Ancient History
Chapter Twelve: Ancient Memories
By Ddoskocil
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Okay, so, finally, chapter 12. Sorry it took much longer than usual. Enjoy.

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Erika felt like she was floating. Nothing felt real, except for the burning of her throat. She struggled to breath. Something pushed down on her. She heard vaguely familiar voices at the edge of her reality. She tried to listen, but she could not stay grounded. The darkness threatened to claim her again. She tried to fight it, tried to understand what the voices were saying. In the end, it was a fight she lost.

---- ----

"How's she doing, Doc?"

"She's finally breathing on her own."

"That's good. When do you think she'll wake up?"

"It's hard to tell. All of her vitals are normal and her CAT scan showed nothing unusual. By all accounts, she should be awake." He paused. "We should prepare ourselves for the fact that she may never wake up again."

The two men turned their attention back to the woman lying in the bed. Her color was back and her breathing was steady. Carson breathed a small sigh of relief, although he knew she was not out of the woods quite yet.

"Doc?"

"Colonel?"

"I'm sorry."

That took Carson back a bit. "For what?"

Sheppard rubbed the back of his neck. "I've been kind of an ass lately about Erika and all. And, well, I'm sorry."

Carson did not know what to say in response. He just looked at Erika. "I think I understand it, Colonel. You were just looking out for the lass. But thank you for saying it."

They stood in silence. "You know, you don't have to call me 'Colonel', or even 'Sheppard'. You could call me 'John' Carson."

Carson put his hand on the other man's shoulder and nodded.

---- ----

She could feel the bed beneath her and the pile of blankets above her. She was warm, but her entire body ached. She experimentally flexed her fingers than wiggled her toes. Satisfied that everything seemed to be moving just fine, she turned to mind to the problem of where the hell she was. She tried to remember what happened.

Davy stabbed her? Erika slightly shook her head. That happened years ago. Davy could not get her where she was. Why was that? Where was she?

The hospital on the base? She dislocated her knee, badly. They were not going to let her finish basic training. They were going to kick her out. No, that did not sound right either. Erika was still in the Air Force, wasn't she? She vaguely remembered getting on a ship.

The Stargate! Yes, she was on Atlantis. Torran was waiting for her. Erika frowned. Who the heck was Torran? She could not remember anyone named Torran.

"Erika?" a voice called softly. Erika shifted toward the voice. It sounded like-

"I think she's waking up." Yes, it was John. What was John doing next to her? Erika creased her brow as she tried to remember. Atlantis. That was it. She was in Atlantis. She was the head of archaeology and languages, at least until Daniel arrived. She could clearly she John in her mind's eye now. She could clearly she her Atlantis, but there was something else too. She could see someone else in her mental picture of Atlantis.

Strong hands were holding her now. "Erika, love." Carson. She could picture him now, too, but there was still someone else. She could almost remember him. It tickled the back of her mind, driving her crazy because she had only a name.

"Erika, love, wake up." Carson again. He sounded sodesperate. Erika slowly opened her eyes. She squinted against the bright lights of the infirmary. They were quickly dimmed, although from Carson's expression, he had not been the one to dim them. His expression quickly changed when he looked back at Erika.

"Oh, God, Erika." He wrapped her in a fierce hug as he planted little kisses on her face and neck. She nuzzled his neck, breathed in his scent, and let the feeling of being in his arms wash over her. She held on to him as tight as she could, using him as an anchor. Everything was disoriented.

"What-" Her throat was on fire. Carson released her, much to her dismay, to grab a cup. Gently, he placed an ice chip into her mouth.

"Here, love."

"Erika?" Erika slowly moved her eyes over to cousin. The room around her suddenly flashed. She was still in the infirmary, but it looked nothing like Carson's infirmary. The beds were cold, sterile, and held none of the warmth of the Atlantis she knew and loved. It was bathed in a blue light. She felt uncomfortable when she saw a shadow hovering to her left.

"Carson?"

"Melik, are you all right?"

"Torran," she mouthed, her throat still too raw to speak.

"Erika?" John and Carson's worried voices cut through the illusion. They were bent over her, Carson checking her pulse while John just looked worried.

"What happened?" Erika whispered. She searched their faces, looking for any kind of clue.

"You fainted," Carson supplied. He stroked her cheek softly. She just leaned into his touch, needing to feel grounded. She felt confused, and the fact that the room just jumped around did not help. She grabbed at his free hand and held it tightly to her chest.

"It's all right, love. You're safe."

"You remember anything, Kido?' John asked. Erika glanced over at him, surprised that he was still in the room and had not killed Carson. Especially since Carson once again had his arms wrapped around Erika very protectively. Erika just nestled closer to him, resting her head against his chest.

"No," she replied in the same raspy whisper. Carson placed a second ice chip on her tongue, which she took with a small smile. "I can't remember anything," she said, her voice sounding almost normal. She shivered and closed her eyes.

"I think that's enough for today. You need to rest. You've been through a lot." He kissed her gently and stood to leave. Erika grabbed his arm.

"Don't go."

---- ----

"Melik, it is not ready yet."

"You worry too much, Torran. I will be fine." She caressed his cheek. He grabbed her hand and held it to his face.

"It is part of my job to worry." He kissed her palm.

"I will be fine. I promise." She pushed a button on the machine and stepped into the chamber. The wire came down. Something shoved into her back. She screamed.

---- ----

"Erika. Erika, wake up!" John yelled as he gently shook his cousin. He was worried. She hardly slept a night through without screaming. She never talked about it, but John knew it was nightmares. He cursed that he could not help her.

"Torran!" she yelled. She screamed that same name over and over. It confused the hell out of John. He did not know anyone on Atlantis named Torran and Telya confirmed that there was no one by that name among the Athosians. He tried to ask Erika about it, but she said she never remembered her dreams.

"Carson!" she cried out. He stepped aside as Carson came up the bedside. He watched carefully as Carson cradled Erika in his arms, telling himself that he would not interfere. It was hard. That was his little cousin and he had to stand aside and watch while someone else comforted her. He suddenly felt a wave of guilt for not being there for her when she was stabbed.

"I'm here, love. I'm here," Carson whispered as he gathered her in his arms. John closed his eyes and turned away. He felt a hand on his shoulder a few seconds later.

"She's sleeping again," Carson said quietly. "Why don't you get something to eat, Col-John?"

"I'm not really hungry," he admitted. He took a step toward the bed his cousin lay on. "She okay? I mean, she gonna be okay?"

"Aye, I think she will." John glanced at Carson. The doctor did not sound convinced, and the look on Carson's face screamed that he was worried about Erika as well. Erika cried out softly and both men turned her way.

"I've got this one," John said. He did not see Carson nod, nor did he see the doctor leave, but he was suddenly alone with his cousin. He went to the bed and sat next to her. Hesitantly, he ran a hand over her forehead with one hand. He took her hand in his other hand. Her eyes fluttered open as he did.

"Hey, Kido," he said softly. She looked confused.

"John?" She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head slightly. She made a small groan in the back of her throat and shivered.

"I'm here, Kido. What's wrong?"

"Headache."

"Want me to get Carson?" He started to stand, but the grip on his hand tightened.

"Don't leave." She sounded so desperate that John just sat back down. She did not say anything for a long while. She did not even look at him, but she held his hand tightly. It reminded John of when she was a little girl and he smiled. It faded when she shivered again.

"Let me get Carson, Erika."

"No," she insisted. She finally turned to him. "No, he's got enough to worry about. I don't want him to worry about me right now. I'm fine."

"You're not fine."

"I love him, you know."

"I know."

"John, you came. I knew you would come."

"What are you talking about? Where else would I be?"

"You should get Torran."

"Erika, who's Torran?"

She paused and looked at him confused. She bit her lip as if in thought. Then she squeezed her eyes shut.

"I don't know," she whispered. John could hear the desperation and pain in her voice. "I really don't know. Do you have any idea what this is like, John? Half the time I don't know where I am, and the other half I don't know who I am. I have all these memories and they're not mine. It doesn't make any sense!" she screamed. She dropped her head to her chest and sniffed. "It doesn't make any sense. What the hell is wrong with me?" John had to bend close to her just to hear the whispered question. He just looked at her because he did not have an answer.

---- ----

"Come on, Carson," Rodney mocked. "That can't be."

"I'm afraid it's the truth. The rest of the tests came back and it's very conclusive. Her mind can't handle the strain of two sets of memories. It's only going to get worst, too."

"What can we do?" Elizabeth asked, resting her chin in her hand. Carson sighed.

"Nothing," he finally admitted out loud. He had known for a few days, had run the tests twice just to be sure. But it was the first time he said it aloud. Saying it aloud meant it was true. Saying it aloud meant that nothing he did could help his love. Despite everything he knew, he could not help her.

"There's nothing?" John practically squeaked out. Carson looked to him, but he offered no words of comfort. There was nothing he could say.

"Unless Rodney can somehow fix that device," he replied with a shrug and a glance at Rodney. Rodney started to sputter.

"I-I can fix it, but I can't even begin to understand how to program it. I mean, I can't even touch the damn thing because it might suck me up, too. Plus, I can't even read the damn text on the thing," Rodney started to get loud as he picked up a few pictures and slammed them back down.

"I can."

Carson whipped around to find Erika standing at the conference room entrance, her IV bag in tote. He rushed to her side and looked her up and down. She was pale, sweating, and shaking. She seemed like she would faint and for a moment Carson thought she would as she swayed from side to side.

"You shouldn't be up, love," he whispered against her cheek as he took her in his arms.

"I'm fine, Carson," she whispered back. She took his face in her hands and planted tiny kisses over his face. "Please, love. I need to help." She paused and looked him in the eyes, her own stunning honey-brown ones fresh with tears. "I'm losing my mind. I need to do this." He was not convinced it would help, but her eyes told him it was the right thing to do. He gently led her to his chair. She sank into the chair with a grateful smile and a squeeze of his hand. When he tried to move away, she could not let go. So Carson stood over her, his hands on her shoulders, as she visibly collected herself.

"What do you mean, you can?" Rodney asked in his usual snarky tone when she was settled. Carson glared at his friend, but as usual, Rodney ignored him. "You barely recognized it as Ancient a week ago. How the heck do you plan on reading it? Especially since you're losing your mind."

"Rodney!" three voices exclaimed in unison. Rodney looked at first John than Elizabeth than finally Carson. He gave a little half shrug and pout as he turned his attention back to Erika. Carson could not see her expression, but he could guess.

"Yeah, I am. But I can still read that text." She leaned over and took one of Rodney's pictures.

"Erika," John said slowly. She waved her hand dismissively at him before she took a glance at the text. With speed that stunned Carson, and judging from the reactions around him everyone else as well, she read the text.

"Want to try English, Captain?"

"Erika?" Elizabeth turned a worried glance Carson's way. The doctor could understand why and he hoped Erika's condition would not deteriorate the way General O'Neill's had. After all, she was the only one in Atlantis who could understand spoken Ancient.

"I'm fine, Elizabeth. Should we get started, Rodney?"

---- ----

They worked through the night and well into the next day, but the work went faster. Erika translated while Rodney and Radek ran diagnostics and tests. With Erika's help, the two were even able to program the chamber. Carson watched the entire time they worked. He was frantic with worry over Erika. Every time she flinched or groaned or touched her temple or grimaced was wont for anxiety. But he kept quiet in the background. She was working against the clock and she knew it.

That little knot in his stomach grew when Erika at least stood in front of the chamber. He could see her shivering. He stood at her back and reached his hand out to caress her shoulder.

"Erika?" She tensed under his light touch.

"Carson," she replied as if she were trying to remind herself of his name. "I have to do this. It's getting worst. I can barely tell which room I'm in, which time I'm in. It's hard to tell who's talking to me, you or Carsonyou are Carson. Damn it! See what I mean?" Carson drew her to his chest and held her tight.

"I know." She ran her hands over his arms before she spun around and cupped his face in her hands.

"I love you, Carson. I need you to know that this is Erika talking to Carson. I need you to believe that. I love you."

"I love you, too." He wrapped her in a fierce hug as she clutched to him. He could feel some tear drops as they melted into his shirt and just held her tighter. After some time, she gently lifted her head from his shoulder to kiss his cheek.

"Okay." They kissed, briefly, and then she was out of his arms and backed into the chamber. Carson watched in horror as the tube snaked down and attached to her neck. The warm spot she just recently filled felt cold as the chamber hissed.

"Rodney?" someone said. It sounded a bit like Carson's voice, although he did not remember opening his mouth to speak.

"Yeah yeah, give me a second. She doesn't exactly have the neatest handwriting." He pushed a few buttons and the tubes in the chamber receded seconds before Erika fell to the floor.