November 2006

She heard the front door in the living room, in her living room, shut from her place in the kitchen, knowing that Luka had been kind enough to show the last remaining guests out of the door. Ever since she had gotten back together with Luka things had been nothing, not a single moment, short of disaster and she knew that quite a few of the guests would most likely feel rather uncomfortable with the entire situation but were far too kind to decline an invitation from a co-worker. The staff of Cook County General Hospital wasn't known for their compassion towards others.

She had guessed that people had only agreed to come because Abby had agreed to come, she'd asked because they were still friends - regardless, and they didn't wish for her to be uncomfortable. She wasn't ashamed that she was in love with someone who had so much baggage, such a difficult past, but she was reluctant because of their past. She had to admit, it had been difficult to live without him.

She was standing in the kitchen and doing the dishes in the sink, the warm water trickling across her rigid fingertips. The sound of the water flowing from the faucet was almost soothing, calming her nerves to the very core. She suddenly pursed her lips together, shaking her head at the chaos of the evening.

It had been nothing but trouble from the start.

The turkey had been burned on the outside and yet raw beneath the rough, leathery exterior, making her wonder how she'd ever managed that. The mashed potatoes hadn't been completely mashed, but too lumpy for anyone's taste - especially Alex's as he had nothing but complaints for her. There was some kind of food that she couldn't even recognize to the point that she didn't even remember what it was she was trying to make in the first place.

She frowned upon her food, and was the only person sitting at the dinner table brave enough to sit there without eating anything. Everyone else had politely smiled, taken a bite, and attempted to hide it as they spit their food out in their napkins. Needless to say, the stuffing from the turkey had been up and anything out of the cans was gone.

She glanced half-heartedly over her shoulder at the blackened turkey, and scowled at it. Had it been something she'd done, or had it been simply by chance? It was...Chaotic.

He walked in quietly, stopping in the door way as he watched her doing the dishes, and he folded his arms in front of his chest as he leaned his shoulder against the doorframe. He stood there silently, captivated by the passion that she had - even though she was just doing the dishes she was eliciting a passion that was almost unbearable. He hated this - he felt like they were back to the basics.

He watched her as she stacked yet another dish on the counter beside the sink, his breathing constricting in his chest. He pulled his hand down his chest, his fingertips shaking against the soft material of his cotton sweatshirt, and he pressed his other hand into his hip. He stepped forward, too hard for is liking, but his presence still went unnoticed.

"Sam..."

His voice trailed off, but he had no other choice. His mind was reaching for anything adequate to say to this woman with great strengths, for this woman that he knew he couldn't live without. He pursed his lips together and bit his bottom lip, stepping further into the kitchen.

"Marry me."

"What?" She turned sharply on her heel, her voice and face confused as she looked into the eyes of this man who was looking back at her with passion filled eyes. She quickly looked away, unable to deny what he made her feel. "Luka, tonight was a disaster. Imagine what the rest of our life would be like"

"Tonight was beautiful," he scoffed, shoving both of his hands into his hips. He stepped closer, her body heat faint against him through his clothes. He reached out and touched his palm to her neck, his thumb gliding across her jaw line as he drew her eyes back to his.

"It wasn't beautiful, it was a disaster," she shook her head slightly as her eyes glazed over, the tears softly grasping onto her eyelids.

"It was, but it was beautiful as well," he nodded in agreement as he shrugged, his hand shaking against her skin. He was surprised he wasn't on the floor having convulsions at having just asked her to marry him - that was enough to make any person shake. "It was a beautiful disaster."

He hand was suddenly ripped from her skin as she almost violently tore herself away from him, turning her back to him and looking at the charred turkey - my the mess she was in.

"This is a mess," she gestured around the room to indicate the entire evening, "I'm a mess. We're a mess. Why the hell would you want to marry me?"

He was flushed as his face went slightly red and anger began pumping through his veins. He looked away from her as he pushed both of his hands into his hips again, biting his bottom lip hard as his eyes were clouded over by a thin layer of tears. He narrowed his eyes at the wall, beginning to study the room of the apartment he hadn't quite let himself get fond of at all.

He hated her apartment - she was no longer mixing her mess with his - and he willingly rip all of the walls down with his bare hands.

She cocked her jaw as she slid her hand across the countertop, knocking the ruined turkey into the trashcan pressed into the side of the counter. She turned around to look at him, taking in his slightly broken appearance as she touched her hands to the opposite elbows and hugged herself. Her eyes were tracing his outlines, his features, his entire being as she pushed her lips together tightly.

"Why would you want to be with me?"

She licked her lips adorningly, her fingers pressing hard into her skin. His head snapped towards her as his eyes narrowed in her direction, and he pushed his tongue into his cheek. He couldn't believe that she'd ask him that, ever in his life. He thought he'd made it clear - he couldn't live without her.

"Because I love you, damn it!" His voice rose in the back of his throat and his body shook as he tried to swallow back a lump, tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He licked his lips as he took a swift step towards her while exhaling a breath, and he pressed his fingers into the back of her neck as he pulled her into him. "I was without you once and I don't want to be ever again."

He pressed his forehead into hers, breathing heavily as he tried to hold back the tears.

"You tried so hard tonight. Even though it was a disaster it was beautiful - you made it seem beautiful because you're so amazing. I don't deserve you, Sam - I deserve for my life to be hell and when I'm with you it just isn't possible."

"I'm not..."

"You are. You invited Abby and my daughter over for Thanksgiving dinner for crying out loud - you're a fucking marvel," his chest was hit hard enough to almost knock the breath out of him as she pulled her hands from herself and pressed them into his chest. He was always so gentle, but at the moment he seemed to be too caught up to even notice. "That's why I love you so much that I can't live without you."

Her eyes closed as she slid her hands up his hard chest and wrapped her frail fingers around his neck to pull his body into hers, her lips crushing against his. The kiss was angry, it was passionate, and it was hungry. Her tongue swirled the edges of his lips to plea with him her quest, and just as he slightly parted his lips her tongue slid across his.

He pulled back as he grasped for breath, his eyes trailing down her body - momentarily fixating on her slightly enlarged, protruding breasts as they seemed to peek out of the top of her dress - his hot breath easing down the length of her chest as he exhaled heavily.

"I need to have you," his voice came out barely audible through his rugged breaths.

He was so breathless as he had so many emotions pumping through his veins, his body throbbing at every inch of him. He let his eyes move back up her body to look into her eyes, only finding her eyes still closed. He tensed slightly as he felt her hands tighten of the back of his neck, wishing with every inch of him that he didn't have the temptation of her being pinned between him and the kitchen counter.

"Take me," she murmured, her breath trailing across his lips as her lips slowly followed the trail to his mouth.

He seemed to inhale her, suck every last breath from her lungs as he let his fingers float down to her waist from her arms. He shoved his hands into her skin around her torso as he lifted her to set her on the counter, making their lips part. He lifted his hand back up as he grazed his fingertips across her protruding area, brushing the hair back from her face.

"I need to have you forever," he whispered into her shoulder as he let his hands smooth back down her skin and wrap around her waist, his hips pressing into the edge of the counter.

"You'll always have me," her hands pulled him by the back of the neck to make his lips meet hers, her arms sliding around his shoulders. She let her hands go under his arms and slide up his back, kissing down his jaw line until she could divulge them into the crook of his neck. She felt him tilt his head he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her legs around him. "Always."

Her voice vibrated into his neck, trailing across his skin as it sent shivers down his spin - heightening the beauty overt he disasters of the evening.

It was beautiful.