Heaven Sent
Wash It All Away
You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the answer is always there.
(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)
The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we idolize
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth
my final time
We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real.
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone
You're not alone, are you?
Never... Never.
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away
But the answer is always there. Nothing is ever reallyforgotten.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Wash It All Away- Evanescence
-----
Sunday had passed without any importance, and soon again it was Monday, which meant History of Magic with the Slytherins.
Lydia, Morrie, and Elle all made their way up to Professor Binns' room, Morrie chatting merrily to both of them over some Muggle band, claiming they were the next to the Hobgoblins in comparison of the two worlds. Lydia highly disagreed, seeing as the Hobgoblins were her favorite band, and nobody could compare to the Hobgoblins, not even this Pink Floyd Morrie was talking about.
Some students were already in the classroom, two Slytherins and most of the Ravenclaw boys. Morrie and Elle quickly took up seats at on table, pretty much leaving Lydia on her own. She grumbled a bit, but just loud enough for the two to hear before taking a seat at the table behind them.
One by one, stray students came in who Lydia knew from previous classes in previous years, each taking seats with their friends, until the classroom was fairly full. The last group to enter the classroom was a company of Slytherins- Roderick Nott, Zachary Jugson, and Snape. All three spoke in hushed whispers, parting slowly as Jugson and Nott came to take seats in front of Morrie and Elle, and Snape walked over to Lydia's table.
"May I sit here?" he asked. Lydia was a bit caught of guard. Sure, they were working together, and had that whole day in Diagon Alley, but it still seemed odd that they were somewhat friendly and he was portraying it in the presence of their peers.
"Yes," Lydia answered moving some parchment of hers off his side of the table. He sat down, taking out a quill and ink for notes along with some yellowed parchment. The quill was cheap, and so was everything about him, she noticed. His robes were not expensive and the shoes on his feet were shameful, but she had never realized it before. Maybe it was the way he carried himself, or his ability to speak with such eloquence, but he seemed much nobler than he actually was.
"Do you need something?" he said, and suddenly Lydia realized she must have been looking at him for quite a while. She shook her head furiously, before looking down at the worn table in front of her.
Professor Binns in all his ghostly appearance floated into the classroom, immediately jumping into his droning lecture, and Lydia started scribbling every important bit she could hear. She knew a lot of the information he was giving out already, but it was just easier to keep each fact in a set system from which she could study later. Occasionally, she would take a glance at Snape, whose fingertips were turning white from the pressure he put on his quill. He was so concentrated, his ominous black eyes flicking back and forth from every new word he wrote in his jagged scrawl.
She rather liked his handwriting- harsh and rough, but somehow elegant. It could go from messy to neat in a few seconds, and beautiful to hideous in no time at all. Soon she found herself spending more and more time concentrating on what he was writing rather than on what she should be writing. Abruptly, she cut her glance away, mentally scolding herself for paying such little attention to her own notes. She instantly set her concentration on Professor Binns and refused to be distracted the Snape at all.
Class went by slowly, and dreadfully boring. The Goblin Wars were not exactly an interesting subject, and Lydia was glad when the class was dismissed. As she began to put her things away, something tapped her arm. She looked over to see Snape, his arm extended to give her a note. She took it, looking at him for a second and he returned with an almost calculating stare, before turning and exiting the classroom.
Lydia slowly unfolded the paper and there in his familiar writing was written,
Meet me at our table- six o'clock. We have a lot to do.
Well, that certainly wasn't an understatement. They did have a lot to do. Lydia had finished up those two books by yesterday, but had barely gotten anything out of them. They had given her basically the same information, and she knew they were going to look hard to find anything new. Hopefully they would get a break tonight, but she seriously doubted it.
"Lydie, come on. We've got Transfiguration." Elle called to her. Lydia hastily crumpled the note and put it in her robe pocket, hurrying after her two friends.
-----
Soon enough, lunch came, and it was much to everyone's relief. McGonagall had not been very nice, giving her students loads of homework that Lydia was sure she would not get done by six tonight.
Lydia was sitting, joined in a loose conversation with Elle, Morrie and Emmaline Vance when she got her second tap on the shoulder.
"Hi, Lydia," It was Remus. Lydia gave him a small smile and then looked back to her group of friends, now giving her knowing smirks, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Of course," Lydia said, getting up. The pair walked over to an isolated corner of the Great Hall to speak in private.
"So, about Hogsmeade- I was thinking we could meet in the Entrance Hall with everyone, then maybe head over to the bookstore when we get there, or a trip to Honeyduke's or Zonko's? We could get lunch at the Three Broomsticks." Remus told her.
Lydia nodded, "That sounds fine to me."
"Great… well, I better get going- Transfiguration homework."
"Yeah, I should probably get back to my lunch…"
"I'll see you around then."
"Bye." She said, walking back to her table.
For some reason, she didn't feel comfortable with this whole Hogsmeade trip. Remus was nice, but look at how awkward their meetings always ended up to be. It was somehow much easier to talk to him when there wasn't this whole date thing hanging over their heads.
And part of her was almost disappointed in the whole plan Remus made. It was sweet how he did that really, but she felt like too much had been let out, like a secret was told. She almost liked it when she didn't know what they were going to do. Now, the whole thing just seemed so real.
She didn't like it.
So, instead of heading back to the Ravenclaw table, where she would have to give out every little detail of the short conversation- it wasn't even really a conversation- she turned around and headed up to the Common Room, wanting to put some of that Transfiguration homework out of the way.
-----
Lydia was actually on time that night, meeting Snape at the same table from two days before.
"I've made up a list from this book," he said, handing her another sheet of parchment barely written on in his unique script. She looked it over before confirming it was exactly the same thing as she had.
"I didn't expect to have much from the first books, but this is ridiculous. We only have three known locations of settlement s over the last two hundred years, and two of them I'm not even sure are real." Lydia exclaimed, looking at the two groups of notes together.
"Well, we know they started off in the Caucasus Mountains, then moved up to Ural Mountains? These books all contain information about random Giant raids, nothing really about their lifestyles." Snape said, looking irritated, "There has to be someone who tracked Giants at any point…"
Lydia thought for a moment. She was not sure how her father would feel about it. Was this project really that important? She guessed not… but some part of her was determined to make that list. Some part of her even wanted to impress Snape, so he wouldn't think she was some amateur, that she really was intelligent. Maybe, she would write her father…
"I have an idea… here, let me go pick out some new books to look over, and then I'll go owl my father. He might have what we are looking for." She said, rushing off to the Restricted Section to pick out a few books to look over in the meantime and then on to the Owlery.
-----
It was early Saturday morning right before the Hogsmeade trip, and to throw of her profuse nervousness, Lydia consumed her thoughts with the book in front of her, yet another subject pertaining to Giants, and completely boring at that.
She was sitting casually on her bed when Morrie and Elle burst into the room, Elle taking Morrie's ear off with her complaints.
"This is SO ridiculous! I can't even believe it!" Elle cried out, throwing herself down on her bed.
"You wouldn't have gone anyway." Morrie said.
"Yes, I would have!"
"No, you wouldn't. Your family hates them."
"Wait- what are you talking about?" Lydia asked, putting the book down.
"I can't talk about it!"
"Elle's family wasn't invited to the Malfoy's Christmas Gala, and she's upset." Morrie informed.
"The Malfoy's? Do you know them?" Lydia asked.
"Of course! Doesn't everybody know them? Who do they think they are- not inviting the Edgecombes?! It's humiliation!"
"Elle, calm down," said Morrie.
"It's just not reasonable! Narcissa would never do this to my mother. I bet it was Lucius! That horrible oaf!"
Was Elle talking about Mr. Malfoy? He didn't seem horrible to Lydia…
"Mr. Malfoy isn't horrible. He seemed like the perfect gentleman to me."
"What?" Morrie said, "You've met Mr. Malfoy?"
"Yes," Lydia replied.
Elle took her head out of her pillow, "You've met Lucius Malfoy? When?"
"Over the summer, he had breakfast with me."
"Where?"
"At the Augurey's Nest. Why?"
"You went into the Augurey's Nest? With Mr. Malfoy?!" Elle said incredulously.
"And had breakfast…"
"Well, what did he say?"
"He just asked how I was and such."
"Anything else?"
"Um… he did mention something about-"
Giants
"-the shop- the bookshop."
He asked about Giants.
"I cannot believe he took you to breakfast-"
Snape wanted to know about Giants.
"For no reason at all-"
How could she have forgotten?
"Asking about the stupid shop of all things-"
Why had she not put two and two together?
"When he could be having breakfast with someone of real class-"
What did they both want with the topic of Giants?
"No offense, Lydie, but you are a half blood-"
And what would both purebloods want the help of a half blood for in times like these?
"It's ridiculous!"
What was so important about Giants?
"Lydie?"
Did it-
"Are you okay?"
"Oh, yeah, I'm fine… just zoned out for a minute."
Maybe she was just being stupid. Mr. Malfoy did not seem the type to make up some evil plot with Giants. Plus all the Giants were dead. Everyone knew that. They died in Grindelwald's war years ago. Snape was probably doing research for Mr. Malfoy or it could just be a coincidence. Why should she jump to conclusions?
"Worried about today?" Morrie said.
"Oh, yeah, Hogsmeade…" Lydia sighed. She did not want to go.
Plus, as much as she liked to deny it, she was actually doing this sort of research, even if it was with Snape.
"Rowena! I almost forgot!" Elle exclaimed, "Lydie, we have to get you ready!"
Lydia's eyebrows rose, "What do you mean we?"
-----
A/N- Yes, another chapter! Yoohoo!
So, thanks to all my wonderful reviewers. You truly make my day, seeing as I check my author page religiously… yes it's sad. Hey, it's really the only sort of payment I get for my wasted time- no it's not wasted. I just really appreciate when people review.
I've been having a bit of a hard time updating with these bugs FF. net has been getting. Hopefully, the site is back to working and won't be delaying me any further.
In fact- you want to here something funny? As I was typing this author's note up, I realized that water was coming out of my furnace room. Yes, my heater has rusted through. Even better, half an hour later, about two thirds of the town lost power- including me… note to you all, never rent some crap for crap apartment over the local surf shop when you're in high school…
So, that delayed me putting this up around five hours. I'm so sorry.
SO PLEASE GIVE ME SOME LONG RAMBLY REVIEWS PEOPLE! I WON'T UPDATE UNTIL 40!
No, I'm just kidding… nothing could stop me from writing… but a girl can dream…