DISCLAIMER: Still don't own Resident Evil, Onimusha, Corona, Ralph Lauren, or Survivor. I also do not own Ruben Salven, he is the sole property of CassSpaz.

A/N: I apologize for the lateness of this chapter…it's that damn writer's block!! However, after slapping my muse around a bit, I appear to be recovering. On with the show…

Umbrella Camp

The Umbrella team returns to camp after the tribal meeting, and I must say no one seems to be missing Nicholai a whole lot. In fact I'm pretty sure a couple people haven't even noticed he's gone.

"Well, that was certainly different. Who knew that everyone would vote twice." Ada carefully stoked the fire.

"Indeed." Hunk grunted, attempting to skin a fish. "Someone voted three times too."

"I think that might have been Alexia, but I can't be sure."

On The Beach

Wesker looked over the script, and moaned. It was time for one of those warm fuzzy moments the show is so fond of having. The show was flying in the Survivor's family or friends. The mere thought of the sickenly sweet reunions, was enough to make him wanna hurl. But hey, he was getting paid and he'd signed a contract, so there wasn't a whole lot he could do about it.

He plastered a rather mocking smile on his face as the survivors made there way onto the beach. He was not surprised by how happy the Umbrella team looked. He seriously doubted that any of them missed Nicholai too much.

"Well, how is everything going?" Not that he cared, but he had to ask.

"Oh just wonderful!!" Alexia was smiling up at Nemesis, while Alfred stared at Nemmy with a look of hate and contempt.

"Can I go home now?" Brad was still whining…big surprise.

"No." Wesker looked over his clipboard, before speaking again. "Alright folks, we have a special surprise for you today…"

A long string of obscenities, from Billy, interrupt our host. Along with several sobs from Alyssa and Yoko. At least two very mangled Greek curses, from Morpheus and Marcus. Alexia is attempting to hold Nemmy back. Ada and Hunk are conspiring to kill Wesker. Claire and Rebecca are trying to sneak away. Jill is trying to find a weapon. Carlos is simply trying not to have a nervous breakdown. Last, but not least, Brad has fainted. Wesker clears his throat, and when that doesn't get everyone's attention he lobs his clipboard at Carlos, knocking him unconscious.

"Now then, if you will pay attention for one minute." Wesker retrieves his clipboard, and gives Carlos a kick for good measure. "The producers of the show, have decided to fly in one member of everyone's family, or a friend. So here they are. From Mexico we have Carlos' cousin…Ruben Salven!!"

A tall, handsome looking man with dark hair, and wearing a U.B.C.S. uniform steps out of the tree line. He winks at Alexia as he walks towards the S.T.A.R.S. tribe, and even gives ole Morpheus an appraising glance. However, instead of stopping at his fallen cousin he simply steps over Carlos' prone body and saunters over to Jill.

"Hey baby…wanna come take a look at the palm trees with me?" His hundred kilowatt smile is bright enough that a blind man could see it.

"Oh God…another one." Jill is seriously considering suicide at this point.

"Pretty boys as far as the eye can see." Wesker sighs, and consults his list again. "From all the way across the ocean, Alexia's father….Alexander Ashford!"

A tall rather distinguished looking gentlemen in a suit and lab coat enters the scene. He calmly walks over to his daughter Alexia.

"Hey!! You're supposed to be the mutant Nosferatu!!" Alexia is a might confused at this point, as are most of the readers I would wager.

"Yea and half the people on the island are supposed to be dead…go figure."

"Moving on…from the same place as Alexander we bring you….what the hell??!!"

Wesker is just as confused as everyone else, when a large cryogenic tube is delivered to Alfred. Alfred quickly signs the delivery sheet, and stares in awe at the tube. Inside is a frozen Alexia.

"My precious sister." He then wraps arms around the tube and starts crying. "I miss you soooo much!!"

"Alexia, remind me to up the dosage of his medication when we get home." Alexander looks like he might toss his cookies any minute.

"Sure, no problem." Alexia isn't looking too healthy herself.

"I knew he was a freak, but damn…" Wesker shakes his head, trying to clear his mind of several very sickening images. "Alrighty then…All the way from Raccoon City, Annette's baby girl…Sherry Birkin!!"

At this point everyone near Annette suddenly takes off like a shot, all of them wind up huddling together with the S.T.A.R.S. team. Sherry comes skipping onto the beach and immediately homes in on her unsuspecting mother.

"MOM!!"

Two miles away several windows shatter. Closer to the action , three cameras are destroyed, causing the show to go to an early commercial. Upon returning to the show, we find Sherry hog tied and gagged while poor Annette sits in the sand giggling to herself and mumbling something about acid flashbacks.

"From somewhere out west, Billy's baby sister…Christina Coen!!" Wesker rubs at the bridge of his nose. "What is it about these damn "boy scout heroes" and little sisters?"

A young woman, about the same age as Claire, trots out onto the beach, with med length black hair, and wearing an Air Force uniform.

"Billy!" Christina then throws her arms around her brother. "How you been doing?"

"Not too bad I suppose. So Chris how's things going with you?"

"Did someone say my name??!!" A mysterious voice yells.

Wesker quickly takes control of the situation, as all eyes turn towards the tree line. "Please ignore the voices behind the tree line!"

"I heard my name damn it!" The voice yells.

Wesker smiles, then runs back into the trees. For several minutes there are some very loud screams, the breaking of branches, and what sounds like breaking bones. Wesker returns to the beach looking a bit disheveled but happy none the less. He's evil, so I suppose kicking the shit out of Chris and everyone else in the tree, would have the tendency to make him happy. He wipes a speck of blood off his very cute Hawaiian shirt and consults his clipboard again.

"From an undisclosed location, we have Hunk's mother…Ice!!" Wesker scratched his head. "That has got to be a code name of some kind…"

A tall, athletically built woman, with short blonde hair, and wearing a black turtleneck and matching pants stepped onto the beach. She appeared to be looking seven places at once, as she made her way over to Hunk.

"Mother."

"Son."

And well…that was about it. They just sorta stood there, and stared at each other. Perhaps sensing the nothing too exciting was going to happen in the near future Wesker went on with the introductions.

"Alright, to speed things along a bit let's just bring everyone out. I mean we still have the damn immunity challenge to do here."

This bit of news didn't seem to make anyone brighten up at all. Although both Brad and Carlos had finally regained consciousness. In the meantime ten people trotted out onto the beach. This confused Wesker slightly, as there were only nine survivors left on the clipboard, who hadn't seen their so called loved ones yet.

"Hey Albie!!" A tall woman with long blonde hair shouted, waving her arm.

"Oh no…" Wesker rubbed at his temples. "Please tell me the producers did not drag her on here."

"Who is that?" Claire was eyeing the young blonde suspiciously.

"I believe she said she was the host's sister." Claire's mother nodded. "Yea, you can see the family resemblance."

"Wesker has a sister?" Now Jill was confused. Seemed to be happening a lot today.

"Wow, that's kinda neat." Richard Aiken was just glad he wasn't dead.

"So it would appear." Alyssa said.

"She's pretty nice actually." This comment came from Kevin Ryman, Alyssa and Yoko's friend. Apparently the producers of the show were too cheap to bring a separate friend for each of them.

"I wanna go home.." Brad then broke down into tears….and so did his brother.

"Oh shut up Brad." Rebecca appeared to be getting fed up with his whining.

"Does he do that a lot?" This comment came from Rebecca's boyfriend Samanosuke. They met at the annual Capcom Christmas party.

"All the damn time."

And as our tall athletically built blonde walked toward our host, the conversations continued. Morpheus was talking with Bruce McGivern, asking how Fong was doing. Marcus was having an argument with Ozwell Spencer about the progenitor virus. Nemesis was the only one not speaking, but I suppose it's difficult to have a conversation with a test tube of T-Virus.

"Alexandra, what are you doing here? Or a better question would be why you are dressed in a U.B.C.S. uniform?"

"Geez Albie, nice to see you too, and this is not a U.B.C.S. uniform. It's a tank top with the Umbrella logo on it." Alex crossed her arms, looking almost as evil as her brother.

"I thought you were working for S.T.A.R.S. now and dating the insolent Redfield?"

"Wrong fic Albie." And indeed she was right, this is the version of Alex before she switched sides. "Now, as for what I'm doing here I thought you might need these."

Alex reached into her pocket and produced a pair of Ralph Lauren sunglasses. Wesker, having been deprived of his sunglasses several days earlier, snatched them out of her hand grinning. He then slipped them one and did something no one expected…he hugged his sister.

"You're my hero!!"

This display caused the entire beach to fall silent, well except for a few muffled thuds as several people fainted from shock.

"Calm down Albie, before you ruin your treacherous bastard image. Which reminds me, isn't it time for the immunity challenge?"

This bit of news only seemed to make Wesker that much happier.

"Ah yes." He then let out a fit of evil laughter. After a few seconds, her regained his composure. "Time for the…Maze of Peril!"

This elicited several groans from various contestants, blank stares from a few of the guests, one fainting spell from Brad's brother, and a great show of interest from Alexandra. Wesker then grinned like a shark and drug his sister over to a nearby maze, as everyone else sorta followed behind looking like condemned prisoners.

"The object of this game is very simple. You will be paired with another team member. One team member will be blindfolded, the other will have to guide the blindfolded team member through the maze in order to locate a flag. This can only be done by shouting directions at them from the top of the maze. The first tribe to get all their flags out of the maze wins. However, you must only collect your tribe's flags. Each flag is clearly marked."

"What's the catch?" Rebecca was paranoid, and rightly so. I mean this is Wesker we are talking about.

"The maze is filled with zombies, Cerberus, a few hunters, maybe a tyrant or two. Easy. Now since we have all this special guests here today, Alexandra you get to partner our vict…err…contestants up."

Ten minutes and two fist fights later

"All set to go Albie." Alexandra was quite pleased with her selections.

"Alright then…GO!" Wesker then sat down in his lawn chair and handed Alex a Corona. "This is the fun part."

And eight people ran through the maze blindfolded, with only their partners to guide them.

"STARRRRSSS!!" Nemmy stood above the maze, waving his arms at Ada. Ada in the meantime was trying not to get eaten by a zombie.

"Left…no, you idiot, YOUR OTHER LEFT!!" Billy was very close to killing Brad himself, never mind the hunter that was currently chewing on Brad's leg.

"Right…left…jump…duck…" Marcus seemed almost board with this whole exercise, especially since Hunk took directions so easily.

"Move your ass!!" Morpheus followed up this bit of direction with a well placed zap of electricity to Alfred's butt.

"You're almost out!! Right…left…YES!!" Alyssa jumped up and down as Yoko excited the maze, with only minimal injuries.

"That's one for the S.T.A.R.S. tribe." Wesker cracked open another beer. "Isn't this fun?"

"Oh very." Alexandra was on her third beer and feeling rather perky at the moment.

"AHHH!! REBECCA ANNETTE HAS OUR FLAG!! SICK'ER!!" Carlos was jumping up and down like a frantic moron. Rebecca in the mean time, tackled what she thought was Annette. Turned out to be Claire instead.

"Left…right…jump…dive…you're out." Marcus yawned as Hunk crossed the finish line with a flag and zero injuries.

Meanwhile Annette managed to find the right flag and stumble out of the maze, followed closely by Brad, dragging his hunter with him.

"Two for S.T.A.R.S. one two for Umbrella. God I love this job." By this time both Wesker and Alexandra were getting quite tipsy.

"Damn it Rebecca that's CLAIRE!!" Carlos was this close to going down there and beating the hell out of Rebecca.

"Kick her!!" Jill was now going spastic herself. "Gouge her eyes out!!"

Meanwhile Ada somehow managed to get a flag out, and she was quickly followed by Alfred.

"Well then looks like Umbrella wins. Tribes gather your tribe mates and head back home. Guests get back on the chopper." Wesker's words were a bit slurred at this point. "S.T.A.R.S. see you at tribal council…Alex hang out for a while."

"No problem." Alex couldn't have moved it she'd tried…she was seeing double.

And so there was a tearful goodbye, and a least one instance of one tribe member trying to sneak on the chopper. The two tribes hauled their injured back to camp, while Wesker and Alex continued their drinking binge.

Back in the Tree…

Four broken and bloody men sit in their tree, trying to see what the hell is going on.

"Hey is that the chick Wesker said I was gonna date?" Chris was now eyeing Alexandra, despite having two black eyes and what appeared to be a broken arm.

"Yea...oww." Leon was nursing a black eye and swollen lip.

"She's pretty hot."

"Wonder if she can fight?" Nicholai was no better off then anyone else, with a severe concussion, and a twisted ankle.

"Wonder is she would be good experimental data?" Birkin had escaped relatively unscathed, with only a couple bruised ribs.

"What are you talking about?" Chris was now a wee bit upset, I mean this was his future girlfriend they were discussing.

"Well…what if we make her like Wesker…think of all the ass you could kick then…including Albie's."

This lead the men to fall silent, for several minutes. Of course when the two Hunters showed up underneath the tree, their thoughts turned to more important matters…like screaming.

Back on the beach…

Halfway through their third case of Corona…Wesker and Alex broke into song..

"Oh I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts…deedle dee dee…standing in a row…"

A/N: It's that time again…Who on the S.T.A.R.S. team has to go? Cast your votes!!