Heero Yuy, Signing Off

by keiichisei

I never expected to have to piece together a life after the war, to slowly come down from this high and find that I want things. Things like love, a partner, a future... 1x2

3. Chapter 3

A note to my reviewers: I am responding to your reviews but posting my own comment in the review section. Again, thank you so much for your help!

Warning: The rating for this fic has changed to M for language and other things concerning Duo's past.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, Jimmy Eat World, or Johnny Nash.

This chapter is dedicated to Gymnastics-lover, Yaeko, and EquineAngel for reviewing chapter two, you guys are awesome.

Chapter Three

I slept through the night with my best friend in my arms. When I opened my eyes, Duo was still pressed close, curious eyes looking up at my face. War holding Death in his arms, forever friends. I was glad that for once I could help him, after all the times he'd gotten me out of a tight spot, and in general kicked so much ass that I knew he would end the war if I didn't – he'd kill everyone standing.

I think he was trying to figure out why I hadn't let go yet. I must have smiled at him, because his eyes got big and he suddenly looked very surprised. His eyes drifted to the alarm clock on the dresser.

"SHIIIIIIIIIT!"

I went down to breakfast after Duo ran off to the shuttle port. I sat down with a couple of the guys that had worked on the roof yesterday. A kid about a year older than me offered his hand, "The name's Corey. Rival gang leader with Duo, but we were both picked up by Maxwell Church after the plague. I was adopted out, but my parents were killed in the Alliance, probably by Duo. I don't give a shit though."

"Hn."

"So were you and Duo partners in the war? Guerrillas protecting the Sanq Kingdom?"

I paused, "…Something like that."

"After class me and the guys will be finishing the south panel on the roof, we could use your help."He smiles at me, not surprised when I give no answer.

I helped the students assigned for cleaning duty that morning. I ran back to our room to grab a sweater and went jogging outside. Most of the year, L2 is incredibly cold. For about two months in what is normally the spring, the colony moves out of line with the Moon and gets direct radiation from the Sun. I had a mission here during that time when I was little once, the temperature got up to at least 140 degrees Fahrenheit each day. Quatre will fix that once he gets a hold of the colony.

I jogged down to the shuttle port and across what used to be a shopping district and a couple of apartment complexes. Coming back by the church I took a seat in one of the park benches in the graveyard. At the front closest to the church I saw a black, granite cross. I walked up to it and read the engraving,

Heero Yuy
Forever.
AC 180-196

There was a stone slab on the ground in front of the cross, it looked like it had been worn down. There was a granite bowl next to the cross with black smudges in it. I pick it up, it smelled of incense. Someone had burnt incense at a grave marker for me, in my memory.

The senior boys got out of class and we finished the entire roof. They had only planned on the south panel but I always want tot finish something I start. After enduring several hours of cracks about how fast and mechanical I am, Corey stopped me in the meal room and asked me to take a walk with him.

We talked about his interest in the Preventors for a couple of minutes until he got to the point,

"Shoibi… do you love Duo?"

I gasped and looked at him, wondering what the hell he was getting at. Corey took a deep breath.

"Duo and I were in gangs that hated each other, but I loved Duo. My gang wasn't hit as badly with the plague, it had mainly been in Solo's district. I was picked up by the Maxwell Church, and I was with Sister Helen the day she brought Duo back to the church. He was crouched over an older boy in an alleyway. The boy was dead, Duo was clinging to him and crying. At the orphanage, Duo told me he was the only one to survive in his gang because he had made a deal with death. But the deal had been to spare Solo, the boy, and since he died, Duo was going to get back at those that let the plague happen, that ignored L2.

"I was adopted, and Duo was the only survivor of the Maxwell Church Tragedy. When my adopted parents were killed, I searched out my old gang, only to find that Duo had been taking care of them all this time. Duo worked for a scientist that was against the Alliance, stealing from him and doing other things to take care of members of my gang, an enemy gang, since he was the only one left of his."

Corey stopped and looked at me, "He whored himself for us back then, and he's still doing it now. He says there's no point for him not to, he's lost Solo, and he's lost his partner from the war."

"Why are you telling me this?" I was a little unnerved about listening to private things about Duo. If Duo had wanted me to know these things, he would have told me.

"I'm not telling you, I am stating my threat." He turned to me, his face angry. We had made it to the graveyard, Corey had his back against the gate. He took a deep breath,

"Duo is pure because he was willing to fight for us. I saw his heart break when he lost Solo, and when he came back from the war he was broken again. Every time he's on L2 he spends the nights praying at that cross." He pointed to the black cross at the front of the cemetery. "Duo fell in love with Heero Yuy, the one who saved the world, and he lost the one he loved again. If you do anything to make Duo hurt, I swear to God I'll – "

"Don't ever accuse me of doing anything to Duo." I was in his face in an instant, "And don't swear to his god, that is something precious to him."

"Who the hell are you!" His face paled as realization hit him, "Are you Heer-"

"Heero Yuy is dead! The war is dead!" I snapped, trying my hardest not to sock him, "If you love him so much, where were you when he was captured and tortured relentlessly for three days until I could get to him! Where were you when he was placed in a cell that was slowly drained of oxygen, when his mobile suit was blown up, when he was outnumbered, when he was injured, when I self-detonated, and he was screaming!" At that point I was so furious I had to walk away from him to ensure that I didn't pummel his ass.

I did not sleep well that night. The chill of Duo's room put my mind in a cold Oz holding cell. It wasn't the torture that bothered me – they had gotten the idea that I wasn't going to talk – it was the sounds of what they were doing to Wufei in the next cell that bothered me. I heard voltage, kicking, grunts, a reverberating crowbar, everything they had used on me. I ran to the adjoining wall and screamed, "Wufei! Wufei, Wufei!" They silenced me after a couple of minutes, but I knew Wufei had heard me. They kept the voltage going higher and I heard him start to scream, louder and louder…

I awoke with a shout, the sheets completely soaked on the bed. School had already started. Part of me wanted to get on the next shuttle to L4 and spend the rest of the day with Duo. I could transfer within Preventors and be his personal bodyguard and we could always be together. But I knew that was not the truth, life did not treat Gundam pilots with such happiness. No matter how peaceful it seemed and how much we wanted to have a normal existence, the Gundam pilots were trained for war, and there was always a war. Protecting the peace was now the bane of our existence, our main fuck, and it would always be so. We never had souls to begin with, why the hell would we get them after all that we've done, for so many that didn't want it.

To keep my mind off of Duo, I went to the head nun of the school and asked for the current maintenance list. I completed it by three that afternoon: set up a guttering system, built two more septic tanks, scraped the lead paint off of the main hall and painted it, and planted grass over the entire front courtyard. After showering I went to our room before dinner. I searched through my bag for Duo's vid chip and grabbed his vid phone to watch it. When I turned it on, it started playing whatever chip that had already been inserted. Duo was sitting with his arms around his folded legs on the floor of his room, dressed in his normal black priest outfit. He looked as skinny as ever, his cheekbones sunken in and black circles under his eyes. He looked at the camera and started singing,

"You were standing there
All alone.
You were fighting your way to me, but
They took your life.
You were trying to come free me, but
They took your sweet life."

He paused and looked down at the floor. His eyes were so angry but also so sad, something I had never really seen in him. He looked back at the camera, pure hatred in his eyes,

"When it came to truth,
You stood brave.
Most duck beneath the shadows
When it's time to fight.
Most don't even seem to realize
What it means to lose your life.

And when your day came,
Children cried.
Now I'm standing here,
All alone.
Building homes, schools, and futures
For the poorer sect.
Those who need protection most
Are always the ones who protect."

He paused again, taking in a deep shuddering breath. His voice was louder, and when he modulated keys his volume grew until he was singing at the top of his lungs.

"And when the resistance came,
Children cried.
And when your death came,
You held tight.
You were standing there, you were there
All alone."

The Duo on the screen looked at the camera for a second before punching the vid phone. The chip cut to what looked like a filming session for one of his videos. Keiichi Sei, blue hair and all, was walking backwards as the cameraman followed him. Keiichi tried smiling and practicing his choreography, a couple of twirls and pivots while moving through a set that looked like a happy market place. Although he was dressed in such vibrant colors and surrounded by such a bright set, he looked like he was tired and had been through a bad day. In fact he looked like he was on the verge of tears.

Someone in the back counted down and music began playing. Duo smiled at the camera and started walking down the market street,

"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shiny day."

I noticed something was wrong when Duo tried to smile even bigger, it was the smile he used when he was forcing it. Even though his voice was gorgeous and happy, the extras all walking around him to the beat, there were a couple of tears coming down Keiichi's face, and as he continued singing and smiling, they kept coming.

"I think I can make it now,
The pain is gone.
All of the bad feelings have disappeared.
Here is that rainbow I've been praying for.
It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shiny day."

When the singer pointed to the sky at the rainbow, his voice cracked. He acted as if nothing had happened, still smiling even as the eye makeup was making dark lines down his face.

"Look all around, nothing but-"

"STOP! STOP!"

Duo halted and looked away from the camera, his head bent down and his hand covering his eyes, the other running through his blue hair.

I switched off the vid phone and just sat there, thinking. All of my life, there had been answers to every opponent I faced. To end the war, I must defeat the Alliance. To obtain a lasting peace, I must keep Relena alive. To become the person I was before the second Heero Yuy, I must allow my system to flush out the artificial hormones. To construct a purpose and meaning for the rest of my life after the war, I had to find Duo.

It had never occurred to me that perhaps Duo had not found his answer after the war, like the other pilots had. He had killed so many people for peace in the colonies, and after it all he was still leading a depressed, starved existence. I made a promise that I would help Duo find his answer, find whatever it is that he was looking for. I wouldn't leave for Preventors until he found it, I could be happy as long as I knew Duo was.

I brought a plate of dinner back to the room for him and set it on his side of the bed. I lit a few candles and went to sleep. He came home at about four in the morning. He took the plate back to the cafeteria, I don't think he ate any of the food, and then climbed into bed. When he got under the covers I pulled him close to me and embraced him, pretending to be asleep. I think he knew better though, it's hard to lie to someone who knows you better than you know yourself.

Something was tapping my feet. I looked at the end of the bed and found a very peeved Duo looking at me,

"You completed a month's worth of maintenance! What are the kids going to do now!"

I look up at him, "They need to be studying for their midterms, don't they?"

His shoulders sagged, "Yeah, I guess so, the nuns were trying to keep them from detonating their science projects in the main hall."

"So, love, since I finished everything yesterday, what do we do today?" The quizzical look Duo gave me was priceless.

"I dunno," he said. "Can you think of anything?"

"Wanna go to the circus?"

Duo's face changed to a very sad expression, it must be too soon to joke. The sad face was gone as fast as it had arrived, however, and Duo grabbed his winter scarf and coat and dashed down the hall. I caught up with him at the main entrance talking to the head nun. I dusted my hands off from the dry bomb I dodged (and placed in our neighbors' bed) that had been planted for me the Duo had conveniently stepped over.

We spent the morning traipsing through L2's run down shopping district and picked a couple of things up for the kids. Duo bought some tiny little socks and other items for the babies. He asked about the new department and what I saw my future being like. I think he knew that I would have trouble adjusting to a somewhat normal life: going to work, going home, eating dinner, going to sleep. Deep down I wasn't sure if even my position in the Preventors was enough to keep me grounded. Truly, what was I doing, if not ending the war and saving the earth and colonies? I had never thought I would do anything else, be anyone else.

"I'm sure watching all of your videos will keep me occupied," I said.

Duo looked sidelong at me, sending me a glare that said he didn't appreciate me reciprocating with his denial as well. He stopped behind the winter coat rack, leaning on the shelf behind him, his arms full of second-hand jackets.

"I was faced with owning the junk yard with Hilde, or maybe being a mechanic somewhere. I could have tried starting my own line of transports using what I know about mobile suits, but why would I risk that when I knew my physique could sell? I did what I did because I knew it would work, and how else would I have gotten the millions I have?"

When I offered no answer, he chuckled, looking down at the worn jackets. "It's so much, but there's still so many kids that would love to be in that school, and the kids there now can't go to college."

We dropped our shopping off at the school and proceeded to run around through the courtyard to the street, me following after Duo in whatever game he thought he was playing.

The time I would spend,
With pictures I would not send.
I watched you go from left to right,
I followed you all night.
Across my blinds.

He slowed as I caught up with him, though he kept three steps ahead on the sidewalk, skipping and turning around to flash his smile as we carried on down the streets of L2. I wondered what sort of peace I could have for the rest of my life, would I really find something exciting enough to pull me out of bed? In my single bed, in my single apartment, to go to my single office, and come home to an empty room.

I'm making my peace,
Making it with distance.
Maybe that's a big mistake,
You know I'm thinking of you.
I miss you.

I looked up ahead at the nymph prancing around, paying no attention to the odd looks others were giving him. Leaping and spinning, like a demon set free, flame personified. I had never followed anyone, but since my awakening I had not felt like the same person. I knew I could follow Duo, I wanted to, and I would follow him, for the rest of my life.

You'll change your mind come Monday,
And turn your back on me.
You'll take your steps away with hesitance,
You'll take your step away from me.

He flung himself across the grass of the park. I lay down, stretching my legs out and folding my arms behind my head. Duo mimicked me, blowing the hair out of his eyes to look up at the sky.

"It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.
She moves in mysterious ways."

I closed my eyes, listening to him sing.

"Heero."

"Yeah?"

"Sing me something."

I froze in confusion, I couldn't remember if I had ever sung anything. My first exposure to singing I'm pretty sure was an old Japanese fairy tale from my mother. I must have liked listening to her. When Duo and I had stopped by Peacemillion to repair our Gundams in the first leg of the war, I had opened Deathscythe's communication line to tell him something and heard him singing. For some reason I completely forgot what I was going to tell him and just went back to work with the line open. I tried to jam his frequency when I stole parts from his Gundam so I could listen to him more, but he fixed it soon after we parted.

Duo rolled over to his side, propping his head up with his arm while he looked at me expectantly. I tried to think of something I could sing to him, maybe something from my mother? All I knew were the songs he sang in his albums,

"Remember when you said my name
Like it meant somewhere safe?"

Duo looked at the grass in between us, pulling out a dandelion and playing with it.

"Heero, I want you to know you are always welcome with the Forsaken. I'm never there, you were lucky to catch me in a break after my second album, but the head nun says the kids seem to like you, and I'm sure they'd all love to have you anytime." His voice was low and tired.

I turned to him, "You're running away from your fears. You're as scared as me, but you have a busy life to distract you from it."

My friend's eyebrow cocked, but he kept his eyes on the grass. A remark like that would have earned me a standoff in the wars, but Duo had changed just as much if not more than I had. I'd never seen him carry such calm and acceptance with him. I think he already knew the conclusion that I was slowly coming to, that our lives weren't worth anything, now that we had fulfilled our destinies. We were some sort of fluke, more like freak accident – were people supposed to outlive their destinies? Duo knew, Quatre and Trowa knew, Wufei knew, all you can do is try for as much good as you can and ignore the loneliness as long as possible before Death comes to sweep you away.

A shadow seemed to pass over Duo's face, his tone now nearly a growl. "Can you blame me for running? How's your life since the coma, Shoibi? Isn't it a bit scary, the real life everyone was living while we were dying?"

Duo threw the weed at me and stood up in a flourish. He stalked back toward home as I stumbled to my feet.

"Duo – "

He spun around to face me. "Why aren't you pissed yet, Heer… Shoib… whoever the hell you are! Are you ready to finally accept defeat after everything we worked for? We did everything to forge a brave new world for the colonies. So the colonies could have peace and L2 could see improvement, and kids wouldn't have to steal and suck dicks to survive! Did any of it happen, 01? Are the kids safe? Are we in any less degree of shit than before the Alliance came? Mission Accomplished!"

"I don't care, you're beautiful."

The haze clears from your eyes, on a Sunday.

My love's face lost every last drop of its anger the second the words left my lips. He looked at me, the person who was swiftly changing from my partner in the wars. I walked up to him and he put his arm around my shoulders and we slowly made our way back home.

I knocked out the Oz soldier guarding the door and Duo took care of the two in the entrance. We had thirty seconds to get out with the blueprints before the base exploded. I turned down the hallway to the hangar. The walls were wet somehow, a blood red liquid was running down them from the ceiling. I'm stuck in a nightmare, I knew. My body was reacting to the lack of chemical additives, and it was warping my memories.

Duo rounded the corner, his sadistic smirk set firmly in place, despite his now blue hair that made him look more like Keiichi Sei. I reached the latch to the hanger when I heard Duo yelp. I turned to see two Oz soldiers dragging my unconscious partner down the hallway, his sneakers squeaking along the floor.

No, this isn't how it happened. We made it out of this one, Duo wasn't captured. I ran toward them but something held me back a step away. I turned back and saw Dr. J holding some sort of instrument that bound my hands behind my back. Dr. J? What was he doing here?

The two soldiers stopped dragging Duo, letting his arms drop to the floor with a sickening thud. One of them took out his gun, aimed it at Duo, and shot.

-bang-

"NOO! He's alive! He lived!"

The shot echoed down the hallway and Duo's body jerked. The soldier re-set his gun.

-bang-

Duo's limp body bounced an inch or two in the air.

"GODDAMMIT! It didn't happen!"

"Heero! It's a dream, wake up Heero!"

-bang-

-bang-

I burst into tears as someone shook my shoulders. I collapsed to the floor of the hallway but was held back when I tried to crawl to Duo. His body was so mangled after being shot at such close range, his blood was seeping down the hallway, yet the soldier cocked his gun and fired again and again.

"NO! I LOVED HIM! DUO! GODDAMMIT, GODDAMMIT!"

'Hello there!' The annoying kid that shot me a couple of weeks ago swung into my cockpit as I was working on it. I ignored him and kept working. 'Oh yeah sorry for shooting ya that one time, although I can't think it did much damage since you can set your own broken leg.' He made a disgusted face. I looked at him with the deadliest glare I could muster, he needed to get out of my Gundam and stop emphasizing that he was the first person to ever actually hit me, something that scared me to the core.

The boy sighed and swung himself through the hatch, turning back to wink at me. 'By the way, the name's Death. Write my name somewhere safe.'

"Shoibi, Shoibi wake up. You need to wake up, I'm here, it's Duo. Shoibi."

Duo was holding my shoulders in the darkness of his room at the school. I had somehow made it to the door and was crouched in front of it. Duo was crouched down with me, his hair tousled from sleep, his eyes wide with fear. I was breathing harshly, but Duo's grip was keeping me from slipping into the hallucination again.

"Duo, Triton is … Trowa…"

"What are you talking about?" Although his voice shook with fear, it was soft and comforting.

I coughed painfully, "I want … to always … be your Heero." I bent over from the searing burn raking through my chest.

Duo's trembling hands moved from my shoulders to my back. He embraced me and I felt hot tears wet my shirt, "Heero, I love you, I love you."

Because when the ride's done,
The hopes that you have carried,
They fall out from your hands back to the ground.
Live with that.
Learn as the drugs leave.
Learn as you lose it.
You will.
The haze clears from your eyes, on a Sunday.

A/N: The song Duo sings in his room is something I wrote for my friend that died in the war in Iraq. If you want to use it, please ask first. Thank you for reading! Any suggestion are greatly appreciated.