Here's chapter 5 folks, just a quick note to avoid confusion, FIX TV and all the staff mentioned are made up, unless of course there really is a company called FIX TV in which case, oops.
Cellevision (the puns just keep on getting worse)
Cell stared into the mirror.
"What do you mean this is going to be a tough job?" he demanded, "I don't look that bad do I?"
"No no of course not," replied the make up girl choosing her words very carefully, "I mean I'm sure you would look great to any female….err…. cockroach." she ventured.
"You were only one word away from getting out of jail there lady." snapped Cell "Now you can have one more go at explaining to me why I need make up before I give you a make over that you'll never forget!"
"It's the lights" She replied quickly.
"The lights?"
"Yes they make everyone look really pale, like there ill." she explained. "And since your skin is pale already the lights will make it look like your at death's door." She finished quickly before jumping back to try and avoid any attack the Android might launch. Fortunately for her Cell had got quite used to listening to reason recently. Well to Ernie's reason any way. So much so in fact that when Ernie had suggested that he appeared on a chat show to promote the games Cell hadn't even bothered to argue. Okay maybe he had protested a little but Cell didn't like to dwell on the arguments he had lost to Ernie, all 55 of them. Still the point was that Cell had learnt not to argue with the experts.
"Well I don't want to give people the wrong impression" he said sitting back into his chair, "Go ahead, do your job"
"Thank you sir" the girl replied sounding genuinely relived.
"Oh and while your at it could do something about these purple marks. I look like I've been attacked with a paint brush."
Cell emerged from make up one and a half hours later. It had taken a while but Cell was quite pleased with the results. Ernie was less impressed.
"What took you so long!" he demanded.
"It was a big job," replied Cell "besides I thought you would like me too look my best. Marketing is all about presentation isn't it."
"Yes that's true," conceded Ernie, "but we need to go though what you are going to say out there too, you don't want to look stupid do you?"
"Considering everything you've put me through I don't really think I could look any stupider!" Cell protested, "I still can't believe I let you talk me in to doing that cereal Advertisement."
"It wasn't that bad," Ernie replied.
"You had me outwitted by a Monkey!" Cell snapped "And I don't even like Coco Pops!"
"That is neither hear nor there…" Ernie began angrily.
"I bet it will be shown during one of the breaks tonight." grumbled Cell.
"The point is…" continued Ernie but he didn't get any further before he was interrupted again.
"Cell!" called out a friendly sounding voice. Ernie and Cell swung round to see a heavily tanned man in a blue suit running to wards them. "Pleased to meet you" he said offering Cell a hand which the Android took. "My name is Jerry Damper, (call me unoriginal if you must-mg34) I'll be asking you the questions out there tonight Cell. Now I just want to say, on behalf of the FIX TV family, that we are all really glade to have you hear and to have exclusive rights to the Cell games."
"That's Pepsi Presents the RBC Cell Games Powered by Ford in association with Wall-mart." corrected Ernie clearly annoyed that someone had interrupted him. Cell, however, was grateful for the opportunity to talk to someone other than Ernie and grabbed it with both hands.
"I'm glad to be here too" he replied cheerfully
"Great!" said Jerry. "Now I was wondering if we could have a quick chat about tonight's format."
"I already agreed on that with the company executives" butted in Ernie, "You have the list of questions you're allowed to ask there."
"Yes but I thought it would be more interesting if we allowed the audience to ask Cell some questions," said Jerry. "I'm sure people would love to get the chance to find something out about the Android behind the plot to kill us all."
They say flattery will get you every where. They are also probably aware that giving someone the opportunity to undermined someone whose been bossing them about for the last seven days doesn't hurt either. If "they" don't then they are really missing a trick.
"Why I would be delighted to answer any questions you or the audience may have!" replied Cell before Ernie could stop him.
"Excellent!" said Jerry happily. "I'll go tell my producer at once, see you on the set." And with that he was gone.
"What possessed you to agree to that!" demanded Ernie, "Have you lost your mind."
"You're just upset I got what I wanted for once!" retorted Cell.
"What, you want him to rip you to shreds!" replied Ernie, "Jerry Damper is one of the nastiest chat show hosts on television. He'll do anything to make a fool out of you, and his audience, well lets just say they would feel quite at home in the Roman Colosseum!"
"If he's that bad why did you agree to put me on his show?" asked Cell.
"Because FIX TV was offering the most money of course." Ernie replied as though it was obvious.
"That's your problem you know Ernie" said Cell putting on his most high and mighty tone, "for you it's all about the money. While for me it's all about the challenge! Besides you can't seriously be suggesting that an orange man and his audience can out wit me, I'm the perfect being. I'm more likely to lose the Cell Games to an eleven year old kid!" And with that he swung round and headed towards the stage.
Ernie sighed and picked up his mobile. He had to call his broker and tell him not to cancel that pension plan after all.
Cell had got used to dodging rubbish by now. Thus he did not rush his entrance allowing the audience to throw every thing they had at him before he reached his chair. Unlike the audience Jerry Damper greeted Cell warmly with a hand shake and a smile before gesturing to a chair.
"Hello Cell." said Jerry in his friendly voice, "it appears I can't speak for the audience but I'm very glad to have you on the show."
"I'm very glad to be on the show," Cell replied with a slight feeling of de jar vu.
"So Cell" Jerry began, "I think the first question everyone would like to ask you is why are you going to destroy the world?"
"Oh that's simple," replied Cell calmly, "because that's what I was created to do."
"You were created to destroy the world?" Jerry repeated, "By whom?"
"Why by Dr Giro of course." Cell explained, "He created me as the perfect beings to destroy all his enemies." As he said this he wondered why Ernie had been so worried, answering these questions couldn't be easier. Of course that was before Jerry asked his next question.
"So let me get this straight." He began, "all this time that you've been terrorising people and threatening to destroy the world you weren't acting of your own accorded?"
"Err… no, not as such." Cell replied.
"So in fact you merely work for this Dr Giro."
"Well sort of, but I've carried out his orders my way you know." Cell replied.
"Mmmm" mused Jerry unconvinced, "and where is this Dr Giro now?" He asked.
"Oh he's dead." replied Cell cheerfully.
"Really" Jerry mused again, "So, lets just make this absolutely clear for the audience at home." He said "You're not actually a homicidal evil genius, are you."
"I…I" Cell began but was interrupted before he could continue.
"Your actually just a programmed creation carrying out the orders of his dead master." said Jerry cuttingly, "Like a loyal dog waiting for its owner to come home. Now to me that doesn't sound like a particularly good reason to kill six billon people"
"Well if you put it like that of course it isn't going to sound like a good reason to destroy the world." protested Cell, who was rather angry about being compared to a dog.
"Well how would you put it?" asked Jerry.
"Err…well; I can't just come up with something on the spot." Cell replied nervously.
"Okay why don't you take a sec to come up with a good reason to destroy the world." said Jerry in a patronising voice "while I go see if the audience have any questions to ask." Cell relaxed slightly at this, he hadn't enjoyed those last few questions at all. Surely questions from the audience would be easier to deal with. At first he appeared to be right.
"Don't you care about all the people you've killed!" demanded a women in the audience Jerry had given the mike to, "What about all the little kids you've killed, what about the families and friendships you've destroyed!" she was getting quite emotional now. "Don't you care about anyone!" This was exactly the kind of question Cell had been waiting for, the kind which would allow him to sum himself up easily to a terrified audience.
"No I don't, I'm pure evil," he replied calmly, "I don't care about anyone nor do I feel any guilt for what I have done."
Jerry broke the hush that fell over the audience.
"You heard it here first folks." He said in a solemn voice that some how still managed to trivialise the issue, "Cell the pure evil Android hates everyone. I believe you had a question for Cell" he finished turning to another women in the audience.
"Yeah I did" she said, "Cell where you ever bullied at school?"
"I didn't go to school" replied Cell "what kind of a stupid question is that?"
"I was just wondering why you hate everyone" she explained, "and I thought it might be because people were mean to you when you were younger."
"Well people weren't exactly friendly" mused Cell, "but that was probably because I was trying to stab them all with my tail… Anyway that's a ridicules notion." he finished.
"Now I'm not so sure" said Jerry taking control of the situation. "Folks do you think it is possible that all this destroying the world stuff, is just a cry for help form an Android who wants to be loved!"
"Yes" said Cell sarcastically "I wiped out the population of all those cities just because I'm lonely!"
"Well I think" said Jerry sounding very serious "we can stop all the killing right now, if we just give Cell a big hug!"
"You're kidding right!" said Cell, "I don't want to be hugged!"
"There's no need to act or tough here Cell," said Jerry kindly as he and the audience approached, "we're here for you, we here your pain." Cell was frozen with fear. They had him surrounded, they were closing in on him, this was worse then that fight with Vegeata.
"Stay… stay back" he said backing up against the wall. "KEEP AWAY!"
"I told you he was ruthless," said Ernie as they drove away from the studio. "I told you he would do anything to make you look stupid, but did you listen….nooooo."
"SHUT UP!" snapped Cell. "Fine I should have listened to what you said," he conceded, "But how was I supposed to know he would go to such lengths!"
"Some people will do anything for a good show," said Ernie hypocritically. "Still as long as you learnt your lesson things haven't turned out that badly."
"Not that badly!" repeated Cell furiously, "The whole world thinks I'm just a lonely android, my reputation is ruined and we didn't even get a complete show! Tell me which part of that didn't go badly!"
"Are you kidding!" said Ernie sounding genuinely delighted, "You knocked out Jerry Damper live on TV and then ran off his show! It will be on the front page of all the tabloids! You can't buy publicity like that."
"Really?" said Cell
"Absolutely!" replied Ernie, "I only wished I had thought of it myself, perhaps I should let you make a few more decisions if they are all going to turn out this well." Cell glared at him briefly before turning to look out the window again.
"I believe it when I see it" he muttered to himself.
Right there's just one more chapter to go folks but that doesn't mean I don't want any reviews. Even if you feel your comments might not help this story they could help me write other stories. So if you have any ideas, criticisms, suggestions or you just like the story please submit a review and let me know.