War with the Deranged Killer Mutant Monster Snow Goons

Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes and all characters associated with the comic. All rights are owned by Bill Waterson.

From their little hill the two could not see but hear the chaos that was unraveling close by. Shrieks and cries, scattered gunshots all filled their ears and their hearts sank to their stomachs. Putting down his comic Calvin climbed to the top of the naked tree and could see a couple of snowmen going to a house and dragging away a person. Climbing back down he lowered his head, this was his fault. He made these creatures. He could not run away though he wanted to. Slamming a fist into his open palm Calvin proclaimed loudly, "We have to get back to the house." Nodding affirmatively the two made their way back through the woods.

His friend asked him "But how?" in a much lighter tone of voice to avoid betraying their position to any lurking goons, "The house is over run with those snowmen. There is no way we can fight against all of those." He was right, there was dozens, if not a hundred of those things by now, and by now, they be multiplying even further rapidly. "They're might be hundreds of them by night fall, which...which...would be cool if they weren't out to kill me" Calvin paused sporting a devilish smirk. Hobbes could only roll his eyes in disappointment. For what seemed like miles, they walked, the tiger with a toboggan tucked under one arm, Calvin with his backpack thrown over his shoulder, they were about to give up and collapse from exhaustion when the woods cleared, and there, sat a small house that was not their's. "Who lives here?" the boy asked.

Hobbes shrugged his shoulders then carefully looked about before venturing further, "I don't see snow goons, so I guess it's safe."

Tired, hungry, thirsty, and scared, our duo went forth to see if they could get some food from the good people inside, instead, they found it to be ransacked, no one was there. In it's front yard, Calvin saw the undeniable tracks of snow goons. Wide, shallow snow brushed away to either side made by their heavy bodies, plus shavings of bark from their arms beside that, "I can't believe it, Hobbes. They multiplied and now are going after the whole neighborhood."

All down the street, they could see nothing but damaged houses, cars, and not a single soul. "I wonder where they took them all." Hobbes wondered.

Calvin let his mind wander and he gave the over exaggeration suggestion, "Perhaps they were captured and taken to some secret lab where they remove their brains and replace them with ice and turn them into snow men zombies" the boy opened himself for a rebuttal.

"I wish they replace your brain with a block of ice" Hobbes growled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing"

Shaking his head Calvin continued, "We can't stay here, we have to find a better place to stay." Hobbes agreed, but where? Every house they came across was damaged, windows broken, doors smashed in, nothing offered solace to them. They made their way through backyards, avoiding the streets as much as possible, heading towards Susie's house, from there, they planned on going further into town, and tell the police. In his mind, Calvin concocted a wild story to tell, "Killer Mutant Monster Snow goons took my parents."

"I think I read that book" Hobbes laughed. Neither of them knew why to go to her house, but it just seemed right and without trying to change it, without saying any questions they headed that way. Susie's house had an unmistakable red brick wall that fenced the house both front and back and when they came across it they paused to look around. No one was there but Hobbes sniffed the air. He detected nothing. Moving abreast of the bright red brick wall they sensed nothing thus paid no heed until a head appeared above them screaming at the top of it's lungs, "Die!" Everyone screamed, Calvin recoiled backwards using Hobbes as a shield and a brief stand off ensued until Calvin recognized the head and voice, "Susie?"

"Calvin, it's you. Quick, get inside." Susie disappeared and the two moved towards the front gate. Opening it up the two were allowed inside the house where the heat soothed his chilled body. They were not alone. Inside there were over a dozen children of various ages that had sought refuge there. All doors were barricade with furniture, and windows locked. Hanging up their coats, hands, and removing their boots Susie began a tour of the household going past the remnants, "This is all that is left of the neighborhood" showing roughed up, tired, poor faces huddled around a small fire. "Everyone else is gone."

"Where did they go?" asking about the parents.

"Not sure," she shrugged. "Mine, the last time I saw, were being dragged outside, into the woods." Pausing by the fireplace she looked at the flames fighting back tears that were leaking through her eyes, but it was of no use and she began to weep. Turning away Susie left the room and the two newcomers were perplexed at what to do and they looked at the other survivors and sat down with them beside the fire. Those that were there included Billy, Candace, Floyd, and Byant whom were asking one another how they managed to elude the snowmen on a rampage.

"I was in my room where they crashed through the door, taking my brother and my mom" Billy began with his raspy voice, "I got out by running out the back door and hiding in a garbage can," deeply embarrassed.

"At least you made it" Floyd nudged him with his elbow and sipping from on a mug of cocoa, "My parents were also taken, and they nearly got me had it not been for my baseball bat here," laying next to him was an aluminum baseball bat. "I swung Ol' Betsy around and knocked his head clean off." Everyone laughed.

With his feet now warming up, Calvin sighed deeply from his seat on a rug. All eyes fell on him and his furry companion for several silent moments, whom took noticed and uneasily stared back. Candace finally broke their silence, "Calvin, how did you escape?" She did not want to ask for she knew Calvin from school but she forced herself to ask. Being the one that liked to brag, Calvin smirked at them and began to tell his tale. However, Hobbes knew what was going to happen and decided to put as much space between him and the loud mouth as possible, "Well...," but before he could talk, Susie sat down beside him, and the subject changed.

"How long have you been here?" he asked. In her lap was a spiral ring notebook. Opening to the first page she had written down everything that had happened so far, "It started in the morning, about nine when the goons came in. I hid in the bathroom and they left me. I barricaded the house afterwards. After an hour, kids began to show up, so I let them in, and we remained quiet as chaos reined outside." Reading over her shoulder Calvin saw very neat constant font writing with every name and description of kids that came to her house.

A hush fell over the room, the only noise was the fire snap and hiss as it began to die down. What little fire wood was left was added to keep it alive, otherwise, there was nothing in which they could do. Now warm, his blood began coursing through his body becoming ever hotter with anger, Calvin got up from his seat, dawned his coat and boots, then ventured outside. A curious Hobbes wrapped in his arms and Susie following, asking herself, What was he thinking? Down the shoveled walkway, Calvin took several steps, then stopped and surveyed the landscape.

"What are you thinking?" the girl asked lightly, the boy did not respond at first. He was deep in thought. His six year old mind clicked somehow, "We need to fortify this place" turning around.

"But how?" Susie cocked an eyebrow underneth her pink beanie.

"See the walls?" pointing to the open sides of the property and walking that way as he talked, , "We need to build a connecting wall so this place is enclosed."

"How do we do that?" a puzzled Susie asked, shivering through her coat.

"What's the one thing we have plenty of?" Calvin smirked.

Susie did not answer.

Taking up a handful of the white blanket at his feet he shower her, "Snow."

"Snow?"

"Yeah, snow. We stack it up, pound it like dough, and soak it in water it will make it a brick."

It was the best idea she heard in a while. Convinced that it would work Susie went inside and managed to convince those inside of the idea. Susie had a nack for inspiring people, maybe it was because she had more friends or she was book smart, either way it worked and in minutes everyone hustled outside, given pales, and told what to do. Gathered outside in the front yard Calvin stood just down the walkway in front of them, "If we build this wall" he said to them, "It will be a start in defending our homes, our way of life from these snowmen. I will not stay inside and let them run loose. I will fight them, but I can't fight alone. Who will join me in defending this house? From there, we will defend others". Those words echoed around the neighborhood, when they faded away into oblivion. His eyes looked around at the silent statues. Susie took up a pale, "I will join you" she said. A pause came, then Floyd followed by Candace and Billy took up buckets as well, then everyone came up to build. Scooping up hundreds of pales worth of frost they made a snake wall up to eight feet high then tehy began to pound down to three feet and then added more on top to renew the beating process. A steep slope led to the outside world that was doused in ice water that quickly hardened over creating a slick surface that was nearly impossible to climb upon. This fixture was crude, but it did create an all around barrier to help keep out the goons.

"There is no way they can get at us now" a proud Floyd laughed as he looked around him. Everyone agreed. They felt safer. The front gate was also barricaded in the same manner. "There" Calvin proclaimed from on top of the brick wall, "Our fort is invincible. No one will dare to challenge us!"

Down below, the exhausted members of the defense marveled at his persistence and determination. Now with this fence complete, everyone wanted to go inside, but the boy refused. "We can't," he told them, "We have to find a better way to defend ourselves."

"How?" said a voice from the crowd. "Those things are snow men! Best thing we can do is just stay inside. The wall will keep them out for awhile but the house is our best defense. The heat will protect us." Agreements went all around.

Calvin bocked at the idea, "How long will be safe with the heat?" he questioned, "These snow goons are smart. I wouldn't be surprised if they figure out how to cut the power, then what? We stay inside, huddled together and sing "Kum-bia?" Their faces fell. "Those things smashed my themistat and stopped us from melting them." Faces fell, "We can't just stay inside, and be scared. I won't. I will fight!" Clenching a fist he stabbed the sky.

There were no cheers or applause. Just stone silence. Calvin looked at them. These were not fighters, they were children, then some muffled murmuring to one another. "Now, come on! Who is with me?" again, silence. Calvin panted in puffs of steam as no one wanted to join in his idea. Exhaustion showed on their faces, they just wanted to sleep and let this nightmare pass. One by one, the children broke off from the group and headed inside. Susie was among the last to leave, but the ever faithful Hobbes stuck by his friend as he dismounted the wall. "Whatever will we do?" the furry striped animal asked as they watched the door shut.

Dismounting from the wall the two began to stroll down the length of the perimeter, "Hobbes, we are now faced with a crisis."

"How so?"

"We are facing snowmen that I created. Why can't I just go out and face them. One on one?"

Hobbes paused for a moment, thinking of an answer, "Because" he said, "They don't think like humans. They want, what they want."

"So, they are like zombies?" the boy looked up at his taller companion.

"More or less, yes"

"Cool," he smiled, "How do they kill zombies in the movies?"

"Shoot them, of course"

"But, we don't have guns, or rifles, or bombs" Calvin finally stopped near a corner.

"How they kill Frosty at the end of the movie?" Hobbes scratched his head.

"I dunno. Maybe they stabbed him with an icicle."

Watching from a window, Candace and Susie watched as Calvin talked to his stuffed pal, "I wonder what he's talking about" said the dark haired Candace. "Beats me. I don't want to know what that boy thinks" replied a disappointed Susie.

Back outside, Calvin was thinking of a solution to help solve the problem they were facing. "Look, we have heat for awhile. Who knows how long before the goons come back, and when they do, there will be hundreds of them. This emergency meeting of G.R.O.S.S will now come into order!"

Snapping to attention, "All hail, Supreme Dictator for life Calvin" Hobbes saluted.

"All hail, president and first sergeant Hobbes" Calvin replied. "Today, we are facing a crisis. Our enemy today will not be girls, but of deranged killer mutant monster snow goons, bent on capturing us, and turning us into their fiendish zombie slaves."

Without his log book, Hobbes remembered the words in his head and Calvin continued to rant, "We have made the fort, now we need weapons. First sergeant Hobbes?"

"Sir?" snapping to attention.

"What weapons do we have?". Conducting a quick memory glance of the house, Hobbes came up with his assessment, "Sir, we are armed with baseball bats, sticks, and claws."

Hearing the report sent Calvin into a dead chill. Those weapons could not stand up to an army of snow goons.

"We need...something that there's alot of...something that can destroy snow. Snowballs or slush balls are useless against them" Calvin said.

Nodding in agreement Hobbes said, "Yes, how about rocks? Stones? I mean, they're heavy and the creek is close by and there are hundreds of them. We've crushed cans with rocks. If they can crush cans then they can go through snow."

Calvin beamed, "Yes, if we can hit him in the head...it might put them down completely."

Goods snows, flat and well rounded lay under the flowing water of the creek just a couple dozen yards outside the walls of the house and they had the pales to collect loads of them. Flushed with joy the boy ran inside, shouting to everyone about his answer. Groggy, many of them hissed and jeered back. Undeterred, Calvin grabbed his toboggan and rushed back outside, gathered all the discarded pales, and went over the wall, with Hobbes in tow, of course. Watching from windows as the night of the first day dragged on the children watched as the boy made it all the way to the creek, in knee deep snow, and began to fill the pales with stones, cupping his hands and submerging them under the chilled water, "Oh my, they'll be captured" Susie softly cried. Once every pale was full, Calvin pulled the laden down toboggan back towards the house. The journey was difficult and slow, he stumbled a few times, but recovered. Reaching the ice wall, he found that Cadence and Billy were there waiting. A rope came over and the toboggan reins were tied to it and hauled up, followed by Calvin and Hobbes.

Mission accomplished.

It was a small victory for the small force hemmed up in the fort, but a victory nonetheless. "Where did you learn how to fight like this?" Susie said to Calvin as he came inside.

"I got stuck in the library last Friday. I got bored and found a book about the Alamo. Needlesstosay, I liked it" he smirked.

"So, I guess that this will be our Alamo?" she asked.

"Uh, remember what happened to the men of the Alamo?" Hobbes stepped in.