Author's Note-- Well you asked for a 'typical day' and I gave you a typical...Month? N.E. Way...You asked for it... wait, come to think of it you didn't! I thrust it upon you against your own free-will like 10 week old cheese from a broken refrigerator...Okay for get that...Bad analogy...bad analogy :Shudders:
A Typical Day in
Crystal Tokyo
PART 3
In the glorious hours of the early morning. Daylight streams through the Moon bedroom. Neo Queen Serenity pushes her hair behind her shoulders as she brings the Ginzuishou forth. She lightly brushes it with a perfect kiss as she hears a little tap at her chamber door. She motions them in to the room with her pristine voice as she shoves the hand with the crystal behind her back and gives the thumbs-up
sign to Kou Seiya in the linen closet, as he conceals a Big Ass Hydro powered Semi-automatic canon behind the door!
Neo Queen Serenity: Come in!
From inside the closet: :Click Click:
Princess Usagi: You called me, Mother...IT BETTER BE IMPORTANT YOU WOKE ME UP!
Neo Queen Serenity blinks
Neo Queen Serenity: Yes, dear. I have a very important job for you.
Princess Usagi: Like what?
Queen Serenity produces the crystal time key and hands it to Chibi Usa
Neo Queen Serenity: I need for you, my dearest, most caring cherished, expendable, daughter...
Princess Usagi: What! :Chibi glares:
Neo Queen Serenity: Uhh...I meant beautiful...Yes that was it!
I need you to travel back to the past and find me when I was younger...
Princess Usagi: Why having trouble keeping up that newly reincarnated look?
Neo Queen Serenity: Shut up you little spore::Ahem: I have lost the crystal and...
Princess Usagi: Mommy what's that behind your back?...It looks like the cry...
Neo Queen Serenity: Oh that is nothing...nothing!
:Laughs nervously: Chibi Usa blinks:
Neo Queen Serenity: I need you to go back in time and get it from my teenage self. And bring it Back To the Future.
Princess Usagi: No, I won't bring it Back To the Future™, Mommy.
Neo Queen Serenity: Why not, dear?
Princess Usagi: Because it's infringing on too many copyrights...But I'll come to the future with it. :Smiles sweetly:
Neo Queen Serenity: Good girl...Oh and take your time coming back.
Princess Usagi: Okay Mother!...You freak I'm gonna be Queen and stupid "Disturb Peace" I'll disturb you :Mumbling as she opens door:
Neo Queen Serenity: What was that, dear?
Princess Usagi: Oh nothing! :Slams door: (Out in the hall) Heh I'll show you. I'll be the Queen like I was supposed to be! Lose the crystal HA! She'll have a pretty little surprise when I get the crystal from her in the past!
A loud crashing sound is heard from the bedroom!
Princess Usagi: What was that! Oh forget it I need to get Helios, and if that little rat of a Ferret is back in my bed!
:Stomps off to get ready to leave:
Meanwhile in the bed room...
Neo Queen Serenity: Watch Out! When you fall out of a closet: Do it quietly! Must KEEp PeaCE KeeP peACe...:Shudders:
Seiya stands up and brushes off big ass gun.
Seiya Kou: Well fine...But when is he gonna get here? I've been in there all morning!
Neo Queen Serenity: Come to think of it, I do not think that he will be returning after that incident last night!
Seiya Kou: Oh...
Neo Queen Serenity: There is a HUGE oak tree in the back! You will be able to pick him off from there! :Waves hand towards back yard:
Seiya Kou: Good thinking! :Leaps out window:
AN: I think he/she likes doing that a bit too much...What do you think?
Neo Queen Serenity: Well, let us see I have gotten the princess out of every one's hair! And restored peace to my kingdom...Yes I have accomplished a lot for today...Sleep now!
Neo Queen Serenity falls back down on her bed.
Travel back in time with me to the year 1993 when Usagi is about to transform to fight a monster in R.
Past Usagi: MOON CRYSTAL POWER MAKE...ULP!
Chibi Moon: Give me the crystal little Moon brat!
Usagi: ZAAA?
Sailor Star Healer: Hey that's always my line!
Chibi Moon: What are you doing here you Bisexual freak!
Healer: Protecting my rights to say ZAAA?
Chibi Moon: Well...say it then and be quick about it!
Healer: Well, I don't want to now...:Walks out:
Chibi Moon: Watch out Author any more random things like that and I'm comin' after you! :Author cowers:
Usagi: ZAAA?
Chibi Moon: All right you've made your point...Wait...No, you haven't!
Past Mako: So she's Usagi...when has she ever made a point?
Past Minako: Too true!
Usagi: Shut up! So little freaky pink rabbit kid, why do you want the Ginzuishou?
Past Rei: Usagi...calling some one else a Bunny freak!
Rei breaks out into a fit of laughter and hurls herself onto the floor
Chibi Moon: DON'T CALL ME BUNNY FREAK!
Past Senshi: uh oh...
Chibi Moon: I am SUPERIO...Uhh I mean SUPER SAILOR CHIBI MOON!
Past Ami: That name is really too long!
Past Artemis and Luna: I agree.
Chibi Moon: SHUT UP! IN THE NAME OF THE FUTURE MOON I SHALL LAY THE ETERNAL RAT KICK UPON YOUR ASS!
Usagi: ZAAA?
Senshi: SHUT UP!
Usagi: Sorry.
Setsuna appears from somewhere...obscure, but when doesn't she?
Past Setsuna: Oops, I'm about a half an season too early!
Past Michiru and Haruka: Your tellin' us! :blinking and holding a baby Hotaru from SS:
Past Hotaru: I want to destroy the world Hee heeeee:cute baby face:
Michiru and Haruka: Awwwwwwwwww, ain't that cute:)
Setsuna slaps forehead
Usagi: I'm not going to say it again!
Sailor Star Healer: Good.
Usagi: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE!
Past Setsuna: Terminally early Senshi, not like our contradictory non-puntuctual counter part such as yourself.
Senshi Blink; Chibi gets pissed...As if she already wasn't!
Usagi: Who did you say you were again? :Looks at Chibi:
Chibi Moon: THE ONLY RIGHT THING YOU EVER DID, MOMMY!
Usagi: ZAAA? :Eyes cross:
Past Tux Kamen blushes; Rei thwacks him in the back of the head...
Ami's head rolls by...
Ami's Head: Oooooooooooooooo...Buuuuuuuuuurn!
Ami's head rolls and her body promptly follows and falls and gets back up; runs; then falls again...(Yata yata yata...) Ami Blinks at her future then faints and hits the ground...Senshi face fault until...
Minako: Man, reality can be cruel!
Senshi fall down; Minako blinks
Chibi Moon::Sweetly: Usagi, what does it feel like to have feeling in you legs? :Smiles evilly:
Usagi: Good...? :Still in shock:
Chibi Moon: Well, I hope YOU WON'T MISS IT :Lunges at Usagi:
Usagi: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Super Sailor Chibi Moon lays as many 'Rat kicks' upon Usagi's ass as she can before grabbing the crystal and teleporting away...
Minako blinks as Usagi gets up off the floor...The others sit up from a state of pure stupifacation...If that's a real ailment!
Usagi: OH NO!
Minako: What are you hurt! What did she do to you::::Helping:
Usagi: The little spore bruised my highly merchandised and trade-maked legs! Right there and there and there and there...WHAAAAA!
Minako sighs
Somewhere in the dark dimension we see Sailor Galaxia trying to put her hair back up in that Metal thingy and failing because she was turned good... Call it a bad hair day!
Sailor Galaxia: It's just not fair! I liked being evil! And that little serene, naked brat with the wings had to come and spoil all my fun! Now, I can't get my hair back up! I WANNA BE EVIL!
Her voice echoes off the walls of the Dark world when a bright pale pink light shines through the blackness and falls onto Galaxia's face just so to catch her full attention. Princess Usagi, princess dress and all, comes floating down next to Heilos, her winged Pegasus . She holds forth the crystal as it covers her in a pure light. She shows it to Galaxia who has to cover her eyes. Galaxia stands up ready to chew her out.
Galaxia: Hey, Moon Chick, I gotta bone to pick with...huh?
Princess Usagi: Sailor Galaxia! I have found a way to build power...WANNA WORK FOR ME, BABE!
Chibi Usa spontaneously transforms into SUPER SAILOR CHIBI MOON; Galaxia blinks
Galaxia: You're evil now?...Who'da thunk it?...Well actually now that I mention it...
Chibi Moon: Be quiet! I should be leader of Crystal Tokyo! You all know it! But every time I try to be evil they just laugh and say 'AWWWWW how cUUUUUUUte' Well I'm sick of it. I miss the times that when you put a gun to some someone head they were scared and didn't complement your hair instead...Oh that's another thing Have you seen my hair...I'm a pink freak! How can I get a hold of one of those metal-hair things?
Galaxia: Cold...Bitter Cold Cold Bitter bitter cold!...
Chibi Moon: I AM NOT BITTER! :pink light fades and black energy corrupts crystal and turns it pitch black: I JUST WANT ETERNAL HELL TO RAIN DOWN UPON MY MOMMY!
Galaxia: Cold...Bitter Cold...Cold Bitter bitter...cold!...
Chibi Moon: Okay, you've made your point!
Galaxia: Cold...Bitter Cold Cold Bitter bitter cold!...
Chibi Moon: SHUT UP! :fires crystal at Galaxia:
She is blasted across the room and when she gets up her hair is fixed Chibi's crystal back fires and shoot her turning her clothes to the black lady garb but her body remains the same
Galaxia: I'm EVIL AGAIN!
Chibi Moon: Cool, power surge!
Sailor Saturn appears and walks into the light
Antichrist Sailor Saturn: Some one say Power:::Smiles evilly:
Small Black Lady: SATURN!
A-C Saturn: Well, you were you expecting, the child Antichrist...Oh wait, that's right. :Giggles:
Galaxia: What are you on?
A-C Saturn: You too?
SBL smacks her forehead...
A small black form scurries into the badly lit cave-type room. It sits on a plateau-like crystal stalagmite. It picks up a crystal from the floor as it goes.
SBL: Oh no NOT YOU!
Saturn and Galaxia are unable to blink!
Small Black form: I wanna be evil too! That cat and Horse have no ambition. Oh, by the way we should grab her mommy's star seed first!
A-C Saturn: I want to eat Mako-chan's Heart crystal!
Galaxia: Why should we listen to you? Who are you anyway?
SBF: Hoshi the Ferret!
SBL faints
Hoshi the ferret: I want to be part of your plan to take Crystal Tokyo!
SBL: Why::Rubs head:
Hoshi: I don't know...I guess I didn't think that far ahead!
SBL: Aw geeze :rolls eyes:
A-C Saturn: What if we don't want you here? I don't wanna share!
Galaxia Thinking: Oi! I'm in cahoots with two Sailor Senshi from earth, and a ferret! This is sad.
Hoshi: We can call ourselves the evil alliance...No, wait, the QUADRUPLE Evil Alliance.
A-C Saturn: Oh yippy skippy! We can make bumper stickers and
t-shirts in class! Then we can experiment on my daddy.
SBL: ForRevenge?
A-C Saturn: For FUN!
SBL: Oh, she needs help!
Saturn's eyes glaze over and she smiled so big that she falls over...I think her child hood was a tad TOO...unstable. She is reverting back to American TV! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Galaixa: WAIT! Hold every THING!...Saturn can destroy the world with her silence glaive, I can take people's star seeds, and Chibi Usa can rule evilly and demonically, and annoy the hell out of people...What can you do, rat?
Hoshi: I'm a ferret!
All three: SO!
Hoshi: We ferret's have secret hidden powers.
A-C Saturn: Really?
Galaxia: What are they?
Hoshi: They wouldn't be secret if I told you now would they?
All three smack their foreheads except for Saturn who is using the end of the Glaive to comb her hair.
SBL: We need some COOL ASS SPEECHES unlike the other Senshi.
A-C Saturn: COOL.
SBL: Shut up.
Galaxia: Let's get to it!
I am the Evil metal- fuku clad Evil Senshi of EVIL
SAILOR GALAXIA!
And in the name of my own generic galaxy, I win suck your soul with my jewelry!
SBL: I am the pretty black cocktail-dress suited Senshi,
SUPER SAILOR CHIBI MOON!
In the name of the future dictatorship of Crystal Tokyo I'll punish you!
A-C Saturn: I, the Senshi of the-reason-for-high-ratings,
shall destroy the world!
SAILOR Sata...Uhh SATURN that's it!
Because Mistress 9 had a point!
Hoshi: Duh-nuhna nuh-nuhna nuh-nuhaa nuhna-nuhna RAT-MAN!
Galaxia: You've got to be kidding me!
All Four: We, the Quadruple evil alliance, will destroy solar systems
to get our way! We will wrong rights and triumph over needless plot and that means this Scen...
As we fade back into Crystal Tokyo we see Neo Queen Serenity walking calmly next to a very nervous King Endimion. Through the heavily treed forest in the back yard of Moon castle...
Yaten: A forest...Here...In the middle of...Tok...
Taiki: Don't start that again! (SS#1)
N.E. way...
Neo Queen Serenity: Dear you must try to relax! I do not think that the villain will violate the sanctity of own yard, Endimion.
:Usagi throws herself into a fit of laughter, mentally scarring Endimion further:
King Endimion: Well, Usako, maybe you're...:BAM: ...right...Yipe!
King Endimion slowly raised his left shaking foot that he had put in front of him to take a innocent step forward, revealing a small 45. caliber hole in the side walk. Endimion made a quiet and restrained freaked out life-saving dash for the Moon castle door.
Neo Queen Serenity just stared at the hole . Then she turned abruptly and stomped her foot onto the concrete ...hard!
Neo Queen Serenity: YOU MISSED! Seiya Baka...
Sailor Star Fighter: Sorry! :Jumps down from huge tree: Damn that guy can run! I guess anyone could, learn out of necessity.
Neo Queen Serenity: :Quoting: "Necessity is the mother of Marathons" No, wait that is wrong...Oh well, it is CRAPY AMERICAN proverb anyway.
Yaten and Taiki come running up to the couple.
Yaten: A mysterious, vastly predictable black hole has opened up on the other side of town!
Taiki: It's releasing our new dumber than average villain. The Sailor Senshi have to help!
Neo Queen Serenity: Stoptalking about us in third person! It is not like it is a secret any more! (Ahem) :Yawn: Oh it is a living...
MOON ETERNAL MAKE UP!
Fighter: I wonder what would happen if I transformed twice?
Taiki: Don't experiment! Remember last time!
Yaten: Don't Remind me:::Shudders:
Fighter: Oh yeah...Those stains were hard to get out...
Eternal Sailor Moon: Do...not...Want...To...Know...:Flinches:
Fighter and Moon stand idle as the predictable happens
Taiki: MAKER STAR POWER MAKE UP!
Yaten: HEALER STAR POWER MAKE UP!
The four run out to face the black hole. Meanwhile, inside the rim of the luminous cloud stand the Quadruple Evil Alliance.
Anti-Christ Saturn: Or the Q.E.A:::Smiles too big and falls over:
Small Black Lady: Queah?...Qeauh?...Qeuha?...What kinda a stupid Acronym is that? :Yells at Saturn on ground:
Hoshi the Ferret: That's it Sailor Senshi. :Yells at Inners on ground: GIVE ME YOUR SOULS IN A JAR! Or any other form of conveyance!
Hoshi jumps on Galaxia and bites into her bracelet.
Sailor Galaxia: Hey...What are you...GIVE THAT BACK!
Hoshi jumps down with Galaixa's left bracelet in his mouth.
Hoshi: If you wanna do something right... :Aims and fires at inners:
Inners scream at different intervals shattering the camera. Brief pause in plot to buy new lenses...They all are stuck in the air translucent. Their star seeds float over to SBL. Moon and Starlights arrive along with the Outers. Moon puts her hands on her hips. Cue the Sappy good-bye scene. Did I say Sappy I'm sorry I meant CRAPPY:)
Eternal Sailor Moon: Did you guys go and die on me again?:ticked:
Super Sailor Venus: Sorry, Usagi-chan, you know...It's for plot purposes. Oh wait, that reminds me...Yaten, you better get your big feminine Senshi ass over here and save me or I will haunt you for the rest of...Venus disintegrates. Starlights blink. Healer sweatdropps.
Super Sailor Mars: Plot purposes my ASS! I don't want to die I want to drop-kick them back to the crapy dimension on their scrawny little...Mars disintegrates. Starlights blink. Usagi sweatdropps.
Super Sailor Jupiter: See we told you to bring up Chibi Usa in a nice loving environment...But NO that was too hard in this freakin' town and now we're DEAD...And all because of YOUR PINK RAT and her PET RAT and another thing I never wanted to...
Jupiter Disintegrates. Starlights blink(can we see a trend:)
Ami's head rolls by...
Ami's head: Come on Kill me...You know you want to kill me come on kill me kill me kill me You know it so easy COME on KILL ME DIE DIE DIE WRACK DIE...:Author suppresses urge: So do the Otaku:
Ami's body runs falls then runs then falls again...What ever...Like we care now! Outers pissed.
Super Sailor Uranus: Now you've done it! Why couldn't you have taken the Star-benders over there? Now, I will have to punish you in the name of...
Fighter: I wouldn't embarrass myself like that If I were you, Haruka. Then you'd probably be familiar with the term embarrassment you, Ambiguous freak!
They walk toward each other leaving Sailor Moon in the middle.
Uranus: Who you Callin' AMBIGUOUS! HEMAPHRIDITE!
:Uranus sticks her tongue out at Fighter:
Fighter: You're just jealous, you HERMAPHRITE-WANNA BE!
Sailor Moon: ENOUGH! Go at it when it is more comedic!
Super Sailor Pluto: I WannA BE Evil! HEhEHEeheHE...
Super Sailor Neptune: What's with her:::Backing away slowly:
Moon: Oh the crystal is screwed! I sent Chibi Usa back to the pa..ah ha ha ha Hahaaha...:Turns around to see SBL tossing the crystal up and down and up and down and up and down,and well you get the point.:
SBL: :insert maniacal evil laughter here: Gotcha mommy!
Every one glares at Sailor Moon. She laughs nervously. (Brief shot of King Endimion hiding under the Moon bed.) Outers see crystal and freak out. Pluto consistently insists upon being evil.
Pluto: I WANNA BE EVIL!
See?
SBL pulls out time staff from behind back. Pluto sees it, and knowing her own power, faints. Outers sweat drop and drags her off the screen. Moon and Starlights quake with fear.
Galaxia:
AH HA!
Hoshi: What? Did you think of something?
Galaxia: No, you fool, I'm about to give a climatic speech.
Hoshi: Those are boring...What was the "AH HA!" for?
Galaxia: It's bad-guy tradition okay! I've just figured out that only the Starlights and Moon remain.:Pauses and thinks that that sounds very familiar but can't quite place it :): SO,we can easily destroy them, K! You see...Tradition?
The rat takes a look at her then the remaining blinking Senshi... and ...breaks into song...ZAAA?
Hoshi: TRADITION! TRADITION!:From fiddler on the roof:
Galaxia face faults. Saturn sits up dazed.
Galaxia: Does he write these song cues?
SBL: Believe it nor not, he waits for them...
Both look confused and superior at the same time which takes an awful lot of energy.
Sailor Moon: NOW, Starlights! While they're dazed, confused, and superior all at once!
Starlights: HAI!
Moon: MERCHANDISIBLE MOON PHRASE POWER THWACK!
Fighter: STAR VENGEFUL MURDEROUS FLASH!
Maker: STAR GENTILE CHAIN SAW?
Healer: STAR TRANS-BI-HERMAPHRIDITIC CLOUD THINGY?
Star Maker and Star Healer whip out copies of the script.
Maker : Those are our...Power ups!
Healer: That's what it says...:irritated sigh:
Maker: Who writes this...:gets cut off:
Healer: ...The people who sign our paychecks.
Maker:...Beautiful poetry, that should be set to music? Hehe he...eh...
Suddenly, producers get Idea! (OH NO:O) Go to commercial--
"Coming next fall...The sailor Senshi as you never seen them before...LIVE...SAILOR STARS MUSICAL...("LA Soldier" plays in background(with satanically dressed actors)) the national Tokyo theater..." -- back to the show.
Maker: Isn't the National Tokyo theater for Traditional theater only?
Healer: Must be low on budget.
Maker: You mean this Crapp gets funding?
Maker wide eyed, Yaten nods Sailor Moon and Fighter high five each other and come running over.
Moon: We did it! We did it!
Fighter: We Did! We Did!
Healer: You two! I'm shocked! How could you think of that at a time like this:folds arms:
Maker: You suppose to be fighting the enemy!
Sailor Moon and Sailor Star Fighter looked confused for a minute then face fault!
Fighter: Who's got the sick mind now!
Moon: Any way, we beat them! You guys must be really powerful! Or they must not have it all together...Hmmm:Thinks: too much thought sleep now...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ :Her head falls to her shoulder instantaneously and begins to snore Starlightswalk way slowly then run VERY FAST:
Galaxia: That last comment was a total under statement! :She looks back at the other three who are fighting.:
Hoshi: I, at least, got the the inner Senshi! Saturn just slept!
SBL: What do you want a promotion! :Slams hands on table:
Galaxia: Shut Up! I have a plan...Those new attacks that the Star-freaks have are strong maybe stronger than ours. So if we fight fire with fire...Eh Eh:::Hinting:
A-C Saturn: I like fire, when I blow up planets it make LOTS of fire...
SBL: I don't know what I did but I know I being punished now...Just show me a sign! :Black lightning comes out of nowhere striking Chibi Moon and turning her to ashes.: Some sign! :HACK COFF:
God Pluto and Sailor Pluto can be seen flying out of the small hole at the top of Galaxia's world.
Pluto: I told you I wanted to be evil! :Strange twisted laughter:
Galaixa::Blinks, but who wouldn't: OOoooooKaaaaaay. Moving on. I predict, predictably even, that if we go to the Starlights home planet and nab some of their closest friends, and take their star seeds, turning them into Senshi...
Hoshi:...We'll come up with characters worst than us that will only last an episode that will ultimately appear random in other such lampoons merely for plot or comedic effect?
Galaxia: Don't get AHEAD OF ME!
Hoshi: Sorry!
Saturn pokes the pile of black ash with her glaive.
SBL: STOP THAT!
Galaxia and Hoshi sweat-drop. FIN.
NEXT TIME-- on A Typical Day in
Crystal Tokyo
PART 4
INTRODUCING: THE EVIL SAILOR STARLIGHTS
(via letters they wrote out of courtesy to their fans:)
Dear Star Lights,
Don't walk out in you're backyard...just a warning.
Love, Sailor Star Hunter
Dear Outer Senshi,
Coming for a visit. Bringing cake and fire works8D
Love, Sailor Star Visitor
Dear Sailor Galaxia,
Fire... HEh...FIre FlAmE CaRnaGe Heehehe PYrO tEcnIc fire HEhHeheHEEhEHeHEHeHEheHEhEHEHEHE...
Love, Sailor Star Fire Starter
BYE BYE, Diana of the Felis :) P.S. Ami's body is picketing for more lines in the script for Ami's head...
(Raucous and evil Author laughter)
'Nuff said