Title: First Crush
Author: Lioness Black
Rating: G
Genre: General
Summary: A shapshot of why Mark thrives to be numb. Crush has more than one meaning, you know.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just good fun.
Mark had been an outcast from day one. Every day, since first grade, had been spent fighting off bullies, fighting embarrassment, and losing.
He had few friends, other lone bully magnets, art kids, mostly. His three friends, plus his overly large extended family were the only ones who attended his Bar Mitzvah.
Rodney Miller has almost the entire seventh grade at his Bar Mitzvah.
Being different was a disease.
At thirteen, seventh grade, Mark had his first crush. Not just, a "she's cute," but an overwhelming, take over your senses, lose all your words, trip over your feet, hand down, crush to win over all crushes.
Amy Robbins. She was beautiful, popular, but nice. She was everything a boy would want in a girl. Everything he could see himself having. Someday.
"She's out of your league," his friends said. Mark didn't care. This was love.
At home, Mark's mother doted on his abilities, bragging to anyone who would listen.
"Always drawing and taking pictures. He loves the camera he got for his birthday last year. He wants to make movies, and his photos are so good they look like they're moving. He's so talented!"
Mark appreciated the comments, except on Parent's Night, when she started off in front of Amy and her mom.
His face was the color of a tomato. He was so embarrassed. After that, Amy knew how he felt. She teased him, saying hi in the halls, and over lunch.
That's when Mark realized it was time to make his move. He had a picture of her he had taken at a basketball game. She looked beautiful. From it, he drew her picture. It took him two days of not doing his homework, but just looking at her and sketching.
The next day, he dropped the picture with confidence on her desk. He knew that this was the moment. Things were finally going in his favor.
At lunch, he found a note from Amy in his locker, telling him to meet her after school. He was ecstatic. He couldn't remember the rest of the day.
After school, he walked out onto the old playground, where she asked to meet him. She was already there.
"Hey, Amy," he said, his voice shaking.
"Hi, Mark." She smiled. "Thanks for the, uh, picture."
"No problem!" His voice cracked a little.
She stepped closer to him and kissed him on the lips. His very first kiss. It was magic. His eyes closed, and he kissed her back.
Then, five boys jumped out from behind the playground equipment, and pants-ed him. Amy pushed him down onto the ground.
"Next time, keep to yourself, okay, geek?" She dropped the ripped up shreds of the portrait onto his lap, glared at him and stormed away, taking the hand of one of the bullies.
Mark pulled up his pants and walked home, feeling numb. He was traumatized. He locked himself up in his room, and stared at the walls. He couldn't even register what had happened.
His first crush turned out to be his very first crush.
Next time, he wouldn't be so hasty. Next time...
There probably wouldn't be a next time. And there wasn't until college, and Mark never shared his feelings openly. He could only keep himself safe if they didn't know how he felt. Then, after so long, he forgot how to feel.