can I say, I'm a giver."
"Everyone needs give and take," she said, offering the bottle out to him.
He took it off her and looked at it. "I'm starting to think this wasn't such a great idea," he said.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Because this was all the alcohol we had left and I might need it if there's a medical emergency. I don't have that much peroxide left," he explained. "Also, I think I might be a little drunk." Ana smiled at him. "I haven't had a drink in a long time. And I've kind of been running on empty lately. So I think I'm a little drunk."
"You could save the last one for an emergency," Ana suggested.
"I could," Jack agreed. "But I think I'm a little drunk so I don't really want to." He looked at the bottle and then thought 'screw it' and downed it in one go. He sighed and gazed through the empty bottle. "I don't think I should have done that," he said. "I don't think I'm really drunk."
"I think you might be," Ana told him.
"Jack Shepherd does not get drunk on five miniatures," he insisted.
"Six," she corrected.
"I can count," he said. "I should get back."
"There really something to get back to?" she asked and Jack wondered if that meant 'please stay'.
"There's someone to get back to," Jack replied. "I have to get back to someone."
"Shannon and Sawyer?" she asked.
Jack shook his head. "I hope they both got infections while I was gone," he said. "No, someone else." He stood up and slung his pack over his shoulder. "Your buddy comes by the hatch a lot," he said. "Eko. You could come with him if you want."
Ana gave him a look. "You really think that would be a good idea?"
"I don't know," Jack replied. "Apparently I'm drunk."
"A little," she said.
"A little drunk," he nodded. He sighed and shook his head. "I have to go now."
Ana nodded. "Thanks for the drinks."
Jack waved a hand back as he walked off. "Don't like open endings," he said. "I'm good now," he muttered, almost to himself.