Finding My Way

Here I am unseen
You look right through me unaffected
So stand beside me
And don't deny me
And help me find my way

-"Here I Am" Adrianne Leon

Sirius Black was born into one of the oldest and purest wizarding families in England. He lived in London his entire life, only leaving the city to visit relatives or close friends of the family. He never had any real friends, only relatives of a similar age. There was his cousin Daphne, who was nearly his age, but he never saw her, and his younger brother Regulus, or his older cousin Narcissa, but none of them were worth his time. Sirius felt like an unwelcome stranger in his own home. His parents never loved him – he wasn't sure they knew the meaning of the world.

Mr. and Mrs. Black gave their son's everything they ever asked for. Sirius had a brand new racing broom every 5 months, but it wasn't gifts he craved. Sirius Black wanted a place where he was wanted, where people would actually notice if he was there or not.

Another birthday came and went unnoticed by Mr. and Mrs. Black. Sirius wanted the latest edition of the comet racing broom series, and it was waiting at the foot of his bed when he woke up on that December morning. Sirius noticed that there were no wrappings and no note. He took his new broom downstairs, hoping to run into any form of human life. He found the kitchen deserted and made himself some toast. It was all he knew how to make in that kitchen since he wasn't old enough to use magic and the house elf was nowhere to be seen.

Sirius sat alone at the head of the long table eating his very burnt toast and thinking bitterly how much he hated his birthday. No one was even around to forget it was his birthday. Regulus was hardly company, but even he was strangely absent.

Long after the toast was gone, and the crumbs had been swept away, Sirius was still sitting at the head of the very long table, daydreaming of a better life. He imagined what it would be like to have a happy birthday, with cake and balloons and ribbons and bows on the presents. He imagined what it would be like for his mother to hug him, hold him in her arms protectively. He imagined his father taking him flying, and he imagined Regulus looking up to him in the way only little brothers could. He wondered if anyone really lived like that, and if so why couldn't he.

Sirius was brought back to the stark reality of his life by the sound of someone entering the front door. His heart sank, his parents were home. Surely he would get yelled at for oversleeping and for sitting in the kitchen all afternoon. His mother would glare at him with her cold dark eyes, a glare that sent chills up his spine. His father would look indifferently at him, looking through Sirius rather than at him. Regulus would smirk at the thought of Sirius getting in trouble, and on his birthday. It was likely that Sirius's aunt and uncle would be with them, who hated him as much as everyone else in the family. The only comforting thought was that his cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa wouldn't be there.

The Black family has a noble and ancient history, which they had always prided themselves on. Sirius was the eldest male in his family, and therefore the Black heir, but he didn't care. He hated being a Black, and didn't want to be some stupid heir. He wanted to escape to foreign places where he could be happy for once in his life. He wanted to be like his cousin Andromeda, Bellatrix and Narcissa's sister, who had left her parents house as soon as she was of age. Last he had heard of Andromeda, she was engaged to a muggle-born named Tonks. He remembered his aunt's reaction to this news. She blasted Andromeda off the family tapestry with so much force it smoked for weeks.

Sirius wished he could get blasted off that damn tapestry. He hated walking past the drawing room and seeing it there, hanging there taunting Sirius.

"SIRIUS!" came the screeching voice of his mother. He winced at the sound of his name. He decided it was best for him to meet his family in the entrance hall rather than have them find him here in the kitchen.

Sirius walked the short distance from the kitchen to the entrance hall. Sure enough Uncle Aidan and Aunt Elladora were there. The entire family glared at Sirius as he entered, something he was so used to it didn't even faze him anymore. "Good morning" he muttered, sounding as if the morning was anything but good. No one even reacted to his greeting, except to continue their piercing glares. Sirius rolled his eyes slightly and made a face, which seemed to get much more of a reaction. Mrs. Black reached forward and grabbed her son by the arm and dragged him aside.

"You wipe that look off of your face young man! Take your Aunt and Uncle's cloaks." Mrs. Black demanded of her young son.

Sirius mumbled a "Yes mum" before returning to his family and accepting the cloaks that were thrown into his arms. As he walked to the hallway closet he thought bitterly that this was servant work, not the job of a family heir. Some heir, Sirius thought.

Uncle Aidan and Aunt Elladora stayed all day, with no mention at all of it being Sirius's birthday. He was 11, and it meant that come September he would be going to school. Sirius dreaded this more than anything because he knew his mother would use Narcissa as a spy at school.

Sirius snuck upstairs to his bedroom after supper. He didn't want to be around his family anymore, and he knew he wouldn't be missed. The Blacks treated Sirius like a nasty piece of furniture that nobody liked but they wouldn't get rid of. He laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He hated his bedroom, it was like a little jail cell. His window was big enough for him to receive sunlight, but it was too small and high up to be used as any kind of escape route, that is unless he wanted to break several bones in the process. It took several hours for Sirius to fall asleep. He could hear his family downstairs, talking and making what sounded horribly like laughing. They never laugh. Blacks don't have a sense of humor. Or at least normal Blacks don't have a sense of humor. And Sirius is anything but a normal Black.

Sirius liked to wander the streets of London. His mother rarely let him leave the house alone, afraid he would get ideas and run away to live like a muggle. Sirius took advantage of every opportunity he got to leave. Even as an eleven-year-old boy, Sirius was never afraid to be alone in the city. He would walk down the streets and look into the big windows of muggle shops, eyeing the strange things muggles came up with in fashion, appliances, and furniture. Sometimes he would take the underground across town and enter the Leaky Cauldron and go to Diagon Alley and wander the wizarding street, but he preferred muggle London.

One Tuesday afternoon in late July, as the owl post arrived, a letter was delivered by an official looking owl to Sirius. Without picking it up, Sirius knew it was his Hogwarts letter. He'd been expecting it for weeks now, part dreading and part longing for it. He opened the letter carefully, feeling his mother's gaze on him.

Dear Mr. Black,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

Sirius remembered Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa receiving the exact same letter years earlier. He read the letter four times through just so he didn't have to look up at his mother. Regulus ripped the letter from Sirius's hand as he was midway through the fourth reading and passed it to his mother. Mrs. Black glanced at the letter quickly and then looked to her eldest son.

"I see they've let you in boy. Now don't you go tarnishing the reputation of this family, befriending mudbloods and blood traitors like that Dumbledore." Mrs. Black said coldly to her son. Sirius hated when he spoke to her like this. Actually he hated when she spoke at all, but he particularly hated her condescending pureblood-mania. Sirius couldn't understand how being a pureblood wizard could make someone any better than a mudblood or half-blood.

Sirius didn't think anymore about his Hogwarts letter for the rest of July and much of August. But as September 1st approached, Sirius realized he didn't have anything he would need to start school. He approached his father about the subject, but all he got for a reply was a loud grunt and a "go ask your mother." Mr. Black never made any decisions without his wife. Sirius wondered if he even dared blink without her permission. Sirius went to ask his mother.

"Mum?" he asked softly.

"What do you want?" She said angrily.

"Well, it's nearly September 1st and I haven't got any of my school supplies yet." He said in a near whisper. Sirius was terrified of upsetting his mother, and didn't want to take on a tone that would start her yelling at him.

"And what do you plan on doing about that?" Mrs. Black had a way of making everything seem like its Sirius's fault.

"I was wondering if you could take me to Diagon Alley."

"Why don't you go yourself? You seem so keen to take walks through the muggle city, why not make a stop at Diagon Alley?"

"I –, I don't have any money."

Mrs. Black thrusted a bag of gold into her son's hand and told him to go. Sirius stared at the bag of gold in his hand in awe. His mother had never given in to him so quickly, and has never trusted him with money.

Sirius darted out of the house as quickly as he could, before his mother got the chance to change her mind and take it all back. He walked most of the way to The Leaky Cauldron for fear that his bag of gold would attract attention on the underground. Sirius was exhausted by the time he reached the Leaky Cauldron, and stopped to buy himself a drink.

After finishing his ice-cold cup of pumpkin juice, Sirius continued out to the back of the pub. He had to ask the bartender to assist him into Diagon Alley, as he didn't have a wand yet, and one was needed to open the hidden passageway to the street. Sirius had been to Diagon Alley so many times that the sight of the street materializing through an archway that opens up in a brick wall doesn't surprise him at all. He walked to the bookstore and bought his books first. He saw other Hogwarts students buying their books and wondered how many of them, if any at all, would become his friends. After buying all his books, Sirius went to the Apothecary to stock up on potion ingredients. He found a small store that sold cauldrons and bought himself a standard size 2 pewter cauldron, exactly as the supplies list said. Then he went to Madame Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, where he bought his school uniform. After buying his uniform, and checking the list to make sure he had everything, Sirius walked down the road to Ollivander's to buy his wand. Sirius had been waiting to get a wand of his own since he knew what a wand was. Mr. Ollivander showed him several wands before he found the right one, 12 inches beech with the heartstring of a dragon. Sirius held the box which contained his wand very carefully as he walked back toward the Leaky Cauldron. He stopped inside for a late lunch before heading back into muggle London. He decided that his packages were much to heavy to drag across the city, and took the underground to the closest stop to his house.

Sirius was surprised to see that no one was home when he got there. The lights were all down, except for a few that cast an eerie glow down the long dark corridors. Sirius made his way upstairs to his room, where he set down his new purchases, and flopped down on his bed with his new wand. He pulled the thin strip of wood out of the box and examined every inch of it. The wand felt warm in his hand, and shot out a few sparks as he flicked it.

Sirius knew he shouldn't be trying any magic, as he was underage and not in school, but he couldn't help it. He was a natural born troublemaker, and had a slight disregard for the rules. He knew the moment his mother returned he would have to put his wand away and wanted to enjoy what little time he had with it before school started.

After the novelty of the wand wore of, Sirius went to the pile of schoolbooks and picked up the first one, The DarkForces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble and skimmed through the pages. Sirius wasn't a big reader, and certainly didn't care to be ahead in his studies when school started, but he had nothing else to occupy his time.

Sirius heard his family return sometime after dark. He had no idea where they had been, nor did they make any mention to him about their return. Sirius didn't care, he preferred them when they didn't bother him.

The last two weeks of Sirius's summer flew by faster than he expected. He was glad to finally be getting gout of Number twelve Grimmauld Place, but was apprehensive about starting school with his cousin being there. He was nervous about what house he would get sorted into, and whether or not he would be able to make friends. He was nervous about learning magic, and about doing homework. He was nervous that he would find out it was all a big mistake and that he had to go home again. But mostly, he was excited for the new experience that had arisen.

A/N: I'd just like to remind you all of my request from the first chapter for a sorting hat song. I will seriously love you forever if you write me one!

Replies to my Reviewers:

cho0dessny- Yay, my first reviewer! I'm glad you like it so far! I've never seen Amelie, but I heard it was good. I hope you liked this chapter!

DISCLAIMER: I do no own any of this nor am I making any profit, this is just my way of passing boring summer nights, and I'm sure eventually it will become another way for me to procrastinate once school starts up again. All names, places, ect. From the Harry Potter world belong to JK Rowling and the publishers ect. And the song quotes belong to their respective artists and the correct rights owners.