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X

Alone in my study I could finally sit and really contemplate the volume of my decision. I do not regret it but I do feel saddened. My mother understands, I suspect she knew before I did. But my father, his is angry. I cannot blame him nor do I resent him for being so. I am their son and I have given up something which before could never have been thought about.

Shaking my head I tired to block out the baby's cry but somewhere in m head it registered that he had been crying for far too long.

Leaving my home was not something that I had ever given much thought to be, but the thought is now bearable.

I couldn't help the sigh as I once again picked up the latest report from the boarders and as I did the cry of a newborn reached my ears and I couldn't help but smile.

But if I am to ensure the safety of my family and their well being I must do this.

I love my wife, she may not be a perfect being but she loves me completely and despite her pain she sees what I do not. Our children are all that matter now and I intend to give them a life of happiness.

X

And so here I lye in my bed, watching my new baby sleep and my eldest play on the red rug before the cradle. The pain in my stomach hurts more than I could have anticipated and for some reason I feel detached. I feed my baby but I don't want to touch it. But Legolas makes me. He sat with me this morning when the baby woke up and he made me nurse. But I don't want to.

I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face at the feeling of a small knife help in the palm of my hand. I've tried to ignore it, really I have. But I can't. My skin is boiling and I feel weak. And I know that one little cut will help with that and make me better.

Raising my eyes to the ceiling above me I listened to the sounds of the baby whimpering and I felt nothing but resentment towards it.

He knew what I was thinking and that was worse. I ignored the cries of my child and the feel of Niall's hands on my arm, shaking me, telling me to get up and see to the baby. But I wasn't going to, I didn't want to.

I felt Niall climb up on the bed and sit on my stomach but even the explosion of pain wasn't enough to make me sit up and take notice.

The screaming was driving me insane and though I knew that if I got up and fed him he'd shut up I didn't. I lay there.

I heard the quick footsteps down the corridor, getting closer and I almost panicked when I realized that it was Legolas. I didn't want him to see this. I couldn't let him see my lying on the bed doing nothing while his baby cried. The door opened and I felt Legolas' anger and panic. My heart stopped. I didn't know what to do.

Against my wishes I watched as he made his way to the baby and picked him up, rubbing his back gently and whispering nonsense to calm him down. But I still didn't feel guilty, although perhaps looking at the red face of the baby I do feel a little guilty.

He looked at me and I was ashamed.

Niall slid off the bed and went to his father, his eyes boring into me with an unknown emotion that I hadn't the heart to distinguish. I listened carefully to the footstep of Niall as he left the room and to Legolas as he placed the now quiet baby back into the cradle. He sighed deeply but didn't move, maybe he did move but I wasn't listening.

I felt the bed bow down to the weight of my husband. My heart finally jumped as I looked at him and I felt tears of sorrow prick my eyes. He looked so tired. His blonde hair had been tied back in a single braid and his usual tunic of silk had been replaced with a comfortable white cotton tunic that he so often wore when we were alone and relaxing. His eyes were dark, he was unhappy. I could tell that much just by looking at him but to feel it through our bond was too much. But I wouldn't cry, no, I wouldn't cry again. He had seen enough of that.

Lying down beside me he wrapped his arms me and shifted my into his arms, his warm lips gently kissing my temple as he whispered in my ear. But I didn't want that. I wanted him to kiss me and never let go. I wanted him to take me away from everything. And I wanted him to hurt me, yell at me or even hit me. Just so that I knew how he felt, just so I knew what was going on inside his head?

I feel sick at my own disgusting thoughts and wanting to get out of my mind I burrowed into his arms.

"This cannot continue. You cannot neglect our child. Look at you, you look like a wraith. You have to stop thinking about things as if they were disastrous. This is a gift. Our family can now heal. We can build a life together but you must open yourself to me. You are not alone, as much as you like to think it.

My words caught in my throat, he'd hit the nail right on the head. I wanted to be alone but I couldn't. And I didn't understand why I wanted to be alone. Raising my eyes to him I met his eyes. The spark of hope that I had once seen glimmering in his eyes was back with a vengeance and he wasn't going to drop this one.

I shoved the covers off of my body and sat up, just managing to hide a wince at the pain. In my head was a mantra that was literally shouting at me to get up. The pain was fierce but I had to prove something to him, to myself. I could do this/ I wasn't the pathetic little princess that everybody thought I was. I was fully capable of fending for myself and my children. I picked up my baby, his small body settling in the crook of my arm. His nose was scrunched up and his lips open around a tiny thumb. His eyes, I don't know what colour his eyes are. I haven't looked at him properly.

"Grey, his eyes are grey"

I turned to see him, lounging on the bed a smile on his face and I couldn't help but return it. Feeling the room spin slightly I made my way to the bed and sat myself in front of Legolas.

"What is it?"

I knew something wasn't quite right. I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach, you know that feeling when you're waiting for something to happen but you don't know what. He cocked his head and rubbed his temples.

Not a good sign.

There was an almighty crash from the other room and I jumped before the reassuring shout of Niall came through the wall,

"I'm ok daddy"

"You must improve your speech when talking with our son"

"What's wrong with saying ok, everybody used to say it. Besides I can't help it"

Placing the baby down on a couple of arranged pillows I busied myself with smoothing out his little suit as I tired not to laugh. I sat back and sighed, happy for now. I could hear the hustle and bustle of everyday life below us and I felt like I actually lived in a place with people and not…bloody perfection and I suddenly remember Adar.

"Where is everybody, Adar and 'Ro and 'Dan? And where's Haldir?"

Legolas shook his head. Unfortunately 'Ro and 'Dan have had to return to Imladris but Glorfindel and Elrond still remain here. 'Lia there is something we must speak about"

Oh dear, if this was East Enders the credits would have just rolled!

But I steeled myself. I wouldn't give into…whatever it was that he was going to tell me. I waited with baited breath as he sat up, a stoic expression on his face. He reached out to take my hand and reluctantly I let him.

"We are leaving. We cannot stay here any longer. We need a respite. Therefore I have taken measures to ensure that we can live safely in Imladris"

X

Her face fell and tears gathered. But she was happy. The hand that lay in mine gripped my fingers tightly and before I knew hat was happing she threw herself into my arms, whispering her thanks.

I was merely relived to hold her once more and hear her laugh as I placed her down on the bed beside the baby who still lay asleep.

She wriggled beneath me as I griped her hands, determined that she would not evade my question.

"Do you wish to stay?"

She lay still and looked at me. Her brow furrowed and her teeth biting the soft skin of her bottom lip.

"I don't know. Our daughter's buried here. But I want to go home. It feels like home. Adar's there and everybody else…"

She sighed and looked at the baby, her finger strokinghis cheek lightly, her expression tender.

"But there are other things we have to take into consideration. We have a life here and you have a duty. You are the heir to the throne and you cannot ignore that. And I have a job, I want to go back to work, I want to do something. I've caused so much grief and upset and I'm sure that your father will be able to simply let me go after all that.

Getting up of the bed I stood and made my way over to the door that separated us form Niall. Once called our son raced into the room, a smile on his face his clothes rumpled and his hair messy. His eyes looked at me in question but he didn't want to be here, he wanted to go and play.

"Stop fidgeting, practice patience"

He rolled his eyes at me and looked over at his mother who lay on the bed, cradling the baby carefully. Dismissing Niall's confused expression I lifted him up and quickly deposited him on the bed beside his mother.

"Niall, honey. We have some exciting news. No sweetie stop eating your sleeve it's not good for you. We're moving house"

She raised his head to look at his mother and I could see the suspicion show clearly. Seeing this Thalia raised her head and looked at me pleadingly, though I knew this only by instinct as her face was masked. A trick she had quickly learned when the twins had started growing.

"We're going to stay in Imladris for a little while"

Niall stood up on the bed, his anger obvious.

"We have to move because mum can't do anything anymore except cry. She can't even feed her own baby. In the end she'll kill him just like she did 'Leni"

I had not been prepared for this and I didn't know what to say. My instinct was to take a belt to his backside but this a problem that would not be solves by a simple thrashing. He threw one last look at his mother and then stormed out the room, slamming the heavy door behind him as best he could.

Turning to Thalia I saw a dejected but undefeated look. She sighed and lay back against the pillows.

"I should have expected that. But it hurts just the same"

Her eyes watered but she was distracted as the baby woke and began fussing for his feed. And I admit it was a shock to see her simply react to him. With well practiced fingers she undid her nightgown and nursed him, it was the first time that I had seen her do so. All the while rocking him back and forth.

"What have I let my children become. What will this one become? Will he hate me too?"

Sitting beside her I stroked her cheek.

"Niall does not hate you. He is angry and his words are not ones of thought. He is hurting just as we are and I have no doubt that he will dislike this and will dislike us for making him move. But we are the parents and he is the child and like it or not he will do and he is told"

She looked up at me, a playful smile on her face.

"Legolas Greenleaf, didn't know you had it in you"

I laughed but was caught off guard when she grabbed my collar and kissed me. Pulling back she grinned at me, she was becoming fond of doing that.

"Gottcha"

I laughed with her and let her settle into my arms. I had work to be done but I could wait. When she was asleep it would be easy to slip away.

X

As it happened the couple talked through the afternoon, finalizing and trying to arrange the move and in the end they had nearly finished. But the dusk invaded the room and streaks of pink and gold flooded their room.

Thalia jumped as a loud knock on the door interrupted the peaceful silence of the room and Thranduil entered. Thranduil smiled at the scene and sat in a chair beside the bed.

"The naming ceremony will be held tonight. Niall and Eleni may not have been named in the way of royalty but this little one most certainly will"

Legolas nodded before standing up and lifting the baby into his arms. Leaning down he told Thalia he'd be back. His father obviously wished to speak with him.

Father and son slowly walked through the almost empty halls, each gathering his own thoughts.

"I have spoken to Niall. He is unimpressed and angry"

"Aye, he made that clear enough. He was lucky that I did not tan his backside Adar"

Thranduil shook his head, remembering the arguments that the two of them had shared over the years.

"Leave him here Legolas"

Legolas stopped in his track, his gaze flying to the baby he held in his arms.

"You cannot be serious so I will ignore that"

Thranduil placed a hand on his son arm as he turned to walk away from him,

"I am deadly serious Legolas. Leave Niall here. He will grow to be a fine elf. Yu will not be away for long therefore there is no problem. Aside from that he is your heir. If he stays he can be taught in the proper way of behaviour and protocol just as you were."

Knowing that his father was correct in some ways he relented and nodded his head.

"I will consider it and speak with Thalia. But this will not be an easy consideration"