War with the Deranged Killer Mutant Monster Snow Goons

Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes and all characters associated with the comic. All rights are owned by Bill Waterson.

War with the Deranged Killer Mutant Monster Snow Goons

Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, Susie etc. They are owned by Bill Watterson

"800?" Calvin's eyes widened in disbelief.

There was so many of them. For the boy it was amazing in two ways. One; so many goons had been made in such a short amount of time that in the span of an hour they could easily cope with the loss of eight hundred. Second, he and his meager band of children managed to cut down those eight hundred with simple stone and sticks. But, that was just the outside, inside the house, where hand to hand combat had been fiercest even compared to the Civil War. Entire doors were smashed to splinters, furniture that had not been tossed out was not whole anymore and rugs were soaked in blood and water intermixed. "Now we know what happened to the men at the Alamo" Calvin said to Hobbes as he collapsed by the fireplace beside his other comrades, whom were prepared to march. Their destination was through the woods.

"Is everything packed?" looking at his first sergeant.

"Yes" he replied with a furry smile.

"Then, let us be off."

His cluster of followers said nothing of moving through the snow this time. Now, they had proper gear for cold, despite the fact that most of it came from missing and perhaps dead friends. Food was marginal, but enough to sustain them for at least a couple of days in their bellies and on their sleds. The two wounded were able to move on their own, so the convoy would not be burden in carrying them, but what they lacked was armament. Some buckets of stone were left along with sharpened stakes. Stuffing stone into their pockets and carrying sticks in their hands, the band leapt the wall and slipped quietly into the dead woods. Tension was high. Weary eyes took a second look at anything that moved. A twig snapped everyone froze in place for several seconds. Who was it? What was it? Sighs all around, Hobbes stepped on a branch and nervously chuckled. Their trip was arduous. In this cold, every step was painful one after the other on their feet. Needles were shooting up from their ankles to their knees. Nudging them on Calvin promised them a safe place to rest. To where? He was not sure at first. Crossing the creek was just another step. Each tree seemed like the others, bare, silent. For an hour, they wandered around, with no direction real direction or destination just straight forward. Keeping his eyes keen on his surroundings, Hobbes made sure that they were not walking into an ambush. "How far have we gone?" Billy asked. Behind him, Susie kept a count "312...313...314" she noted that her steps were exactly a foot and a half apart and she kept track of their distance thus far in her notebook.

No one else said a word; lips were unmoving, ears open. Holding mere sticks and stones, the children felt a dead chill through their jackets. Someone was watching them, with evil intent. Their enemy would like nothing more than to rip them about, limb from limb. Hobbes raced ahead of the group, his nose picking up something in the cold air. Disappearing from sight Calvin tried to recall him by shouting neglecting the fact that it might attract goons nearby. Nothing happened. In front of Calvin was a steep looking hill that was studded with fat trees. The tigers' foot prints were still visible in the snow that was solid and five inches deep. Marching up to the crest the boy was determined to see what had become of his friend. As soon as he reached the crest the tiger smacked into him and pinned the boy to the ground. "We made it!" exclaiming loudly for others to hear.

"What are you talking about, you lutz?" Calvin asked as he shoved the tiger off of him and stood back up.

"To the next street!" Hobbes said, his face flush with color and had everyone come up and see for themselves and they took up his cry as well, "We made it!" A mad dash was made by them from the trees into a clearing between two houses. This was the second street, a very well to do for the middle class and yet it was untouched by war, every house was of one story box design with simple aluminum siding walls and snow covered roofs with half shoveled sidewalks and ice covered drive ways. Not a soul was around. Could they have gotten to these people already? Unsure, Hobbes went away to look, and then promptly returned. "There's a fort just a few doors down," with an uneasy smile on his face.

"Another fort?" they asked then followed his guidance.

Sure enough there was a squat little house painted canary yellow with an skeleton iron gate sitting to the left of the front door. Bordering that all around the backyard was a wall of joke and snow mixed together. A rather hodgepodge way of making a barrier, but it appeared solid and all the snow around them had been shoveled away meaning that it would have taken a lot of people to make this. Walking from the sidewalk to the front yard Hobbes turned and told everyone to stop and let them go along. Eyes darted left and right, the air was still. No one appeared to be home. "Suppose they got to them," the boy said in a whisper.

"Maybe, but it's worth a try," Hobbes replied.

Moving along towards the gate, the front door being their objective, a near mute sneeze from the opposite side made them stop in their tracks. Calvin looked up and asked with his hands cupped around his mouth to amplify his question, "Who's there?"

A small head popped up from behind this wall. "Who the hell are you?" asking blatantly to which the boy replied, "My name is Calvin. This is my friend Hobbes." The tiger smiled and waved his hand.

"What do you want?" the head asked reluctant to let them in easily.

"We wish to enter your fort," Calvin said gesturing to those in his group behind them. The head looked at them for several seconds, "Come on, please. We're freezing out here."

Nodding, the boy disappeared then reappeared next to the gate. Removing containers that formed a barricade he inserted a key into a padlock and removed the snake of chain. With smiles on their face, Calvin motioned for his group to come up. Rushing across en masse, there were smiles and sighs of relief on their faces as the lock became undone, but, as the gate was opened, it was forcibly slammed shut in their faces. The guard stood stunned, looking up at a towering figure. "Moe?" flabbergasted.

"What are you doing here, twinky?" the large nosed bully demanded in a heavy voice.

"We wish to enter your fort," Calvin said meekly.

"Not a chance" waving them off, "If I let you in, then I have to let others in. If I do that, then those things will come in through the open gate. I won't allow it." Slamming the lock shut.

"Wait! You can't leave us out here!"

"Yes, I can"

"Those goons will get us!"

"That's not my problem" turning to walk away.

Furious, the cold getting to him, and being denied a safe haven, the tiger's dander stood up and he charged the gate and threw his entire body against it. Perhaps it was his momentum or the lock was weak, either way the gate flew open and Hobbes marched in. The guard stood aside, too scared to move as Hobbes finally confronted the bully whom was slowly beginning to back off deeper into the compound. "You would let us die out there?" sneering between his rows of razor sharp teeth, "Because of your selfishness" pointing a drawn claw finger at Moe's hefty chest. With the gate open Calvin and the others came inside and the guard locked the gate behind them. From here they could see the fort and it was in pitiful shape. Walls were nothing more than piled debris, covered in a layer of fallen snow. A layer of ice covered much of the courtyard, making it difficult to walk across in boots. Inside were many people, most of them kids of seven or eight year old variety, much taller than any of Calvin's group. Some huddled behind the walls in jackets, some inside the house with the warmth. At first glance, it appeared that inside was a favorable place to rest, but coming in, Calvin was greeted by a wall of foul stench that sent him wheeling back. Trying to hold back his lunch, he regained his posture and observed inside. Three cots, or makeshift beds were laid out, end to end inside what appeared to be the living room, but there was no furniture to mark it as such, just those three beds holding three coughing, sweat drenched, hot child, suffering from high fevers.

Knowing immediately what to do, Susie stepped inside, leaving the sliding glass door partially open to allow an air flow inside, ignoring oaths and protests by the sick to close it. Moe's bathroom appeared that a bomb went off. Dirt, grime, oil, and stagnant water incased by the walls and floor made people go outside. Soap was there, but not enough to shadow two fingers together. A pull open mirror cabinet had some medicines to combat illness, but she feared it would not be enough for others besides these three. Going about her nursing chores indoors, outdoors, Hobbes, having scared Moe silly with intimidation and threat, walked the entire length of the compound, making notes in his head about the integrity of these makeshift walls. In one spot it was a disabled sedan covered in vehicle parts and snow.

Saying to himself, "tisk tisk tisk" these walls were far different from the elegant, sharp, smooth ice that he helped build at Susie's house. Near the center of this compound stood the towering monster, Moe against the pitiful shrimp Calvin, both neither one of them seemed to have the guts to fight each other. Standing with his arms crossed, Moe listened as Calvin ranted about his or rather, his friends, battle at the Alamo.

"Goons came piling of the walls" he said, using his hands as charades of his enemy, "we kept hitting them with stone and it just ripped through them like butter."

Coming up beside his motor mouth, Hobbes sighed deeply as the last of this tale came to an end. Moe looked wearily at them, disenchanted. "Snow goons you say?" he asked.

"Yes, that is what we call them," Calvin replied with a hearty sigh, glad that they were making progress.

"What exactly do YOU want?"

"I and my company..."

Nudging, Hobbes corrected the grammar

Glaring out of the corner of his eye at his tiger, the boy started over, "My Company and me would like to join your fort."

After having his butt chewed out by Hobbes earlier, Moe looked at this tiger, who was at the same height he was, and rubbed his rounded chin. He could vaguely remember how he used to play dodge ball with the shrimp, Calvin, and easily defeat him and yet with his tiger friend behind him staring coldly back he easily relented, "Did you bring food?" his voice monotone showing no more fear.

"A little, not much," Calvin said shrugging his shoulders and pointing to the sleds near the back door.

Hobbes added, "Certainly not enough to feed everyone inside here for more than a day or two."

"How many do you have?" the boy asked, looking around, noting the stragglers hugging the walls to the West to avoid incoming winds.

"I got twenty three here, but there's another group coming here soon," Moe said.

"Have you looked in the other houses?"

"Naw, not with those freaky snowmen running loose around here. I saw them drag a fully grown man into the trees a couple days ago. Haven't seen him since."

"What about that second group?" Hobbes asked.

"I heard from them yesterday, I think. They say they'll come here in the night" shrugging his hefty shoulders. "But you keep this in your mind, twinky. I am in control here. You and that stuffed cat just stay out of my way."

Holding their gritted teeth together, and sneers in their eyes, Moe tromped off back towards the house, leaving our duo to think again inside the snow. "Quite a spot we're in. Wouldn't you say?" kicking his boots at the snow.

"Yes, quite"

"Got another situation on our hands here, ol' buddy."

"Yep"

"What do you think we should do?"

"I say we get this place in order or we'll be in a worse fix than last time."

"Agreed"

A work party was needed. Calvin tried to assemble those able to work as Hobbes took a scrap of paper and doodled on what this barrier was going to need. This barricade was high, in some places over six feet, but it was unstable to lean against much less stand on. To rectify this, he surmised, they would need timbers, large amounts of snow, and ice, lots of it. Taking note of the previous success of the ice wall, this fort would do better with it was better fortified, say with a good outer palisade and a stronger inner one. Moe had plenty of tools to work with, just needed to find them and enough people to make it all work.

At first the older kids were unwilling to work especially because they would be taking orders from a younger being, but Hobbes merely had to flash a smile and a claw and they were up and at it. At the main gate, the lock was replaced, and blocked up with snow that was shoveled in. With team work, people from Moe's company as well as Calvin's began to tear down whole sections of this barricade and replaced with snow that was pounded under many feet then covered in a layer of ice, then another layer of snow added on top. This mortar and brick method allowed this new wall to reach six feet high. Garbage, though soaked with water, was compiled on the front lawn. Rotted food, paper, dead animals, the filth of the world including feces were then doused with some gasoline and burned.

Watching from a window, Susie marveled on how that little loud mouth organized all of this. Hobbes was the blue print maker, the surveyor; Calvin though organized the teams and got them to work as one. "1...2...3...pull!" became a chant as the wall came down, then builders, with buckets or trash cans full of snow, came up and laid down a layer, then a seven year old sprayed with a water hose, then the process was repeated, all the while, two tense sentries watched opposite directions of each other for an attack that they silently prayed would never come.

Susie organized those inside the house to clear out the house and take account of what supplies they had. The bathroom was scrubbed out and the water was flowing safe enough to drink. Now numbering perhaps thirty Susie surmised that they had enough food for four days. As two kids carried out trash cans of filth to add to the bonfire Susie asked that Calvin make another bonfire to get rid of the feces around the outside of the fort.

"What's the magic word?" Calvin asked with a sinister smile

"Please" she replied in a defeated sigh.