Warnings: Slash implied, SBRL. Humor implied. If this kind of thing makes you mad, I suggest backing away quickly (it is short, after all!). I wanted to write something stupid, so...here goes.

Disclaimer: You know.

Doing it Wrong

by luermide

"Sirius, you're doing it wrong," Remus Lupin groaned, sighing with exasperation.

Sirius' shoulders heaved. "What do you mean, I'm doing it wrong? There's only one way to do it!"

"No, there isn't! I taught you how to do it the other way last time, remember?" Remus whined. Sirius' face went blank with thought.

"I don't remember." He gave him a tight smile. "You'll just have to suffer my old-fashioned, out of date, unnerving antics." He flicked his wrist and patted the smaller boy's head.

"You pain me," Remus said, rolling his eyes. Sirius moved in again and roughly (in the most manly of ways), took another crack at it. Remus winced. "Honestly."

"You know you love it. In the end, it's all the same. Happiness will ensue," Sirius told him, his eyes alight with fire.

"It's all the same for you, you mean. I can tell the difference because I'm not the one who's--

"Oh, shut your mouth. I know how you are…how you moan and how your little eyelids fall shut with that glow on your face." Remus blushed, and Sirius seemed to take great pride in the feat. "You couldn't tell the difference if I was using a chainsaw."

"That would be impractical. You could hurt yourself."

"Or you."

"This is true." Remus admitted. He winced as Sirius finished the job. "Jesus fucking Christ, Black."

"What? It's fixable!" His face flushed with guilt.

"Maybe for you…"

Sirius groaned. "You're just angry because I'm pleased with my methods completely."

"Partially, yes! I think I should have some say in this, after all!"

"Why? You're practically a spectator."

Remus glowered.

"Alright, maybe not. I know this is important to you."

Remus nodded.

"You can teach me how to do it the right way next time." Sirius told him, nodding solemnly. He poked the shorter boy's nose and gave his most charming smile.

"Next time," Remus sighed. "That'll be in what, six months? A year?"

"Maybe not that long," Sirius admitted.

Remus tsked. "It's all about you…" He gave a teasing smile.

"We'll see about that," the black-haired muttered, "later."

Remus lifted one perfect eyebrow. "Really?"

Sirius' eyes told him yes.

"Hmm…" He looked down in the bowl, where the egg ruins lay in a complete, helpless mess. "Perhaps that," he said, "is worth cooking with Sirius."

Har. Review.