Chapter Thirteen
Wednesday

So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
My one last year has come and gone
It's time to let your love rain down on me.
Black Roses Red - Alana Grace

There is only one thing that I feel like complaining about right now. And that is Sean.

Sean has been apologizing over and over for reading this. But I don't know. I guess I should just forgive him for it all. I just don't like to.

He's really been getting to me a lot lately. I guess it's because we're spending so much time together. I just wish it was as simple as it all feels. I know that when we go back to Toronto it's all going to go back to the way it was before.

Sean will go back to Ellie and Jay. I'll go back to being little-miss-save-the-world. We'll fade back into our usual life before this. At least Sean will. But I don't think I can go back to being the person I was before.

So many people are going to talk about us. I know this for sure. I just wish that I knew what they were going to say.

I sighed and closed my journal. We were going back the day after tomorrow. I had to get some fresh air. So I climbed out of bed and made my way outside once again.

When I got outside, I thought I was going to be alone. Instead Sean was sitting out there. He was being so quiet, and he was so still, that for a second I thought he may be asleep.

I slowly made my way over to where he was sitting. I was trying to be as quiet as I could, just in case he actually was asleep.

"What are you doing out here? It's late." Sean's voice nearly scared me to death.

I gave up on being quiet and just went to sit with him. He looked like he was thinking about something important.

"I needed some air." Was all I said.

The darkness fell apon us. It was almost suffocating, like a heavy wool blanket. I had to break the silence that was growing between us.

"So, what do you have on your mind?" I asked. Sean looked at me quickly. His face was so serious it almost made me sad. Sad that he had so much to be serious over.

"You, Emma. No matter what I think about, my thoughts always turn back to you. I hate it, and I try to fight it, but it always comes right back to you." Sean said. He wasn't looking at me. Then again, I wasn't really looking at him either.

"Sean...I think I know what you mean. I was like that too. When we were together. Then so many things happened all at once. With Snake, and everything else...But you were always there. Even if you weren't there for me, you were always in my mind." I said. I tried to put it all into words. I knew it sounded horrible.

"I'm sorry for all that. I gave up on you when you needed me the most. I turned out to be real ass, didn't I?" Sean said. Now he was looking at me.

"It's all okay." I said. I was captivated by the look in his eyes.

I could see everything in his eyes. They were the windows to his soul. There was love, fear, and regret in them. For some reason I knew my eyes mirrored the same emotions I saw in his.

"Sean...what about you and Ellie?" I knew that he was with her. At least I thought that they were together.

"I don't know. I haven't talked to her since the morning that we left. That was two days ago. I'm pretty sure that we're no longer on speaking terms." Sean said. The look in his eyes took on a far away expression. I knew that he was thinking about Ellie.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault." I said as I laid my hand on his shoulder. I was surprised to find that he wasn't tense.

"No, it was pretty much over. Our love was...something different. Maybe we were just too much alike. I guess on some level I knew that it wasn't going to last that long." Sean said. He was talking as though they had already broken up.

There was silence around us once again. I really didn't feel like breaking it this time. I sighed and leaned back to get a good view of the stars. It was a bit chilly but I didn't feel like going inside. I rubbed my arms to make them warmer.

"Are you cold?" Sean's voice broke the silence this time.

"Just a little." It was cold out, and I was wearing my black tank top, and plaid pajama pants. It was getting colder by the minute.

"Come here." Sean said and held out his arms to me. He was offering to keep me warm.

I could either accept and be warm, and not to mention, with Sean. Or I could not and go inside and go to bed. I had so much weighing on my decision.

I finally made up my mind. I got up and made my way over to Sean and let him wrap his arms around me