This would be rated R if it could be an easily accessible R rated story. So don't tell anyone it's still PG-13. Strong language and sexual content in this one, so skip it if you're going to be offended. If you're still here, know that I am probably the proudest of this chapter.

Dear Lucas,

I'm getting tired of this. This impersonal yet completely intimate form of communication. It doesn't feel real enough for me. I'd never think it was possible, but I'm not even sure if I know what you look like anymore. I'm not positive the image I have in my mind of you isn't one I made up to make myself miss you more. It's been so long since I really felt you, that I think the dreams I'm having might be the same thing as when I was fourteen and dreaming of the perfect, inexistent guy. There's no way you can be as amazing and perfect for me as I'm pretending to believe you to be. No one that perfect could have broken my heart so entirely.

I'm getting bored here. I was with this guy and this girl yesterday, and I allowed her to outflirt me. It might sound stupid, but I considered it a huge disappointment. She wasn't even that cute, but I let it happen.

Lucas, I need you. I need you to assure me that you're the one for me. It's not enough that you want to be with me or that you get tears in your eyes when I'm not ready to jump into your arms and forego my parents. I need your eyes staring into mine so hard that I blush with a mix of fear and excitement. I need your arms to be forceful but gentle around me, letting me know I'm yours, you're mine, and you're not going to let me go.

I want proof that you'll never leave me. I want to be in control of how this goes, how we go. I can't live with you acting however you please, breaking my heart whenever you want. We tried it that way before; and no matter how much I love you, I can't let that happen ever again.

I'm so sorry if all of this means you don't want to be with me anymore, because I want nothing more than to be with you.

I'm also sorry if I hurt you. Ever. When I left you in the middle of my room, your room, especially. I didn't mean it to be an abandonment; I just didn't know how to face you.

Love,

Brooke

Brooke lay silently with the traces of a smile still on her face. She arched her back to try to rid it of the pins and needles tingling on her spine. She opened her eyes again and revived her smile at her first sight.

"When's Haley getting back?" Lucas asked.

"Late. Maybe tomorrow morning. She's with Nathan, and Dan's meeting the governor. He's not getting back until tomorrow night, so Haley might not either."

Lucas nodded, the movement of his hair on her exposed skin sending goosebumps down her arms, seemingly all the way down to her fingertips. Her dark pink sheets set off the dark summer tan that still lingered on his back so much that he appeared to be glowing. Then again, that might just be how her eyes chose to see him.

"I like this room," he said quietly for no real reason. She, however, melted at his tone for the sheer reason that it seemed as if he was sharing a secret with her.

"Me too." She scanned her eyes around the simple intimacy of her and Haley's bedroom. Lucas left it as a random comment and nestled his head back in the space right above her breasts. His comfortable position comforted her mind so much that she couldn't help herself from placing a kiss on his forehead as her fingers ran lightly through his sticky hair, remnants of gel sticking to her hands. He had been smiling too, but it was fading.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her voice a little higher than a whisper.

"My mom knows. About this." he stated frankly.

"About us?"

"About what we're doing."

She noted his word substitution used to remind her of the absence of an 'us.'

"What did she say?"

"That sex shouldn't be used as an excuse."

She didn't ask 'for what' like he had expected her to. It made him slightly uneasy, and he raised his head off of her.

"Is that what it is for you?" she asked instead.

"If I wanted to be with you, I would be."

Brooke sat up abruptly, tumbling his body off of hers. "What does that mean?"

"I just... I don't make excuses. When I wanted to be with you, I told you. I wouldn't keep a secret like that from you."

"But what makes you think you could just have me if you snapped your fingers?"

"You were the one who said you loved me."

"Things can easily change," she said bitterly, pulling the sheet off of him as she stood up. She wrapped it around her chest that was only covered by a black bra and walked over to sit on Haley's bed instead.

"So you don't?" he asked almost hopefully.

"I don't love who you're being right now. You're being fake, and I do not appreciate it."

"Fake?"

"You're always honest when it's important? But you don't want to be with me. That's such a lie, because you're with me right now, Lucas. If you didn't care, you wouldn't even be here. You're trying to be this hard, indifferently horny guy, and I know he's not you. If he was, you wouldn't stay with me after you got the goddamn job done."

He stood up in his boxers and shook his head. "Don't assume things about me. Don't try to classify what it is that we're doing, because it's not as complicated as you're making it out to be."

"I know you have feelings for me."

"That's what my mom says."

"And?"

"And I think both of you think you know a hell of a lot more about me than you really do."

"Oh. Right. Because what we have is just all about sex."

"Right."

"Bullshit."

"Brooke..."

"That's bullshit, Lucas, and you've known it since the first time you came over here."

He crossed his arms and rubbed his eyes in an excuse to not look at her. Brooke just kept going.

"In fact, that's why you came here. Because you knew there was something between us, and you wanted to know what it was. Then, you made love to me. And it wasn't about you, or about your inability to resist me, or about my seducing you. It was about an 'us.'"

"Because you know all of this. Because you can fucking read my mind."

"Tell me you don't love me."

He walked over until he was standing right in front of her. "I don't love you."

She shut her mouth and broke her eyes away from his. He wiped the beginnings of tears from his eyes and walked away.

"Then why do you still care?" she said to his back.

"I don't."

"Why are you still so angry at me?"

"Because I trusted you."

Brooke stood up, forgetting the sheet on Haley's bed. She walked around him and pulled his hands down from his face.

"So make love to me, Lucas. Right now. If it really means nothing to you, let's do it. Fuck me right now. I'll turn off the lights and close the curtains, so I'll just be a cunt to you."

His eyes were piercing into hers. They weren't angry like when she had to break his stare before; there was a sad look to them, and she could see the longing he had to do just what she said.

He leaned forward and kissed her, a hand on each of her cheeks. The strength of his kiss knocked her back a few steps, and they stumbled backward together until she hit the wall. Tears leaked from her eyes onto his cheeks, but she kept her eyes closed and groped blindly at the lamp beside her, honoring her promise and turning off the light. He pushed harder against her, and she crumpled ever so slightly. Her tears kept falling as she reached for his hips, pulling on his boxers. He hesitated for a moment, and she paused with him, but when he started moving again, she reached farther and gripped him tightly.

Lucas cried out and dropped her cheeks from his hands. He stepped back three steps and brought his hands back up to cover his eyes. Brooke stayed up against the wall, her tears now falling freely. Lucas turned around to look at her, turned away for another second, but then changed his mind one more time and went back to her, kissing her harder.

He could taste her salty tears on her lips, but he tried his hardest to ignore them. Her hands landed roughly back on his waist, and her fingers started tracing the grooves of his hips. She felt goosebumps forming all over his body, but he just pulled her closer, while making sure there was still enough distance between them. One of her legs bent between his, and she felt his dick getting even harder. She stuck her hands back into his boxers and grabbed him firmly. He didn't make any sound this time and tightened his hands around her cheeks. When he released her face, there were red marks that showed where his fingers had been. He pushed her bra down around her ribs, but left his hands hovering above her breasts. She arched her back against him so she was pressed roughly on him.

Lucas shuddered and pulled away from Brooke's body and Brooke's hands. He stood panting in front of her and downcast his eyes. She reached for him, but he pulled farther away. When he felt her hands back on his stomach, he turned around and walked across the room. She followed him, stopping when she was up against him. She wrapped her arms around him and caressed his chest. Then, leaning forward, she bit his ear gently.

"Stop. Please," Lucas said in full voice and took another step forward.

Brooke pulled her bra straps back up and crossed her arms.

"You're not just a...a cunt to me," Lucas said, refusing to turn around. He grabbed his jeans off the floor and pulled them quickly up. He buttoned his shirt over his chest as she watched, his back still to her.

"I'm sorry," Lucas said under his breath as he ran out of the room.

Brooke was left standing in the middle of the room, her tears starting to slow.