Should Adam survive 4:10 (please let him survive! lol) I'm really interested in how he's going to cope with it all. After all, there's only so much one guy can take! This chapter's just a little exploration into how it might go, please R&R.
Chapter 4 (everybody has their weaknesses)
Finally, after 4 weeks and 2 days, I am allowed back out into the real world. I've got to wear a sling to help my shoulder recover fully, and I've been instructed with some force to not even contemplate doing anything too strenuous for at least another 2 weeks. The sling I can cope with, needs be and all that, but I refuse to spend another day lying around doing nothing, even if it will now be in the comfort of my own home. Besides seeing Wes, I've not actually had any visitors for the past week and truth be told, I'm a little lost with what is going on outside. Part of me is desperate to get back to Thames House, just to catch up on the latest developments, but I have no reason not to believe Harry wouldn't carry out his threat and send me home laden down with a stack of long disgraced politician's tax receipts to sort through. And so, I find myself in the back of a black taxi heading home. Even being there, I can't help but feel like I'll be a little out of the loop. I've been away for so long. I wonder if I've got any milk in the fridge.
As I walk into the hallway of my home, taking in the smell, the texture of the carpet under my feet, the picture of me, Wes and Fi on the table, it's like the strength I've been using to hold everything together suddenly evaporates. The feeling of finally returning home, of being alive and of seeing my beautiful wife looking at me whilst she mercilessly tickles my son overwhelms me and before I know what's really happening, I'm on the floor in a heap crying my eyes out like a child. For all my cool, cocky guy image, I'm still just a guy that in the space of a year has seen one close colleague leave my life forever, heard another being murdered in cold blood and had my wife die in my arms. Myself and my boss almost being killed by a psychopath just pushes things to a whole new level and it's all just a bit too much. I've never needed anyone so much as I need Fiona right now. I wish she was here.
A pair of lean arms gathers me into an unfamiliar body and I look up through my tears to see Jo on her knees beside me. The fact that it's her and not Fiona makes me angry, and I roughly push her away despite knowing that she only wants to help.
"Ok Adam, ok. Just know that I'm here for you if you need me" she says gently, standing up and walking into my kitchen. For the moment I don't care why she's in my house, I just want to sit in my hallway and wait for the world to end.
It could be minutes, it could be hours later when I can compose myself enough to stand up and almost re-acknowledge the fact that I'm at home. I can hear Jo in the kitchen moving around and so I manage to drag one foot infront of the other and walk slowly into the brightly lit room. Jo turns when she hears me come in and smiles a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Jo. I was out of order" I tell her through a slightly sore throat as I take a seat at the table.
"Don't be stupid Adam, it's ok. I understand. You're probably wondering why I'm here eh?" she asks as she puts the kettle on. The word 'understand' makes the hairs at the back of my neck prickle. How can she possibly, possibly understand? But for now, I chose to let it go.
"Harry sent you to make sure I was alright?" she's looking at me, I can feel her doing so even though I'm studying my hands that are on the table in front of me.
"Yes. I've been here a few days…I'll go if you want" she's stopped moving and I look up to see her standing in front on me, concern etched into every line of her young face. I sigh and resolve to pull myself together. None of this was Jo's fault as much as it was mine or Harry's. I can't punish her for how I'm feeling.
"No, no it's ok. I need to be brought up to date anyway with what's going on at work. I've been going mad" I manage a smile that I can tell hasn't quite convinced her that I don't mean that last part literally.
"Ok. Want a cup of tea?" she makes tea for both of us, before we move to the lounge and settle into the sofa.
"When's Wes coming back?" she asks first, and I reply that he's going to stay at his grandparent's for a little while longer before coming home at the end of the week. I'm so looking forward to having him here with me.
"Harry back at work?" I ask in between sips of the fist decent cup of tea I've had in ages.
"Yeah, yeah. Harry was back at work the day after getting home from hospital. He's been in a very good mood lately, despite everything. Actually, come to think of it, so has Ruth…" she stops mid sentence at my laughter. "What! Do you know something Adam?" she continues, a grin on her face.
"No. No! I don't, honest. I've been locked away in a hospital for a month, how could I?" I try to fight the smile off my face but fail miserably. If Harry and Ruth have finally got their act together and opened their eyes to the fact that both want each other, then it can only be a good thing. There needs to be more love in the world, especially in our little version of it. I shall have to have a word with them when I get back.
The next 3 hours are spent with Jo filling me in on all the important details of what has been going on with Juliet's investigation and the rest of the other news. By 10pm I am positively exhausted and just able to hold my eyes open long enough to let Jo know that I am heading to bed. Climbing in between the sheets 15 minutes later, I turn onto my side and look at the picture of Fiona on my bedside cabinet. I know that she is watching me. I've talked to her everyday since she died, even before the shrinks at Tring encouraged me to do so.
"Thank you for having a word and keeping me alive, Fi. I promise I'll take care of Wes, just like you asked. We'll be ok. I love you."
Just about to go into the bathroom, Jo heard talking and stopped. What she heard brought tears to her eyes. As she brushed her teeth and prepared for another night of sleeping on Adam's sofa, she wondered just what she was going to tell Harry in the morning.