Apple: Hiya everyone! Sorry for the long wait and the filler chapter that Charlie so nicely did for us. I know he did omit the lactating scene… but then we felt that that was just pushing it a bit too much. Anyways. Thanks for sticking with me and I'm sorry about the long wait. Really!

Jhon 117: Heh, thanks for all your support. Charlie and I do get along well, he was just pretty peeved about the...nickname thing. And yeah, the spirit is O'malley.

K-Gforever: Hehe, Charlie did the Mother's Day chapter. Go thank him. His Penname is Onionbreath002. And Serra's just…Serra.

Nightmare3: Yeah, that was pushing the rating a bit. Oh well, thanks for being so faithful to me. I hope my future chapters will always live up to your expectations. And we'll see about Karel, and make sure he doesn't try to kill me.

Picup: Hehe, we'll see about Doc. And Serra always tries to impress Erk. It's in her blood (and supports).

Charlie: Heh…thanks. And thanks for doing the filler for me. Bio and History are seriously killing me.

DeamonSniper: Hehe, thanks. I never thought this would go over that well though. n.n guess y'all just proved me wrong.

Madoka: Thanks! And… yeah…it was a puma.

Link015: I would... but then this fic would get bogged down so badly.

Apple: Well, I'm back for now with another chapter and two more episodes. Enjoy!

Erk: And she doesn't own FE. And I don't have anymore organs.

Apple: How are you still alive.

Erk: …I hate the first postulate of muses…I can't die. Instead, I'm forced to live with such extreme pain.

Apple: Really… -smiles evilly-

Erk: Oh…crap.

Alternate Treatments

"Hello!" Wallace's voice echoed across the barren landscape. "Hello!"

Wallace looked around at the grayish landscape around him. He didn't remember where he was or how he got there. As he looked around, he wondered where everybody was.

"Hello! HELLO!" Wallace bellowed. "Hello? Is anybody out here?"

"Holy cow!" A spectral vision of Erk called back. "Would you stop yelling? I'm here."

"What is this place?" Wallace asked as Erk approached him.

"Well…" Erk began. "That's kinda hard to explain. Umm…you were shot in the head buddy. So…here you are."

"Am I dead?" Wallace asked.

"Are you dead…well, yep." Erk said. "That's how I ended up here."

"Are you some kind of angel?" Wallace asked.

"Hehehe…" Erk chuckled. "Am I some kind of angel… uhh ahem… yeah, actually I am. I'm an angel. Uhh… do you want to go to heaven? 'Cause it's like ten bucks to get in."

"Well I… I didn't really bring any on me." Wallace stammered. "I left my wallet back in my car."

"Eh you don't have it there huh?" Erk asked rhetorically. "Well uhh… that's too bad. Pretty crappy to be damned to Hell for an eternity."

"I don't remember dying." Wallace pointed out.

"Yeah, that's my fault too." Erk said. "I was sorta possessing your body at the time you were shot. Sorry about that."

"Well hold on a second. That ain't fair." Wallace argued.

"Not fair!" Erk said incredulously. "Yeah, join the freaking club! I got trampled by my own Pegasus!"

At his words a spectral version of Huey looked menacingly at Erk and made to dash forward.

"Target locked." Huey chanted.

"Oh haha very funny Huey." Erk said annoyed. "Shut up. You know, I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't say you could talk to me yet. Go..ge…ahh…go over to the base. Shoo shoo!"

Huey hung his head and trotted to the other side of the ghostly canyon. Wallace looked at Erk with an odd look.

"Meh, it's a weird ability of the Pegasi. They can move into the ghostly realm when they sleep. It gets a bit annoying." Erk explained.

Back in the physical world, Sain knelt down over Wallace's body.

"WALLACE!" Sain yelled. "Don't you give up on me soldier! YOU HEAR ME! I'M ORDERING YOU-"

Wallace apparently heard that.

"Who is that? Who's there?" He said hearing a voice in his head.

"Looks like your guys are trying to save you." Erk said looking down into the physical world.

Sain was now slamming his shotgun into Wallace's chest.

"YOU GOTTA BREATHE MAN!" Sain yelled hysterically. "YOU GOTTA PULL THROUGH! COME ON WALLACE!"

"That is NOT the way you were trained to do that private!" Wallace snapped from the ghostly realm.

"He can't hear you." Erk reminded him.

"Sain…this isn't working." Kent was saying. "We have to try something else."

Erk grimaced. "If he gives you mouth to mouth, I'm leaving."

"Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth." Kent suggested.

"I'm leaving." Erk announced.

"I can't believe how hard they're trying to save me." Wallace snifled.

"Why wouldn't they?" Erk asked. "I mean my team didn't, but why wouldn't yours?"

"I thought they didn't like me." Wallace said through sobs.

"Ahh don't sell yourself short." Erk said. "I don't even know you and yet here I am about to guide you into heaven for only five bucks."

"Now hold on." Wallace said. "If you're an angel, how come you ain't got no wings?"

"Because nobody rang a bell." Erk said chuckling. "Seriously. Do you have the money or don't you?"

"Oh I feel the worst about Sain." Wallace continued sentimentally. "I always made fun of him. I never even told him…he was my son."

"No way!" Erk said. "The perverted one is your son?"

"Nah." Wallace scoffed. "I just wanted to screw with him one last time, but now I'll never get that chance."

"HE'S BREATHING!" Sain yelled from the physical world. "WE SAVED WALLACE!"

"I'm WHAT!" Wallace said shocked.

"He's WHAT!" Erk said even more shocked.

"While I'll be a monkey's… they saved me." Wallace said shrinking back into the physical world.

"What? NO!" Erk cried. "COME BACK! WE NEED TO EVEN THE SIDES!"

"Thanks for you help wingless angel fella'." Wallace said. "Will I remember any of this?"

"Yes!" Erk cried desperately. "But only if you give me two dollars!"

Wallace's physically body rose coughing. He looked around at his privates.

"Wha? What happened here?" He asked.

"Sir! You got shot in the head, so we gave you CPR and saved you Sir." Kent replied.

"I always believed in you Kent." Wallace said proudly.

"Uhh…actually, it's Sain you should thank sir." Kent said. "He did all the work."

"Sain?" Wallace said unbelievingly.

"Yes Sir." Kent reaffirmed.

"Sain." Wallace said dangerously. "Why in hell would you give someone CPR for an arrow through the head! That doesn't make a lick of sense!"

"Your welcome Sir." Sain sighed.

"I mean it's also damn inconsistent!" Wallace continued. "What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe? Rub my neck with Aloe Vera?"

There was an awkward pause before Wallace continued again.

"Hey there Sain." Wallace said. "I think I feel an aneurysm coming on. Could you help me out with one of them therapeutic massages?"

Sain sighed and went over.

"Use your fingers, not your knuckles!" Wallace snapped. "Right there…that's good. Lower back. Yeah…I can feel that working already. Don't be afraid to go to low… oh yeah…"

A while later, Lucy came back from command all patched up and carrying something new.

"Dude! This is sweet!" Lucius said happily. "Command was so happy that I got the blue flag, they gave me my own color armor!"

"Uhh…hey Lucy." Sain said uneasily.

"What?" Lucius asked.

"Umm… about your armor." Kent said.

"What about it?" Lucius asked.

"Umm, how do I put this? Your armor is…uhh…it's a little…umm…Sain, you wanna help me out here?" Kent said.

"It's PINK!" Sain said bluntly. "Your armor is freaking pink!"

"Yeah…that's it." Sain said gravely. "Pink."

"Pink!" Lucius said disbelievingly. "My armor isn't pink!"

"PINK!" Sain reinforced.

"Yeah, definitely pink." Kent agreed.

"You guys are colorblind." Lucius said. "Why would they give me pink armor?"

"Hey…don't ask…don't tell." Sain joked a bit.

"Haha…that's not funny." Kent said chuckling.

"Hehehehe…it's a little funny." Sain insisted.

"Look at it!" Lucius insisted. "It's not pink! It's like a…a lightish red."

"Guess what?" Sain said sarcastically. "They already have a color for lightish red. You know what it's called? PINK!"

"I hate you guys." Lucius sobbed.

That's when Wallace broke up the party followed by Raven.

"Well hello dirtbags!" Wallace greeted. "And a fine hello to you madam." He added when he saw Lucius.

"It's light red." Lucius insisted.

"Don't get your panties in a wad there Barbie." Wallace joked. "Do you have a package for me?"

"Yes Sir." Lucius said. "They said that this speech inducing quintessence should work with Raven."

"Speech inducing what!" Sain asked.

"Affirmative." Wallace said as he took it. "Command was low on quintessence when I first formed Raven. But once I get this essence absorbed into him, I'll finally have someone intelligent to talk to."

Wallace then looked towards Kent. "No offense Kent."

"Oh don't worry." Kent assured. "I know who you meant Sir."

"Wait a second." Sain cut in. "Raven is a Morph?"

"Of course he is." Kent said. "Have you ever noticed that he never talks?"

"I just thought that he was a quiet guy." Sain said.

"And the fact that he has bright golden eyes and sucks quintessence instead of eat didn't catch your attention?" Wallace asked.

"Well, I did think the quintessence thing was kinda odd; I just thought he was trying to impress me."

"Hey Sir." Kent cut in when he noticed something. "You really should have a magic circle around yourself before you handle that essence."

"How come?" Wallace asked.

"Because the normality of the air could contaminate the essence." Kent explained.

"Come on." Wallace said. "That's an urban legend they use to sell those stupid talismans." Wallace laughed. "And I suppose stepping on a mine would make my feet blow up!"

That's when a surge of magical energy hit Wallace and forced the man to jump back with a cry of pain.

"I won't say I told you so Sir!" Kent said contradictingly.

"Good." Wallace said, his ego in shatters. "I'd hate to make strawberry shortcake here my new favorite private."

"It's not pink!" Lucius screamed. "IT'S LIGHTISH RED!"

Downstairs, the blues were secretly gathered as the two privates clean their armors.

"Ugh…man…" Serra panted. "You know this stuff does not come off easy?"

"Yeah, this as a lot easier when we were just cleaning my armor." Wil said.

"Yeah! You know…" Serra said. "I think that's because you know…YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

"I'm sorry what?" Wil said sarcastically. "It's hard to hear you over the sound of your constant team killing."

"Ahh…ahh…AHHAHAHAA!" Serra laughed. "AHAHAHAHA! AH YEAH! AHAHAH AHHhhh….don't make me mad."

Back upstairs; Lucius was trying to get a picture of the battle.

"So, what happened to me anyways?" Lucius asked. "I recall something about a spider on my head…"

"Right." Sain said. "That was a grenade."

"And the last thing I remembered…" Lucius continued. "Is a loud bang, and then Kent fainting…"

"HA! TOLD YOU SO!" Sain cried gleefully.

"I did not faint." Kent maintained.

"Done and done." Wallace said talking about Raven and putting an end to the conversation. "Raven, absorb the power and talk to me!"

Raven stretched and began jabbering in a weird language.

"Guten Morgen." Raven began. "Vielen dank zum aktivieren meiner sprachenfahigkeiten…"

"Am I the only one not understanding this?" Lucius asked.

"Mein Name ist Raven." Raven said.

"Raven!" Sain said. "He said Raven! He just said Raven! I understand this language!"

"Raven…" Wallace ordered. "Speak…ENGLISH."

Raven continued on in his garbled lingo.

"Ich kann nur Deutsch sprechen." Raven said.

"Hmm…" Kent said. "I think you contaminated some of that essence with the magic surge."

"Maybe Princess Lyn here picked up the wrong essence." Wallace suggested.

"Seriously dude." Lucius continued to insist. "For the LAST time… not pink."

"Raven." Wallace continued in slow speech. "I order you to speak a language we understand."

"Dude Wallace." Sain said. "Who did you say Raven was based on?"

"Some guy named Raymond who lived in House Cornwall. Why?" Wallace asked.

"Has it occurred to you that Cornwall was destroyed by Lord Uther a thousand years ago?" Sain asked.

"No…was it?"

"Yes." Sain said. "So he's speaking an old form of English, we just can't understand him. Why don't you try listening slower?"

"Raven!" Wallace said turning to his Morph. "Would you like to shoot Sain?"

"Ja Herr, Danke." Raven said before raising his bow and notching an arrow.

"Wait…no!" Sain screamed. "NEIN! NEIT! NANKA!"

"The hell?" Kent said. "You just said 'no' in three different languages."

"Oh shut up." Sain said as he dodged arrows.

Apple: Whew…sorry about that folks. I wanted to do like…Gaelic or Latin, but I can't speak it and dictionaries are unreliable. So I went with German. It's close enough, since I used a translator. Well, hope you like it! I added that extra part at the end. Well, please review! I love you all!