Disclaimer: Instant still doesn't belong to me...The lyrics to "Giving In" and "Skin"belong to Adema.
Some Like It…
Part II: ColdLater that morning, I had woken up, and wondered what I had just done. I stayed awake for a while, watching Ryland sleep. He looked so happy and peaceful. I liked waking up next to him and smiled as I realized that I was fine with what we had done. And for this first time, I thought about marrying him. And how wonderful our life would be like. No complications, just love and devotion forever. I kissed him on the cheek and lay back down beside him and closed my eyes.
We both woke up after eleven and shared almost shy smiles. He kissed me before he got out of bed and stretched.
"You hungry?" he asked.
"Kind of…yeah I am."
He laughed and shook his head.
"I'll make us some lunch."
"Okay."
He walked out of the room and from somewhere around the vicinity of the bed, my cell phone rang, playing "Dance, Dance" my ringtone for Kat. I looked around and found it halfway under the bed. I picked it up and answered it.
"Hey, Kat."
"Where the hell are you?" Kat's voice hissed through my cell phone, giving me the impression she was hiding somewhere in the school, using her phone.
"Ryland's." I answered.
"You…stayed at Ryland's all night?"
"Morning technically." I replied, "He picked me up from G Major around…4:00 this morning."
"Why didn't you go home?" she demanded.
I sighed. "Things got out of hand with Tommy and I needed Ryland."
"What do you mean things got out of hand?" her voice was gentle all of a sudden.
"He kissed me and I kissed him back…then he got on top of me…and I stopped him and ran from him."
"What the fuck is his problem?" Kat yelled, her usually calm disposition out the window, "I'm gonna kick his skinny white ass!"
I laughed. "Go for it."
"How did Ryland take it?"
"He was understanding. He told me he had been in that situation before…and that he still loves me." I sighed happily.
"What did you do?" Kat asked suddenly.
"What do you mean 'what did you do'?" I demanded.
"You have the tone of someone in bliss…" she replied, "Did something happen?"
"We…uh…had…um…sex."
"Sorry, run that by me again."
"We had sex."
"Whoo!" Kat whooped loudly in my ear, then she laughed, "You banged Ryland! Oh my God, I can't believe it!"
"Shut up." I replied, rolling my eyes.
She was still laughing. "Did you practice safe sex?"
"No duh."
"So, how was it?"
"Nice."
"Just nice?"
"It was good, earth shattering, uh…awesome." I said, "What else can I say?"
"Nothing. I don't want all the smutty details." Then she paused, "Well, I actually do, tell me everything later."
It was my turn to laugh. "If you really want to know…and if Jamie asks…tell him I'm sick or something."
"Will do."
"Talk to ya later."
"Yup. Bye."
I hung up my cell phone and tossed it down beside me. Ryland reappeared a few minutes later, carrying a tray that had a plate, silverware, a glass of orange juice, and a napkin balancing on it.
"Ta-da." He grinned, putting it on my lap.
The food smelt delicious. I smiled when I saw it was an omelet, hash browns, and some bacon. Let it up to Ryland to fix us breakfast for lunch. But, Mmm, I couldn't wait to eat it! My stomach growled and Ryland laughed.
"Don't just stare at it, enjoy it!"
I laughed and dug in. Ryland left the room and came back with a tray of his own. We ate in companionable silence. I sipped my juice and watched Ryland, then snickered into my glass when I saw he was watching me.
"What?" we asked each other in unison.
We laughed. Ryland was the first to answer.
"I wish we could stay like this forever."
"Me too." I confessed.
"I think we should talk." Ryland said after a beat.
"About what? We've already shared our thoughts on sex."
He grinned. "About our future."
I felt anxious all of a sudden. Had he changed his mind about loving me, now that we had sex? A million doubts and fear flashed through my head before I voiced:
"What about it?"
"Iwanttomarryyou." He said in a rush.
My heart leap in my chest. Eee! He still loved me! And he wanted to…marry…me! Oh, my, god. This is the best day of my life! But I still had to make sure I heard him right. He could've said: "I want to bury you." Highly doubtful that he would ever say that, but a girl's got to know.
"You want to…" I started.
"Marry you, Jude Harrison." Ryland finished with a soft smile.
"Oh, Ryland…" I leaned over and kissed him, "I would love to marry you." I finished when we parted.
He smiled a pure, happy smile and kissed me again. When we broke apart, we resumed eating.
"I'm glad I got that out." Ryland said.
"Me too."
XX
After lunch, we decided that we had to go back to G Major and face Tommy. Clearing the air would be the best thing for all of us to do. Ryland and I showered (separately, at my request) and got dressed. My boyfriend held my hand as we left the apartment and made our way downstairs to his Bentley. My heart began to pound in nervousness as we left the parking lot and drove in the direction of the studio. What if everything blew up in our faces? I had become such a worrier! But all those thoughts we silenced by Ryland, giving my hand a light squeeze and smiling at me. I knew everything would be okay, whatever the outcome. I would be with him.
Inside G Major, we were surprised to find Tommy behind the glass. He was actually recording. Kwest sat at the soundboard and didn't even turn around when we came in.
"I don't know what happened here last night," he said, still not turning around, "but Tommy's been working like a fiend. He has three songs all ready to record. He hasn't been this motivated since he worked on Frozen."
The 44-second music intro was over and Tommy began to sing.
Will you walk me
To the edge again
Shaking, lonely
And I am drinking again
Woke up tonight
And no one's here with me
I'm giving in to you…
Take me under
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight
I'm giving in to you
Caught up in lies
Losing all my friends
Family has tried
To heal all my addictions
Tragic it seems
To be alone again
I'm giving in to you…
Take me under
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight
I'm giving in to you…
I stared at Tommy through the glass. Drinking? Addictions? What hasn't he been telling me? There was something dark lurking under his skin and I was worried about him.
"Tommy." Kwest said through the microphone when the song was done, "You have visitors."
Tommy removed his headphones and joined us behind the glass.
"We need to talk." He declared as his gaze settled on Ryland and me.
"Agreed." Ryland replied with a nod.
We all exited the room and went into studio C. Once inside, Tommy started almost immediately.
"First, I need to apologize to you, Jude." He said, "I was drunk last night…and when I drink, I act more than I think."
"You were drunk!" I cried, "I've been around you drunk before! How come I couldn't tell!"
"This… has been an… issue with me for a while…I've learned to hide it well."
I frowned at him. "Too well."
"And for taking advantage of you, I am truly sorry. I never like to hurt you." He laughed bitterly, "But I seem to be very good at it."
I couldn't help myself; he was just so pitiful that I had to hug him. Tommy let me hug him, and then gave me a little squeeze before releasing me. He turned to Ryland.
"And Ryland. I'm sorry if I caused any trouble between you and Jude. I didn't mean to."
"Apology accepted. And everything between Jude and me is fine. In fact, you kind have solidified things."
Tommy raised an eyebrow. "Solidified things?"
"We're talking about getting married." I answered. I couldn't bring myself to tell Tommy that I had lost my virginity with Ryland.
"Jude, you're seventeen." He replied.
"Not now, but in the future." Ryland supplied.
"Well, congratulations." Tommy said, "I hope everything will be okay between us all."
"Consider it forgotten." Ryland extended his hand to Tommy.
Tommy smiled and shook it.
"Thanks."
XX
A week later, everything went back to normal. Well, as normal as normal for me can get. I stayed at Ryland's a lot and talked about marriage more. Then a few weeks before Christmas, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. We decided on a date in June; after we both turned 18 and after I graduated. And he gave me a beautiful engagement ring; the band was silver and had diamonds all the way around. The diamond was 4 carats and I couldn't complain.
When I broke the news to the crew at G Major, they were all happy for me. Well, I wasn't so sure about Tommy. He acted happy, but I knew that he really wasn't. Afterwards, he walked back into the studio and began recording another song, like I hadn't said a thing.
Months flew by and my mom, Sadie, Kat, and I were getting things set for my wedding. We had the guest list ready, the invitations ordered, the church booked, and Kat was hard at work, making my wedding dress. One day when Ryland was out doing things with his band and everyone else was busy. Tommy and I decided to go to the movies. We hadn't been talking as much as we used to and it made me sad. So, when he suggested seeing something, I jumped at the chance.
We saw Rent at his insistence. He claimed to know Taye Diggs and wanted to support his work. I think he just wanted to see Rosario Dawson dance around half naked. We chose a spot in the top back corner and sat down. The opening with everyone on stage was a little boring, but the moment they began to sing "Rent" I was hooked! I didn't expect it to sound so rock. Then, being a typical girl, the love stories drew me in. When Collins and Angel began to sing about becoming lovers, my heart melted. When Mimi and Roger sang about telling each other their secrets, my heart broke.
"I should tell you, I should tell you." They sang and I felt a pang.
It reminded me of Tommy, and our ever-so-complicated relationship. I glanced over at him and caught him glancing at me. We laughed quietly and went back to eating popcorn. At the end of the movie, I walked out of the theater singing: "Out tonight" while Tommy laughed and started singing the song that Roger sang immediately after about her interrupting him with his guitar. When we stepped into the parking lot, we danced a little bit while still singing.
But we stopped singing after we looked into each other's faces. Then, we stopped dancing and ending up hugging.
"Don't marry him." He whispered in my ear.
"I have to. I love him." I whispered back.
"Don't you love me?" he asked.
"You know that a part of me does, Tommy. And how about you? Do you love me?"
"Of course I do." His eyes began to shimmer with tears.
I felt like I just killed a part of myself. I continued to hold him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"It's a shame that you told me too late." I informed him, "Things could've been different…but you made me move on."
"I know." He replied, "And for that, I'll never forgive myself."
XX
Four Months LaterI stood at the alter, having just exchanged vows with Ryland. The church was full with family and friends that applauded when he raised my veil and kissed me, just after being declared husband and wife. When we parted, we smiled and took each other's hands, and headed up the alter out the church doors. After pictures were taken, we got into the limo with the bridal party (my maid of honor, Kat, and my bridesmaids: Sadie, EJ, Georgia, and my cousin Rachel; his best man: Jake, Shattered's lead guitarist, and his groomsmen were Jamie and the remaining members of Shattered). Ryland and I couldn't stop kissing and laughing. I was so happy that I felt like I could burst, really.
Twenty minutes later, we arrived at the reception hall, Sadie and Rachel were already slightly buzzed, but I didn't care. I was married! When we walked in, the room was so beautifully decorated that it took my breath away. We ate dinner and speeches were made. Ryland and I had our first dance to our song: Everything by Lifehouse. After we were done, the dance floor filled up with the other couples as Dance, Dance by Fallout Boy began to play.
I danced for an hour, then my legs went numb, and I took a break. Kat and I talked as we watched everyone dance.
"Y'know, I didn't see Tommy in the church." She said.
Thank you, Katrina. "I'm not sure if he's going to show."
"That's a shame."
"Shut up, Kat."
"I know you at least want to see him one last time before you leave G Major."
I had almost forgotten that I was taking a break from music. I wanted some time to be married and pursue other things. I already had a deal in the makings about starring in a suspense/thriller movie with Ryland. Oddly enough, that movie had almost an all rock-star cast. With a sigh, I downed a glass of champagne. Then I heard Kat squeal and she grabbed my arm, her grip surprising strong through my arm-length white glove.
"He's here!"
I searched the crowd and saw Tommy at its edge. He was all dressed up but he wasn't smiling. I stood up and went to him as the song: 3 Libras by A Perfect Circle started.
"Hey." I greeted him.
"Hi."
There was a slight pause before he spoke up again.
"Do you want to dance?"
I nodded, not trusting my voice to work. He took me into his arms and we began to dance.
"I didn't think you were going to come." I whispered.
"I…couldn't watch the ceremony." He revealed.
"I understand." I laid my head on his shoulder and willed myself not to cry.
"You look so beautiful, Jude." Tommy told me.
"Thank you. You clean up very nice as well."
He nodded with tight eyes.
"I have something for you."
"What is it?" I asked.
We stopped dancing as the song ended. He opened his suit jacket and removed a CD case from his pocket. Tommy handed it to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Listen to it when you get the chance." He instructed.
"I will."
"Bye, Jude." He said softly.
Damn it. Tears filled my eyes. I will not cry.
"Bye, Tommy."
We hugged again and kissed each other's cheeks. Then he disappeared into the crowd. I looked down at the CD in my gloved hand and sighed. I will not cry. I felt a presence behind me and I knew without turning around that it was Ryland. He wrapped his arms around me from behind me and held me tight. I turned in his arms and put my arms around his neck. I sighed into the skin of his neck and calmed down.
I smiled at his when I straightened out and kissed him on the lips. He made me happy again. He always did.
"I love you, Ry." I said.
"I love you, too, my darling." He replied seriously.
I sighed in contentment and enjoyed the feeling of his body against mine. I felt like I was home.
XX
After the reception, Ryland and I went on our honeymoon in Hawaii. We spent a few hours making love, and then fell asleep sometime around 5:00 am. I awoke not too long later and slipped out of bed. I dug through my luggage and found the CD Tommy had given me and my CD player. I put the CD inside and pressed play. I heard Tommy's voice through the earphone and smiled sadly.
"Hey, Jude." He said, "I wrote this song for you, and um, here it goes:"
The CD went to track two and music began to play. Then his voice was began to sing.
Days will come that make no sense
My present situation makes me think too much
Too much
It all revolves around you
This life that I'm living means nothing without you
I'd shed my skin for you
(I'd shed my skin for you)
What would you want me to do?
(What would you want me to do)?
I will always love you
But I can't live like this
This problem here is my fault
It's not that I don't care
But I'm so lost
I'd shed my skin for you
(I'd shed my skin for you)
What would you want me to do?
(What would you want me to do)?
I will always love you
But I can't live like this
Why
Now you (rip me apart) see why
(Now you see why)
Don't fuck with feelings inside
Who you lying to?
Will I survive?
I like what you put me through
'Cuz I feel almost alive
(Almost alive)
I'd shed my skin for you
(I'd shed my skin for you)
What would you want me to do?
(What would you want me to do)?
I will always love you
But I can't live like this
By the end of the song, I was almost in tears. The CD went to track 3 and Tommy's voice came on again.
"That was called Skin. Have a wonderful life with Michaels…I'll always love you, Jude."
The End
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