Logan pulled into a space across the street from Luke's diner and turned off the engine. He paused, staring at Rory. He didn't want to initiate movement and was waiting for Rory to make the first move. Rory however, remained still.
"Are you sure you want to do this Ror?" Logan asked quietly, reaching out to touch her shoulder. Despite the warm noonday sun her shoulder felt cold, her skin icy. She sighed, wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. "We don't have to do this yet. We can go home if you want, tell her later," Logan offered but he knew that Rory would refuse. She was determined to tell Luke and Lorelai that day.
"No," Rory said softly, shaking her head. A few of her chocolaty brown tresses wriggled loose from her hair clip and fell playfully around her face. She looked up at Logan and for a moment he was reminded of the past, when everything had been perfect. In college, when they had paraded around, the king and queen of Yale. Everything had been so easy back then. They had been so happy. Life had been so easy. Rory had been so…healthy. Logan rubbed his temples, shaking the memory away. He couldn't—he wouldn't—let himself think about those days. Not yet anyway.
"Are you sure—," Logan began but stopped quickly when Rory nodded assuredly. She was so determined to do this but Logan knew it was tearing her apart. He hated seeing her like this, broken down, fragmented. He wanted her to be strong again, to be happy. The Rory he had once known and loved was gone now.
"Okay," Rory said with finality, fumbling to unclasp her seatbelt. She paused for only a second more and stepped out of the car, carefully pulling herself up. Logan followed suit, quickly hurrying to the other side of the car so he could help Rory across the street. She smiled at this, the familiar gleam returning to her beautiful blue eyes. Lacing her fingers in Logan's own Rory took a deep breath and prepared to tell her mother the news.
"Hey Luke, look who's here! Our favorite couple!" Lorelai shouted when Rory and Logan entered the diner. Lorelai hopped eagerly out of her seat and bounced over to her daughter, pulling her into a tight hug. "How'd it go?" Lorelai whispered into Rory's ear, unconcealed excitement coating her tone. For a second Rory was confused, why does she sound so happy, Rory asked herself. That's when she remembered. The realization hit her like a punch to the gut. The smile that Rory had carefully plastered onto her face dropped down to her stomach. Lorelai pulled away and greeted Logan with equal enthusiasm. No, Rory said to herself, no, no, no! Please don't let her say anything! Rory could practically feel the words pressing to escape from her lips. She didn't want Logan—she didn't want anyone—to know what she had thought. Lorelai had pulled away from Logan and had dropped her arm lovingly around Rory's shoulder. Rory knew her mom was waiting for her to say something regarding the doctor's visit but she couldn't bring herself to say anything yet.
"Okay Lor, bring them up!" Luke's voice called down from his apartment above the kitchen. Lorelai turned to the two and smiled mischievously.
"Now Rory, I know you told me not to get too excited, but—," Lorelai's voice trailed away as she disappeared up the stairs. Rory stood, frozen in her spot. She didn't dare move.
"What's she talking about?" Logan asked, wrapping his arm around Rory's slim waist.
"Come on you two! Get those butts up here!" Lorelai demanded, poking her head down from the apartment. Her childlike excitement was almost contagious. Rory was tempted to ignore the diagnosis and go play along with her mother's excitement. You're an adult now, Rory reminded herself, you can do this.
"I think we'd better go then," Rory said with a forced laugh, slowly following her mother up the stairs.
"Okay, now—don't get mad Rory—I know you said you didn't want to say anything before you were sure, but I just had this feeling when you told me—," Lorelai began, leading the Rory and Logan over to where Luke's bed used to be. Hanging in the doorway was a large, glossy banner, screaming in large pastel letters: CONGRATULATIONS! On one of the end tables was a basket in the shape of a bassinet, filled with pink and blue baby stuff. Streamers were attached to the walls in funky patterns, ones that only Lorelai would think were beautiful. Rory froze when she saw it all; a visual reminder of the worst mistake she had ever made. She wished she had never said anything to her mother. She wished that she had never let herself believe in it either. How could I have thought I was pregnant? Rory demanded, suddenly furious with herself. She should have researched further, she should have been positive before she said anything, especially to her mother. "Should have's" flooded Rory's head. She didn't know what to do.
Logan was confused. He didn't know what Lorelai had meant by this. After ten years with Rory he had yet to understand the quirks between mother and daughter but from the look on Rory's face, Logan guessed that she too was out of the loop on this one. Lorelai just stood in the middle of all the banners, a euphoric grin plastered to her face.
"Well—," Lorelai asked, gesturing wildly to the decorations. Luke stood off to the side, a slow smile spread across his gruff features. Rory knew she had to say something before her mom did something really crazy like alert the entire town that Rory was going to have a baby!
"Mom, I'm not pregnant," Rory said suddenly, her words falling heavily between the four people in the room. Luke coughed awkwardly as Lorelai gaped, grasping for something—anything—to say.
"B-but, what—all the signs were there. You told me yourself," Lorelai blurted out uncomfortably, furrowing her brow in confusion. Rory looked at her feet. Logan however was in shock. Rory thought she was pregnant? It broke his heart into a thousand pieces thinking of the heartache she must have felt when the doctor told her the true diagnosis. For the past few years Rory and Logan had tried to conceive but had thus far been unsuccessful. The thought that Rory had gotten her hopes up—Logan hated himself for not knowing.
"Well, the signs were there," Rory began slowly, struggling to maintain her composure. "I was sick every morning, I was tired a lot, food made me nauseous. I just thought—," Rory's voice dropped out suddenly as she buried her head into Logan's chest. He gripped her tightly, trying to soak up all of her pain. Lorelai looked on in shock, feeling foolish surrounded by all of the decorations. I shouldn't have done this, Lorelai scolded herself silently, Luke told me not to do anything before I knew for sure!
"What did the doctor say?" Luke's voice was quiet but pressing. It seemed to jolt everyone out of their personal reveries, bringing them all focused on one main point once more. Rory sighed, reluctantly pulling away from Logan's strong grasp. She wiped at her eyes, brushing the tears away for the umpteenth time that day. She took a breath, bracing herself.
"He said that the cancer came back. It spread too quickly this time." Rory wanted to say something more, a joke to lift everyone's spirits or some calming insight. What's the point? Rory asked herself, there's no use sugar-coating anything anymore. Luke stepped towards Lorelai, wrapping his arm around her. Looking at the two of them it was hard to say which one was supporting the other one more. Both were clearly broken. Silence blanketed the foursome. No one dared to move or speak in case it made the whole situation real. Finally, after a few minutes Lorelai stepped forward.
"Oh kid," Lorelai breathed, holding out her arms to her daughter and that was all it took to open the floodgates.