Heaven Sent Chapter 27: Mother, a harry potter fanfic

Heaven Sent

Chapter Twenty Six- Mother

xxx

Go go go go now
Our of the nest
It's time
Go go go now
Circus girl without a safety net
Here here now
Don't cry
You raised your hand for the assignment
Tuck those ribbons under your helmet
Be a good soldier
First my left foot
Then my right behind the other
Pantyhose
Running in the cold

Mother the car is here
Somebody leave the light on
Green limousine for the redhead
Dancing dancing girl And when I dance for him
Somebody leave the light on just in case
I like the dancing
I can remember where I come from

I walked into your dream
And now I've forgotten how to dream my own dream
You are the clever one aren't you
Brides in veils for you
We told you all of our secrets
All but one
So don't you even try
The phone has been disconnected
Dripping with blood
And with time
And with your advice
Poison me against the moon

I escape into your escape
Into our very favorite fearscape
It's across the sky
And across my heart
And I cross my legs
Oh my God
First my left foot
Then my right behind the other
Breadcrumbs lost under the snow
Mother
Mother the car is here
Somebody leave the light on
Somebody leave the light on just in case
I like the dancing
Mother

Mother- Tori Amos

xxx

Lydia could barely open her mouth to talk when Narcissa called through the door. She did not know how long it had been since she fled from the contemptuous atmosphere of the library, and did not realize it was near time for dinner. The whole of the afternoon had been spent in her room, trying her hardest not to cry over something so silly. No one had died, she had thought, but that only brought on a rush of unpleasant memories, the faces of her parents causing the sobs to rise in her throat.

How she hated herself- her whiny, pathetic self bursting into tears at a moment's notice, crying helplessly over the things she could never have. Her parents were gone and Severus- she doubted Severus would ever even look at her again. How poorly he must think of her. How he must scoff at the way she threw herself at him. A needy little girl who thought she saw a semblance of nourishment in the grim boy, that was all she was. And he knew it now. In fact, he probably knew it before.

She should just forget him, just as he would forget her. Pretend it didn't happen, that was all there was to it.

But she couldn't. Couldn't put aside his glassy black eyes, couldn't put aside the feeling of his hands tight around her, couldn't put aside the taste of his lips clashing with her own… even when she knew he despised her.

"Lydia, darling, are you alright? Please. Let me in," Narcissa plead through the door. Lydia blinked in alert. She must have zoned out, and forgotten where she was for a moment. Propping herself up from the spot on the floor, she flung open the door.

"There you are! I was starting to get…" she trailed off, her icy eyes surveying the girl. Lydia lowered her eyes, ashamed of her appearance- frazzled hair, undone clothes and red eyes no doubt. How wild she must look, "…worried," Narcissa finished, "Lydia, darling, what happened?"

Narcissa stepped inside, closing the door lightly behind her. A frail hand came to Lydia's face as the blonde woman wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her into a tight hug. Narcissa was thin and fragile, making the embrace just that and though Lydia fell into it willingly, she couldn't help but wish for the secure grasp her mother had always taken with her. Lydia choked at the thought and tears fell fast from her eyes, but Narcissa did not pull away, only stroking her hair gently in an almost sisterly way, "Cry it out, girl," she said softly.

And Lydia did. She did cry it out. It was the pity party that had never been allowed in Ravenclaw Tower. It was the pity party she needed. Just to let out all the hurt and grief that had only been lurking and growing since her mother's death. The stress of school and friends, the expectations never met, the loss of those closest to her, the break-up, and Severus- for all that she cried and she would never be able to fully thank Narcissa Malfoy, the Ice Queen herself as she would later be called, for holding her like a sister as the sobs soaked through.

Narcissa never did ask her what had happened and for that, Lydia was always thankful. She had just let her cry and when the sobs finally died down, she offered her handkerchief with a soft smile. "Will you be down to dinner, or should I make an excuse?"

"No, no," Lydia croaked, dabbing at her eyes, "You don't have to do that for me."

"Nonsense, dear, it wouldn't be any trouble. I would be glad to," she said, "There have many times in my life when I have wished terribly to hide from the slanders of the dining hall."

It was true. The mere thought of dinner with Severus across from her was horrifying. She didn't even know how she could look at him now without breaking down. How had it come to this? How had she blown things up so terribly?

And why was she such a weeping ninny? Why could she not keep herself from crying? Why did she have to break down at the least provocation? Why could she not be strong and collected like the woman she saw before her? Narcissa Malfoy carried more pain with her than anyone would ever be truly aware of and yet, she continued on. She was not falling to the ground crying every time something did not go as planned. She was the Lady of Malfoy Manor and she was strong.

Lydia wished she could be like that. And though she knew she wasn't, not naturally at least, a thing or two could be learned for Narcissa Malfoy. One being that you could not run away from your problems, not even when it seemed so bad.

"No," Lydia said finally, "I want to go. I just- I just don't have anything to wear."

Narcissa brightened, "Well, that is just what I'm here for, dear." The blonde held out a slim parcel, "I found it hiding in the back of my closet and it just screamed for you."

Lydia took the box carefully and opened it. On top was a pair of jagged toe heels and beneath them, she found the sheen of silk. She pulled out the shoes delicately and laid them down on the bed to lift up the fragile material of the dress.

It was blue, a dark midnight shade and it swayed gently under her hold. The length was short, probably only to reach her knees, Lydia guessed, and the neck was a low, ruffled V, breaking off into short puffed sleeves with an empire waist. It was plain and simple, but for some reason, Lydia loved it and Narcissa noticed.

"Thank you. You really don't have to do this for me," Lydia said, only breaking her gaze from the dress for just a moment. Narcissa smiled at her sincerity.

"Think nothing of it, dear. I was never going to wear it."

"You're too good to me."

Narcissa's smile suddenly changed. It was odd, almost strangled, and her eyes looked somehow upset. "No, dear," she murmured, "I'm not nearly good enough."

Lydia was confused. The change was startling, unexpected. Had she said something wrong? "Narcissa?"

But as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone, "Merlin, look at the time. You best get into that quickly. Here, use the bathroom and I'll set up to do your hair." Her lips were spread across her teeth, but Lydia couldn't help but feel her cheerfulness wasn't entirely genuine. But she nodded anyway and headed to the bathroom, stripping down and pulling on the dress as quickly and as carefully as she could. Narcissa was waiting for her when she came back out into the room and she say down at the mahogany vanity as her hair was tugged into a loose French braid.

The two didn't say anything, for it felt like everything had already been said. And even in mist of all the confusion surrounding her life, she was glad she came to Malfoy Manor, just for the once chance of meeting this woman.

"There," Narcissa said in completion as she tied a band around Lydia's thick hair, "Take a look and tell me what you think."

Lydia stood, walking over to the full length mirror across the room. It was odd, she thought, walking in heels. She had stolen pairs of her mother's when she was younger, but those had never really fit and she had just stumbled around her room in them. But these heels felt like a glove and a very empowering one at that. She felt tall and immediately her posture had straightened under their effect. It was hard to move at first, but once she got the hang of them, she liked it- a lot.

And, Lydia found, she liked the whole outfit- a lot- as well. In the mirror she saw herself painfully different from the dorky, waddling girl who had arrived at Platform 9 ¾ earlier this year. The dress was completely flattering, making her look lean and sophisticated. Her hair was elegant and the simple blue pearl earrings Narcissa had leant her only added to that. Suddenly, she was classic. She was aristocratic. She was noble. She was more than half-blood scum. She had the looks and features of any pureblood woman and with Narcissa Malfoy on her side, she could show them off.

But to who? Severus?

Like he would ever even look at her again, she thought miserably. Her face fell to the ground as the kiss rose in her mind once more. They had been so close and at the same time, they couldn't have been more at odds. Lydia had never truly let herself like any boy until this, and now, she realized why. It was just a set up to get herself hurt.

And then she felt Narcissa's hands on her shoulders, peering at her in the mirror, "Knock him dead," she said, before pulling away. But Lydia didn't know how on earth that could ever happen. She was sure it was entirely the other away around- him knocking her dead with another scathing remark.

But she wasn't going to think about that now. She wasn't going to think of anything except which fork to use.

And he was not going to affect her. She promised.

Though she knew it was one she could never keep.

xxx

"Late again, ladies?" Lucius Malfoy exclaimed as the two women entered the dining room. Lydia could already feel the pit in her stomach growing rapidly, and as she followed Narcissa, it was almost as though she was hiding behind her. She did not want to be here. Good Rowena, she did not want to be here.

"Fashionably, of course," Narcissa supplied, taking the seat at her husband's right. Lydia followed suit, still keeping her gaze to the wooded floor as she stole the seat beside the blonde woman. "Lydia, darling, I know those shoes are just enchanting, but do look up every so often, will you?"

Lydia's chin lifted faster than you could say 'Rowena', a great blush flaming in her cheeks. "Thank you again for letting me borrow them."

"Borrow?" Narcissa said, surprised, "Dear me, keep them, Lydia. They don't fit me anymore."

"Plus they don't look half as enthralling on Cissa's feet as they do on yours," Malfoy added, taking a sip from his already filled goblet.

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" Narcissa said with playfully narrowed eyes. Lucius just smirked.

"Am I not allowed to admire another lady's assets?"

Narcissa gave a pleasant bark, "I think you know the answer to that, Lucius." But for some reason, Narcissa didn't look as pleasant as she sounded. She looked almost ill.

"Not even her feet?"

"Do you want to sleep in the study tonight?"

Lucius laughed, "Not particularly."

"Then the only feet you'll be admiring are mine and you'll like it."

"Of course, of course," The man surrendered, taking another sip from his goblet, "Mhmm, how was the Brocklehursts, Cissa?"

Narcissa waved her hand dismissively, "Same as ever. They're coming."

"To the Gala?"

"Yes."

Lucius gave another smirk, "You do good work." If he had been looking for a positive reaction from his wife, it was not received. The look she gave him was positively withering.

"Don't I always?" It was then she took some from her own goblet, looking across the table. Lydia did not dare to follow her gaze. During the entirety of the conversation, her eyes had moved from Narcissa to Lucius and back to her plate, never daring to cross the simple white linen. Yes, she was a coward…. "Where is Severus?"

Abruptly Lydia did exactly what she had been trying not to do and turned to find his empty seat. He was not there. He was not there and she was. And Lydia was completely baffled.

It was not like Severus to be late or even to miss a meal at the Malfoys. Just over the past two days he had always been to meals exactly on time and always before Lydia had arrived. Was it possible that maybe he didn't come down for the same reason she almost shut herself in her room?

No….

Where was he?

"I was hoping you could tell me," Lucius said, looking at Lydia, "You spent the day with him, did you not?"

Lydia almost choked. Yes, she had spent some of the day with him alright… "Well, only the beginning of the day. I haven't seen him since early this morning."

"Odd, it's not like Severus to be late."

I know…

"Maybe he got caught up in the library?" Narcissa suggested, "You know Severus. When he finds a good book, there is no such thing as time."

"I'm sure that bloody clock of yours would have him out of any literary trance."

"I happen to like that clock," Narcissa sniffed. Lucius just shook his head.

"So did my mother."

"I liked you mother too!"

"And that is saying a lot."

Narcissa opened her mouth to respond when the door creaked open and Lydia, although she cursed herself for it, looked in the direction.

He was standing straight and cruel as ever, glaring across the room but never meeting her eye. As soon as she saw him, the image of this morning rushed into her head- the look he gave her right before he lowered his lips and suddenly, she did not know what she was doing here at this table or what she was doing in Malfoy Manor or what she had ever been doing with Severus Snape for that matter. At that moment, she wanted to just curl up and die.

"Forgive me," Severus said silkily, striding across the room to take his seat, "I hope I did not keep you waiting."

"No, no not at all," Narcissa said, "We were just wondering where you were."

Severus looked grimly at her, "I decided to take a walk around the grounds and lost track of the time."

"In this weather?" Narcissa exclaimed, "It's a wonder you didn't freeze to death."

It was true. The weather was terrible. Though the snow had finally stopped last night, it was still a blistering cold outside and the wind flew like a whip across the moor. Why he even dared to go outside was beyond her. In fact, Severus Snape was entirely and completely beyond her.

"I was completely fine." It was all he said before Derby and two house elves Lydia did not recognize appeared and expertly placed their dinner before them. It was some sort of roasted pheasant, Lydia guessed, but she wasn't about to question. She watched as her portion appeared on the plate before her, doing her best not to look back up. But part of her was daring herself to do it- to just catch his eyes. Just to see if it was there- the hate, the loathing. Just to see if it was real.

Because, even though she knew the truth, part of her wanted to believe that he cared about her. Part of her just wanted to believe that he didn't have to care- that he could be completely impartial. Part of her wanted to believe that he hated her after all.

And she did not know which part was right.

"Why ever did you decide to go out?" Lucius asked, cutting the meat before him neatly. Lydia was trying to do the same, but she could barely concentrate. Though Severus was only across the table and she knew she could easily listen, she was still straining to hear him in fear that she would miss something.

"I wanted to think." She heard him say it sharply and then Lucius giving one of his airy laughs.

"Well, we have a library for that."

"It was… occupied." He said it so smoothly and Lydia could feel his eyes on her, cold and harsh and calculating. He was looking at intensely and she didn't even need to look up to know.

But she did anyways.

And her eyes met his abruptly. Black- it was all she could see. Everything was black and cold and smooth. She could not tear her gaze away- not from those frigid eyes. She was too busy looking for something- anything- to signify that they were not as icy as she thought.

But there was nothing.

"Lydia?" she heard the voice in the back of her head, far away and distant, "Lydia?" The contact on her shoulder pulled her back to reality and Narcissa was looking at her with concern. "Are you alright? You look pale."

Lydia opened her mouth, but it was a moment before any sound came out, "I'm fine- just a bit of a chill…"

"You're right. It is rather cold in here. Lucius, is there any way to heat the place up?"

"Not in a room like this. You'd need a rather strong warming charm and I doubt it would coincide with the wards up."

Narcissa nodded, turning back to Lydia, "Would you like to retire early?"

"No, no," Lydia said with an uneasy laugh, "I'm perfectly fine. Please, don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?"

"Very. I'd like to stay." Yeah right… In actuality, she wanted to be as far away as possible. Away from Severus, and away from Malfoy Manor. But she had gotten herself into this mess, and she would stick through it.

Her eyes returned to her food and so moved it gently around her plate, picking up a piece with her fork to eat every so often. She swore she would not look at him again. The conversation moved quickly between husband and wife and every so often she would her Severus, but it was only through muffled ears. She was trying not to think- listing off potion ingredients in her head as she numbly chewed.

"Oh dear, we do need to get dear Lydia a dress! And she'll certainly need something for the race!" Narcissa exclaimed, drawing Lydia out of her zone again.

"Dress?" Lydia asked, confused.

"For the Gala, of course. We'll have to go shopping straight away. Tomorrow maybe? I'm sure I don't have anything to do… Lucius?"

"No," he responded, "Nothing of note. You deserve a girls' day out."

"Oh, good! It will be splendid. Now, I was thinking Paris or maybe Milan. New York is just too icky this time of year. Plus my best tailor is in Paris. And preferences?" Narcissa gave her a bright smile, but Lydia just felt overwhelmed.

"Oh, Narcissa, I'm sorry, but I can't," Lydia said hopelessly, feeling the blush rise on her face again.

"Why not? You aren't doing anything, are you?"

"Well, no, but-"

"But what?" Lucius burst in, "I don't see any issue here."

Lydia knew she was painfully red and she felt horribly embarrassed. Suddenly, she was completely aware of how different she was from the Malfoys and everything they did, "I don't have any money," she said.

There was a pause of silence only to be broken by Narcissa's throaty laugh, "Darling, is that what you are worried about? Really, Lydia, I wasn't going to take you shopping without paying. That would be completely rude."

Rude? How was going shopping with her and not buying anything rude?

"You don't have to do that-"

"But I do. Don't even try to protest. We are going to have a good time and you are going to like it, alright?" Narcissa gave her another smile and Lydia could not help but smile back.

"Alright."

"It's settled then," Narcissa said, drinking her wine, "Now, I just have to make sure- how much do you know about dancing?"

Dancing? Lydia had never danced in her life… well, unless you counted flailing along to the Hobgoblins. Once more, she felt completely and entirely out of whack.

"I'm afraid I don't know much of anything," she replied.

"Just as I thought," Lucius said and Lydia immediately flushed.

"Oh no dear," Narcissa said quickly, "It's nothing to be ashamed of. Look at Severus. He barely knew how to walk before he started visiting."

No, I'd rather not look at him… Lydia thought.

"We'll just have to teach you, won't we Lucius," Narcissa said, smiling at her husband to be returned with a smirk.

"That we will."

"Oh, why not after dinner? It's not too late. We could all go to the ballroom together and brush our dancing skills up a bit. What do you think?"

"Sounds marvelous," Lucius said, "Lydia?"

Dancing was something she would definitely need in this household, she realized, and it was better to learn as soon as possible. "Alright."

"And Severus?" She hadn't forgotten he was there, but it was startling to hear his reply. Lydia hadn't realized the Malfoys had included Severus in their invitation, but really, why wouldn't they? Suddenly, he pulse began to race. Please say no…

"I've nothing better to do."

Great…

xxx

A/N- --awkwardly waves—Um, hey guys… I'm sort of back… yeah. –ducks at objects being hurled—Yes, I am aware that I am a horrible person and that you all hate me. It's been a long time and I seriously doubt any of you are still going to read this story, if you are even reading this now, but I'm back now and I'm finishing this thing like it or not. I'm so sorry for letting everyone who was reading this down and I promise that this will be finished. And the updates will be regular and I will never ever do this to you all again.

Now that HBP is out, this is completely AU, as a lot of my history is out of the timeline, especially Snape's history. But I'm not going to change, but I'm not going to ignore HBP either. Be warned, I will be using stuff from it if necessary and if actually are reading this story still and haven't read it, I suggest you do. Just warning you all.

Again, I apologize and be expecting the next update very soon.

Please review?