Sorry the last one was so short. I didn't want to add too much to it in fear of ruining it. I made this one longer for you guys, though. Thank you so much for being some of the coolest reviewers in the world.
Dear Lucas,
I'm in love with you. There's no easier way to say it, and I'm sorry I can't say it to your face. I'm in love with you. Just something about the way you looked tonight made me realize it, but I think I've known it since the beach. I'm in love with you. I don't want to be with anybody else, but I don't know if I'll be able to remember this tomorrow.
And I really want you. The whole no sex thing is retarded, because you know how good we are together.
I think we need to get away from Tree Hill. It's always the same people here, and they don't really do us any help. And I can think of nothing I would like better than to be alone with you where no one could find us. I think you're my weakness.
Every time you're within a foot of me, I can't breathe without shivering. You smell so good, and you're just warm enough to keep me warm forever. I'm in love with you. I just wish you could've stayed longer. Maybe a mix of how I'm feeling right now and how good you looked would've let me tell you. Maybe we would've been able to eliminate all those other people from our minds.
Love,
Brooke
Lucas lay on his back, flipping through the last few pages. They all said the same thing. She wanted him, and she loved him, and she wanted so badly to be with him, and she was sorry she couldn't figure out how to say it. And she hated Rachel, but couldn't really be mad at him for it. She was sorry she drove him into someone else's arms, but she hoped that somehow he could still believe that they belonged together, because she really did love him. She wanted so badly for him to just give in and make love to her while she tried to find the words to justify their chemistry.
"Lucas?" The door cracked open and Haley peeked her head in. Lucas shoved the papers under his pillow and got off his bed.
"Hey."
"Hi." She smiled and closed the door. "I'm sorry I... it feels like we haven't talked in forever."
"Yeah, I know. Do you want to... sit...?"
Haley teetered on the edge of his bed, laying her hands in her lap. "So."
Lucas sat tentatively beside her and leaned his elbows on his knees. "So... why are you here?"
"Oh. I just... well... I mean... I wanted to talk to you."
"About what?"
Haley sighed and closed her eyes as she spoke. "She's really hurting, Lucas."
"Hales... I don't need to hear..."
"No, you really do. I don't know what you did to her, but she's hurting so bad, and she won't talk about it, but I know she wants to. And if you have any... feeling for her whatsoever, you'll leave her alone. She wants you with her so bad, but if you can't forgive her, just leave her alone."
"I'm not..."
"I know something happened with you two, but she won't tell me what. I don't need you to tell me either, I just need you to fix it. This isn't a game, Lucas; she's really hurting."
"How do I fix it?"
"Leave her alone. Or kiss her. And tell her you forgive her. And tell her you love her. And tell her that she's still the only one you ever want to be with. And tell her she's worth so much more than what she thinks, because right now, she... she's not Brooke."
"Hales..."
"And, I mean, so what? She slept with another guy. She's so sorry, and I know she's told you that, and she wants to be with just you, because she loves you. He wasn't anything to her, and you know that. You have the right to be mad, but this is taking it a little past normalcy, Lucas. You can't be mad at her forever, because it's not worth it. Tell her you're sorry, and you know she's sorry, and you'll take her back."
"We weren't together, Haley. I can't take back something I never had."
"You guys had so much. You know you love her, and I know you love her, and that's why you're so mad. So if you can't be a man and leave her alone, be a man and admit to your feelings."
"I don't want to love her, Hales. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to love her. I want to be mad at her forever, but I see her and it's just... hard."
"Can't you just start over?"
"And then what? We ride off into the sunset and get married? Because I just can't see that happening."
"But you guys love each other. You never know what's going to happen. And even if you're not going to ride off into the sunset together, can't you just...?"
"No, we can't. Because I'm going to be the one who gets hurt. I fall for her, she leaves, and I get hurt. She falls for me, but can't tell me, and I get hurt. I try to make all of this easier, and she's okay with it, but I still get hurt."
"Sorry... what? How did you make this easier?"
"She didn't tell you?"
Haley rolled her eyes. "She doesn't tell me anything."
"We've kind of been... hooking up."
"What? Like present tense, more than once hooking up? Oh, Lucas."
"I know it's bad. You don't have to tell me too."
"Oh, Brooke. No wonder she's... I've gotta go."
She ran out of the room, leaving Lucas with his head in his hands.
Brooke lay on the couch, with no blankets even though it occurred to her briefly that she was freezing. Her phone rang, but she ignored the call after its first ring.
Haley burst into the room, skidding on the floor when she saw Brooke in the living room.
"Brooke, why didn't you tell me?"
"What?"
"Why didn't you tell me you slept with him? That that's where you've been for the past weeks? Why couldn't you just tell me?"
"Nathan told you?"
"No, Lucas. Nathan knew?"
"Lucas told you? Why?"
"Oh, yeah, he loves you by the way, but Brooke. You've been having sex with Lucas and you didn't think to tell me?"
"He didn't want you to know. Why did he tell you?"
"Are you okay?"
"Okay? I'm fantastic, Hales." Brooke wiped her eye, and faked a smile.
"Why would you keep going back?"
"Have you seen him, Haley? He's kind of like a potato chip. You can't have just one," she said, laughing.
"Brooke, you don't have to pretend."
"Pretend what?"
"That it isn't killing you. To be so close to him, but not."
"Sex doesn't have to be a big deal, Hales."
"Brooke, you're crying. You're crying, because it's killing you."
Brooke rubbed at her eyes and smoothed down her hair. She turned back to Haley with a wet smile. "I'm fine. And... he's... really good in bed."
Haley put her hand on Brooke's arm and nodded. "Okay. Take off your shoes."
"What?"
Haley reached down and pulled off her shoes then took her hand. "Let's go."
"Where?"
"To bed. Come on." Haley pulled gently on Brooke's arm as she led her to their bedroom.
"Haley, if you're going to be trying to seduce me, maybe..."
"Pasta or hamburgers?"
"What?"
"You haven't eaten, right?"
"Pasta?"
"Great. My choice too. And my specialty."
Haley grabbed a Cosmopolitan off of the floor and handed it to Brooke as she tucked the covers in around her.
"I'll be right back."
Brooke lay still in her bed, the magazine in her hands. She heard a jingle on her bedside table, but didn't even look at the name before ignoring the call.
"Hello?" She heard the front door open.
"Hey. Um, now's not a good time exactly, do you think...?"
"Let him in, Haley. Hi Nathan," Brooke called out, her voice breaking a bit.
"Hi Brooke." Nathan walked into the room and laughed at Brooke's situations. "Haley got to you."
"Does she do this often?"
He nodded and sat down beside her head. "When Lucas got hit by that car, she spent hours in bed. She just doesn't realize it doesn't always work for everyone."
Brooke shrugged, but she smiled too. Nathan nodded and looked out the door to Haley in the kitchen. "She really is amazing, isn't she?"
Brooke nodded, but knew Nathan wasn't going to turn to see her.
"She finds everything out too. She's really the center of all of us, isn't she?"
"It's good to have the normal one in the center."
He laughed and nodded. "I guess you're right." He turned back to Brooke and kicked off his shoes. "So, what are we reading?"
"Real People's Sexual Successes."
"Good. I just hate when those fake people can't keep it in their pants."
"Yeah. Me too."
Haley walked in with three bowls and forks. "So? Do we need anything else?"
Brooke liked how she said 'we.' "I think we're good, Hales."
"Good." Haley crawled into bed on Brooke's other side.
Brooke looked from Haley on her left to Nathan on her right and laughed. "Thank you."
Haley smiled and kissed the top of Brooke's head. "So what do we have? Got any quizzes?"
"Is He Cheating?"
"Ooh, do that one."
"How about you pick another one?" Nathan asked.
"Why? Do you have something to hide?" Haley sat up on her elbow so she could make eye contact.
"You know, on second thought, go ahead," he quickly said, turning back the page.
Brooke's phone rang again on her bedside table, but she reached over and turned it off.
Peyton opened his door and leaned against the doorframe. "Well don't you look sad?"
Lucas rolled up so he was sitting cross legged on his bed. "Hello to you too."
"You want to go for a walk?" she asked, her cocky smile still in place.
He shrugged, grabbed a sweatshirt, and followed her out the door. Peyton crossed her arms and walked a few feet away from him down the middle of the street. He followed behind, his head turning every now and then to check for cars.
"So, what do you want to talk about, Mr. Scott?"
"Not Brooke."
"Well that leaves quite a window."
Lucas turned his head up and shoved his hands in his pockets. Peyton turned back to look at him and laughed.
"So, how about that hockey season coming back? Exciting, huh?"
He laughed too and nodded. "Pretty fantastic."
"Thank god, a smile? Wow, you must be having a good time now."
"I never wanted to hurt her."
"I thought we weren't going to talk about Brooke."
He shrugged, turning his head back down. "That's why you came, right?"
"No, I came for the pleasure of your company, Luke."
"Oh of course, that too."
"People seem to be giving you rough breaks recently, that's all. And it's not fair."
"They say I deserve it."
"For what? Being upset when you saw the girl of your dreams in bed with the scum on the bottom of Haley's shoe? It happens sometimes, you know?"
"Yeah, right? I just thought you'd be on Brooke's side too."
"Way to make it sound completely high school."
"Well, you know, we are..."
"Ugh, I forget sometimes. But anyway, who says I'm not on Brooke's side?"
"Well, you said..."
"Some people call being able to see both sides of the story a virtue."
"Oh, well, yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it... well, that you had to choose."
"I appreciate your apology, Lucas. It's funny the things that can be made be made better by two words, you know?"
"Right."
Lucas's smile faded slightly, and he started to watch the road as it passed. Peyton looked at the look on his face and changed the tone of her voice.
"So, I got a letter from Jake the other day."
"Oh yeah? Did he say where he was?"
"No, I don't want to know. He says he's good though. And Jenny's talking more every day."
"Oh, that's cool."
She nodded, sighing softly. "I really miss him around here sometimes."
"He's a good guy."
"In a hell of a sucky situation."
He laughed again and nodded his head. "I'd drink to that."
Haley giggled. "Are we going to need some wine in here?"
Brooke laughed too. "Tutor girl gone bad. You've been living with me too long."
"I'll be right back."
Nathan watched her leave and scooted closer to the center of the bed. "Thank god, I've been almost falling off for like an hour now."
Brooke giggled and moved over too.
"So, Miss Davis, how are we doing?"
"Just fabulous, Mr. Scott."
He raised his eyebrows. "I'm sorry about that ass of a brother of mine."
"You don't have to be sorry. I'm the one who should really be sorry for interrupting husband-wife sexy time."
"I think we'll be just fine. Don't be sorry. Lucas should be sorry."
Brooke nodded for a second, but turned her face away.
"Hey, Brooke, I didn't mean for you to... hey." He thumbed a tear and turned her face back around. "Don't be like that. We're family, eh?"
"Oh yeah?" Brooke sighed. "How does that work?"
"Well, you're living with Haley. So in some sticky sorority way, you're sisters, right? So then I would be your brother in law."
"If you say so."
"Well if you don't want me to be..."
"No, it's good. So Brother Nathan, what am I going to do about our other brother?"
"He's not our brother. We can disown him. He's only half."
Brooke smiled sadly. "Okay."
Nathan's smile faded, and he rubbed Brooke's arm. "He hurt you, huh?"
"Why are you being this nice to me, Nathan?"
He shrugged. "You helped me when I was being an ass to Haley. I was never that good at the talking with Lucas, so I guess this is the best I can do."
"You could knock his teeth out."
Brooke laughed, and Nathan smiled. "Always a possibility."
Her head bobbed, but her voice came out shy. "You know he told me he didn't love me? He stood right over there and said it to my face. And... I don't know; I didn't believe him, but what if that was wrong? What if he really doesn't care about me?"
"Brooke, I don't think that's possible."
"Then he kissed me. He didn't even care... It was like he could just kiss me, because he didn't mean it. I thought he would... I didn't think he'd be able to... but he did."
"He might not have known how much it would hurt you."
She shrugged and wiped her eyes again. She laughed in a faraway voice. "I didn't think he could hurt me worse than he did. You know, before. But... he's just all over the place. Sometimes I think he cares so much, and I see him, and I... I just fall. But then he says it's all a lie, and that if he wanted to be with me, he would be. Like I don't matter, like what I think doesn't matter."
Nathan stared straight ahead, his fingers still rubbing her arm in the same pattern as before. Haley walked in, and his gaze snapped up. She smiled, but he just stood up.
"Hey, I should be going. I'll see you guys later."
"Are you okay?" Haley asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for a great night." He kissed Haley's cheek and smiled towards Brooke.
He touched the doorframe and nodded, before walking extremely quickly out. Haley turned to Brooke.
"Did you say something to him?"
Brooke shrugged and took a wine glass.
Lucas and Peyton walked along the porch to the black door. Peyton laughed.
"You know, you really are an idiot."
He laughed too and shrugged. "Thanks for this, Peyton. It's good not to... you know, think about it."
"Well, I'm always here for when you don't want to think, Lucas."
He nodded and smiled. "Always a good thing."
"All right. Good night, Lucas." Peyton stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug.
"Good night, Peyton." Lucas pulled away and lightly mussed her hair.
"You have got to be kidding me." Lucas and Peyton both turned their heads at Nathan's voice.
"Nate? What are you...?" Lucas stepped forward at the same time Nathan did, but fell backwards when Nathan hit him squarely in the jaw.
"Nathan!" Peyton yelled. "What the hell?"
Nathan followed him backwards and hit him again the stomach.
"What's your deal, man?" Lucas asked, the friendliness gone from his eyes.
"What's your deal? I thought you were upset, dude, but I guess some things never change."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You're putting this poor girl through so much, and you know it, and then you go back to the last thing you did that hurt her? You're really trying to kill her, aren't you?"
"Nathan, Peyton just came by to..."
"You're scum, you know that? You know Brooke's crying over there because she thinks you don't care about her? And then you're over here just... not caring?"
"Listen, Nathan..."
"And you. Peyton, Brooke's your best friend. You guys are messed up."
"Brooke is my best friend, and I'm there for her. But Lucas is my friend too, and we can't just ignore him."
Nathan shook his head. "You know your friend here has no problem with sleeping with your best friend and then telling her he doesn't love her?"
"You slept with her?" Peyton asked, her eyebrows rising.
"Nathan, you don't even know half of it. Don't talk about things before you know the whole story."
"What's to know? You admitted to fucking her. Why shouldn't I believe you could be heartless enough to tell her that she didn't mean anything to you afterwards?"
"You know I care about her, Nate."
"Yeah. I do. Brooke doesn't."
"It's complicated," Lucas muttered, turning his bruising face away.
"So you two..." Peyton said. "God, Brooke. Why doesn't she tell me things anymore?"
"She hasn't told anyone, Peyton. It was important to her, so she didn't think it was something to share with everyone. This one here didn't care that much though."
"Hey, I didn't tell anyone either."
"You told Haley."
"Haley just sort of... found out."
"Well, now at least Brooke has someone there when she's crying about how much she loves someone who's screwing her friend on the side. Again."
"I'm not screwing Peyton. We were just talking. Because no one's talking to me."
Nathan shook his head and started to walk away. "You know what, Luke? Maybe you don't deserve it. And maybe you don't deserve Brooke either."