"Shannon," Sayid said. "I thought you were sleeping."
"Was," Shannon nodded. "Crazy ass dream woke me up."
Jack gave her a wary look. He had a feeling this wasn't going to span out well. "Dream?" he asked. "About Walt?"
Shannon nodded again and then turned to Michael. "I know where he is. I can take you there."
"Shannon, slow down," Jack instructed her. "Firstly, what makes you think that anything in that dream was real?"
Shannon turned to face him and gave him a killer look. "It was real, Jack," she insisted, voice so full of conviction that Jack almost felt tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Almost. "And I don't have to explain myself to you. I know you won't believe me."
"Well, secondly, you're not going anywhere," Jack said. "That wound still needs to be rested and kept clean, you are not going to go trekking through the jungle on a wild goose chase, okay?"
"I'm fine, I can do it," Shannon insisted.
"I'll be the judge of that," Jack replied.
"Look, Jack," Shannon began. "You may think that you're king of the island, and I know you have the whole God complex going on, but you are not the boss of me. I can go wherever I want and I can do whatever I want."
"Shannon, perhaps you should listen to Jack," Sayid insisted.
"Oh don't you start," Shannon spat.
"I'm just saying that..."
"At least God gave people free will," Shannon stated, turning her attention back to Jack.
"Did you go to Sunday school or something?" Jack asked. "What is with all the God crap?"
Shannon turned to Michael again. "Do you want me to show you?"
"Yeah," Michael replied, though Jack noted that he was also looking a little wary.
Shannon nodded. "So let's go."
"Shannon, how many times, you're not going anywhere," Jack told her.
Shannon glanced at him and then turned back to Michael. "Come on, we better go while it's fresh in my head."
Michael nodded and the two of them headed for the exit, Locke predictably a step behind. Jack sighed and shook his head.
"Don't worry, I'll stay close to her," Sayid told him. "I won't let her get into danger."
Jack looked at him. "I'd like to see you try and stop her."
Sayid gave him a half smile and then headed towards the others. Jack watched them exit and then sagged against the wall.
"You look stressed," Boone commented, coming down the hall.
"Did you hear that?" Jack asked, still not quite believing it himself. Boone nodded. "A dream? Seriously, what the hell?"
Boone shrugged. "I told you about the dream that Locke had," he stated. "About the Beechcraft. That was real."
Jack just looked at him. Boone had told him about the dream but Jack had never quite believed it. He told himself that Locke had already found the Beechcraft, that he just had to get Boone there. But Boone also said Locke knew the name of his nanny when he was a kid and Jack couldn't quite work that one out. Maybe Locke had asked Shannon.
"You need to relax," Boone told him.
"Relax?" Jack asked incredulously. "I think I'm a little passed relaxation here, Boone. And your sister is infuriating."
"Tell me about it," Boone said. "Twelve years, remember?"
"If I have to put up with her for twelve years I think I might have to kill her," Jack stated. "If her own stupidity doesn't get her killed first."
"My votes on the stupidity thing," Boone said. "And I don't think you'd last twelve years with Shan."
Jack sighed. "No, I don't either."
"So about that relaxation," Boone said.
"I need to head down the beach, give Sawyer his meds," Jack said somewhat blindly.
"He can wait can't he?" Boone asked. "It's not like his arm's gonna fall off."
"You never know with this place," Jack commented.
Boone gave him a look and closed the gap between them so there was only a couple of inches between their bodies. "I'm telling you, you need to relax."
"Boone, now is really not the time," Jack said, mentally beating himself as he did so.
Boone looked like he was about to say something but instead leaned in and kissed Jack. And Jack wanted to stop him and tell him there was work to be done and worrying to be done but instead he kissed him back and pulled him closer. In his mind he knew that this was the wrong thing, he knew that this was the wrong time, but it felt so right that he had to go with it.
Boone pulled away suddenly and Jack felt like he'd just jolted back down to earth. He opened his eyes and gave Boone a questioning look.
"Weren't you the one who said it was rude to do that?" Jack asked.
"I'm not stopping," Boone said. "I'm just pausing."
Jack nodded and tried to connect their lips again but Boone dodged him and shook his head.
"Not here," he said.
Jack gave him a look. "Boone, not now, it's highly unprofessional..."
"It's not unprofessional," Boone cut in. "Despite what you may think, you're not on duty." Jack just looked at him. "You need to relax."
"There are other ways to relax, Boone."
"Yeah, but they're boring," Boone said, giving him a total 'come to bed' look that Jack was finding it very hard to fight against.
"Okay," he said, somewhat reluctantly.
Boone smiled and headed to the pantry, knowing damn well Jack was following him. So they laid down and they started kissing but Jack couldn't get all the stupid thoughts out of his head, all the worries, worrying about everybody out there, worrying about himself. Boone pushed him back and rolled on top of him and it occurred to Jack that Boone never really did that, he never took the lead. But then Boone's hands went under Jack's shirt and Jack closed his eyes and tried to just enjoy it.
Boone pulled Jack's shirt over his head and then left his mouth and started moving downwards, leaving wet kisses down his neck and torso. He reached Jack's waistband and his hand went for the button when Jack found himself reaching down and grabbing his hands.
"Don't," Jack said.
Boone looked up at him in confusion. "What? Why?"
Jack shook his head. "Just... Don't."
"Why don't you want me to?" Boone asked.
"Because I don't understand why someone would want to do that," Jack said.
Boone gave him an incredulous look. "You don't get that, huh?"
"I get sex," Jack told him. "But I don't get the one way crap. I don't get why'd you want to do that. Why you'd wanna make it all about me. Cos I... I don't wanna do it back. And I think you know that. I can give you a handjob but that's a pitiful payback for a blowjob. So I don't get it."
Boone looked at him. "I'm not doing it for the payback," he said. "I don't want you to do anything in return."
"So why are you doing it?" Jack asked. "What's the point?"
Boone looked confused. "You're kind of the point."
Jack looked at him. He shook his head. "Come here." Boone moved back up Jack's body and looked at him. "I'm sorry," Jack said. "I'm sorry I'm not a better person."
"Are you kidding?" Boone asked. "You're like the best person I know."
"Don't say that," Jack pleaded. "Please don't put me on a pedestal, I don't deserve it. I'm far from perfect. I'm a long, long way from perfect."
"You're better than I'll ever be," Boone told him.
"I don't think that's true," Jack said. "You're filled with good intentions."
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions," Boone said. "My mother used to tell me that."
"Your mother sounds like a bitch," Jack told him.
Boone smiled. "She's not like the antichrist or anything," he said. "I don't think. I don't know, maybe she is."
Jack pulled Boone down into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around him. He held him close and felt his warm breath against his neck and the rise and fall of his chest against his own. And then he started to cry. He didn't mean to but once that first tear had fallen he found it impossible to stop.
Boone shifted slightly so that he could look at Jack. "Why are you crying?"
"Because I can't do it anymore," Jack said. "This can't be our lives. This stupid island, this hatch, that button. The monster, the jungle, the others, it's all too much. I can't do it. We can't live like this. I can't spend the rest of my life here, I'm gonna go crazy. This can't be it. But if anyone was ever looking for us then they've given up by now, it's been too long. They're not coming. No one's gonna come. And we can't leave, look at the raft. And the radio tower, that's been repeating the same message for sixteen years, no one ever came for her. There's nothing we can do. This is it. And I can't handle that."
"We're gonna be okay, Jack."
"What about the baby?" Jack asked. "What about Aaron? You can't bring a baby up here, it's not right."
"There's a way out of this, Jack," Boone told him. "We're gonna find it."
Jack shook his head. "I don't believe you."
Boone gave him a look that was something like acceptance and then rested his head back down again. Jack held onto him tightly and tried to stop the tears, tried to stop the bad thoughts. He shouldn't be thinking like this. He definitely shouldn't be talking about it. His hand found it's way to Boone's hair and he gently stroked his fingers through it, playing with the strands. Boone sighed against his neck and Jack realised that he could quite happily exist on this island if he was just allowed to stay in this moment in time forever.
"I love you."
It was quiet, a whisper really, and for a second Jack wasn't sure if he'd said it out loud or not. But then Boone's breath hitched as he inhaled and Jack knew he'd heard. And that didn't frighten him as much as he thought it would.
"I love you too."
Jack closed his eyes and tried to will the moment not to end.