Part 5
Lee paused to compose himself before entering the brig. Once inside, he saw the cylon lying on its back in the cell, head resting on its hands as it stared at the ceiling. Lee caught his breath as he looked at his double. He had pictured this moment so many times, yet still found himself unprepared for the shock of seeing an identical twin before him again. He searched for an outward difference between them, but found none, except Lee had still to regain some of his previous muscle definition. But appearances were deceptive. There was still no excuse for not realizing the differences that lay beneath the skin.
He stepped towards the windowed partition and picked up the telephone receiver. The cylon remained motionless so he gave one loud bang on the cell wall. At that, his copy turned its head towards him and raised its eyebrows as if in mild surprise. Slowly swinging its legs off the bed it rose and strode towards Lee, picking up the other end of the receiver.
"So you came. I was starting to think you weren't going to show." The cylon spoke calmly. It was Lee's voice.
Identical blue eyes stared at each other through the cell partition. The same jaw muscles clenched and unclenched as they engaged in a battle of the wills, each determined not to be the first to back away. But Lee's anger got the better of him and he began to tremble with the effort to control his hate.
"You wanted to talk to me," he forced his voice low and restrained. "So talk."
The cylon tilted its head, as if surveying Lee some more. "I knew you would react like this."
Lee clenched his jaws further in an attempt to control his emotions. "I didn't come here to listen your psychobabble. I came to obtain intel on the cylons."
The copy shook its head. "No, that's not what you really want to know."
"What the frak do you know about what I want!" Lee exploded, banging the telephone receiver against the partition. "You are not me! You know nothing about me!"
The cylon let out a low laugh. "Lee," it continued, then paused as it studied Lee once more. "You know, it feels strange to be calling you my own name."
Lee's knuckles turned white as he gripped the receiver. "It is not your name." he whispered, his chest heaving as he battled to remain in control. "You are not me!"
The copy laughed infuriatingly at him again. "So you keep saying. But that's where you're wrong, Lee. I am you. Our DNA is matched exactly. Your memories are my memories. Your emotions are my emotions. I hate those you hate." It looked up at Lee, sudden emotion running through its eyes, as it continued. "And I love those you love."
Lee gripped the receiver even harder at those last words. He struggled to regain composure before continuing. "I came here for intel on the cylons. You can start by telling me about the plan to kidnap me and by telling me the names of whoever else was involved."
"I don't know about any of those things. They weren't my job." It replied simply, almost sadly Lee thought.
"Then why don't you tell me just exactly what you job was?"
The cylon studied him again before answering. "After activation I was to take your place on the Battlestar Galactica for a predetermined time. During that time I was to expand on the cylons existing intelligence by obtaining as much data as possible about the Galactica, its personnel and the Fleet in general. At the end of that time it was always the intention that you were to be discovered alive and my identity as a cylon revealed. This was the main purpose of the mission. The cylons wanted to ensure that everyone would know what they are now capable of, that they can infiltrate any position in the Fleet without suspicion. That Baltar's one-off blood tests are meaningless because they can replace any one of you at any time. They picked you as a target because you're the Commander's son and the President's confident. And they're the two people whose minds they want to mess with the most. The aim was to demonstrate that nobody can be trusted, however close to you they are. And to increase the sense of fear and mistrust throughout the Fleet."
It seemed like a logical cylon plan. But one thing didn't make sense to Lee. "You keep referring to the cylons as 'them'," he pointed out. "In case you forgot, you're one of them!"
The cylon shook his head. "There's something you need to understand Lee." Blue eyes locked urgently into his own, as if the copy was willing them to make a connection. "I am considered by the cylons to be a failed experiment." It paused as it let the impact of these words sink in. "Their logic in inventing a 13th model was sound. I can adapt within 24 hours to the DNA of any chosen subject. I was designed to solve the obvious flaw of the existing models, where once one copy is identified as a cylon then the cover of all the other copies is compromised too. After all, the cylons never cease in their pursuit of evolution. And I am a by-product of that, version one of model 13. Their first attempt on a new path to shape shifting if you will."
"So how did you fail?" Lee's curiosity was roused despite himself.
"Because there's one thing they failed to consider, Lee. They were too successful. They copied you too well."
Lee shook his head. "I don't understand."
"Think about it Lee. I already told you I'm your exact match. That means that every memory I hold, every instinct I have, they all tell me that I hate the cylons, that they're the enemy, just as much as yours do. Quite a conflict with my programming don't you think?" It laughed hollowly.
"Seems like you still did a good enough job to me."
'No, Lee," the cylon continued softly, finally breaking eye contact and looking down to the ground. "I'd failed the cylons by my second day here. From the first time they sent in a raider to pick up my intel." It looked up once more, and Lee could have sworn there was pain in its eyes. "And that's where Kara fits into this."
Bang! Lee smashed the phone against the partition once more. "You don't get to say her name!"
The cylon laughed bitterly. "I knew it! I knew it!" it exclaimed. "You really are the most stubborn, self-centered, self-righteous son of a bitch, you know that?" It laughed again as Lee stood furiously. "I knew you'd react this way. Still as jealous as hell behind her back. But I bet you've not spoken to her once since you came back! Have you?"
It was Lee's turn to look to the ground, as he remembered that one, painful, conversation with Kara in the sickbay. The cylon accepted his look as an answer.
"No," it continued icily, "you've been punishing her instead, haven't you? You've taken every insecurity, every bitter thought that's been twisting you inside and thrown them right at her. 'Cos as long as you keep blaming her so you don't have to start blaming yourself, right. And you're making damn sure that whatever pain you're in, she's in even more."
"You don't know anything about me!" Lee yelled once more. But this time he couldn't look at the cylon. This time he was wasn't so sure.
"How many times do I have to tell you, Lee? I know more about you than anyone else on this ship. I am you!"
"That's not true. That's not true!"
"Lee!" But the cylon's anger suddenly abated and when it spoke again it was with a quiet urgency. "Lee, you need to let me talk to you about Kara. Lee," it continued quickly as Lee started to lose control once more. "Please just listen. This is my gift to you Lee. You need to hear this. Please."
Lee felt lost. His need to hurt the cylon now mixed with a perverse desire to hear what it had to say about her. Finally, he decided. "Okay then. Tell me."
The cylon sighed once more. "I spent my first day on the Galactica avoiding her. The thought of her made me feel vulnerable somehow. I wasn't sure I was ready for the challenge, I thought she'd see right through me. But then there she was. I saw her. And I'll never forget the way my heart leapt, Lee, it was amazing."
"You don't have a heart." Lee retorted bitterly, but the cylon ignored him.
"Then the second day," it continued, "that was the day of the raider attack. The cylons were scheduled to intercept the fleet to pick up my transmission. I was to confirm my successful activation plus pass on whatever useful intel I'd already gathered. I was in the CIC at the time. The nuggets had been out on patrol when the attack happened and we, the Fleet I mean, we were taking heavy losses. Then Kara went out as one of the alert fighters. And that's when I knew, Lee. Those pilots were dying because of me. Kara was about to risk her life because of me. And I just couldn't let it happen."
The cylon ran its hands through its hair, seeking the right words before it continued. "I left my post in the CIC. I think they thought I'd gone mad. I raced to the hanger deck, got in a viper and flew as fast as I could to help the other pilots. And that's when I saw her. She'd lost a wing, her engine looked shot to bits and her systems were failing. She was a sitting duck just waiting to be finished off by those raiders. I could see the missiles heading towards her. You know, I don't think she even knew I was out there with her. But I heard her. I heard her, Lee! I heard her say what she thought were going to be her last words."
"What, what were they?" Lee asked tightly, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer. This was not what he had expected when the copy had begun its story.
The cylon looked him straight in the eye as he responded. "She said, 'I love you Lee'."
Lee gasped, heart beating wildly at this revelation. He swallowed tightly, unable to talk.
"But I got there in time," the cylon went on. "I blew those cylon frakkers out of the sky and brought our girl home safe." And at these words a sudden flame of recognition burned between them.
"Then I saw her on the hanger deck. And she was whole. And she was safe. And I knew I was going to do everything in my power to keep her that way. There was no thinking at that point, no analyzing the situation. I just ran up and grabbed her and I never let her go. I told her I loved her too, Lee. And it was the truth. I love her. I love her because you love her. And it suddenly became so simple."
'Simple?" Lee choked back his emotion.
"Yes, Lee, simple. How long are you going to deny yourself happiness? You come up with so many excuses not to be with her. Your rank. Zak. You tell yourself it would be disloyal to Zak if you were together. But that's bullshit and you know it. You're scared. Your insecurity eats at you. You just can't bear the thought that she might compare you to him. And that you might not measure up. Or maybe that she was only with you in the first place because you remind her of him? Isn't that right?"
The cylon paused as it looked into Lee's eyes once more. "And now I bet you're just as insecure about me. That it's some frakked up cylon version of you she loves and not you. You're as jealous as hell because I've had her and you haven't. And you can't bear the thought that, if you're ever with her, you just might not compare."
"But this is what I'm trying to tell you Lee," his copy pressed on. "Your world has already ended. So what are you waiting for? What else have you got to lose? To fear? Other than losing her! Cos I tell you one thing, if you keep this up it won't be long before you do. I know Kara. I bet she's out there every day flying like some suicidal maniac and just praying the time will come when she can end it all in some damn heroic blaze of glory. And what are you going to do then ,Lee? What are you going to do when there's no-one left to punish but yourself?"
Lee's control was fading. Tears stung his eyes. But he had to hold on to his anger. "You don't know Kara." he shook.
"That's where you're wrong, Lee. I know more about her than you've ever bothered to find out. Tell me," the copy challenged, "in all those talks you've had with her about that dysfunctional family of yours, did you ever bother to ask her about her own? Now, don't lie Lee, it's a rhetorical question. Remember I already know the answer, I'm filled with every one of your damn memories! And I know for a fact that you've never asked her. So Lee, did Kara have a happy childhood? What were her parents like? What made her the woman she is today? Where did all those frakking walls she puts up come from in the first place? Tell me!"
It was the cylon's turn to tremble with anger now. "I'm sorry," it said, as it calmed down once more. "But please, just don't tell me that I don't know or love Kara. I've spent the past 3 months doing nothing else."
The cylon now turned to Lee with haunted eyes. "I thought about killing you, you know. It would have been easy enough to do while you were captured. And then I could have stayed with her forever. But I couldn't bring myself do it. So I always knew that one day you'd be found. And I knew that I'd be uncovered and that Kara would get hurt. So I tried to make up for it, tried to fit in a whole lifetime of love into every second we had together. Because I never knew when it would be our last. And you don't know that either Lee. So please, stop wasting each others' lives before it's too late."
"I, I don't know where to start." Lee faltered. His anger had abandoned him and he felt tired and confused as he pressed his head against the partition for relief.
"Start by remembering what she said in that cockpit. Start by remembering that you're the one she said she loved."
The cylon made a move to hang up the receiver, but then paused and brought the phone to its mouth once more. "There's one more thing Lee," it continued. "Please tell your father that the cylons have taken my model back to the drawing board so to speak. Make sure he knows that there are no other copies of me out there right now. And tell him that I've been cut off the cylon network, that I can't send any more transmissions."
Lee nodded. "I will." He croaked hoarsely.
"And please. Please tell Kara that I'm sorry."
Then the cylon slowly hung up the receiver and returned to his bed. And Lee knew he had looked into identical blue eyes for the last time.
To be continued…