A/N: The readers have spoken…
Also things are going to get a bit weirder than usual…I may be giving you guys strange nightmares, you have been warned…
Umbrella Camp
Yea, it's that time again. Once more the remaining Umbrella tribe members must search their hearts in order to decide who must be eliminated from the running…yea right. You know as well I as I do that all they manage to do every tribal council is back stab someone or use the votes as an excuse for vengeance. Hell half the time someone, usually Alfred, votes twice. I mean the voting on this tribe is never honest. Not to mention…
But I digress.
As per the usual Alexia and Nemmy are off by themselves doing God knows what. Trust me you really don't want to know what they're up to, but I can tell you it has nothing to do with tonight's tribal council. Alfred is sitting in the bushes still hiding from Nemmy. Hunk is nowhere to be found at the moment and neither is Ada. Marcus and Morpheus are exchanging fashion tips at the moment.
For all intents and purposes it appears that no one is concerned with tonight's vote. However our intrepid and slightly crazy cameraman still has a job to do and will now systematically corner each tribe member to get their thoughts, strange as they may be…
"Well, I'm still trying to get Alfred off." Morpheus flips it's hair back. "I mean the poor thing is just so tormented right now. Unlike our evil host I do not enjoy that sort of spectacle. Deviant sexual acts involving gophers is more my sorta thing."
After a brief moment of shock, the camera man slowly backs away. The poor guy will be tormented with very graphic visual images for at least a month thanks to the white haired freak. After taking a few minutes to collect his thoughts he braves the dangers of another strange sexual fantasy and corners someone else.
"I don't like that Hunk person." Marcus' eyes are all red and puffy from crying over his dead leech. "I mean he wanted to kill one of my precious babies and he laughed when poor little Magnus got eaten by that awful shark!"
The camera man shakes his head and finally locates Alfred's hiding spot, Marcus' sobs still echo in the distance…
"I'm all alone now. Nemmy and Alexia have to go, if I don't get them first…" Alfred looks around nervously, rocking back and forth like some kind of mental patient, and suddenly lunges forward grabbing the cameraman by the front of the shirt. "They're crazy! They'd like cook me up and eat me for lunch or string me up by my ankles and beat me with wet noodles!!!"
In an act of desperation the cameraman grabs the only thing he can find and bashes Alfred in the head with a coconut. As our little blonde freak falls to the ground unconscious, the cameraman takes off through the brush. Unfortunately for the sanity of our poor cameraman he accidentally stumbles onto Nemmy and Alexia.
"OH GOD…I'M BLIND!!"
Fortunately for the viewing audience he drops the camera while attempting to claw his eyes out. As he stumbles blindly off into the undergrowth, Nemmy and Alexia resume their extracurricular activities…trust me you DO NOT want any details.
Tribal Council Area
Wesker runs a hand through his newly dyed hair. The producers decided that they couldn't leave his hair pink, it simply didn't fit with his evilness. So in an effort to restore our host's usual bastard persona they called in five of the best Hollywood stylists money could buy. After four hours the best they could do was to dye over the pink. Unfortunately their wasn't any blonde dye strong enough for the job. Wesker is now sporting a mass of red hair and a new haircut. Apparently the stylists decided his haircut was too outdated. He's sorta got that whole Ben Afflack look from Daredevil going on now.
His fan base has increased by three hundred people in the two minutes he's been on camera.
As Wesker thinks about what kind of strange tortures he can inflict upon the tribes in the next immunity challenge, the Umbrella tribe shows up. Immediately Wesker smirks at the state of poor Alfred. The strain of Nemmy and Alexia's relationship is taking it's toll. Wesker almost feels sorry for the poor freak, especially since Alfred's now giggling uncontrollably and has developed a nervous twitch in his left eye. Then again this does present more tormenting opportunities for Wesker's repertoire.
"Well how goes things at camp?"
"Oh simply wonderful." Alexia croons, grinning at Nemmy.
"I wanna go home." Marcus mumbles cuddling one of his leeches.
"I like chicken!"
Alfred's outburst it quickly followed by a loud slap from Morpheus. Maybe the cameraman hit him a little too hard with that coconut.
"Ah…yea. Ok my little victims you may now go and crush the hopes of some unlucky contestant."
Ada is the first to vote. She struts over to the pot and scribbles out two ballots. Both of them have the same name on them.
"I'm sorry Hunk, but you have outlived your usefulness."
Ada smiles at the camera and takes her seat. Hunk is next. He walks calmly over to the pot and he two scribbles out two ballots.
"In an effort to eliminate the two people who most threaten my chances I must now break my honor code and vote twice. Ada you have outlived your usefulness. Marcus…well you're not a real threat on your own, but those (beeping) leeches are a pain in the ass."
Hunk takes his seat. Alfred jumps to his feet and skips over to the pot, humming to himself. He scribbles out two ballots and holds them up, one in each hand.
"Alexia, my beautiful and infinitely intelligent sibling, your tryst with Nemmy must come to end before you can reproduce. Nemmy…well besides corrupting my sister you're scary and want to kill me. Sorry."
Alfred skips back to his seat, smiling like an idiot, and mumbling something about Canadian bacon really being ham. Morpheus shakes it's head as it walks to the voting pot. It scribbles out a name and holds up the card.
"Alfred, honey, you need some professional help or at the very least some very strong medication."
Morpheus takes it's seat. Marcus is next, toting along his leech. He scribbles out a name and holds up the card.
"Hunk you made fun of poor Magnus when he got eaten and you have no respect for my babies…" Suddenly, Marcus shows a tremendous amount of manliness one would not expect from a dress wearing, opera singing, leech lover. "I HOPE YOU DIE A HORRIBLE AGONIZING DEATH INVOLVING SNAKES AND BEARS AND HUNTERS AND…."
Meanwhile…in the tree…
"Sounds like Marcus has finally snapped." Chris stares up through the trees toward the council area. "I wonder what happened."
"Maybe Hunk finally killed one of his babies." Claire puts the final touches on their dinner. "The bats are ready!"
"Finally something other than bananas and coconuts."
Leon snags one of the bats off the fire. Good thing they have Birkin around. Besides being able to make binoculars out of coconuts, he's also quite handy at making barbecue pits out of palm leaves, dry twigs, and some left over banana peels. Yea it's strange, but work with me here.
"Lucky for you I have my gun with me." Alex says from several branches up. "Though I'm running short on ammo."
Yes indeedy it was our brave Alex who eliminated the bat/crow threat. Good thing too considering everyone else was either cowering in fear or in the process of being eaten alive. In fact poor Nicholai is still nursing several crow peck injuries on his back and head.
Back to the voting…
After ranting for another ten minutes about the various creatures, real and in some cases imaginary, that Marcus hopes kill Hunk he finally takes his seat. Alexia is the next to vote. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.
"I'm sorry Hunk, but you have outlived your usefulness. Not to mention that you are just way too good at the immunity challenges and that's going to be a bad thing for me once the two tribes combine."
She smiles sweetly and takes her seat. Nemmy is the final survivor to make his vote. He scribbles out the name and holds up the card.
"Hunk old boy, you are simply too good at immunity challenges."
After Nemmy takes his seat, Wesker hurries off to collect the jar. He returns a few seconds later and grins widely.
"And here we go…Nemmy…one vote Nemmy…"
…card number two…
"Ada"
…card number three…
"Hunk"
…card number four…
"Hunk…Christ can't you people vote for the same person twice!"
…card number five…
"Hunk…two votes Hunk."
…card number six…
"Alexia"
…card number seven…
"Marcus"
…card number eight…
"Hunk…three votes Hunk." Wesker frowns, glancing into the pot. "Ah bloody hell some of you double voted, didn't you?! Damn Umbrella tribe, ya sneaky bastards."
…card number nine…
"Alfred"
…card number ten…
"Hunk…four votes Hunk." Wesker glances into the pot again, relieved that there are not more votes. "Hunk, you are seventh person voted off the island, please bring me your torch."
Hunk stands, grabs his torch, and walks calmly over to Wesker. Wesker puts the torch out and cracks his knuckles loudly, preparing to perform the favorite part of this whole hosting gig. But before he can grab Hunk, Hunk pulls something out of his tactical vest and holds it directly under Wesker's nose. Wesker's eyes cross as he stares at the object in Hunk's hand. Finally he realizes what it is and lets out a high pitched scream of terror.
"AHHHH!! OH GOD GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!"
Then in a display of cowardice, one would usual attribute to Brad, he runs around in circles waving his arms around wildly. Hunk smirks still holding the offending object, it would appear our industrious Umbrella operative has finally discovered Wesker's one weakness. Unfortunately for him, Wesker is several times stronger and faster than him and is now running around uncontrollably. In an awesome display of stupidity, again something you would attribute to Brad, Wesker runs right into a nearby post snapping it in half. The broken post then slams into Hunk and knocks him over the railing to land in the tree with everyone else. Wesker finally breaths a sigh of relief and promptly faints.
"Did anyone see what he was holding?" Ada whispers to Marcus.
"No clue, happened too fast."
The Umbrella tribe sighs and proceed to exit the council area. Each of them gives the unconscious Wesker a good kick in the ribs as they leave…
In The Tree
Hunks hits several branches on his way down and finally lands in Birkin's lap. Birkin lets out a blood curdling scream and scrambles behind Nicholai.
"What was all the screaming about?" Nicholai asks, tactfully ignoring the sniffles from Birkin.
"I finally discovered Wesker's one weakness. Unfortunately I didn't take into account his reaction." Hunk sighed. "I didn't think he have a full on Brad-like freak out."
"You know his weakness??!!" The entire tree, except Alex, asks looking stunned.
Hunk nods pulling the object, that sent Wesker into his mindless cowardice, out of his vest…
"That's…a mouse!" Chris is now in complete disbelief. "A man that can bench press a Buick is scared of a (beeping) mouse?!"
"So it would seem."
"Hell, I could have told you guys that." Alex looks down from her perch. "He's been scared of mice since his pet tarantula got eaten by one."
"A mouse ate his pet tarantula?" Annette looks skeptical. "I though mice were herbivores."
"It was rabid."
Now it's Claire's turn to look skeptical. "A rabid mouse?"
Alex shrugs. "Yea."
"Are you sure it was a mouse?" Leon too is skeptical…seems to be the theme at the moment.
"I saw it. Albie came running out of his room with the mouse chasing after him. Hell the mouse had one of Fluffy's legs hanging out of its mouth." Alex shook her head. "I managed to kill the damn thing with Dad's berretta. Albie cried for two days."
This explanation is met with blank stares from everyone in the tree. Chris is the first to comment.
"Let me get this straight. A rabid mouse ate Wesker's pet tarantula Fluffy and you shot it with a berretta. That just does not sound possible."
Alex sighed. "Yea, a lot like Birkin's little invention. I mean come on a barbecue pit made out of twigs, palm leaves, and leftover banana peels. And let's not forget the binoculars made from coconuts."
"Point taken. I suppose it is possible." Chris ponders for a moment. "But don't you think using the berretta was a bit of overkill?"
"Well I was gonna use the shotgun but Albie was in the way. I mean I was only like five at the time, how did I know you're supposed to use like a broom or something to kill mice. Come to think of it, Mom was pretty pissed about the hole in the floor and the blood all over the carpet."
This statement is met with silence, after a few minutes Leon changes the subject…
Next Time on Survivor….
You guessed it, another immunity challenge…
Romance is in the air, in a very unexpected place…
An unexpected storm…
A/N: Me hope you enjoyed this chapter…which appears to be longer than most of my usual Survivor chapters…