It was another week before Lee was allowed to leave the sickbay. It seemed Kara had obeyed orders for once and left him alone, though there were several times when he thought he heard her quiet murmuring outside with Doc Cottle. However, his only visitor had been his father, who the medics had been unwilling to refuse entry. Lee had reached an uneasy truce with the Commander during these visits, and they tended to go quite well, provided they stuck to discussing work. But this didn't surprise Lee, for work had always been what his father was best at.

The cylon copy remained in the brig. He knew his father had not executed it out of fear of what it might transmit to back to the cylons. He also knew his father feared that there might be other copies of Lee out there. It was a dread Lee shared in his every nightmare.

He was restricted to non-combat duty until further notice and so threw himself into his paperwork with a pretence of enthusiasm. In reality though, he just relished the chance to escape to his CAG's office and be away from the officers' quarters for long periods of time. In fact, it wasn't long before he began to sleep on the sofa there as well. He slept fitfully there, his mind full of images of the cylon using the same sofa, of the cylon and Kara on the sofa together. In fact, he bet there wasn't a corner of this office they hadn't frakked in. He knew he'd secretly fantasized about it enough. And after all, hadn't the cylon gone out of its way to live Lee's life much better than Lee ever did! Yet Lee still slept better in his office than in his rack. There, it was too enclosed, and he didn't want to be in such close contact with anyone right now. Especially not Kara. He had already spent too many nights just staring at her rack. No, he needed to shut himself away and lock everyone else out.

Being the man who drew up the flight rosters, Lee knew Kara's schedule off by heart, and so it was easy for him to time his public appearances for when she was occupied elsewhere. His particular concern was the gym, a favorite haunt of them both. So he spent hours pounding the punch bag when he knew she was out on patrol. He would picture his cylon copy standing there instead of the bag and throw all his hate and pain into his punches. There were crazed moments when this image got confused and it felt that the only one he was beating to a pulp was himself. And he sometimes imagined it was Kara he was punching. Lee hated himself for it.

Tigh had insisted that Starbuck and his copy never fly on duty together due to their relationship. This gave Lee the perfect excuse to continue with the same old routine when he was eventually returned to active duty. He didn't feel safe out there without her as his wingman but didn't care. Shutting everyone out had left him feeling that he had nothing left to lose. Including, it seemed, his life.

It was more difficult though when he was in the CIC and could hear to her out there over the comlink. He couldn't shut out the sound of her voice when it was broadcast across the room. And he couldn't shut out the fear and helplessness he still felt on the occasions they fell under attack and he wasn't by her side in a viper. Instead, he would turn his fear into anger, blaming Kara for whatever foolhardy stunt she had just pulled that had made him scared for her in the first place. That way he could pretend he was just feeling the normal CAG reaction to a reckless, insubordinate pilot. And nothing more.

Lee had also started to drink heavily off duty. He was short tempered and overly-demanding of his crew and he knew their resentment of him was growing by the day. But Lee didn't care. He resented them in turn for the way they tip-toed around him since his return, some looking wary, some just awkward, but some even looking scared. There were those who did still treat him as normal, people like Helo and the Chief, but Lee kept pushing them away regardless. He even recognized that he was hitting self destruct. He knew it wouldn't be long now before he broke. But knowing that still wasn't enough to stop him. It was quite the opposite.

"Bring it on!" He would yell into the skies as he challenged yet another raider. "Just bring it on!"

So it was inevitable then that he would finally explode, one way or another. And so he did. It started one night when he went down to the hanger bay for more of the Chief's home brew. There he found a handful of specialists hanging around chatting as usual. And he overheard one joke that they'd been better off when they'd had a cylon as a CAG. It was all it took.

Cally was the unfortunate one to be nearest his grasp. He grabbed her by the arm and pushed her against the nearby viper.

"What did you say! What did you say!"

A strong arm punched him in the face and he was thrown to the ground. He fell easily, his balance alcohol impaired, and swore at the Chief who was now standing over him.

"Should have known you'd frakking stick up for them." he spat, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth. "I'll have you in the brig for that, Chief."

"Sir," the Chief responded as calmly as possible. "You're drunk. You need to go back to your rack and sober up." He looked down at the CAG and shook his head. "And then you need to go get your act together before you go killing yourself or one of your pilots. You can't go on like this, sir."

"You don't know what the frak you're talking about."

"Maybe not," the Chief maintained his composure as he helped pick Lee up from the ground and leant him against the viper. He then whispered closely, "But I do know what it's like to have a cylon frak with your mind. And I do know what this is doing to Starbuck right now. She could never have known that wasn't you, sir. Believe me, I know. Look, everyone can see the way you two are behaving and what it's doing to you both. You need to sort it out, sir, and fast."

"Don't tell me what to do, you cylon frakker." Lee slurred and went to return the punch, but the combined effect of too much alcohol and the Chief's earlier swipe got the better of him and he sank down on the floor and passed out.

He had a rude awakening. A large bucket of iced water was thrown over his head and Lee leapt to his feet, hangover or no hangover. He looked around to yell at the perpetrator but stopped short when he was met with a furious glare. His father was holding the bucket.

"Would you mind telling me the meaning of your behavior here?" The Commander clipped.

Lee looked around in confusion, trying to remember just how he came to wake up soaking wet at the foot of a viper. As hazy memories came flooding back, he could think of nothing to say that would appease his Commander right now and hung his head in shame.

"You are the CAG." The Commander continued. "And you are my son. I will not tolerate this kind of behavior from you. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Lee replied, feeling utterly ashamed.

"Lee, I know I can't understand what this has been like for you. I know that nobody can. But this is not you, son. You are so much more than this. Now, I've given you time for your body to heal and I've given you even longer for you to sort that head out of yours. But the time has come when I can't let this go on anymore. This stops now. I need my CAG back." He placed his hand under Lee's chin and tilted his face so Lee was forced to make eye contact. "And I want my son back."

The Commander's words jolted Lee even more than the iced water.

"Now, first I want you to go and change. Then you're to report to the brig. The cylon is still insisting that there's certain information he'll only give to you and Starbuck. And I've picked you. I've let you wait long enough before asking you to do this. Maybe too long. I want a report on my desk by the end of the day. Dismissed."

Lee saluted his father and stood watching him as he walked back towards the CIC. He knew his father was right. He had to interrogate the cylon. It was his duty. But it was also much more important than that. Lee Adama had to confront his demon once and for all. It was time.

To be continued …