What the Ministry Doesn't Want You to Know

spazZy-dOOfus

DISCLAIMER:

Yeah, you've heard it all before, I don't own anything except the plot, which is gay anyway, and why would anybody want to steal it.

A/N:

Okay, so I decided I'm having too much fun writing this to care about reviews. And besides, even if there is only one person who wants this continued, I will do it for them, because I'm just that nice. Also, I think I may of forgotten to proof read and spell check the last chapter, so I apologise if there were any mistakes.

Chapter Three: Blueberry Lollipops and Trick or Treat.

When they reached him, they both noticed at once that his lips were bright red. Looking at each other and sniggering, Harry said,

'Ron, why are you wearing lipstick?'

'What, what are you talking about, its not lipstick, what would you know. I just had a, err, lollipop, yeah, a blueberry lollipop', Ron said quickly and defensively.

Hermione, who was barely able to contain her laughter, was quick off the mark in saying,

'But then, shouldn't your lips be blue?'

'What?' asked Ron, breaking out in a slight sweat.

'Well,' Harry started, finally catching on (he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed… biggest though), 'If you had a blueberry lollipop, strictly speaking, your lips should be blue, not red.

Hermione looked at Harry with slight admiration, pleased that for once he understood what she was talking about (not that what she said was ever complicated, he was just fucking retarded… what a specs). Ron looked at them both before running away with his arms above his head, wailing loudly, 'Waaahhh, waahh.'

Halfway across the room he tripped over his own massive feet, because he is a dumb shit, and sprawled to the ground. He landed on George's foot (Fred and George are here for some random reason), who kicked him in the hip bone and said,

'Get off me Weasley!'

Harry and Hermione cracked up laughing, high fiving each other.

'Hey,' Hermione said suddenly, digging her nails into Harry's chest for some reason, 'I've got an idea!'

A FEW MORE SECONDS LATER…

Harry and Hermione stood outside Dumbledope's office (Dumbledope was there new name for him). Hermione had her ear pressed against the door.

'Okay, Dumbledope is definitely in there,' she said, 'And by the sound of it so is Snape.'

'Excellent, this is going to be better than we thought,' Harry said excitedly.

Hermione placed a brown paper bag on the welcome mat, which had written on it 'Fuck Off'.

'Quick, light it,' she told Harry.

With a prod of his wand, and a muttered 'Incendio', the bag was alight.

Hermione banged on the door and screamed, 'Trick or Treat.' they ran and hid near the stairs. From inside the office they heard Dumbledope say, 'Quick Severus, get the candy!'

'What a knob jockey,' Harry sneered, 'Doesn't he know its December?'

Dumbledope appeared at the door holding a bowl full of sherbet lemons.

'Where did they go, don't they want their candy?' he asked, looking around outside the door. It was then that he looked down and saw the flaming bag.

'Holy shitballs Severus, there's a fire,' he said quickly, dropping his bowl of candy.

'Hurry, put it out,' Snape said, 'I'm to evil to die!'

Dumbledope began stamping on the bag.

'Here it comes,' Hermione said quietly, stifling a laugh.

Dumbledope had begun jumping up and down on it. Next minute, an audible splat was heard. Dumbledope stopped jumping at this, and started sniffing the air. He lifted his foot and looked at the bottom of his shoe.

'Holy crap Severus, it's crap!' Dumbledope said, before bursting into tears.

At this, Harry and Hermione could hold back no longer, falling on the ground in peals of laughter.

'Fucking kids,' Snape said angrily, pushing past the blubbering Dumbledope.

'Avada Kedavra,' he shouted, pointing his wand into the dark. The spell went sailing past Hermione's earlobe, blasting a hole in the wall behind her. This made them laugh harder still. They went racing down the stairs. Hermione stuck her foot out half way down. Harry tripped over it, falling headlong the rest of the way down. As he lay in a crumpled heap at the bottom, Hermione came sliding down the banister, laughing so hard she was nearly pissing her pants. She landed, and poked him with her wand.

Before she knew what was happening, he had jumped up, shrieked 'Mutt kicker,' kicked her between the legs, and took off. Hermione was tough, so she immediately gave chase. Harry had spent so much time acting like a little girl, that he wasn't very fast anymore. Hermione caught up to him quickly. She dove at his feet, grabbing hold of his ankles. He fell forward, head butting a suit of armour.

They rolled around on the floor laughing, Harry snorting occasionally. They eventually calmed down enough for Hermione to say,

'That was the shit, we have to do it again sometime.'

'You're right,' Harry replied, 'How about now?'

'Okay,' Hermione said, jumping up and running off, kicking Harry in the balls on the way.