S.T.A.R.S. Camp…
The entire tribe pranced back to the camp. Well part of the time they had to swim thanks to the ever growing flood waters, but other than that is was a pleasant journey. Once back they prepared a nice meal and had one hell of a party. Halfway through Carlos flitted around the fire in a thong singing show tunes and declaring to all within listening distance that his life has much improved with the sadistic bitch gone. This display only causes Billy and Jill to go running off into the trees to be sick, the cameraman breaks down crying, and Yoko falls into a stunned coma. Thankfully the display is put to an end by a very brave Brad and Rebecca's whip…
Umbrella Camp…Next morning…
Things at the Umbrella camp appear to be running as smoothly as usual, apart from the occasional whimper of grief from Marcus. Some of his leeches have disappeared and two others have washed up in camp apparently drowned.
"Now, now Marcus it's alright." Morpheus pats Marcus on the back, trying to console him. "I'm sure they're in a better place now."
"IT'S NOT FAIR!" Marcus continues to cry. "MY POOR BABIES!"
While Marcus continues with his "Five steps of Grief" Ada and Alfred are sitting near the camp fire discussing women's fashions.
"Ada, the whole leggings and dress thing." Alfred shakes his head. "It's just not right. Now like a pretty flowered china doll dress would look simply beautiful on you."
Ada is taking down notes and beaming at Alfred with a look of love and adoration. It's really quite sickening when you think about it. Alexia and Nemmy are in the bushes…again…like that is really any surprise.
On the Beach…
Wesker stands amidst the knee high water that covers the beach and looks particularly bad this morning. He must be coming off his evil high, that is the only explanation for his lack of usual evil bliss. I mean the immunity challenge is coming up in just a few short minutes and he is displaying none of his usual evil grins or insane laughter.
The tribes slosh their way onto the beach and are also quite dismayed by the state of our host. Though secretly most of them are hoping the reason for his current mood is because the show cancelled the immunity challenge due to the rising water.
"Due to the rising water our immunity challenge has been cancelled."
Wesker sighs heavily and looks ready to cry. And the two tribes erupt into a display of happiness that greatly resembles a drunken frat party. Carlos is running around in his thong again. Brad is dancing around with Yoko and yelling like an idiot. Rebecca is squealing like a fan girl on crack and chasing after Billy. Alfred is hanging off of Ada and squealing in much the same way as Rebecca. Marcus is playing with his remaining leeches and laughing insanely. Morpheus is standing on a nearby rock doing his impression of Riverdance. Nemmy and Alexia are looking for some bushes.
However their happiness is short lived as one of the shows many producers comes running onto the beach and drags Wesker off camera.
"I wonder what that is all about?" Jill murmurs, while trying to throw a blanket over Carlos.
- And now a word from our sponsor -
A beautiful looking woman in a skimpy black dress enters the scene.
"Do you ever wonder how to get ride of those pesky blood stains after a night of zombie killing?"
Camera pans around to see a young woman trying to wash a load of blood stained clothes, several dead zombies are laying on the floor of her laundry room. She looks at the camera and nods.
"Then why not try new advanced formula…V-Jolt!"
Our spokeswoman holds up a read and white bottle about the size of a Coke bottle.
"V-Jolt's patented anti-goo formula works its way deep into the clothing's fibers to get rid of those stubborn blood stains."
The camera turns back to the woman in the laundry room who is dumping V-Jolt into the washing machine, while trying to fend off a Cerberus with a broom. After an abnormally long, dull, and very expensive series of special effects about the way V-Jolt works the woman with the broom holds up one of the bloodstained shirts, which is now clean.
"V-Jolt, simply the best." Our skimpy spokeswoman smiles again. "Just another fine product of Umbrella Inc. Helping your community, one miracle at a time."
And then a short disclaimer flashes at the bottom of the screen:
Please do not let V-Jolt come in contact with plants, animals, humans, or anything else that is classified as being alive. Umbrella Inc will not be held responsible for any mutations caused by swallowing V-Jolt. Thank you.
Back on the Beach…
The rising water is causing quite a commotion on the beach, as it is already starting to reach waist height. The tribes are starting to get a bit restless when Wesker is finally shoved back into camera range. Now dressed in black combat pants, a black muscle shirt, and dark sunglasses. Though he doesn't look quite normal. He's swaying back and forth, while mumbling to himself.
"Uh oh. This does not bode well." Jill mumbles, finally succeeding in covering Carlos.
"The Producers said I can't cancel the immunity challenge and they gave me some Bahama Mamas and some Vicadin, they are so nice." Wesker nods his head like a happy little drone. "So for this immunity challenge, you have to fight me! First team to lose all it's members goes to the tribal council. Let's get started!"
This long proclamation is met with blanks stares for about twenty seconds. After the realization, in that the two tribes will now have to fight Wesker while he is high on alcohol and Vicadin, sinks in…they proceed to have a full on freak out.
"AHHHHHH!" Brad runs around in circles, hard to do in such deep water. "I DON'T WANNA DIE!"
"I AM THE CAMEL KING!" Wesker shouts before pouncing on Billy.
Wesker then proceeds to pummel Billy. This does not sit well with Rebecca, who promptly yanks off her clothes reveling her trademark leather underwear and chases after Wesker with her whip. Alfred has broken down into tears and is being carried by Ada. After beating Billy to a bloody pulp Wesker cloth lines Ada, which send Alfred flying though the air to land on Nemmy's head. Nemmy is knocked unconscious while Alfred proceeds to run around mimicking Brad. Rebecca is now beating Wesker with her whip, which isn't having a whole lot of effect on our doped up host.
"CHEESE IS YOUR ENEMY!" Wesker shouts and tackles Carlos.
No one even attempts to help Carlos, I think everyone is still creped out by the whole thong incident. Marcus, sensing that his end is near, throws a leech at Wesker hoping to slow him down. It doesn't work. Instead of slowing him down Wesker yanks one of the leeches off his face and shouts…
"YOU ARE MY NEW FRIEND! I NAME YOU BOB!"
He then plops the abnormally large leech on his head and knocks Marcus into a tree with an uppercut. While Wesker, and his new pet, search for a new victim Brad and Alfred run face first into each other and hit the water unconscious. While Wesker runs after Yoko, still being chased by Rebecca, Morpheus leaps on top of a nearby rock and proclaims…
"This ends now!"
It then attempts to zap Wesker with a bolt of electricity. The bolt misses but ultimately is still effective. You see boys and girls water is a fantastic conductor of electricity. The bolt hit's the water and electrocutes everyone still wading around, even those already unconscious. After a few moments Wesker stands up a few wisps of smoke curling off of him and Bob.
"Umbrella tribe wins the challenge, thanks to the shapely tyrant thing with the gopher fetish. S.T.A.R.S. tribe see you at tribal council."
He then falls face first into the water. Meanwhile a severely singed Rebecca collects her tribe mates and limps off to camp. Morpheus proceeds to collect all his tribe mates and moves off. But what about poor Marcus?
In the Tree…a heroic rescue is in progress…
Alex swings a bit, trying to grab Marcus by the hair. Chris has a hold of her feet, Leon has a hold of his feet, while Claire and Alyssa hold Leon. Alex finally manages to grab Marcus and drops him in the water below, where Morpheus quickly collects his unconscious body and drags him back to camp.
"Alright, pull me up!"
Claire and Alyssa start pulling, dragging first Leon then Chris and finally Alex back into the safety of the branches. Let's give them a round of applause folks for doing such a nice thing for the enemy!
Next time on Survivor…
Who on the S.T.A.R.S. tribe has to go?
A/N: Alright, time for the vote!