Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King

CHAPTER FIVE - Learning

"Come in, Anna." Ren called when he heard her unmistakable knock at his door, already guessing what she wanted.

"Ren, it's about Yoh." she said, getting straight to the point as soon as she entered.

"I already know he's with Tamao, Anna." he stated.

"Then why are you just encouraging it by making her Oversoul's tech?" she asked angrily.

"She happens to be the best technician in this facility. Besides, don't you think she deserves some happiness?" he asked.

"Of course, but he's only using her! He's become an emotionless bastard and he's using her to make me jealous!" she yelled.

"And whose fault is that? You're egging him on by giving him the satisfaction of seeing it's working. He's covering his emotional pain by poking your anger buttons." he shot back.

"Then don't let him!" she snapped.

"Why? Just because for once you aren't in control of a situation? Look, Anna, I really don't give a shit about your emotions. You are asking me to risk losing my valuable resources for your peace of mind. If that is all, just go, you're wasting my time." he said.

"You were his closest friend! Are you just going to watch him deny himself!" she asked harshly.

"Yoh once said to me, 'Yoh is Yoh.' I don't think I quite understood him then. I thought he was referring to his relationship with Hao. Now I'm pretty sure he meant exactly what he said. He is himself, and whether you like it or not, I believe that none of us truly knew who that was. Maybe he wasn't even sure of it himself. One of the biggest quests in life is the search for one's self. Yoh got a little lost on the way, but he's stronger than you ever gave him credit for, and he'll find himself. In the meantime all we can do is be there for him. Can you do that?" he asked. She turned without another word and left.

"Come in. I'll be with you in a moment." Ren called as a knock sounded at his door for the second time that day. Horo Horo entered and stood waiting as the Chinese singer finished his phone conversation.

"Yes. No! Moron! Fix it! Did I give you any inclination that I care? Put him on the line. Yes, that means I'm going to speak with him directly. Hello, is this the manager? This is Tao Ren. Yes, THE Tao Ren. How many Tao Rens do you know? Alright, you ass-wiping bastard, just do it, already! I. Do. Not. Care. NOW! Augh! I'm surrounded by imbeciles!" he yelled, hanging up. He took a few deep breaths before he turned to see Horo. His face lit up as he sank into a couch.

"Ah, Horo. I'm sorry about that. Please, sit, make yourself comfortable. Tea?" he offered, pouring himself some.

"Uh, sure... Funny, I never figured you for the tea type." he laughed, sitting as well.

"Just because I model and sing doesn't mean I can't enjoy some of the finer things in life. Tea time gives me a chance to relax and take a break from the stress that comes from my name." Ren handed him a cup and sipped his own, sighing.

"Thank you for coming. Any particular reason?" he asked, closing his eyes and leaning back into the cushions of the sofa.

"Not really. I just wanted to hang out... like the good old days." Horo answered.

"Ah. I know how you feel. Have you noticed we haven't fought once? I think perhaps we both grew up in these last six years." Ren said, opening his eyes to look at his guest.

"Yeah. I'm not as immature as I used to be." he grinned.

"And I'm not as self-centered, boastful, and bitchy as I was. Being on my own has really taught me a lot." Ren mused, and then asked, "So, what have you been doing lately? And what about Kororo and your coltsfoot field?"

"Well, I worked my field until it was lush and green. But now we're running out of money to protect it. So here I am. Kororo stayed to help Pilika with the field. Anyway, where's Bason?" he asked, and Ren's face fell slightly, his eyes sad.

"I let him go. I told him to go to heaven, where he belongs." he said quietly.

"Ren, are you okay?" Horo asked in concern.

"Of course. It was years ago." Ren said dismissively.

"Do you get lonely?" he asked.

"I'm fine! I just... I miss him. I used to tell him everything. I really need him now. I'm just so tired. I feel like I'm drowning in my life and what little bit of a lifeline I had has somehow disappeared. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of being who everyone wants me to be." he said sadly

"Then don't. One thing that hasn't changed about you is that bit of your attitude where you think you have to be the best. Just let it go, Ren. You don't always have to be the strong one, you know." Horo said.

"Perhaps, but I can't just yet. I have things to do before I can be free." he replied.

"That reminds me. Anna said you were trying to help Yoh use Tamao. What's up with that?" Horo asked curiously.

"Well, if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that people need to make their own mistakes sometimes. The best you can do is warn them beforehand and accept their decisions...

This situation reminded me of Jun. She was being used by some guy. I found out and told her, but she didn't listen. She thought I was being overprotective. So I took matters into my own hands and threatened him. She walked in on us and got angry. She ran off with him and hasn't come back since. It's been almost two months, and I'm very worried. In fact, the irony of it all, I've decided to call in professionals to track her down. Just guess who the best I can find is." Ren said with a smirk.

"Lyserg Diethyl." Horo Horo said.

"Correct. He's coming in tomorrow. Still, the point of that story was that I drove her away by trying to protect her. I feel so guilty. Maybe I feel like I can make up for it by doing things differently with Tamao... I don't know." he sighed.

"Well, for what it's worth, I think you're doing a great job." Horo smiled.

"Thank you." Ren said, a slight blush staining the bridge of his nose. Silence reigned and Horo found himself subconsciously scooting closer and leaning in, as Ren turned to face him, leaning forward as well...