DISCLAIMER: Don't own RE, Survivor, Zippo, or Corona.

Umbrella Camp

Ada and Hunk are sitting around the campfire, whispering to themselves.

"So we double cross him?" Hunk looks a bit, shall we say…excited.

"We do indeed. He's dead wood and really is kinda worthless."

Down near the beach Alexia and Nemesis appear to be in a heated argument. Although no one was quite sure what Nemesis was saying since all he was doing was screaming "Starrrrsss! Starrrrsss!". Annette and Alfred had snuck off to the watering hole and were having their own discussion. Morpheus, Marcus, and Nicholai are sitting in the palm trees drinking a few bottles of Corona, that Morpheus stole from Wesker.

And once again it's that part of the show where our intrepid cameraman corners a survivor and they bitch, moan, and groan about the island, the other survivors, and anything else that might come to mind.

"Well I hate to do it, but ole Nicholai just hasn't been a whole lot of help these last couple days." Ada twiddles with her hair. "I mean I feel bad about it, I really do."

"Well, I love my brother but Alfred is turning into such a jealous twit." Alexia sighs, rolling her eyes. "I mean, so I was making out with Nemmy really none of his business. He shouldn't get so jealous over it."

There is a bit of confusion as the cameraman stumbles into the trees and throws up. After a brief commercial break, the cameraman returns and corners another contestant.

"Well I must say that Ada woman is getting on my nerves." Morpheus brushes a bit of white hair out of his…err…her…IT'S face. "Sneaking around like that all the time….the little trollop."

Tribal Council

Wesker leaned back against the railing, humming to himself. As was stated before this was one of his favorite parts of the job. Crushing the hopes of some unlucky contestant, shattering their dreams. The whole idea made him shudder with delight. So when the tribe members showed up, Wesker was actually wearing a genuine smile.

"Alrighty then! Was this vote a tough one?"

There were several echoes of "Not Really" and "I don't suppose so." This seems to displease our host, making him lose his warm and fuzzy feeling he'd had only seconds ago. He was hoping for confusion, anger, maybe even a tiny display of despair…instead he gets a lifeless bunch of replies form some brain dead Umbrella employees.

"Ah well, it'll have to do." He mumbles to himself. "Alright, time to vote. Ada you're up."

Ada saunters over to the voting jar, and quickly scribbles out a name. "Nicholai, your services are no longer required." She smiles and walks away.

Nemesis is next. He holds up a card, with a rather elegantly written name on it. "Starrrrsss…" he glances around, clears his throat and starts speaking in a rather sophisticated English accent. "Morpheus your weirdness is a threat to my lovely Alexia. I'm afraid you must depart the island."

This display causes the cameraman to glance into his coke can, and promptly faint. After a short commercial break, we return to find Alexia scribbling out a name.

"Alfred, you need to be less jealous. Sorry about this." she then folds up the card and stuffs it into the jar.

Alfred is next. "Nemesis you are moving in on my territory…I CANNOT ALLOW THAT YOU GIANT BIO-GENETIC FREAK OF NATURE….ALEXIA IS MINE! MINE…MINE…MINE…MINE…"

This rant goes on for at least another five minutes. During which Alfred is completely oblivious to the fact that everyone can hear him screaming at the top of his lungs, including our former contestants in the tree…

"Sounds like Alfred is having a bad day." Leon yawned, leaning back on his branch.

"I hope that twisted psycho doesn't wind up down here." Birkin shudders a bit, while Leon and Chris stare at him. "What?"

"Uh…Birkin you injected yourself with an unproven virus and became a giant G-Virus mutant…"

"So?" Birkin shrugged, so not getting Leon's point.

"Leon, might as well give it up, he's not gonna get it." Chris stretched, popping his shoulder. "I mean he's as twisted as Alfred."

"No one's that strange."

"What? I don't get it?" Birkin is now looking more than slightly confused. Ever hear the sound of two people slapping someone at the same time?

Back at our tribal council things have settled down a bit, and it is now time for Wesker to count the votes. He grabs the jar.

"When the final vote is read the person voted off will present their torch and prepare to be thrown over the railing." At this piece of news her smirks evilly, and pulls out the first vote. "Alfred"…second… "Alfred" …third… "Ada" …forth… "Nicholai" …fifth… "Nicholai" …sixth… "Morpheus" …seventh… "Marcus" …eighth… "Nemesis" …ninth… "Alexia"

There is an audible gasp as everyone realizes that Nicholai and Alfred are tied to be kicked off the island. However there is an even bigger gasp as Wesker pulls yet another vote out of the jar…

Tenth… "Alfred" …eleventh… "Alfred" …twelfth… "Ada" …thirteenth… "Nicholai" …fourteenth… "Alexia" …fifteenth… "Alexia" …sixteenth… "Alexia" …seventieth… "Ada" …eighteenth… "Nicholai" …nineteenth… "Nicholai"

Now everyone stares at each other, as they realize that everyone has voted twice, and someone has voted three times. Wesker quickly counts through the votes…again.

"Alright Nicholai you are the one to leave the island, please step forward." Wesker in now smiling evilly again.

Nicholai stomps forward mumbling obscenities, luckily the censor was quick on the button to beep out the nasty language. Wesker put out the torch and reached for Nicholai.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!" Nicholai then pulled a can of hairspray and a Zippo lighter. "I'll use it…I SWARE!!"

Now this appeared to frighten Wesker for all of about…3 seconds. He then leaped straight in the air crashing through at least three trees, and landed behind Nicholai grabbing him by the back of the shirt.

"Good try, give you credit for that." Wesker then threw him over the railing. "Bye!"

Several minutes of crashing sounds later, and Nicholai landed in the tree with everyone else. He shook his head and stared at the former contestants.

"For future reference, Wesker's weakness is not fire."

"Really?" Leon scooted over, giving Nicholai some room.

"Yea."

"Hmm…that's interesting." Birkin produces a notebook and starts scribbling.

"I wonder what his weakness is then?" Chris ponders…

Wesker turned around, smiling wickedly. The Umbrella Tribe all looked at each other then scattered into the trees like a group of New York cockroaches after a light comes on…

Next Time on Survivor…

A family visit…

Another time consuming and torturous immunity challenge…

A/N: I hope you enjoyed, cause I included every vote that was cast…hence the reason there were so many…