Title: Mistakes

Author: avril

Disclaimer: Not mine, obviously. Characters belong to respectable clamp and tokyopop

Rating: T for now, M for later chapters

Warning: It's going to be a dark story, containing some violence and yaoi. If this is not your cup of tea, please leave. You have been warned.

AN: they say that old sins have long shadows...

Part 3

Rikuo was really pissed – he was walking up and down the apartment; he was kicking things and his blind rage crushed all the glasses they had used to have in their kitchenette. Yet the rage has been subsiding gradually; its place has been taken over by cold fear that there was a slightest possibility that Kazahaya might be right. Rikuo rarely got mad but when he did his rage was horrific; his eyes seemed to be sending killer looks, his insides were boiling until he reached the peak and calmed down. There was a battle going on inside his head – he was mad at Kazahaya who had spied on him while he was vulnerable from the sleep. He actually wanted to ask Kazahaya to help him with a search through his pained memories as one of the last attempts in vain to maybe get some information about Tsutsiko that he himself couldn't get a grasp on.

On the other hand – if the vision Kazahaya had seen was correct then… then he finally got his answers. Not only about Tsusiko's disappearance but also about his heritage. That he indeed was true son of his father. It meant the proof that Rikuo's blood was tainted with the same madness and blood thirst as his father's.

Rikuo collapsed on the floor; he was kneeling on the glass shreds not feeling when they slashed through the material of his pants all the way to his skin. He buried his face in his hands and felt like his head would explode from the overflow of the voices, pictures and screams that were resurrected from the darkest, deepest corner of Rikuo's memory.

Rikuo never knew his mother, because she died shortly after his first birthday. His father was away and Rikuo had been left with his older sister and a nanny. His sister was ten years his senior and she took good care of him. She would take him to the park after she returned from school, she taught him how to read and ride a bicycle. She was talking to teachers when Rikuo had a rebel period in his 13th year. She was his whole family.

When he turned sixteen Tsukiko told him that their father was in a mental institution since he killed their mother because she was about to leave him with the kids. Rikuo hardly believed the horrible story he was told. But Tsukiko had never lied to him before. He had to believe.

'I was about eleven when I came back from school – when I was coming closer to the house the air seemed to get thicker and there was unnatural silence lingering above me. All I could hear was beating of my heart. My legs felt like made out of lead and I didn't want to enter the house but at the same time I felt something drawing me towards the house. I just felt that something devastating had taken place there.'

Rikuo was speechless; he was just looking in Tsukiko's tender face that was transformed by unfathomable sadness he had never seen before.

'I opened the door and I heard you crying in your crib; I walked into the kitchen and there I saw her…' Tsukiko made a pause; to gather all of her strength to maintain her complexion unmoved. She proceeded in slow, deliberately impersonal tone.

'Mum was lying on the white tile floor; her face was unmarred, but her clothes were soaked with blood, blood was everywhere; on the walls, on the floor, on the cupboard… metallic smell was lingering all over the place. I ran to your room and got you. You were crying… I sat down with you and started to rock you to sleep. I was singing the lullaby that she used to sing to us…'

'And then,' asked Rikuo. Tsukiko smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

'Then they caught him and put him away for good; Otohime became our nanny and we lived happily ever after…'

'Was he always mad?' Rikuo asked suddenly.

'I don't know. Maybe, who knows. I couldn't find any relatives except Kakei-san who is our 3rd cousin or something. Actually he found us. He was a bit older than me when everything happened. He never talks about his parents, they are probably dead too. He owns a small drugstore with a funny name; I think he calls it Green drugstore. He says you can work there after school a couple days per week. I mean only if you want to. You could use some new friends, you know.'

Rikuo sensed that something was changing. Tsukiko had begun to stay longer at work; she told him that he didn't need to pick her up anymore. She was making great breakfasts, she was even singing to herself.

She had somebody. Rikuo decided to take that job from Kakei because he didn't want to be home alone. One evening she came to his room and tossed herself on his bed where he was reading a book for school.

'We gotta talk,' Tsukiko nudged Rikuo playfully.

'I don't have time,' he retorted sullenly.

'C'mon, don't act like a baby,' she tickled him. 'I want to tell you that I'll be away next month; I have been finally offered a leading role in a movie. An independent though, but it has a decent budget and a good director.'

'Fine. I can stay with Kakei, he offered me a room.' Rikuo knitted his eye brows when realization hit him.

'Does he already know it? Did you plan it?' asked Rikuo; suspicion clearly evident in his voice.

'Nope, you silly! He has probably foreseen it, he's a psychic, I think. I hate the way he wants to get into my mind whenever I talk to him. It's like he wants to lead me or control me. But in couple weeks I'll be gone with the crew.'

'I really don't like the idea that you'll be here all by yourself but I want this chance so bad, I think that I deserve some fun, don't you agree with me, little bro? Oh, Rikuo please be happy for me!'

He was quiet.

'It's not just that, right? You have met somebody!' he didn't want it to sound as an accusation yet he couldn't prevent it.

'Yes, I have. And he has been very supportive,' Tsukiko said coolly.

'Then go and marry him. Leave me, have a life that you had to give up because of me. It's not like I would need you or something.'

Tsukiko stood up, her eyes glistening with anger and her whole body shivering.

'You sound just like him! It's the same coldness and resentment…'

Rikuo shoot up from the bed and he grabbed Tsukiko by her shoulders.

'Don't you ever EVER say that!' Fear in her eyes ripped him of his furry and he let her go.

'I'm sorry,' he said quietly.

'I'm sorry Rikuo. I shouldn't have said that, it was cruel and unfair from me. Please, can you forgive me?' Tsukiko embraced him, she was much smaller and her arms were encircling Rikuo just above his waist.

'It's fine,' he said to her.

'I'll be late today. So you don't need to come pick me up. I am a grown woman after all. Don't you worry you worrywart. I'll be fine. You can make noodles if you want. I'll be hungry when I come back.'

TBC