Heaven Sent
Chapter Twenty Five- Shadowboxer
Once my lover
Now my friend
What a cruel thing
To pretend
What a cunning way
To condescend
Once my lover and
Now my friend
Oh, you creep up
Like the clouds
And you set my soul at ease
Then you let
Your love abound
And you bring me
To my knees
Oh, it's evil, babe
The way you let
Your grace enrapture me
When will you know
I'd be insane
To ever let that
Dirty game recapture me
You made me
A shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready
For what you do
I've been swinging
All around me
'Cause I don't know
When you're gonna
Make your move
Oh, your gaze
Is dangerous
And you fill your
Space so sweet
If I let you
Get too close
You'll set your
Spell on me
So darlin'
I just wanna say
Just in case
I don't come through
I was on to every play
I just wanted you
But, oh, it's so evil
My love
The way you've no
Reverence to my concern
So I'll be sure to
Stay wary of you, love
To save the pain of
Once my flame and
Twice my burn
You made me
A shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready
For what you do
I've been swinging
All around me
'Cause I don't know
When you're gonna
Make your move
Shadowboxer- Fiona Apple
(break)
"Severus, wait up!" Lydia called, running down the hall after him. He only walked faster. It was no use. He had actually known she was trailing him for quite a while, but insisted on keeping ahead and trying to loose her. Abruptly, he took a turn into a large doorway. Assuming this was the library, she took the same turn in.
She was correct. Entering, she was overwhelmed by the numerous shelves and shelves of books towering high over her. The shelves reached all the way to the lofting ceiling and the room itself was circular. Only tall windows and the enormous fireplace broke the rows of tomes. If Lydia had not been distracted, she would have spent a little more time looking over the area, but she caught Severus already at the other side of the room, searching the shelves.
Furrowing her eyebrows in frustration, she did something very out of character. She slammed the door shut to make her presence known.
Severus turned around, a displeased expression, "Oh, you decided to follow me?"
"That's the way it would appear," Lydia said, walking across the room by the largest window where he stood. She made sure to keep her distance however, but just close enough to the boy.
"Well," Severus said, looking back to the shelf, "Don't bother me then."
Lydia's mouth dropped a bit, "Excuse me?"
"I said, 'Don't bother me.' Are you unable to comprehend that?" he said bluntly, still looking away.
Lydia was getting very, very angry at his treatment of her. It wasn't fair. What had she done? But she had to keep her cool, just as he was doing. Remain classy, take this in a mature way… but still make your point known- firmly.
"Don't you dare dismiss me like that."
"Like what?" He had taken a book down and was now flipping through it.
"Look at me, Severus."
"I thought I told you not to bother me. Are you deaf?"
"Severus-"
"What don't you understand, you fool. I'm busy." Still he was not looking at her, but she could tell she was distracting him. Good, let him be distracted. She was getting somewhere… even if it meant she had to go through his insults. Ignore them, just ignore them…
"Put the book down. We need to talk."
"I-am-busy," he hissed, still not looking at her. Lydia hated this. Was it so hard to just look at her? Did this mean he really hated her- he held so much loathing that he could not even look at her? Please, please just look at me!
"Don't do this, Severus." So much for sounding firm. That came more strangled and staggered than she would have liked.
And the book snapped shut, creating an echo in the large room, "Don't do what, Lydia?" he hissed. Well, he was finally looking at her, but Lydia wasn't sure it she preferred when he wasn't. His black eyes were narrowed in slits, glaring at her with an icy glow, "Don't ignore you? Don't treat you like everyone else. Perhaps, you want attention? Am I correct, Lydia? Do you want me to hang on your every word? Do you want me to follow you around like some fool mutt?"
His voice was so cold, angry, loathing all wrapped into one. The way he cut each syllable, speaking with such freezing eloquence it was enough to drive her mad. His words went through her ears, not coming out. Why was he saying these things? And why did they hurt so much… but she knew that answer. Because, they were partly true. She did want his attention- badly, but not in the controlling way he was describing. How did he know? She had not expressed this want, had she? Was she that obvious?
No, she couldn't be. She had only realized her feelings just last night. That was when she started acting awkward. Had Narcissa told him? No, she wouldn't do that… What was going on? She didn't understand!
"I thought you had Lupin to do that for you," he finished bitterly, turning around and looking with purpose out the tall window. Outside the grounds were covered in mounds of pale snow, creating a glistening effect over everything. It was beautiful, but cold- very cold.
She had been thrown a little off guard by his last comment, "Remus? You're bringing Remus into this? Good Rowena, Severus, I thought you were more mature than that!" Lydia said.
"I'm not mature?" Severus scoffed, "Spare me. I'm the adult here compared to your strapping boyfriend."
And she snapped, the end of her rope had finally been reached. Still, she did not raise her voice, but it the most hostile tone she could muster, "He is not my boyfriend."
"I see. A friend with benefits, perhaps? Am I correct?"
How dare he? How dare he even stop to think that? She and Remus had been in a relationship, really- just not a defined one… No, Severus was right. Again. And that's why it upset her so much. Once again- his insults hit home.
"Stop it Severus," she said quietly, looking away, "I don't want to fight with you."
But he challenged, "Are you afraid, Lydia? Afraid because you know what I'm saying is true."
"Severus-"
"It is true. You want all the attention now that your dear father is gone and when Lupin isn't around, you come to me. You're looking in the wrong place, Lachlan."
She would not cry. She could not cry.
"That's not what I want."
"Really?" He looked amused, grimly amused, "Perhaps you'll explain otherwise."
"I-" Her voice caught in her throat. She couldn't speak. Should she take Narcissa's advice and tell him how she felt? She didn't know what to say. She didn't know if he would listen.
"That's what I thought," He gave a sneer, tucking the book he held under his arm and started to walk towards the door.
She mentally berated herself as two perfect tears fell down her cheeks- warm and silent. Yes, he had just destroyed her- cut her open and tore out her heart. She was distraught, upset, and hated herself after his nailing remarks. But in the back of her head, something told her it was wrong.
Her thoughts trailed to the fragile blonde woman who looked so strong, but was so broken. She didn't want that. She didn't want to be silent. She didn't want to be unhappy. And if Severus made her happy, so be it.
"No, Severus!" she stopped him. He turned to her, gazing with an almost unreadable expression- doubt mixed with something else?
"What?"
"I-" she took a deep breath, "I have feelings for you."
There. It was out in the open. It was there in the air, mingling with the particles of dust around them. She had said it and he had heard it. His guard dropped for a moment, and she could the surprise in his glistening black eyes.
"Excuse me?"
Lydia shut her eyes a moment and swallowed, "You heard what I said." Anxiously, she waited for his reply.
…
And a cold, bitter laugh resounded.
"That's rich, Lydia," he said with a sour taste to his words, "A fine joke, honestly."
"Don't mock me," she said, strangled.
"Oh, I don't think I'm the one doing the mocking," he said indignantly.
"I'm serious, Severus!" Lydia exclaimed, "I fancy you, alright? It's hard enough without you laughing at me."
Taken back, Severus stared at her. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at her, awe and disbelief etched in her prominent features. There was silence as the two looked at each other.
"Why?" That was all he said.
Lydia thought for a moment, "Why not?"
Silence fell again, but know Severus was approaching her, his eyes glinting. He came near like a predator grabbing her and pulling her close. Her hands against his chest, her back clutched tightly in an almost suffocating grip, the aroma of potions ingredients and smoke hitting her nostrils- it was enough to lose her. But she stayed aware, as he glared down at her- his look no longer surprised but scheming. A lump grew in the pit of her stomach.
"Is this what you want then?" He hissed into her ear, his voice intoxicating and alarming all at once. Her breath grew rapid and she could not answer. The closeness, the feeling of him against her, and the fright of what unpredictable thing he might do stressed her. Worried, she tried to pull away, but his grip was a death lock. She could not get away, though she struggled. He was too strong.
Suddenly his lips crashed down on hers, lips that were scorching. His thin lips against her full ones. She was frazzled, upset. Yes, she wanted it, but not like this- not out of anger and force. She fought again, but he only deepened the kiss, parting her lips with a wiry tongue. How desperately she wanted to get away, how desperately she wanted to fall into the kiss. It was all too much.
Out of breath, he pulled back, and she took this chance to free herself, pushing through his locked arms and falling to the ground. She was quite the site- her tangled and frizzy, her clothes rumpled, and her lips pink and swollen from the contact. Her gray eyes were widened in horror, looking back at the boy who had ruined her once more.
"I didn't think so," he said with a scathing bite. Looking down at her in distaste, he turned on his heel, walking briskly out of the room. His robes flew about him and his burst through the door.
Lydia remained on the ground long after he left, gathering her knees in her arms. She felt cold after so much heat. She could still taste his lips on her own. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She was wrong. He did really mean to say those things. He hated her. It was true. She was just being a fool, trying to deny it. She liked him, and he hated her.
How did things get so out of hand?
(break)
Severus slammed the door behind him. This was bad- supremely bad, superbly bad. He paced a bit, thinking the situation over. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he groaned, "Dear Salazar help me… and her."
He gave a glace to the door he had just gone through like he could see her through it. Yes, this was bad…
(break)
A/N- Sorry about the shortness, but this chapter was extremely hard to write and really felt like this was the best dropping point. I've been pretty bad about the length of chapters lately, but I assure, once I get back in the swing of things, they will be much longer- I swear.
So there you have it! After sixty thousand words of development- there's a bit of action! I'll let you decide whether it is good or bad.
So this just hit the big two five. Yay for accomplishment!
The number of reviews has been incredible. I never expected so many people to take an interest in my crappy story when I started out so very long ago. It makes me so happy. Thank you guys so much!
Daughter of Darkness777- Hey, I've been WRITING MORE. I'm getting better. Must be your blunt motivation. Ah, big houses- how I loathe them. I'm much more content with a small cottage than getting lost in an overly big house. That must have been awful for you! About Severus… well, I can't tell you. It's a secret. And just to set the page straight-
I AM STICKING WITH CANON AS WELL AS I CAN.
And, if you've noticed- there's no Mrs. Snape on the side in Order of the Phoenix. That's all I'm saying. But by no means am I playing the 'useless halfblood' card. I swear. League of Asses and Idiots, you say? I really do like it.
Oh man, I love your reviews! And hey, your bluntness is good! Not bitchy. Bluntness is one of my favorite things in the world! Why do you think I made the character Morrie?
Yeah! You broke my one hundred reviews! May I just say, I love you man.
I started The Doom of Innocence over the weekend, and I'm about halfway through. Let me tell you, I'm an abysmally slow reader, and I haven't had much time, but I should be done soon. And I swear I'll be your best reviewer.
Oh, snickerdoodle actually.
Oh man, I am so flattered that you reread my stories and checked them that often. You have no idea. Being in the hospital sucks. I hope whatevers wrong gets better, because I know what it's like to be prodded with needles. You write scripts? That has to be the coolest thing ever! Ah, I hate you! I'm actually looking at colleges right now, hoping to become a comic sketch writer. While I adore drama, comedy is something I love with a fiery passion. A spin off on Harry Potter, eh? My friends and I tried that once. It was tragic really. Hehe, I hope you have a good time playing Hermione.
Actually, I wanted to ask you something. After reading a bit of your fanfic, I really grew to like your style. I think you'd do really well in this RP I just joined. We haven't really started up yet, due to not having a Ron and I'm sure you could join as almost anybody you wanted. There aren't a lot of characters taken. If you're interested, there's an entry about it somewhere in my livejournal or you can even send me an email and I'll give you the stuff. Both are on my author page. Just if you're interested.
Madelynn Rae- Heh, I'm just demanding. Your reviews are just as awesome as anyone elses. You've been reviewing a long time, and I can't thank you enough.
Ihuntathraeil- You've been reviewing for quite a while too! Cookies are always good. Oh man, Fairly Oddparents- a guilty pleasure along with Spongebob.
Lemon- Oh man! I am so glad you like it! Second person? Second person? How did you survive? Glitter + corsets DOOM. Slipknot, eh? I've got a friend who is obsessed with Slipknot. I've never really listened to them myself. I'm afraid I've always leaned towards what my friends call 'faggy' music such as the Flaming Lips, and Belle and Sebastian. I do have a soft spot for Nine Inch Nails though.
Katie- Katie, my dear, all I'm going to say is "Wow…"(Can't say anything else really) Heh. I'm glad you like the mystery that is Severus Snape. I was very worried about that. Having a story about Snape with him portrayed as such a conundrum- it's a risk. Hehe…
Laochra- Hehe… I'm glad the update made you happy, because your review made me happy! Hey, I've got a few tricks up my sleeves yet.
Snickerdoodles4u- I LOVE snickerdoodles! I am so glad you like the story and even gladder you like Lydia. I've been so paranoid that she is a Mary Sue. You have no idea! It also made me feel all warm and fuzzy to know you liked my writing. Yay!
SnapeFan-Oh, I'm really glad you like it! About those grammar errors… what can I say? I'm only human. I hope they're not too much of a bother. I swear I try as hard as I can to pick up mistakes, but I'm not the best at editing. Heh.
Chocolate-Chipps- Hey thanks! You rock too!
Thank you guys! You're awesome!
Please check out Storms, my other story which is, I warn you, a comedy. Don't be put of by it if you're not a Draco/Ginny shipper. It's more about humour than anything else, and I'm rather proud of it.
So…
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME MOTIVATING LONG RAMBLY REVIEWS TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF, BOOST MY POOR SELF ESTEEM AND HELP ME WRITE MORE IN GENERAL! PLEASE!