A/N: Guess what friends and loyal readers, we had another tie. Three way this time. Since I caught a lot of flack for choosing the tiebreaker myself I decided to do this fairly and picked a random name out of a hat. So that's how the final choice was made this time. As for Ice returning, I got a lot of mixed reactions to her so her return is still up in the air.
Now may the madness continue…
HCF Camp…
It took at least two hours for the survivors to get back to camp. The reasons for this was due to the various injuries received during the immunity challenge, being harassed by several Chimeras, and having to drag an unconscious Nemmy back to camp. In fact, poor Alexia appears to have thrown her back out. Everyone else is nursing various wounds and bitching about the upcoming vote, except Morpheus who may in fact be having a nervous breakdown about it's hair…or lack thereof…
Yup, you guessed it. Our brave, and perhaps suicidal, cameraman heads into the danger zone to find out just what our survivors are thinking about. Of course what the survivors are thinking about usually involves the killing and/or maiming of some poor unfortunate teammate. Maybe they've been hanging out with Wesker a bit too long…
Anyway…
"I'M GONNA KILL HIM, THEN TURN HIS BODY INTO FISH FOOD!" Morpheus yells, running its fingers through its extremely short haircut, it kind of has that whole Rebecca haircut going on. "JUST LOOK WHAT THAT BIO-ENHANCED FREAK DID TO ME!"
The cameraman vigorously nods his agreement, it helps that Morpheus has him by the throat and is shaking him. So while Morpheus abuses our poor cameraman let's switch to cameraman B, who has just cornered Billy.
"Oh that little Rebecca beep is going down. Vote for me will she?"
Billy then breaks down into sinister laughter, Wesker would be so proud. Cameraman B slinks off, lest he be injured like poor Cameraman A, and corners Brad.
"Well I wanted to vote for myself, but Nemmy scares me, plus he did kill me back in RE 3." Brad shrugs. "Vengeance is a beep."
Cameraman B then goes to passive mode, while paramedics try to revive Cameraman A. Meanwhile we spot Jill and Alfred deep in conversation.
"So my first step toward anti-fuffdom is to vote for my sister?" Alfred looks a tad confused, but hey that's normal for him.
"Indeed it is, plus it will more than likely calm the vicious incest rumors that have been going around about you."
"Uh…yea, it would be good not to have that rumor going around."
Tribal Council Area…
Wesker stands near the railing, looking unusually worried. In fact I'd say he looked downright paranoid. I suppose it could have something to do with all the Chimeras running around the island but more than likely has something to do with the whereabouts of Ice. Three of the shows private security force were found bound and gagged shortly after they were sent out to locate her. Since then, due to the cost of insurance and workman's compensation, the show has decided not to pursue her. Wesker has been rather paranoid ever since, even Bob has been unusually quiet.
While Wesker's gaze searches the tree line for Ice, the contestants show up. They cast wary glances at Wesker and take their seats. However Wesker is so intent upon his Ice Search, that he doesn't even hear them arrive. Five minutes later Wesker still hasn't figured out that they are there and several of the survivors are becoming a bit board. Finally Jill, fed up with waiting, walks over and taps him on the shoulder. What happens next is so completely out of character for Wesker and hilarious we plan on selling the tapped material to Worlds Funniest Videos.
"AHHH!"
Wesker jumps ten feet in the air, while screaming like a five year old girl on helium, spins around, and decks Jill. Jill goes flying through the air, hits Brad, who in turn hits Alexia, who in turn hits the barley conscious Nemmy, and the entire group hit's a nearby tree before tumbling to the beach below in a pile of broken and bruised body parts.
"Opps." Wesker turns a bright shade of crimson and slides off camera.
In the Tree…
"Mommy look at the people fly!" Hunk jerks on Alex's shirtsleeve, pointing at the group of survivors that have just hit the tree. "Can I fly someday?"
"Uh…yea honey, now you watch the cute people." Alex turns back to Birkin and Annette pointing out several key points on a drawing. "Mommy's busy."
"Oh damn…that had to hurt." Ada, finally released from being tied to the branches, cringes as the flying contestants hit the ground. "I think they are definitely going to need an Advil after that fall."
"No kidding." Leon says.
The tree living survivors nod. Then return to what they have been doing for that last few hours…trying not to get eaten by the six Chimeras stalking them beneath the tree, oh and screaming of course.
…Requisite Commercial…
..The Following advertisement is brought to you by Harvard Chemical Foundation…
"Are you tired of zombies running around your backyard, ruining your flowerbed, and eating your pets? Tired of T-Virus outbreaks that get your entire city blown up by a nuclear bomb? Just plain disgusted by those promises Umbrella makes about getting rid of those Hunters that have thus far killed your entire family? Or how about the damage done to your home when several heavily armed U.B.C.S. agents knocked down your door, shot up the living room, and kidnapped your spouse for experimental purposes?"
"We at Harvard Chemical Foundation, or HCF for short, understand your plight. We understand that Umbrella Inc. is responsible for the problems you now find yourself facing. Such as:
Lurkers
Zombies
Giant Man Eating Leeches
Eliminators
Giant Bats
Giant Moths
Ivy (The B.O.W. not the plant)
Cerberus
Tyrants
Hunter Betas
Hunter Gammas
Chimeras
Crimson Heads
…and on…and on…and on…and on…
"The list is indeed long and we, unfortunately, don't have the time to list them all. However we at the HCF care about these problems. That's why we are offering, free of charge, our special agents to assist you in ridding your premises of these problems. All we ask in return is a small donation to our Take Umbrella Down Because They're Competition in Our Ruling The World Scheme fund. Just one dollar can make this a better world under our firm yet just hands."
"As an added bonus, if you call in the next five minutes, you will be registered to win a free Home Extermination from Albert Wesker himself!"
"Call now and receive these two free gifts: Guidebook to B.O.W. Pests Umbrella Has Created and a copy of Why the HCF Would be Much Better at Ruling the World."
"Save what few reaming family members you have…call the number at the bottom of the screen…"
HCF Number: 1-800-UMB-SUKS
"Remember Umbrella is an evil pharmaceutical company, unlike them…we care…"
Back at Tribal Council…
Several packets of smelling salts later Jill, Brad, Nemmy, and Alexia seem to be doing better. Well not counting the bruises and broken bones of course. Everyone is glaring at a severely red faced Wesker, who is still trying to keep up his evil appearance and failing miserably at it.
"Um…Marcus would you like to give away your immunity?"
"No." He snaps, petting one of his leeches. "No way in hell, Sparky."
"Ok!" Wesker claps his hands together and attempts to smile cheerily. "Bring in the Cage!"
The steel cage from the last tribal council is dropped behind Wesker. Carlos glances at the survivors while munching on a Double Cheeseburger from MacDonald's and reading PSM magazine. He gives a little wave then returns to the article about Cold Fear.
"Time to vote, Marcus cannot be voted for." Wesker forces another fake grin to his face. "Remember whoever is voted off goes on the Jury!"
Alfred is the first to vote. He scribbles out a name, the same one five times, and holds up the card.
"Alexia sorry, but I'm working on not being a fluff and you are an obstacle that must be overcome."
He smiles, drops the card in the pot, and takes his seat. Alexia votes next. She walks over, a bit hunched over thanks to re-injuring her back in the fall, and scribbles out the same name three times.
"Alfred this whole anti-fluffdom thing is just stupid. Plus you have sided with Jill and that I cannot forgive."
She drops the card in the pot and retakes her seat. Billy is next. He walks over to the pot, Fluffy trailing behind him like a lost puppy. What kind of a name is Fluffy for a Hunter, guy is starting to go fluff on us or something…
Anyway Billy scribbles out the same name three times and holds up the card.
"Payback Rebecca…payback…"
He then breaks out in evil laughter again and drops the card in the pot before returning to his seat. Wesker is quite impressed with the laughter , I might add. Nemmy is next to vote. He staggers to the pot, writes out the same name five times, and holds up the card.
"starrsss….starrsss….starrsss…"
Translation: Morpheus you are a girly…um…thing…die…
Nemmy takes his seat and it's Jill's turn. She drags one severely broken leg behind her. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.
"I want to go home…"
She drops the card in the pot and drags herself back to her seat, where she breaks down crying. Brad is next. He stumbles over to the pot and somehow manages to scribble out a name despite the fact his right arm has been fractured in six places.
"Nemmy, you killed me back in RE 3...that sucked, go away."
He drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Morpheus is up next. It scribbles out the same name six times and holds up the card.
"I HATE YOU NEMMY DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH AND MAY HUNGRY ZOMBIES EAT YOUR EYEBALL AND TENTICLES!"
Morpheus drops the card in the pot and takes its seat. Rebecca is up next. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.
"Hate you Billy."
She smiles rather sweetly and skips back to her seat. Marcus is the last one to vote. He swaggers up to the pot, scribbles out a name, and holds up the card.
"I'm not sure who to vote for so I'll vote for Brad. He's kind of sweet and just doesn't want to be here anyway."
Marcus smiles and heads back to his seat. Wesker quickly collects the pot and counts out the votes. He turns a pasty shade of white and breaks out in a cold sweat when he realizes just who it is he has to throw into the cage.
"Nemmy…bring me your torch…"
Due to the graphic nature of the following scene we are unable to allow you to view the images. We don't want to get sued by irate parents and/or government officials. Please be happy with the following dialogue…--
Images of cute puppies and kittens playing together dances across the televisions of America with this for background:
Rebecca: Damn…I didn't know an arm could bend that way…
Nemmy: starrsss…STARSSSS!
Wesker: Not the hair!
CRAAAAACK! Followed by… SWACK…followed by floppy fish noise…
Jill: I think I'm going to be sick…
Brad: Ewe…is that a tentacle on the ground?
Wesker: That was my best pair of sunglasses!
Nemmy: STARRSSS!
Billy: Oh damn…that has got to hurt…
Alfred: Uh…should that bone be sticking out like that?
THUD…WHAP…CRUNCH…
Marcus: Um…Albert you might want to have that looked at…it's bleeding a lot you know…
Alexia: WHIP HIS ASS BABY!
Wesker: (coughing and wheezing)
Nemmy: (panting)
Morpheus: WHIP HIS ASS ALBIE!
Thank you for your cooperation, we now continue with the program already in progress--
The survivors stare as paramedics cart off a moaning lump that used to be Wesker and the producers remove the cage containing a big puddle like thing that used to be Nemmy. The survivors then look at one another, shrug, and head back to camp…
Next Time on Survivor…
Yup, another immunity challenge…
A hurricane is arriving…
Alexia finds a new 'boyfriend'…
We meet the winner of the 'HCF Home Extermination Sweepstakes'…
Stay tuned…
OT: I hope this chapter is better than the last one. Oh and I hope everyone got the joke about 1-800-UMB-SUKS, UMB standing for Umbrella that is. Though as sharp as my readers are I'm sure everyone got it. I'm sure all of you can guess just who will be winning the HCF sweepstakes…I love self-insertion…