HCF Camp…

Well, it's a pretty uneventful day at the camp this morning…yea I know, it's freaking me out too. Outside of Jill finally getting over her mysterious illness and the new cameraman, Cameraman I, running around bothering people…all is quiet. Speaking of a new cameraman, Cameraman H was recently arrested for destruction of property, namely the camera he broke over Billy's head. Oddly enough he thinks that prison is far preferable to being on the island with these lunatics. Actually, I'm starting to think he might be right, in fact…

Uh oh, looks like something interesting is about to happen…let's watch…

"Who do you think it is?" Billy poked at the fire, throwing on another log. "Come on Brad, you have to have some theory?"

"It isn't mine." Brad mumbled, throwing Sanzo and Fluffy a scrap of food. "We only did it twice."

Alfred and Billy blinked at him several times, looking like Brad had lost his mind. Brad glanced up and shrugged his shoulders.

"What?" Brad shrugged again. "I was being honest."

"That wasn't exactly what I meant Brad." Billy pokes the fire again. "I just wanted to know if you had any clues."

"Oh, my bad."

"Not me, we only did it once."

Alfred smiles happily, while Brad and Billy look ready to throw up. Very sickening images of Jill and Alfred together dance through their heads, making them that much sicker.

"Alfred…we really didn't need to know that." Billy shudders. "Well it's not mine, we only did it three times."

The three men then fall silent, staring into the camp fire.

"Is it just me or is Jill a bit…um…" Brad trails off.

"Of a slut, yea." Billy throws another log on the fire. "I suppose a nice way to put it might be she has loose morals. Or you could call her a nymphomaniac…maybe…"

Billy glances up and sees that Brad and Alfred have gone white as sheets. He cringes and turns slowly to look behind him and finds Jill standing there looking very Wesker-like and clutching a very large branch in her hand.

"Loose morals…nymphomaniac…slut…"

Brad and Alfred quickly scurry away as Jill beats Billy senseless with a large amount of Wesker-like glee and laughter.

On the beach…

Alexandra adjusts her sunglasses and gives Bob a pat on the head. Bob let's out a little squeak of joy and snuggles closer to her neck. The little T-virus leech doesn't seem to bother her much, plus she promised Albert she would look after him while Albert was away doing whatever it was HCF had him doing. In the meantime Alexandra was very happy she got to indulge in her darker side for once.

Speaking of her darker side, the HCF tribe has just wandered onto the beach. All of them are walking far from Jill, who still looks pissed off.

"I am not pregnant you twits!" She screeches, scaring Fluffy and Sanzo. "I ate some damn clams by accident that was in that beeping stew Marcus made the other night…I'M ALLERGIC TO CLAMS!"

The three men nod vigorously, or in Billy's case as vigorously as he is able to with severe neck injuries. The four tribe members come to a stop in front of Alexandra, all of them dreading what mean things she may do to them.

"Good morning." Alexandra says sweetly, petting Bob. "How is everyone?"

"I am not pregnant!" Jill grabbed Alexandra by the lapels of her shirt, shaking her ever second word or so. "I don't know who started these rumors, but…I AM NOT PREGNANT!"

Billy, Brad, and Alfred quickly backed away, lest they inadvertently get involved in the shit storm that was about to occur. Alexandra glanced down at Jill, letting her sunglasses slip down a bit.

"Miss Valentine I do believe it would be beneficial to your health, if you were to release my shirt at this point."

Jill looked into Alexandra's yellow eyes, giggled a bit, and released her grip on Alexandra's shirt. She gave the shirt a pat or two, presumably to straightened the wrinkles she had made, then scurried back behind Billy and the others. Alexandra sighed heavily pushing her sunglasses back up her nose with an index finger. You know, it really is scary how much like Wesker she is acting, in fact that whole voice thing…you know sounding all scientific and shit…well, it's kinda creepy…

"I do believe that no one directly accused you of being pregnant Miss Valentine. I have no doubts that the rumors were facilitated by your illness the past few days and that both the viewing audience and these morons here believed you to be pregnant. However I believe that rumor is no longer effective and that the ramblings of these morons about your sexual preferences in the effect that you may in fact be a nymphomaniac will not hurt your social status in the slightest. It is my belief, after RE3, that most people view you to be either a nymphomaniac or at the very least possessing loose morals."

The four assembled survivors glanced at each other and shrugged. Around the country the viewing audience is staring at the TV and scratching their heads. Outside of Wesker himself, who is catching the show at the courthouse, no one knows what the hell Alexandra just said.

"Be that as it may, time for the challenges."

"Whoa!" Billy holds up a hand, shaking his head. "Challenges…as in plural?"

"Oh my did I forget to mention that one of the challenges was a reward challenge?" Alexandra laughed, a cross between Wesker and of all people Alfred…Alfred thinks it's kinda sexy. "Forgive me. Yes, two challenges. The first is for immunity, the second is for this…"

Alexandra steps aside so the survivors can see the prize, a juicy Prime Rib steak, fried potatoes, and a case of Corona. The survivors then begin to drool…

"Now then, for immunity. This way please."

Alexandra walks down the beach, leaving several heavily armed Cleaners and U.B.C.S. agents to guard the reward challenge. The tribe members trail after Alexandra, casting longing glances at the reward.

"This challenge is very simple. All you have to do is capture a black flag like this one."

Alexandra held up a black flag and waved it at the contestants. At this point I would normally say the flag says 'Wesker for Supreme World Leader' but Wesker is not the host right now, is he? Instead the flag says:

Down with Umbrella and Harvard Chemical…Wesker is afraid of mice, the big weenie!

Wesker, still watching the show at the courthouse, is not pleased. Alexandra smiles brightly and whistles.

"First one to bring me the flag and put it in my hand wins immunity…have fun!"

Alexandra quickly moves out of camera range as a loud growl reverberates through the island. The three survivors cringe then scream as a huge El Gigante shambled into view with a little black flag tied around its neck.

"That beep is just as beeping sadistic as her brother!"

"No shit Sherlock!"

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"I am not pregnant!"

While our four contestants look ready to pass out, Alexandra sits by drinking beer and petting Bob. Sanzo and Fluffy are at her feet, begging for treats. Meanwhile the four contestants finally realize that a million dollars is at stake and go for the flag.

For once Billy decides not to go run in like a moron, instead he circles around to the side and grabs El Gigante by the leg…it really doesn't do much good, but at least he's being safe. Brad on the other hand looks to have found his spine and is using Alfred as a shield to try and get closer. Alfred for his part, is getting the shit beat out of him by swipes from Gigante. Jill has already been captured by Gigante and looks a great deal like Faye Ray in King Kong.

"Let go of me!"

Meanwhile Billy has scrambled up to Gigante's back and is trying to untie the flag. Brad throws Alfred at Gigante and scrambles up by Billy, elbowing him in the ribs. Jill is still screaming and now Alfred is screaming because Gigante has him held in the other hand.

"I'm too young to die!" he sputters, crying. "Help me!"

Brad and Billy finally get the flag and tumble off of Gigante where they then proceed to roll on the ground trying to kill each other for it. Jill bites Gigante and falls to the ground on top of the boys, now adding her own kicking and screaming to the fight. Gigante himself starts screaming and covers his ears, which are now bleeding from Alfred's screaming. As Alfred lands in the middle of the fight, Gigante runs off crying…still covering his ears.

"Oh my, I hope everyone in the clearing will be alright…"

Somewhere on the island…

"She's scary." Yoko shudders, nuzzling closer to Nicholai. "It's like a female Wesker."

"Technically she is a female Wesker." Birkin points out taking some notes.

"Stuff it William." Annette mutters. "You know what she meant."

"Man Chris, your girlfriend…" Leon whistled. "She's something alright."

"That's what scares me."

Chris does in fact look a bit paler than usual, especially with Hunk hanging onto his neck and blubbering like a three year old.

"Mommy!"

Claire and Ada enter the clearing at a dead run, screaming their heads off. They pass the group and head out of the clearing still screaming. They are quickly joined by everyone else when El Gigante enters the clearing…

Back at the beach…

"Congratulations Alfred, you win."

Alexandra drops the pendant to Alfred, who moans his thanks. Billy, Brad, and Jill appear to be the same hurting conditions.

"Time for the reward challenge."

A long table is wheeled out with four potted green herbs sitting on it.

"All you have to do is eat the most amount of herbs. You have to eat the entire plant, minus the roots of course. If you can't get it all down or you get sick, you are out of the contest…ready?"

There is a universal NO, but Alexandra doesn't seem to notice.

"GO!"

Billy and Jill manage to dig in, running through six herbs in record time. Alfred gets down three before passing out…why I have no idea. Brad is stilly trying to crawl to the table with two broken ribs and a broken arm.

"WHOOOOO…I FEEL GOOD!"

Billy looks like he has a caffeine high and has just started on his ninth herb. Jill has burned through three more herbs and looks like she's been smoking the herbs rather than eating them.

"Oh wow…"

She sways a bit and passes out.

"Well Jill and Alfred are out."

Brad finally makes to the table, but the show appears to be out of green herbs, so he scarfs down a yellow one. Yes I know you have to combine a green herb, red herb, and blue herb to get a yellow herb, but it's my story so there…

"YEA! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

Just as Brad is feeling a bit better, thanks to the famed golden herb, Billy takes off running like a rabbit…wait for it…on crack. This of course leaves Brad the winner.

"Congrats Brad, cutie."

Alexandra gives him a kiss on the cheek and the Prime Rib. Brad blushes brightly and scarfs down the food in five seconds flat, saving the beer for last.

"See you tonight at Tribal Council."

Alexandra heads off camera as Brad hauls his beer back to camp. Jill is mumbling to herself about the pretty colors, while Alfred snores. I have no clue where Billy went…

Somewhere on the Island…

Our former tree bound contestants are still running from El Gigante, which is still crashing after them, when something goes running past them all with its hair standing on end.

"HERBIES! HERBS ARE FUUUUUUN! HERBIES!"

The former contestants and El Gigante slow to a stop as Billy runs around in circles then takes off again for parts unknown. Yoko is the only one to comment.

"That boy is beeped up…"

Next Time on Survivor:

Who must join the others in that cramped little cage?

A/N: Thank you Angel of Hope and Miracles for the Herb Eating Contest challenge and I would also like to thank Neo Queen Insanity for the Capture the Flag Around an El Gigante's Neck challenge. Thank you both for the ideas!

Now, who is to be voted off? Remember immunity means nothing…your choices:

Jill - Brad - Alfred - Billy