Apple: n.n wee! I'm back! Thankies for all the reviews everyone!
Picup: Yep, Farina is Tex and she beats up Dorcas and Guy! Fits don't it?
Windfox: Thankies! The two matched pretty well in my twisted mind so, yep, here I am n.n
Nightmare3: Hehe, I'm working on the Lopez/Sheila thing. But I'll figure it out.
K-Gforever: Wow, thanks. I try my best to make everything funny, although I sometimes mix the names x.x
Jhon 117: I guess this story's gonna be a ErkxFarina. But then the Tex x Church pairing wasn't…really a pairing to begin with. But it's interesting.
Onionbreath002: …You…did…not…just…do…that…CharChar. Hehe, just kidding. I can do worse than that. And yep, Eliwood is Vic n.n
Link015: It always sucks to be Erk. Heh, typos sorta, just happen.
Apple: Wow, so many reviews. I'm so happy! Anyways, next chapter, two more episodes and one more new muse.
Erk: -lassoed- Ugh…who are you gonna torture now.
Church: -warps in- the hell? How'd I get here? Where's Charlie?
Erk: You stole HIM too?
Apple: I didn't steal him! Honest! -pouts-
Erk: Sigh, by the end of this fic, you'll have all of his muses.
Apple: Yep.
Church: …so, I'm your muse now?
Apple: mm hmm! I stole you from CharryWarry!
Erk: …Oh my god…you called…him…-snicker-
Church: He's going to kill you now.
Apple: Serves him right. -grumble-
Erk: Anyways, before she does anything worse, time for the next chapter. And she don't own FE or RvB.
Pain knocking at your door
At red base, Sain was explaining why the horse was in pain to Wallace while a very distraught Raven tended to the poor animal. Sain sweated, knowing full well that his ass was about to be dipped into acid.
"And then I thought, you know, we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock, but umm, that's when the Pegasus showed up and…shit just started to fly around and uh…I dunno." Sain explained lamely.
"Sain…" Wallace sighed. "Do you have ANY fluxing idea how much this head of horse cost?"
"I dunno…maybe ten, twenty…twenty-five gold maybe?" Sain guessed. "That's…you…you're gonna kill me now aren't you?"
"Tell you what Sain, I'm a fair man." Wallace said. "I'll give you a ten second head start here before I let Raven here do anything he wants to ya."
Raven immediately stood up and faced Sain with an Iron bow at the ready.
"Guys…I just want you to know, I'm really REALLY sorry here-" Sain tried to apologize.
"Five Western Isles….Six Weastern Isles…"
"Okay!" Sain said backing away, seeing that his apology wasn't going to work. "I guess I better get going then."
With that, Wallace and Raven both began to shoot arrows at Sain, causing the man to jump around in a funny dance.
"Hey guys that's not funny!" Sain yelled. "Somebody could get hurt!"
Meanwhile at the blue base, the freelancer had come and was practicing shooting at something at the wall. The person wore a mask and showed a bit of blue hair under the heavy helmet and listened to Wil explain the situation.
"And that's basically it sir. They have five guys over there and a big jeep." Wil said.
"And your flag." The freelancer said in a muffled masculine voice, while discharging arrow after arrow.
"Yeah, that too." Wil said, watching the man light a short fuse on a mine covered in a sticky goop. "Uhh, hey…Farina." Wil said after the person threw the mine. "I don't know what it's been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here."
Against the wall, Serra was standing there shivering, with arrows sticking out of the wall around here and huge charred spot where the mine hit nearby.
"I'm scared…" She said in a weak voice.
Farina then turned around and began to check equipment and ammunition while Wil continued to babble on.
"So, I see you have the Special Forces black armor." He said noting the obvious. "Were you in the Special Forces at some point?"
Farina looked at Wil and continued to check weapons.
"Yeah, I used to have black armor too." Wil babbled on. "It was black because I got stuff all over it from the te-"
Then the freelancer turned around and left, jumping off the top of the base and heading towards the other side of the canyon.
"Oh okay…you gotta go? I'll see you later." Wil finished.
"I don't think he likes you." Serra whispered to Wil.
"Thanks…" Wil said to Serra before moving to the edge of the base. "Hey! Where're you going?" He yelled to the departing figure.
"Red base, kill everybody, get the flag back." The freelancer said simply and left.
"Oh….OKAY!" Serra yelled. "We'll just stay here and guard the…trans…porter…"
At red base, Sain was telling Kent what Wallace said in the little private meeting with major embellishments. "So Wallace thought that my strategy had major merits, but was poorly executed. Probable because SOMEBODY didn't believe in it."
"Horsecrap." Kent said. "He told me he thought you were a retarded monkey, and he's gonna suspend your weapon privileges."
Then Lucius spoke up. "Hey, since I captured the flag, think they'll give me my own color armor now?"
"What do you mean 'captured?'" Kent asked. "You thought you were buying it at the store you idiot."
"Still…" Lucius said. "You think there's a shot?"
"Maybe they'll give you Sain's armor since he almost killed the horse." Kent said.
"He-yeah." Sain said. "Wait, you don't think they'll really do that do you?"
Downstairs, Wallace was watching Raven tend to the horse.
"Try retracting that muscle over there and bracing that white thingy there. I think that's what's making that crick." Wallace said pointlessly while Raven stood up and glared at him. "Ahh…I think I'll let you do it." Wallace quickly corrected.
Wallace watched as Raven continued to inject various fluids into the horse, trying to ease the animal's pain. Suddenly, he felt a strange presence behind him. He turned around, wondering if anything was there.
"What the?" Wallace muttered "What was that?"
Back on top, Kent saw a strange blur moving around the base.
"Kent, what's over there?" Sain asked.
"I thought I saw something for a second." Kent said, staring into the bleak landscape.
Unbeknownst to the red team, Farina had used a special stave to become temporary invisible. It wasn't by all means perfect, but the mercenary could move about without so much as a slight color distortion to the surrounding landscape.
Sain was now getting a bit scared. He turned towards Lucius.
"Hey lackey." He said. "Tuck that thing some place until we can figure out what's going on."
"Good idea." Lucius said tossing the flag into the base. "I was getting sick of carrying this thing anyways."
Downstairs, Farina's boots crunched on some rocks. Kent and Sain immediately perked up.
"Did you hear that?" Kent asked.
"Yeah…" Sain said quietly.
"Hey!" Lucius whispered loudly. "What's going on?"
At that moment, Farina took out one of the fused, sticky mines, lit the fuse, and tossed it up, landing it squarely on top of Lucius' head.
Sain heard the fizzing noise and turned around.
"What the heck?" He said backing away when he found the brownish lump with a burning rope on top of the lackey's head.
"What?" Lucius asked when he saw Sain react.
Kent then turned around. "What is that thing?" He asked when he too saw the weird object on top of Lucius' head.
"WHAT THING!" Lucius said panicking.
"There's something on your head…" Sain said.
"What? Is it a spider? Get it off!" Lucius said getting worried.
"No, it's not a spider." Kent corrected. "It's like a…brownish thing."
"What? It's like a brown spider?" Lucius asked. "GET IT OFF!"
"It's not a spider, so calm down." Sain chastised. "It's some kind of sparking, bulb shaped thing."
"That doesn't sound much better than a spider!" Lucius said getting agitated.
"Does it hurt?" Kent asked.
"No." Lucius replied.
"Maybe we should try to take it off." Kent suggested.
"Good idea." Sain said. "Go for it."
"Me? By 'we,' I meant you, asshole." Kent said illogically.
"Well somebody needs to get it off." Lucius said. "Look, it might be dangerous."
That's when the fuse burned out and the whole thing exploded on top of Lucius' head, knocking the poor lackey into a near dead state and shaking the ground badly.
"SON OF A BITCH!" Kent and Sain screamed out in unison.
That's when Farina attacked. Suddenly the two red privates felt a person with them, hitting them over the head with the hilt of a sword. Kent swung around but was immediately taken down by a blow to his head with the flat of an iron sword.
Sain looked around for his assailant, but he could see nothing but occasional places of distorted color. He felt someone behind him hit him over the head.
"Ow! Son- Who's there? Don't kill me! I'm to good looking to die!"
Across the map, Serra was using the longbow to survey the carnage.
"Man…" She said. "He is really kicking their asses."
"How come I never get the fucking longbow?" Wil asked.
Serra ignored him and stowed the longbow. "I'm really glad that Farina's on our team and not theirs."
"Sure makes things a lot easier on us." Wil said.
"Yeah…" Serra said. "I think switching Farina for Erk was a good trade."
"It definitely seems like your killing Erk is starting to work out for us." Wil said.
"You know, you think so?" Serra said. "You know, I was gonna say something but uhh… you know…umm…uh…"
Wil averted the awkward moment by asking another question.
"Did Farina get inside the base?"
Serra looked through the longbow again and saw Farina move around and into the front entrance of the red base. "Yeah…"
Moments later, they heard a very deep voice announce, "Blue team…flag returned."
"What the?" Wil said turning around. "Who said that?"
He saw Erk standing there in his ghostly form clearing his throat.
"Sorry, that was me." He apologized. "I uhh, I guess I had something stuck in my throat. Your flag is back by the way."
Then Serra turned around. "Hey! It's Erky!"
"Yeah, it's me." Erk said unenthusiastically. "Hey Serra."
"Heya Erk!" Serra continued in her fake enthusiastic voice. "What're you up too?"
"Serra," Erk said chuckling. "I'm not really hear to make small talk okay? How did you guys manage to get your flag back?"
Wil was tongue tied. "Wh…wha? Oh! That flag? We've always had that!" He lied lamely.
"Wil." Erk said getting annoyed. "Who do you think you're trying to fool? Hey wait a second…where's Farina?"
"I'm not really sure." Wil lied. "He said he was going to go to the store. Something about…elbow grease.
Erk didn't buy it. "Oh great! This is so TYPICAL!" Erk cried in frustration. "What was the ONE I told you guys the last time I appeared?"
"That Ilia is cold?" Serra tried.
"UGH! What was the OTHER one thing I told you." Erk said clearly agitated.
"Not to let him get involved?" Wil said.
"Right, and what did you do?" Erk asked sarcastically
"We let him get involved." Wil answered meekly.
"And not just a little involved, how involved?" The now fuming Erk asked once again.
"Very…very involved." Serra answered.
Inside the red base, Wallace charged in with a killing edge pointed at Farina's throat. "Freeze!" He commanded.
Farina turned to try to run but then another man cut of the path. The merc had no choice but to turn around and obey orders.
"Drop your weapons." Wallace ordered and immediately Farina's iron sword and bow fell to the ground.
"Hey buddy." The freelancer muttered as Wallace approached.
"What?" The bald sergeant of the red army asked.
"You really better hope the first one knocks me out."
Wallace didn't need any more encouragement as he raised his blade and brought the flat side into the mercenary's head, effectively knocking the person out cold.
On top, Sain was waking up from the jarring hit he had received earlier.
"What the?" He said disoriented. "Ugh, the top of my freaking head."
Kent was beside the now nearly dead Lucius. "He's hurt Sain." He said taking a diagnosis. "He'll make it, but we need to get him some help fast."
"Yeah yeah…hold on a second." Sain said trying to get his bearings.
What happened here? First Lucy's head exploded, and then you fainted, and then some black thing showed up an-"
"Whoa whoa whoa wait." Kent interrupted. "I did not faint. Something knocked me out."
Sain took the opportunity to take a shot at his partner. "Okay…sure…keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night." He poked with a sly smile.
"Man…just go find Wallace." Kent said waving him off. "We gotta get Lucy outta here."
"Yeah sure." Sain said walking downstairs. "Oh and uh, I'm find by the way, thanks for asking."
"No one cares. Nobody likes you anyways." Kent said, taking revenge.
At blue base, Serra was taking more surveillance with the longbow.
"Yep, he's definitely captured." She said. "Or dead…captured or dead…or CAPTURED AND DEAD!"
"Oh well that's…just…PERFECT!" Erk spat.
"What?" Wil said incredulously. "What is your problem! Why do you even care if he's captured? I thought you hated that guy anyway for stealing your girlfriend."
"I never SAID I hated Farina." Erk corrected. "I just said that she was the reason why we never got married."
"She!" Serra asked confused.
At red base, Kent was reporting to Wallace.
"Wallace." He said. "We need to get Lucy airlifted outta here on the next Pegasus."
Wallace glared at the private. "Could you put that on a scroll and file it under 'SHIT I ALREADY KNOW!' Get on the stave with command!" Wallace ordered. Then he noticed that his captive was stirring. "Well look who's up. Rise and shine buttercup."
When the freelancer got up, a split appeared in the mask and it fell apart, revealing rather beautiful feminine face. As the mask fell completely off, long shiny shoulder length blue hair flowed out behind her revealing her true form.
"Oh great." Farina said in a female voice. "You broke my mercenary mask. You cockbiting fucktards."
Everybody in the room stared at her, especially Sain. "AH HA! I KNEW IT!" he exclaimed. "Only such a beauteous creature such as you could give me a headache this big."
As Farina gained her bearings, she noticed that everybody was to some degree. "What's the matter?" She asked. "Haven't you guys ever seen a girl before? Jeez, how long have you guys been out here? And could you tell the orange one not to stare at me like that? And for St. Elimine somebody get him a napkin or something before he floods this place"
Apple: Squee! I'm done! And it only took 2 hours out of precious time for me to do my biology homework! I am teh happy!
Erk: Biology homework? YOU WERE TRYING TO DISSECT ME!
Church: At least she didn't do creepy tests on you! Good god I think I have something.
Apple: Tee hee, don't listen to them. We're having a tea party. Now please review! Luv ya all!
Erk & Church: TEA PARTY! SOMEBODY GET US OUT OF HERE!
Apple: -innocent smile- Heehee, they're so excited. -Closes binds-
Erk & Church: DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN IT HURTS! MAKE IT STOP! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!