Lori arrived back at her mansion following a dreadful date with the Charlie's Angels winner who she leaned was called 'Greg'. It was possibly the worst 'date' in the history of the universe.
She dropped her bag and coat at the door and walked through into the living room where at least 20 avid sports fans were screaming at the TV, just where she left them 4 hours ago. She sighed and walked over the couch before sliding over the back and landing on Ben's lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. He put his hand on her back to stop her from falling but still paid no real attention to her. Sensing this she tried to get his attention.
"Do you want to hear about my date?" No response. She would have to use better techniques.
"So at the end of out date he gave me a long passionate kiss and I didn't even push him away. He's a great kisser" Still no response. She would have to resort to drastic measures.
"I'm Pregnant" still no response only grunts at the TV. This was an emergency.
"I spent half a million on your credit card and crashed your Aston Martin"
"WHAT?" he yelled. Finally.
"I'm just joking. If you would pay attention to me every now and then I wouldn't have to take such drastic measures"
"Ok, I'm sorry. How did it go?" he asked his full attention now on her but only because the break was on.
"Well his name is Gregory Kyle Terry Jordan or as his friends call him Greg. He's 32 years old was born in Atlanta but moved to Connecticut because his job demanded that he move about the country. He used to have brown hair but highlighted it because he read in a magazine that it was all the rage and it turned all the girls on. He has had 3 girlfriends and each one left him for one of his friends. He asked me to marry him 3 times and when I was too shocked to answer he took my silence as a yes and immediacy began making plans. We are getting married on September 18th because that's his favourite day, there will be approximately 30 people there, most his family, the Beatles greatest hits will be played all night long and we are going to be honeymooning in a campsite in Texas" By this time Ben and most of the others in the room were in hysterics.
"Oh and it doesn't stop there. He isn't really into blondes prefers red heads so he bought me a bottle of red hair dye. After seeing me in Charlie's Angels he decided I would look good as a red head. He wants 3 children although he was hoping they wouldn't inherit my blonde hair. He wants 2 boys and 1 girl, Stewart, Angus and Martha. He wants to call them that because his grandparents were called that and he greatly loved them so when they died on November 14th he vowed that his future children would be named after them. Then he went on to talk about how he disagreed with me starring in movies and going out with my friends because I should stay at home and take care of them night and day although he did say how incredibly hot I looked in that movie and wished it was him in that closet with me. And that was just the first hour the worst was yet to come"
Now most of the guys were in hysterics including her 3 brothers and cousins as well as the rest of the Lakers and Connecticut football team.
"So after we left the burger bar he took me to meet his parents. John and Margaret Jordan who have been married for 35 years and waited for 3 before having Greg then having their other son Mark, who seemed completely normal. So I met his parents and then he announced that we were engaged, to which Margaret jumped up in tears, welcomed me to the family and told me how happy she was that her family and immediately got a pen and paper out and wrote down names to send invitations out to all the while Greg stared at me with this great big smile on his face. So after another hour of wedding plans his sane brother reminded them that I have a boyfriend to which Greg said ' well now she has me she doesn't need him' while grabbing onto my hand removing my ring and placing it into my pocket while grabbing my ass at the same time. So while his mother and father made plans he dragged me off to his bedroom. His star wars themed bedroom, he has card board cut-outs of Luke Skyscraper"
"Skywalker" someone interjected while rubbing tears of laughter out of his eyes.
"Right and that guy with the breathing problem. So I make my excuses to the bathroom where I put in an emergency call to Paige. I made my way back to his bedroom where he is sprawled across his bed in his y-fronts and so he says to me 'how about we make a head start on those kids?' I nearly passed out when my cell phone rang and I pretended that Paige needed me desperately. So he insists that he come and drop me off. So for another hour he talks about how since the first time he saw me he was in love with me and he knew someday he would meet me and I would fall instantly in love with me. So then he goes on to talk about when we get married that I'll have to give up my inheritance because he wants normal kids not spoiled brats. So by now we have arrived here and we get out and he plants one on me and let me tell you it was worse than when I made out with that girl when I was drunk. And then he hailed a taxi and off he went" By now everyone was rolling around the floor in hysterics practically wetting themselves. Even her grandfather, Elias, seemed to find it funny. It was possibly the worst night of her life and here they were in fits of laughter. She heard her phone ring from the hallway.
"Coco! Bring mommy her bag" a minute later Coco appeared with Lori's bag in her teeth. It was a trick Lori was particularly proud of. She saw the called ID stated the number was unknown so she flipped it open and spoke into it.
"Hello?"
"Oh Hi Greg" she said loudly so the room could hear. "How did you get this number?"
"Oh you went into my bag while I was in the bathroom Okay"
"Your mom wants to get together to talk about china patterns next week does she?"
"No I don't think that's possible my boyfriend wouldn't agree" Lori tried to break gently to no avail.
"Oh you'll kick his ass will you? You do know who he is right?"
"Yes, that's him. Oh you can take him on can you. Oh you studied Karate for 2 months did you? No I didn't know that about you, you left that bit out"
"I know and to think I was going to marry you without knowing that"
"Oh we're still getting married are we? And you've come up with another name? No I haven't used the hair dye yet I think I'll stick with blonde I tried the whole dying my hair thing it wasn't really me. Oh blonde's remind you of Paris Hilton do they? Oh you think I look like Paris Hilton do I?"
"Well I have to go now Greg. Thanks for the date"
"No Greg I'm not going to marry you. Okay I'm sorry I know I broke your heart. I have to go now Bye"
"Oh My God"
A/N PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE R/R Reviews are like my oxygen!