Findings

by Clodilla

An in-game KOTOR fanfic centering around an LS female Revan, her good relations with a certain Republic pilot, and her dislike for Jedi Padawan Bastila. I write for myself, so updates are inevitable, but reviews are always appreciated! UPDATED!

3. Histories

Author's Notes: Sorry I go so long between updates – the whole job/life thing is such an inconvenient distraction. And then KOTOR II came out…Atton is a dish, but nothing can ever displace the orange jacket from its place in my heart (not even the butt-hugging blindingly red armor they force Republic Admirals into these days – yeouch).

24601: (Love the alias, BTW) I almost always write in a modified version of 3rd person/omniscient narrative, but I am finding myself jumping back and forth between different character's thoughts more than in my other writing. I'm thinking that's because a fanfic audience, myself included, is already so familiar with the basics of the story that it's the details like the mental interplay between characters and their thoughts and words that make fanfic interesting to me, so it needs more of that than my original works. I also found that I started the story more from Carth's POV, getting into the situation, getting to know Ilithia, and connecting her thoughts and words to his by going back and forth between them in the same scene is easing me into being able to write equally from her POV as from his, which is crucial later in the game. If all my chapters were put back-to-back, novel-style, I think readers would quickly come to expect jumps between characters' thoughts from paragraph to paragraph and follow along easier, but the serial nature of fanfic gets in the way of this.

stupid-gizka: "You kick the computer. Your foot hurts." is one of my favorite lines in the whole game. I couldn't not use it, especially since it can show how our favorite girl is just as short-tempered and excitable as she used to be. I'm trying to write her as bitchy and reckless and all those other things because she needs to be believable as (1) someone who could easily fall to the Dark Side, and (2) someone who already had.

As far as whether the brother story is true…not literally, of course, being a Jedi-implanted myth, but I'm contemplating two different ways to work it in as being at least halfway based in reality, both of which I might eventually use. Though I can definitively say with the way I'm envisioning Revan's background that the only sibling(s) she'd have would be half-siblings, and she wouldn't have known about them.

Kosiah: Yes, very interesting that Carth has been having premonitions, isn't it…one could chalk it up to the fact that even a Force-blind cockroach would probably have some trippy dreams on a planet full of Jedi, especially when you're trying to cuddle up to one, but then again…;) I don't expand much on this in the in-game fic, but the post-game fic that got me started on this whole project revisits this.

alaughthatisevil: Success I intend to write more.

Finally, as always, a thousand thanks to my ever-patient and indulging husband, for putting up with me when I stay up 'til 3 AM on a work night typing happily away; and to Kate, custodian of the other half of my brain since the fall of 1995, for beta-reading and shaping my work with her incredibly insightful criticism and suggestions (the last scene with Bastila and Jolee is completely her doing).

---

"Hey, Carth, could you –" A cockpit full of empty chairswas all that greeted Ilithia. Oh, great, just great, he's so desperate to avoid me he's letting the ship fly itself, she fumed, pounding back down the passageway. We're all going to die.

She'd barely seen him since they'd left Dantooine. Two days, and the flash of orange slipping out one end of the room as she entered from the other was as close as she'd come. He started acting strange after the Jedi Council asked us to go on this mission…what's wrong? I know I'm…well, prickly, but I've been doing better. I thought we were doing better…what'd I do wrong? Storming back towards the common room, she reached out with her newly-developed Jedi senses, searching for the sound of his thoughts. Nifty trick, this…not in the refresher, not in the port-side bunkroom, not in the swoop hold…ahh…

He was running system checks on the Ebon Hawk's upper turret gun, toggling switches and buttons as quietly as possible. As she quietly crept up the ladder, Ilithia could sense contradictory emotions swirling around in his mind, neither able to gather enough strength to motivate him to act. Talk to me, don't talk to me…avoid me, pin me down and – oh… Her mind made up much more quickly, she scrambled up the last few rungs until her head popped through the floor and into the turret. "So you thought you could hide up here, did you?"

Carth yelped, jumping in surprise and landing half-in, half-out of the gunner's seat. "Damn it woman," he growled, "One of these days you're going to do that in the wrong place at the wrong time and – well, you don't want to know what's going to happen." He pulled himself back onto the seat, trying to scowl so he wouldn't burst out laughing.

"Really?" An eyebrow arched tauntingly. "Why not?"

Because either you're going to have a blaster pointed at your head or I'm going to grab you and kiss you, and – He couldn't think of a response he could actually say, so he just turned back to staring at the instrument panel. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to her – there were a thousand thoughts banging around in his brain, demanding to be let out – he just had no idea how to say any of them. Too many coincidences…doesn't make any sense…somebody somewhere is lying… Carth's scowl became genuine as he drummed his fingers on the panel. How can I get her to see what I see?

Ilithia took one more step up the ladder. Sorry, soldier, the silent treatment ends now. "You've been very quiet lately, you know that?"

"Have I?" he replied casually, flipping a few switches so forcefully he was surprised they didn't break. He hadn't been trying to avoid her, but Bastila had been dogging Ilithia's heels since their last meeting with the Council, always pontificating about some Jedi code or principle. Still, it's gotten her attention…maybe I can use this. "It's a busy job, piloting a ship. What of it?"

She rolled her eyes as she hauled herself up into the turret and sat cross-legged on the grated floor. "You couldn't fool me before I had Jedi powers, Carth – don't try it now." His stare wavered, dropping from the panel to the floor. "You've been acting weird ever since we found the Star Map. Is something wrong?" she asked gently, leaning towards him, her eyes seeking to catch his.

Everything… "Maybe. I, uh –" He raised his gaze to meet hers and was immediately enveloped by its warmth and affection. And nothing… "I guess I just don't like being left out of the loop," he mumbled, flushing.

"Left out of the loop?" Ilithia repeated, frowning. "You know just as much about these Star Maps as I do."

"But I don't know what the Jedi Council said to you." Carth's head snapped around, his eyes boring into hers with a dark, piercing intensity. "Bastila pulled you in there for hours, and neither of you has said anything about what happened."

Ilithia's frown faded into puzzlement. "What do you mean 'what happened'?"

"Why didn't they want to keep you on Dantooine for training?" The downcast look that immediately flooded her face told him she'd wondered the very same thing – I can work with this. "You'd only just completed the basic training that morning. Isn't that strange?" he finished, careful to keep his tone politely befuddled and not accusatory.

"They thought it was more important that I help find the Star Maps than stay," she mumbled, knowing it didn't sound reasonable. "Master Vandar said the fact that Bastila and I dreamt about the Star Map on Dantooine and that we share this…stupid bond, meant that we were uniquely suited to undertake this mission."

Carth crossed his arms over his chest. "And why is that? You've got to need a lot more training than the little you've had."

"It may be 'basic' training but it's still pretty thorough," Ilithia snapped, feeling her anger rising at the implied suggestion of incompetence. You'd probably be a smoldering pile of ash on Taris if it wasn't for me, and all I had then was a vibroblade and an attitude!

"Even so," Carth retorted, "Why would they saddle a neophyte Padawan with the responsibility of tracking down these Star Maps?"

"Why not?" Ilithia shot back. "Somebody has to do it, and while I may be new at this Jedi thing I spent the last decade flying from one end of this galaxy to the other and I can look after myself pretty damn well, thank you very much!"

Count to ten before you say anything, Onasi, count to ten… "I know that," he breathed, forcing himself to speak slowly so he wouldn't get too worked up. "I'm just saying it's not normal, and it makes me think there's something else going on underneath the surface, something dangerous."

Ilithia's eyes narrowed angrily. "Are you saying you think I'm a danger to this mission?" she asked in an icy voice.

"No, no," he exclaimed, starting halfway out of the gunner's chair. "That's not –"

"Then what are you saying?"

He propped his elbows up on knees and shook his head. "I just don't think we have the whole story," he sighed.

"Of course we don't," she replied, a little snippier than she'd intended to sound. "The only people who do have the whole story about these Star Maps are Revan and Malak, and considering one's dead and the other's the Dark Lord I don't think they're willing to share."

"Then why are you having the dreams?" he asked quietly. She'd told him about the dreams she and Bastila had shared, first on Taris and then on Dantooine – even if he wasn't already suspicious of Bastila, that information alone was too creepy to be ignored. "The Jedi couldn't – or wouldn't – tell you how you got bonded to Bastila, or why you're having dreams about Revan, Malak, and the Star Maps." Come on, beautiful…

She clenched her jaw and looked away. "So I am the problem then, huh?"

"No – that's not what I said –"

"You said you trusted me," she continued bitterly. "Were you lying? Or did I do something to change your mind?"

The temperature in the turret suddenly plunged. "No, no, Ilithia, I do trust you –"

"No – forget it," Ilithia snarled, jumping up and scrambling for the ladder. "It doesn't matter. As soon as we get to Kashyyyk you can consider yourself free to hop on the first shuttle back to Fleet."

He sprang out of the chair and hurried down the ladder after her, knowing he'd blundered into a minefield. "No, I don't…I didn't mean that you weren't wanted, or that I want to go!" he called out, looking around frantically for her as he hit the deck. "It's just –" He fell silent the moment his eyes landed on Bastila, scowling at him from the common room, her arms crossed and eyes flashing. Damn it!

Ilithia stepped closer to him, lowering her voice to try to keep Bastila from hearing her. "Just what?"

"Let me tell you this much," Carth whispered darkly, his eyes locked on Bastila. "I am not going to wait around until I'm lied to and betrayed again."

"I am not going to lie to you, or betray you," she hissed. "I – am – not – Saul!"

An overwhelming wave of anger and pain surged through Carth at the sound of that name. "Yea, well, we'll just see about that, won't we?" he snarled instinctively – then immediately felt regret replace anger as Ilithia staggered backwards like she'd just been punched, fury and sadness swirling through her features. Oh, no… "No, look, I didn't mean –" She spun around stormed down the passageway towards the starboard bunk room shared by all the women on board, leaving echoes of muttered profanities in her wake.

---

The day and a half remaining on the journey to Kashyyyk passed in an eerie silence. Carth no longer avoided Ilithia, but neither spoke to the other when they found themselves in the same place. Even Canderous snorted in disgust when Carth asked Mission to go tell Ilithia they'd be landing in ten minutes. Bastila, however, seemed strangely pleased.

A few minutes after landing, Ilithia marched into the common room, Bastila trailing behind. The sound of her footsteps drew the others from the other parts of the ship. Carth hung back in the passageway to the cockpit, staring sullenly at the deck. "I won't be taking everyone, obviously," Ilithia announced simply, in a quiet voice that carried easily to all ears, "Since the ship will need a 24-hour guard." Everyone nodded in silent understanding, except Carth, his eyes still cast downwards. "Zaalbar, you're a natural choice, if you're willing."

Zaalbar began growling and roaring, and while it was clear to all that he was agreeing Ilithia could sense the fear in his howls. We'll deal with whatever that is when we come to it, she thought, sighing. After all, we wouldn't want this search to be boring.

"Thank you," she said to the Wookiee, turning back to face the rest of the group. "The Star Map appears to be on the forest floor," she stated, glancing at Bastila as Zaalbar grunted, concerned – "Which is rather infested with all sorts of…things."

Carth's head jerked up, his eyes zeroing in on the back of Ilithia's head. We just got here - how is it she already knows where the Star Map is? Another dream?

"Trouble comes looking for you down there," Ilithia continued, "So I'd like to bring along Juhani and her combat skills."

Juhani blinked, shock rippling through her senses and over the thin layer of fur coating her skin. "Me? You would trust me enough to take me…on the first mission?"

Throwing a sharp look at Carth, who twisted his lip and turned away, Ilithia nodded. "Yes." The Cathar's fur rippled again in what Ilithia thought might be a blush as Juhani bowed her head in a graceful gesture of gratitude. "Thank you," Ilithia said, executing a similar bow. "Finally, I'll want someone to hang back and pick off a couple of kinrath with a blaster. I –"

"I'm staying," Carth barked suddenly, glowering steadily at Bastila even when he felt Ilithia's eyes burning into him. He knew Ilithia's anger at being compared to Saul had wiped out all his carefully planted questions about the Council and their motives, so he kept his suspicious glare locked on Bastila, unwilling to leave the ship and let her operate unobserved, hoping Ilithia would figure it out.

His hopes were quickly dashed. "I thought not waiting around was your new thing," Ilithia snarled. Carth flushed as she turned her back on him. "Not that it matters, because I wouldn't dream of taking Zaalbar anywhere without Mission."

The little Twi'lek beamed.

Carth scowled.

---

Ilithia shoved open the gates to the Great Walkway, still fuming. Over Carth's irrational paranoia; his stubbornness; the illogical reactions he had to her smallest gesture or comment; his overall…Carthness!

Storming off of the Ebon Hawk, she'd nearly bowled over the Ithorian representing Czerka Corporation who came to collect their docking fee. Then she barely showed any interest in the sob story told by the 'helper' of the dockside merchant she'd pawned a few spare blasters off on. Now it took Zaalbar's enraged roar to make her notice the small group of Czerka ahead, clustered around the body of a Wookiee. What is my problem?

"What do you want, spacer?" the oldest of the Czerka snapped. "I'm Patrol Captain Dehno and you're interrupting Czerka Corporation business."

Ilithia shot a distasteful glance at the body. "Since when is that business?" she asked testily, noting the patches of hair singed by blaster fire.

"This Wookiee slave got a little…rebellious," the Captain replied, shooting his own distasteful glance at one of the armed men standing over the body. "We had to put it down."

Zaalbar snarled, a wordless expression of rage followed by only slightly less furious howls. "You put it down"? We're not animals!"

A moment's study of the Czerka employees' faces revealed that they didn't understand a single thing Zaalbar had just said. "Careful now," one of them said to Ilithia, "That growl sounded pretty threatening. Keep your slave on its leash or we'll have another 'accident'," he finished, poking his blaster in the direction of the body.

I don't have time for this. "Relax, Zaalbar, I've got this one," she muttered to the enraged Wookiee beside her as she took a few steps closer to the Czerka patrol. "Do your superiors approve of you killing Wookiees?" she asked casually.

"Of course not," the captain snapped. "But this Wookiee got out of hand and had to be put down. We'll find another easy enough."

"No, you won't," Ilithia said flatly. The captain blinked and frowned in her direction, confused. "You're not going to be enslaving or killing another Wookiee."

The captain's confusion turned to derision, backed by the sniggers of the other two patrolmen. "Is that a joke? Who do you think you are?"

One very pissed-off Jedi just itching for an excuse to plant my foot up – no, calm down Ilithia, she told herself, forcing her breathing to slow. Just because you can't give Carth the ass-whipping he deserves doesn't mean you should take it out on someone else. She pitched her voice low and reached out slightly with one hand, directing the Force towards the captain's mind. "This posting is trouble, my friend. Get out while you can," she intoned, watching the captain's eyes turn vacant and glassy. Thank you, Master Zhar, for insisting I learn this trick.

"You make some sense," he said in a droid-like monotone. The other two Czerka traded suspicious glances – until a flick of Ilithia's wrist sent the Force creeping into their minds, too. "Men, I think we should petition for a transfer," the captain continued, neither turning towards his men nor altering his tone. "The corporation will survive a fight here, but us frontline guards won't." All three Czerka nodded in unison, more to themselves than to each other, and moved off slowly towards the gates to the landing pad.

Zaalbar let out a soft, mournful howl. "Thank you, Ilithia," he barked gently, advancing to stand over the body of the dead Wookiee. "What you have done may not mean much to you, but it is a great comfort to me to know no other Wookiee will suffer as this one did."

"You're welcome," Ilithia murmured. It was just one patrol…it won't make that much of a difference, she thought sadly as they stepped past the body and continued their way down the Walkway. But I guess every little bit helps.

With that interlude completed, killing the handful of kinrath they ran into just around the next turn only delayed Ilithia's return to thinking nasty thoughts about Carth. One day's he's a confidante and a friend, looking at me like he's this close to trusting me – among other things – then I turn around and he's avoiding me at best and accusing me of being a traitor-in-waiting at worst! "What is his problem?"

"Who, Carth?" Mission asked eagerly.

Ilithia jumped – did I say that out loud? "Um…"

"Nobody blames you for being mad," the young Twi'lek continued merrily. "He's been a pain in everyone's butt lately."

"Oh…well, good," Ilithia said uncertainly.

Mission rolled her eyes. "You two…honestly, why don't you just kiss and get it over with already?"

What! "K – kiss?"

"Um, yeah," Mission said in an are-you-blind tone, nodding until her head tails shook. "It's pretty obvious he likes you, and you like him, so this…well, whatever it is you two are doing it's making life miserable for the rest of us."

Juhani and Zaalbar sprinted off after some mykals around the next corner. "So treating me like a leper is a sign of affection," Ilithia deadpanned.

Mission giggled. "I've spent enough time in cantinas to know that when guys are trying to say something important they usually end up saying something stupid instead." She finished off the last of the leather-winged creatures with a single, deliberate shot. "The Jedi said Revan and Malak went evil while looking for these Maps, so Carth is worried, because he likes you and doesn't want the same thing to happen to you." Far in the distance, Juhani sliced the entire stinger off a kinrath with one leaping strike. "He just chose a really bad way of trying to tell you that."

Ilithia laughed harshly, pulling out her lightsaber as more kinrath came around the corner. "You could say that again," she muttered quickly to Mission before using the Force to spring ahead, covering the distance in a few seconds and crashing her blade down on the closest creature's head so hard it was momentarily stunned – making it easy pickings for the advancing Twi'lek. "What makes you think he likes me, anyhow?" she asked Mission once she'd pulled up alongside.

"Let's see," she began, holstering her blaster to count off the reasons on her fingers. "There's the dreamy look he gets on his face when you talk to him – er, when you were talking to him – there's the way his eyes constantly watch you whenever you two are in the same room, and the way your eyes watch him; why else would Bastila have spent the entire trip preaching about the dangers of 'emotional attachments' –" Mission's impression of Bastila's prudish voice was so wickedly accurate Ilithia nearly choked herself swallowing the peals of laughter which would only summon more kinrath. "And the morning of the swoop race Gadon said something about –"

"Okay, okay – point conceded," Ilithia cut in, waving her hands frantically. I should've guessed that room was bugged. "He likes me. But –" A sudden chill enveloped her mind. "Ah, hell…stay back," she ordered Mission, reigniting her lightsaber and breaking into a run.

Three dark Jedi faced Juhani and Zaalbar, blocking the path down the Walkway. Their red blades shimmered in the dim light, but they were holding their position, as if waiting for the other Jedi to join them before striking. "Lord Malak was most displeased when he learned you had escaped Taris," one growled.

Me? Ilithia struck a defensive pose. Bastila I'd understand…he must me 'you' in the plural sense. "Well, you're about to be most displeased to have found us here, so that's two-for-two," she hissed, shifting her weight and lunging suddenly at the nearest Sith.

It was a quick fight – they were young, and their range of dark powers was broad but their strength shallow, so they could hold the two Jedi at bay but had no ability remaining to defend against Mission and Zaalbar's aim. Ilithia collected their sabers, with some powerful-looking crystals inside, then joined the others heading for the village gates in the distance. Barely old enough to apply for the Fleet Academy…just like the dead on the Endar Spire.

---

"How long have they been gone?"

Bastila sighed. Carth had asked the same question approximately every twenty minutes since Ilithia and the others left. The man needs a hobby. "Just under four hours," she replied, letting her exasperation be heard. "They have to reach the forest floor – and who knows how far away the Star Map is? This could take days," she finished.

"Days," he repeated numbly. That wasn't new news – Ilithia had made the very same pronouncement just as she headed down the ramp and off the ship.

I shouldn't have said those things, he thought, sighing and slouching off to brood in the cockpit, again. The Jedi are the big new thing in her life; she doesn't have any reason to mistrust them. So she chalks it up to my paranoia and takes off, angry at me instead of them.

Up until the very last, he didn't think she wouldn't take him with her. Even when he'd said he stay he thought she'd drag him along anyway, out of spite if for no other reason. They'd made a great team on Taris, and on Dantooine… "I couldn't imagine doing this without you"…

I blew that all to hell when I compared her to Saul, he thought, collapsing into the cold comfort of the pilot's seat. I basically called her a liar – so she's really mad at me now, not just mildly peeved like on Taris. If I want her to trust me again – even just talk to me again – I'm going to have to tell her everything. About Telos, about the dream…

You're going to have to a-pol-o-gize, his alter ego chimed. And you know how much you hate doing that.

"She's worth it," he whispered, the strength of his feeling demanding to be spoken aloud. I want to give this a try…I want a chance.

The little voice laughed. She's got bigger things to worry about than the troubles of one little person like you. Do you really think a Jedi and a common soldier could –

A sharp metal clang killed his thoughts – the ramp – she's back! He scrambled up and sprinted into the passageway. Only four hours – this can't be good.

"Bastila!" he heard her scream. "Get your ass to the medbay!"

This isn't good. Rounding the turn into the common room, Carth saw the cause of Ilithia's panic – Mission, limp, pale, and bloody, lay in her arms as she rushed by. A few steps behind came Juhani, also pale and bloody but moving under her own power, albeit with a pronounced limp. The ramp began to crank shut – where's Zaalbar?

"BASTILA!" Ilithia roared a second time, pivoting to her left to head for the medbay. The young Jedi finally appeared, skidding to an unglamorous stop at the sight of the three arrivals. "If you've got any magic in those fingers you'd better make it work now," Ilithia panted urgently, laying Mission gently down on the nearest bed.

"I'll do my best," Bastila whispered, growing paler with each new injury that caught her eye.

Carth forced his fists to unclench as Bastila stepped up to the bed, closing her eyes to let the Force guide her hands. "What happened?" he asked tersely.

Ilithia didn't even have the energy to glare at him. Stupid Ilithia, stupid STUPID Ilithia! "There's no time to stand around explaining," she said, managing at least to sound angry. "Find Canderous."

"I'm already here," the Mandalorian's voice growled behind her, stepping out of the shadows back towards the hyperdrive. "You would've raised the dead with the racket you made."

"That was the idea – and since when have you used a stealth field generator?" she asked, frowning.

Canderous grinned – though a scar over one end of his lip marked a place where the muscles didn't turn upwards properly, turning the grin into a sinister grimace. "I don't."

Either Mandalorian warriors take ballet lessons or I really need to work on my awareness. "Right, anyhow…" She strode over to a nearby cabinet, yanked it open and started shoving medpacs into her pack. "You and Carth go grab your gear. I'll meet you outside."

"Me?" Carth blurted, as Canderous grunted and moved off.

"Yes, you," Ilithia snarled, her glare reborn. "Perfect opportunity for your paranoia to spread its wings; my snoring probably contains coded messages for the Sith."

The set of his jaw tightened. I am not that unreasonable! "You don't snore," he grumbled.

All the trouble we had on Taris, and he took the time to notice and remember a little thing like that. "Whatever…just get your gear," she snapped, feeling like if she didn't keep moving she was going to put her fist through a wall. I can't believe I was that stupid…whether or not he trusted me before he sure as hell won't ever again. Carth thought about saying something else, but moved off in silence. "And don't you try to argue with me," she snapped at an indignant-looking Bastila.

"Why not?" the young Jedi retorted, though her healing continued.

Ilithia rolled her eyes, grabbing another armful of medpacs. "Attacking the kinrath at close range wasn't very productive, so I want the blaster boys to keep them at bay until they're either dead or easy pickings. Besides," she continued, running a finger along a gash from a Wookiee blade on Mission's arm, healing it as she went – it's my fault…I'm so sorry – "You've got much more important things to do."

---

The last kinrath collapsed onto the walkway. "Run this by me one more time," Canderous said, lowering his blaster and turning back towards Ilithia.

"Okay, incredibly long story even shorter," she muttered, holstering her pair of still-cold lightsabers. She'd taken one of the short lightsabers scavenged from the dark Jedi and upgraded it to give her some extra power. They had been unneeded out on the Walkway, as what Canderous didn't obliterate with his rapid-fire setting Carth finished off with a few well-placed power blasts from his also newly-upgraded pair of blasters.

Not that proving his worth had wiped the scowl off his face. "I'd like to hear how a Jedi can justify accepting an assassination mission, no matter what the reward."

"I'm getting to that," she snapped, pushing past them to continue the long walk back to the basket they'd take to the forest floor. "Zaalbar left Kashyyyk because he attacked his older brother, Chuundar, after learning Chuundar was in league with Czerka slavers. Said brother now runs their village, which, of course, is the one we've parked next to."

"So where is Zaalbar?" Carth demanded.

A flash of deep anger flickered in Ilithia's eyes. "In Chuundar's jail. From which he won't be released until I – we – have 'disposed' of a supposedly crazy Wookiee making trouble for Chuundar – or, more likely, his Czerka allies – down in the Shadowlands."

"You say what you have to say to get what you need," Canderous said, nodding.

Only Carth noticed the way Ilithia rolled her shoulders before responding, suddenly uncomfortable in her own skin. "I said I'd 'take care' of the Wookiee – that is a vague enough statement to let me judge what should be done for myself." I couldn't refuse, but I've no intention of killing someone who might be innocent – how much more can I screw up today?

"So why did you agree?" Carth asked angrily. "Why lie?"

Ilithia immediately colored, wheeling around. "One –" she spat, thrusting a finger in Carth's face, "I did not lie – I was vague. Two –" another finger joined the first – "It's getting us into the Shadowlands. Three – if Chuundar dislikes him, this Wookiee's probably a good guy. And four – it'll save Zaalbar's life." Carth flushed, chastised but still wary. "Besides," she muttered, turning away, "I had my fingers crossed behind my back."

Carth couldn't hold the laugh back, despite the hurt look she immediately sent his way. "So you reserve the right to help this Wookiee instead of killing him?"

"Absolutely," she said, heading into the last turn before the basket would come into view. "Chuundar's deal with Czerka is the root of all the problems here – Zaalbar's banishment and imprisonment, their father's exile and madness, even Rorworr's disappearance. If anyone deserves facing the business end of your blasters, it's him."

Canderous frowned. "Ror- who?"

"And what's this about Zaalbar's father?" Carth added.

"Later," Ilithia sighed, catching sight of the winch below. "Gorwooken is one of Chuundar's cronies – we shouldn't talk about anything more interesting than the medicinal properties of kinrath venom around him."

"Same goes for his friend, I suppose," Carth grumbled, squinting ahead.

Ilithia followed his gaze and let out a disgusted groan. "That's Chuundar."

Canderous hoisted his blaster back onto his shoulder. "Maybe we should end this charade right now."

"No," Ilithia said quickly, pushing the muzzle down. "We do that and whoever Chuundar's right-hand man is will put Zaalbar's head on a pike." Canderous frowned, almost pouting – not that I'd ever say that to his face – but let his weapon drop off to the side. "Let's just get down there, find the Wookiee, find the Star Map, and then we kick whoever's ass turns out to deserve kicking, okay?" She looked over at Carth, hoping to get at least a nod, but the stony glare was back in place.

A Wookiee's roar ended their conversation – Chuundar had spotted them. "Jedi," he called out, "Just getting started now? And with new companions?"

"The others were a little bit tired after the reception we received down below," she said tersely, eyes narrowing. "They needed a nap."

"Reception?" Carth whispered.

Ilithia strode up to the Wookiee leader, lazily draping one hand over the lightsaber hanging from the belt below. Drawing herself up into a confident pose, she tilted her head up to cast an insolent glare upon Chuundar. "I don't suppose I need to ask how Calo Nord managed to be camped out right where the basket lands, with two armed Wookiees in tow?"

"Calo?" Canderous barked, fingers curling around the trigger of his blaster.

"Don't get excited," she told him, waving a hand dismissively. "He's very, very dead."

"We thought he died on Taris," Carth cautioned.

She gave both men a top-this grin. "I sliced his head off with my lightsaber. D-E-A-D – dead. Which must disappoint you," she called out loudly, inclining her head towards Chuundar.

The Wookiee shrugged. "I was paid to let him find you," he barked mildly, untroubled to be admitting his complicity. "What happened after that was not my concern."

Ilithia snorted disbelievingly. "Whatever. Just understand that if any one of us gets so much as a hangnail from any other unexpected encounters you're going to have a very, very close encounter with me." Motioning Carth and Canderous to follow, she stepped around Chuundar and into the basket.

Chuundar howled, half-laughing, half-growling. "Was that a threat? From a Jedi?" Ilithia leaned on one of the railings as her companions stepped in. "Don't forget I still have Zaalbar. If you wish me anything but peace…" He spread his paws apart, shrugging suggestively.

"I wish you peace, Chuundar," Ilithia said quietly, a cold anger radiating from her eyes. The basket creaked and began to move. "But don't forget how very peaceful the grave can be."

---

The old man let out another loud snort as his arm dropped with a dull thump from the low bed onto the floor. Carth's eyes barely twitched – that arm had been teetering on the edge of the mattress since the old man last rolled over about fifteen minutes ago. Which was pretty much the amount of time that passed between each different movement or noise the man made as he slept – if he's actually sleeping, Carth thought, scowling in the dim light of the loft. I can't get a single second of sleep with him making all that racket, so how can he?

A shaft of light through the rough and unevenly matched floorboards illuminated the symbol of the reason Jolee Bindo was so blissfully undisturbed by his own commotion – a lightsaber, lying on top of a pile of robes. Ilithia had used some Jedi tricks both to get through her training on barely two hours of sleep a night and to catch up on her sleep during the trip to Kashyyyk, despite Zaalbar's roaring, Bastila's preaching, and T3's incessant, migraine-inducing beeping. And regardless of Jolee's reluctance to even utter that term, a Jedi he was.

He knew about the Star Map – he's been down here too long not to, Carth reasoned. Nearly two decades surviving on his own in the Shadowlands, if Jolee's claims could be believed – further proof of his Jedi background. He'd agreed to help them pass an energy field blocking the way to a lower portion of the Shadowlands, where he said the Map lay, but by the time they had all finished exploring the areas around his small house it was getting late, and even Canderous didn't protest when Ilithia decided to call it a night.

Dinner had been a spartan affair, simple and bland-looking earthenware bowls containing simple, bland-tasting food. Every question Ilithia asked Jolee resulted in the telling of a long, seemingly pointless parable, and Carth wasn't in the mood to do anything but brood silently, so she'd resorted to asking Canderous to tell her stories from the Mandalorian wars to keep them from falling asleep in their food. Which, Carth had to admit, turned out to be a surprisingly good choice – Canderous was a natural storyteller, with a feel for suspense and timing as he relayed tales of his battles from his training up to the final confrontation with Revan and the Republic forces at Malachor V. He makes it sound so thrilling, almost magical, Carth thought grumpily, rolling over yet again. All I remember about that battle were the endless hours of dodging Basilisk droids and then the sheer terror, the horror, as the planet broke apart, crushing dozens of both Republic and Mandalorian warships that couldn't maneuver quickly enough to get away. Ilithia, on the other hand, was fascinated, even enthralled, and her exclamation of "I want a Basilisk war droid!" after one particularly death-defying tale drew a disapproving grunt from Jolee.

Now Carth could hear her voice echoing through Jolee's small house from downstairs, where she and Canderous were sitting the first watch. Metallic clangs and clacks told him they were disassembling and cleaning their weapons on the table while they talked, trading tales of strange worlds and species they'd both encountered in their travels on the Rim. Snippets of their conversation drifted up through the floorboards, random words every few minutes. "An asteroid?" Ilithia asked…"The Sith came to us with an offer…" Canderous growled…"Six?" Ilithia spluttered in a high-pitched chirp…

I miss her. He sighed into the darkness, closing his eyes to focus on the sound of her voice. She's right there, and yet…I miss her.

"The Jedi say emotional entanglements can be dangerous." Ilithia's voice said, sounding far more distant than being just a room away.

No, Carth thought, wrenching himself up from the floor. "No," he hissed quietly. You said you wouldn't be like Bastila. He groped around for his flight jacket, stuffing one arm into the first sleeve-like opening it found. You're still going to be you – still going to be the Ilithia I knew on Taris – the Ilithia I…he shook his head as he shoved his other arm into his jacket and clambered towards the ladder to the ground floor. His feelings were probably still too scrambled to be dealt with, but he had to start somewhere.

She'd heard him coming, of course. Her eyes were already fixed on the ladder as he tried to clamber down from the loft, his face turning red with the realization that he'd put his jacket on inside-out. Canderous glanced up from the dozens of blaster components scattered on the table and gave Carth a derisive once-over. "Your shift doesn't start for another hour," he growled, dropping his eyes back onto his deconstructed weapon.

"I know that," Carth snapped, directing his attention to Ilithia. He'd expected her to be flush with anger and fixing him with an icy glare, but instead she was pale, almost fearful, staring unblinkingly at the dirt floor. "Can – can we talk?"

Ilithia seemed to sink into herself. "What do we have to talk about?" He must be so disappointed in me.

Carth frowned, confused by her reactions. She must not feel comfortable talking about any of this with Canderous here. "Let's go outside," he suggested gently. "I have it on very good authority that there aren't any kinrath left in this part of the Shadowlands."

"Fine," she sighed wearily, scooping her lightsabers off the table and slouching towards the door. A private execution. How thoughtful.

He followed her out into the cool nighttime air, closing the door behind him with a little more force than necessary. "I called up to the ship earlier – Mission's going to be fine."

"Oh," came a small voice from the motionless woman a few feet away. "Good." Nice to know my stupidity is just highly dangerous to others instead of fatal.

Carth bypassed the twisted and inside-out jacket to stuff his hands in his pants pockets. You dug this hole, Onasi – you get yourself out of it. "Ilithia?" She didn't move. "What you said to Chuundar," he continued hesitantly, "Did you mean it?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it," she replied curtly. "A feeling you're familiar with, I'm sure."

He sighed in frustration. She's not going to give me a break. "Well, why did you say it?"

You've promised to kill Saul – you tell me. "Because Chuundar's a lying, manipulative bastard who's destroyed his family and sold his people's future for his own gain. Threatening Zaalbar's life is just a bonus reason to want him dead." She shook her head. Stupid – impulsive – reckless! "That doesn't sound very Jedi of me, does it?"

"Not really," he replied gently. You have to give her a break first, idiot. "But it does sound like you." He stretched out a hand to touch her shoulder. "Ilithia, I'm –" The moment she felt his fingers brush against her fiber armor she jerked away, grunting a warning. "Look – we didn't end our last discussion very well, and I'm not very good at this – but I'm going to try." He stepped around to stand in front of her. "I probably owe you more than one apology, so please consider this an all-purpose 'I'm sorry' for all the stupid things I've said."

Huh? "W-what?" Ilithia jerked her head up to gape at Carth. Why…why would he still care?

Carth locked his eyes on hers, willing her to believe him. "What I said on the ship – I didn't mean it – I don't believe that. I just got carried away." Ilithia blinked, wearing a disbelieving, blank look. "I did mean what I said on Dantooine – I don't trust the Jedi," he continued fervently. "In fact, I trust them even less now than I did then. There is something going on, something that's wrong – but I know it's not you. I trust you." He reached up, intent on caressing her face and pulling her close.

She anticipated him, backing away suddenly. "You shouldn't," she said harshly, her voice choking on each syllable. "You shouldn't."

Carth frowned, suddenly and deeply confused. "Ilithia…why? What's wrong?"

"I broke my promise," she wailed, finally giving voice to the depth of her frustration and anger at her failure. "I was so mad at you I could barely see straight, and I rushed off with Mission when I should've known she was too young, should've known she would get hurt…I almost got her killed," she said, slumping onto a nearby log.

"Ilithia…" He sat down next to her, slipping his arms around her waist.

Her voice collapsed to an agonized whisper, punctuated by the need to fight away tears. "I've no right to ask you for anything when I can't – even – keep – the most – basic –"

"Hey, hey," Carth said softly, reaching one hand up to brush away the few drops that escaped from her eyes. "It means that much to you? Keeping a promise?"

Ilithia heaved a gulping sob, nodding. "Breaking a promise is just another way of lying," she said shakily. "I don't know why those things matter to me so much, but they do." She tried to concentrate, paging through her memories, knowing she should know, should remember, but the surrounding warmth of his arms was too distracting. "Let me go…I've let you down. I don't deserve your trust." Or anything else.

"But I do trust you, Ilithia, with my life," Carth whispered, tightening his embrace when she shook her head feebly in protest. "You earned that on Taris and Dantooine – and even today you still chased off not one but two Czerka patrols without a single shot being fired."

"Like that makes up for it," Ilithia snorted.

"Look – you couldn't have known Calo Nord was waiting for you," Carth countered. "You had no reason to think it was dangerous to bring Mission along. And even if you did," he added, seeing her gearing up to argue the point, "I'm the one who made you mad in the first place. If you did do something stupid, it's because I said something stupid."

She dropped her head, trying to turn away from him. "Why are you trying to forgive me?"

"Because I trust you," he whispered fervently, cupping her chin in his hand to keep her in his gaze. "I don't give my trust easily…I haven't given it to anyone for a long time. But you earned it, and it's going to take a hell of a lot more than an unfortunate run-in with a bounty hunter for you to lose it."

Ilithia gave up trying to avoid him, fixing him with a bitterly piercing glare. "No, I'd have to run off and join the Sith to do that, wouldn't I?"

"I am so sorry about that," he said immediately, his tone conciliatory. "I…I don't react well when I hear Saul's name. I snapped, and I said something I didn't mean."

"No, Carth…you're not the only one with something to apologize for," she sighed. "I – when you started giving me the silent treatment I…I overreacted, like some stupid, inexperienced…teenager!" She stood suddenly, pacing a few feet away, then back, then away again, rubbing her hands up and down her arms to fight off the rush of cool nighttime air that replaced Carth's warm embrace. "Everyone who was supposed to stick around in my life abandoned me – my parents, all my foster parents, even my brother. I hadn't wanted to leave myself open to being hurt like that again, so I got frustrated and defensive," she said, twisting her hands together as she stopped and leaned back against the wall of Jolee's house.

Carth grinned up at her. "You do get frustrated pretty easily, but I like to think it's one of your more endearing qualities…broken feet and all," he added, enjoying the embarrassed blush that produced. "You're cute when you're mad."

"Even at myself?" Ilithia asked with a harsh laugh.

"Even at me."

"Just…please be patient with me," she said, her eyes downcast. "I really haven't ever done this before." He frowned, surprised. "I know I said on Taris that I'd never…well…I – I've never even had a real date." She watched Carth for his reaction, letting out a rueful chuckle at his stunned silence. "I told you I had issues with emotional intimacy," she muttered glumly. "About time they showed up."

He got up off the fallen log and walked towards her. "You're not the only one who's been living in their past," he said gently, taking up a spot next to her against the wall.

"I know – I'm sorry about all this," she said. "I know how much hunting Saul means to you, and now you've been stuck chasing down these Star Maps with us rather than being out there with the Fleet." A strange, conflicted expression passed over Carth's features for a moment. "Is that why you were acting like you were?" she asked nervously.

"No," he replied firmly, shaking his head. "No, I was offered a chance to get out of this, to command another battlecruiser. I turned it down."

Ilithia didn't have to debate the wisdom of wanting to know more. "Why?"

"Until Taris," he started with a sad sigh, "I'd never gotten any closer to Saul than a dozen parsecs. Word would come over the intelligence nets that Saul and the Leviathan were off in a sector on one side of the galaxy, but then I'd get orders from the Fleet sending my ship to the other side." Ilithia frowned tightly, crossing her arms over her chest to try to keep her hands warm. "Now, if this mission really is as important as the Jedi say it is," Carth continued, "Chances are Malak will send his best forces after us. That includes Saul."

The chill in Ilithia's hands and feet crept into her heart. "So you're just here for your chance at vengeance, then," she said tersely, unable to hide her disappointment.

"Not just for that, no," Carth said softly, shrugging out of his jacket and turning it right-side out. "I've spent almost every moment of the last four years hunting for vengeance, and it's brought me nothing but misery, loneliness and pain. I thought I was alright with that; I didn't think there was a way to feel anything other than that." He draped the jacket over her shoulders, wrapping one arm around her as he went. "And then I met you." Ilithia inhaled sharply as he pulled her close to him. "Even though you'd isolated yourself from the universe, even though you'd had so much pain in your life, you still had humor, and generosity, and kindness…you had life. Standing next to you I felt like a dried-up, bitter, old man…and I realized I didn't want to be that way anymore. Now I am still just as determined to spit on Saul's lifeless corpse today as I was yesterday, and the day before; but that's not going to help me reclaim any part of the life I had before…of the man I was before." His cheek brushed up against her hair, and the feel of each pulse of breath against her skin as he spoke sent sparks of electricity down her spine. "That's why I've been the way I have been lately. I trust you with my life, but now I'm trying to decide if I can trust you with more."

'I hope you find the happiness I once knew myself'… "What you said to Shen and Rahasia after we brought them back to the Enclave –"

Carth sighed. The mystery of the kidnapped kid on Dantooine had turned out to involve two feuding fathers and a secret romance between their children. Ilithia hadn't been able to talk the fathers into accepting the couple, so they'd been given sanctuary with the Jedi. "You heard that?"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ilithia asked, with a hint of a grin.

"I haven't wanted to talk about any of the things we've talked about," he muttered.

Her grin blossomed into a gentle smirk. "But you've done it anyway."

"You wouldn't shut up until I did," he replied fondly. I can't tell those eyes of yours 'no'. "Persistence thy name is Ilithia."

"Pleased to meet you." They shared a momentary laugh as she slipped further into his embrace. "Look, Carth, it's your right to decide what you want to tell me, and when. I'm only going to ask for one thing." He nodded, encouraging her to go on. "No more of this...whatever it is we've been doing. No more up and down, no more two steps forward, one step back, no more 'he trusts me, he trusts me not'. You don't have to tell me the whole truth now, but you'll have to eventually; because I've told you everything I know about this mission…and about me." She turned towards him, carefully placing one hand on his chest, now covered only by the soft, worn brown fabric of his bodysuit, then resting her head lightly on his shoulder. "And because I can't trust you as much as I'd like to without the truth."

She was so close. He'd been dreaming nearly every night since Taris of having another chance to taste her – not counting that almost-illicit daydream outside the Council chamber – and here she was, curled up against him, looking like she wanted nothing else than to feel his lips on hers, his hands…No, he thought with a sigh. "I understand." Not before she knows everything. "It's been a while since I had to think about this sort of thing," he added.

Amusement and suspicion crept into Ilithia's face. "What sort of thing?"

The things I want to do to you when you look at me like that. "I – I just hate not knowing what's really going on," he spluttered, hoping she hadn't noticed his eyes studying her lips. "But I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"You've been a royal pain in my backside, you know," she purred. She'd noticed. Bastila's not here…

"Well, I guess I should be at least a little pleased that I haven't lost my touch," Carth grinned in reply.

Ilithia gave a little laugh. "We've both been rather touchy these last few days."

"So is my apology accepted?" he asked, pulling her even closer against him.

"Is mine?" Ilithia queried softly.

Carth nodded, brushing his lips against her temple. "You have to ask?" She moaned softly, her hands gently grasping at his bodysuit, turning her head until her lips grazed the stubble on his jaw. "Beautiful…" he breathed, closing his eyes. If you kiss me again I won't –

"So, the Mandalorian wants to know if he's sleeping on the bed or the floor," Jolee's voice called out from behind them, where the old man stood in the doorway to his small house, his dark skin seeming even darker silhouetted against the dim firelight.

Ilithia let out a deep, disappointed sigh, but didn't pull away. First prim and proper gets on my case about Carth, now old and crotchety takes his turn. "Tell him he can have the bed," she called out. "I've slept in a lot rougher places than your floor." Not that I think I'll be getting any sleep.

"Well, come on in then," Jolee grumped. "No sense in staying out here and catching your death of cold."

"I'm fine right here," Ilithia replied flatly. "I'll be in soon enough." The older Jedi let out another skeptical grunt, but turned and headed back indoors without another word. "Hm," she grunted softly as the door swung closed, "I expected him to argue with me."

Carth hadn't even realized his muscles had tensed up until they started screaming to be relaxed. "We could invite him back to the ship and hope he'll rub off on Bastila," he muttered jokingly – then froze when he saw the pensive look on Ilithia's face. "You're not seriously thinking that's a good idea, are you?"

She shrugged. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Another Jedi?" Carth groaned.

"Relax," she teased. "He may like it here." Carth looked more likely to buy real estate on Dagobah before he bought that idea. "I should go in," she sighed.

He nodded reluctantly. "Keep the jacket." Ilithia frowned. "You always seem to be cold," he explained simply. "Stay warm tonight."

The jacket will help, but its' owner would be better. "I'll try." She pressed a light kiss on his chin, lingering a moment as he caressed her face gently, then slowly pulled herself away and headed back inside.

---

"Here, take it," Ilithia said, pulling the bloody, rusted blade out of her pack and laying it lightly across the elderly Wookiee's outstretched paws. "I'm sure it is the one."

Freyyr blinked, weighing the blade as if it was lighter than he'd expected. "It…it is!" he barked reverently, his dark eyes gleaming suddenly in the dim forest light. "It may not look like much…" he trailed off, unable to continue.

"Few things of true value ever do," Ilithia said softly, smiling.

The Wookiee grasped the blade at its lower, wider end, flourishing it like the great war sword it had been. "I didn't think I was worthy to search for it, but I realize now that that was selfish despair," he howled, his confidence and anger returning. "I should have challenged Chuundar long ago."

Ilithia nodded, starting to grin. "When and where?"

"I will climb to the surface as quickly as possible and gather support," Freyyr said, sheathing the blade in his utility belt. "I was not the only one beginning to doubt Chuundar when I was banished – surely I am not alone now." His claws slid silently from their sheaths, and with a single lunge he buried them into the trunk of the nearest wroshyr tree. "I will present the blade of Bacca to Chuundar and the other village elders in two hours' time," Freyyr grunted, hoisting himself up. "My people will no longer be slaves."

"We'll be there when you arrive," Ilithia said, backing up a step as the Wookiee began to climb. "Good luck." Freyyr howled softly, half hopeful, half rueful, then melted into the darkness. "We've probably got an hour and a half, then," she muttered, turning and starting to stride quickly back towards the Czerka gate. "Get ready to give those old muscles a workout, Jolee – we've got to move fast."

The Jedi arched an eyebrow mockingly. "Who needs muscles when you've got the Force?" he drawled, giving Ilithia an amused grin before taking off at an inhuman speed, rounding the corner and passing out of sight in just a few seconds.

Carth blinked twice to make sure his eyes were working right. "Can you do that?"

"Actually, no, not yet," Ilithia sighed, clipping her lightsabers to her belt. "But I'm going to get him to teach me as soon as we've got a free hour." Carth and Canderous followed her as she trudged back onto the main path, glancing around each corner for stray kinrath as they went.

Jolee was waiting for them at the Czerka gate. "So why are you in such a hurry, young lady? It's not far to the village – shouldn't take us more than twenty minutes."

"It's nearly forty minutes to the spaceport," she replied tersely, without even a pause in her stride.

"The spaceport?" Jolee fell into step beside her, frowning. "You're not leaving – not when Freyyr's counting on us for –"

"Relax, Jolee," Ilithia interjected. "We're not leaving." The older Jedi grunted, but his eyes softened from a narrow, calculating glare to a calmer, curious gaze. "There's this mechanic up at the spaceport who's stuck working off a debt to a trader – he tried to tell me what his problem was after I arrived, but I was…preoccupied," she continued, sneaking a sheepish glance at Carth. "I blew right past him. But I found a droid near your house that I think belonged to him, and it had a recording that I think he'll want to see."

Jolee nodded thoughtfully. "Understandable, but why can't this wait until we've dealt with Chuundar?" he asked.

The abandoned Czerka site with the silent sonic emitters came into view. "Do you really think the Wookiees will be content to overthrow Chuundar but leave the Czerka slavers and poachers in place?" she asked, feeling a little nervous under Jolee's unrelenting gaze.

"They'll attack the spaceport and kill every Czerka they find," Canderous rumbled, grinning. "Excellent."

And here I thought killing that terantatek would satisfy him, at least for a little while. "That mechanic shouldn't be here, and certainly doesn't deserve to die for being too honest – so we need to get him out from under his debt and get him off this planet before the Wookiees attack," Ilithia said, stepping up her pace as they passed the fallen tree that marked the gateway to the clearing where the lift to the Walkway waited. "They should leave our ship alone, so if push comes to shove –"

A ringing, enraged howl froze all four of them in their tracks. Gorwooken waited by the basket, as usual, but now he bore a long, angular sword, and was flanked by two other Wookiees who looked just as menacing and thuggish as the two who'd accompanied Calo Nord. "You! Ilithia! Our spies say that the mad-claw you were sent to kill is on his way to Rwookrrorro right now!"

"Whoops," she chirped, pasting a false grin on her face.

"You should have followed the will of Chuundar!" Gorwooken snarled, raising his blade and charging towards her. "Now you will face his wrath!"

Ilithia barely had time to ignite her lightsabers before his sword came swinging down at her, forcing her to fling herself on the ground and roll away. "Get the others!" she yelled in the general direction of Carth and Canderous, who immediately opened fire on the henchmen, while a green lightsaber sprang to life and quickly began advancing to help her.

Compared to the terantatek and Calo Nord, this fight was surprisingly quick. Jolee used an advanced form of stasis Ilithia hadn't learned yet to freeze Gorwooken, giving them a chance to take care of him while Carth and Canderous kept the other two Wookiees at bay. When Gorwooken finally dropped to the ground, dead, the henchmen charged, only to be cut down in a single movement by each of the two Jedi.

Jolee deactivated his lightsaber with a deep sigh. "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this."

"Well, it has," Ilithia said, frowning at the basket. Jolee looked up from his rueful contemplation of Gorwooken's corpse to give Ilithia a sharp, worried look. "Standing around moaning about it won't get that mechanic off Kashyyyk or Zaalbar out of prison any faster," she continued, hopping over the rail and into the basket. "Let's get moving."

"You think you can operate this thing?" Carth asked warily, eyeing a still-smoking hole one of his blasters had put in the nearest corner post.

She began untying the thick, multi-corded main line from the post in the center of the basket. "I think so," she said slowly. "Here, Canderous," she called out, thrusting the main line in his general direction. "You grab this…I'll move this…" The basket jerked violently as it moved a few inches off the ground and began swaying back and forth. Carth and Jolee scrambled to jump over the railing and into the basket while Canderous secured the main line back onto the center post. After one more sudden lurch, the basket stabilized, and began its slow, steady ascent.

"Thanks for the warning," Carth grumbled, grabbing onto the closest railing for balance as he stood.

Not seeing any mykals lurking in the nearby branches as they rose higher, Ilithia stepped slowly over to join Carth. "I didn't know my plan was going to be that successful, that quickly."

"Yeah, well, at least it worked better than the plan you had this morning," he replied teasingly. "The one where we were supposed to meet the Wookiee and get the Star Map before lunch?"

Ilithia shot Carth a half-hearted dirty look – it was nearly five o'clock in the afternoon. "Yeah, well, a terantatek, a homicidal computer, and a bunch of Mandalorians would slow anybody down," she retorted. When a few seconds ticked by without the sarcastically mocking response she expected, she turned towards Carth, who now wore a tight, pensive expression. "Credit for your thoughts, handsome?" she murmured, moving closer.

For you, they're free. "I was just thinking about that computer…that test, back at the Star Map," he mumbled.

Ilithia's gaze was drawn to the shadows moving among the distant trees. "Oh…that."

"That question about letting a city be attacked now to gain a strategic advantage later," he began, his features darkening with fear and memory. "What would you have done?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, rubbing her palms along the railing. "That's mostly why I refused to answer and didn't mind when the computer decided to attack me – those questions were just…well, an honest answer would've required a lot more thought than I had time for down there," she finished.

Carth's chest tightened. "And have you given it more thought?"

She let out a long sigh, nodding. "I would like to think I would defend the city," she said uncertainly. "The Jedi teach that all life is sacred; no matter how great the hypothetical advantage, I'd hope I wouldn't want to win that way."

"You hope?"

Her eyes closed as a guilty look crossed her face. "If I honestly believed there was no other way to win…what choice would I have?" She shook her head, her features taking on the pinched expression of distaste. "You're the captain, the war hero – five million dead on one planet or five billion dead throughout the galaxy –" Screw the hypothetical – let's go for it – "If defending the planet meant you would never get your revenge on Saul, but letting it be destroyed guaranteed that you would watch him die that day – what would you do?"

"I'd –" Carth stopped, his jaw hanging open, his instinct to protect and defend warring with the rush of blind rage the mention of Saul's name never failed to provoke. I've hunted him, hated him for so long…but is that the way I'd want to do it? A mykal fluttered by, reminding him to close his mouth while his mind searched for an answer. Defend the planet and I never free of him…but what sort of man would I become if I let a planet die just to kill him? "I – I don't know," he finally stammered. "I guess I'd probably just kick the comput – ow!"

Ilithia's elbow withdrew from Carth's ribs. "Don't change the subject," she said grumpily.

"You're never going to live that down, you know," Carth muttered dejectedly.

"I'll manage." She rubbed her palms together nervously. "Could you manage if you never got your revenge on Saul?"

Carth let out a soft laugh, admiring her tenacity for what was not the first and wouldn't be the last time. "You sure do ask a lot of questions."

Ilithia replied with a soft smile. "That's because you make me want to hear the answers."

"Even these answers?" he asked quietly, trying to warn her off with his eyes.

If she saw the warning, she had no intention of heeding it. "You remember what I said last night."

There is no trust without truth. "I…I suppose I don't have to be the one who kills him. Just as long as he's dead."

"But he has to die?"

He looked away before she could catch his gaze, his expression closed. "Yes." Ilithia stayed silent, waiting for him to make the next move. "I'm sure you don't want to hear about it."

"I would," Ilithia said gently, shifting even closer to him.

"It's just that…I don't talk about it very much," he mumbled, fighting off the urge to curl his arm around her.

"Actually," she murmured, lightly placing a hand on his arm, "I figured you've probably never talked about it at all."

Her touch melted all thoughts of resistance. "You said you threatened Chuundar because he'd lied, he'd destroyed his family, and he'd sold out his people," Carth began slowly. Ilithia gave him a small, encouraging nod. "Saul lied," he continued, taking a deep, ragged breath. "Saul sold out his people, both the Republic and the soldiers who trusted him…and he destroyed my family." Ilithia's expression immediately fell back into the silent patience she'd displayed on Taris, waiting for him to continue at his own pace. "Four years ago Saul led the Sith fleet to my homeworld, Telos, and demanded its surrender. The planet refused, and Saul proceeded to devastate its entire surface. Millions died."

An icy feeling of dread settling in her stomach. "And among those millions?"

Carth hunched over, heaving a sigh that seemed to sink all the way to his toes. "My wife." It took all of Ilithia's self-discipline to keep still. "And my son. I thought they would be safe there." He shook his head, staring blankly at the rail in a vain effort to avoid the memories swirling through his mind. "My task force arrived too late to be of much help, and we didn't have enough medical supplies. The colony was burning and the dying were…everywhere." With each word he felt like another stitch was being ripped out of a wound that had never healed, leaving him feeling as bleeding and broken now, standing in the quiet gloom next to a beautiful Jedi with an inexplicable interest in him, as he had on that terrible day. "I remember holding my wife, screaming for the medics…." He felt the tears coming and turned quickly away, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Carth…" Ilithia's head felt like it had been split in two by a Gamorrean war-axe. The hand that still rested on his arm felt numb; she almost wanted to pull away, feeling presumptuous and suddenly unworthy. "And –" her voice choked out, needing to fill the silence and finish the job. "And your son?"

"I don't know," Carth sighed. "I never found any trace of him…there wasn't much of anything in the colony that was left to find." He turned back towards Ilithia enough so she could see his face. "I made inquiries and followed the reports from Telos for years, just in case, but eventually I…I stopped. So that's the whole story," he finished with a final, trembling sigh.

Ilithia nodded mechanically, her mind still stuck on the word 'wife'. "You must miss them both terribly," she mumbled.

If she'd thought Carth couldn't look even more miserable than he already did, the spasms of grief and regret that flooded through him proved her wrong. "Well…I – I wasn't around a lot. Always off with the militia or the Fleet for months at a time, and then during the wars I was gone for years. I'd come back long enough for Dustil – my son – to start recognizing me, and then I'd be gone again." Even when he was older he'd still pretend not to recognize me when I'd come home, just in case I didn't already feel guilty enough for missing so much of his life. "And my wife…we'd been up and down ever since the beginning, and as the years went by and the separations added up the highs got lower and the lows..." He shook his head and let out a sharp, rueful laugh. "Crazy in love when I'd first get home, but then gradually we'd start fighting, about the Fleet, about anything, and I'd be this close to packing up my things and walking out for good when it'd be time for another deployment. After Mandalorians were finally defeated I put in the paperwork to retire when my service contract was up, to go home, to really give my marriage and my family the attention they deserved, even though I knew it might be too late…I still had two months to go when Telos was attacked."

There was nothing else for Ilithia to do but whisper "I'm sorry," even as she winced with the knowledge of how inadequate those words were.

"I…I've never talked about this before. With anyone." He reached over and covered her hand with one of his, cracking a slight grin at how predictably cold her skin felt. "But you deserved to know."

"Thanks," she whispered, curling her hand underneath his. Their surroundings began to lighten – they were nearing the Walkway.

"We can talk more after all this is done," Carth added, glancing upwards as the Walkway came into view. "On our way to Tatooine."

---

"That Thaylian bog-slime," growled Matton, the merchant's 'helper' at the Czerka docks, as he watched the figure of his former master sprinting towards the gates to the Walkway. "I've been here thirty-six days, slaving to pay a debt in good faith…and all along he was the one who put me in this position by killing my crew and –" He shook his head, too angry to continue.

Ilithia sighed. Luckily, they'd only had to fight through one group of Wookiees on their way back to the Czerka docks, but time was still short. "Well, he won't last long hiding in the Shadowlands."

"Maybe I should head back to make sure I locked my door," Jolee grunted behind her.

"I doubt he'll even get that far," Matton said, gesturing towards a worn leather pack stashed behind one of the storange canisters. "He left his blasters." Ilithia snorted and shook her head in disgust.

Carth, standing at her elbow, stirred. "I have to admit, I'm surprised you let him get away," he said, his voice strangely tense. "I don't know if I could have been that…forgiving."

"Well," Matton shrugged, "I could have shot out his legs and let him crawl around for a while, but I consider this far more merciful."

Ilithia thought about giving Carth a meaningful look, but the tight and pensive expression on his face told her he'd already seen the parallel. "So," she said cheerily to Matton, "I bet you're looking forward to getting off this rock and getting on with your life." Jolee and Canderous emerged from the Czerka offices, the Jedi chatting pleasantly with a third man who wore a flight jacket and was carrying and old military-style gear pack.

"I don't know that there's much for me to do other than stay here," Matton replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "No ship, no credits except what I could make if I take over the store and convince Eli's suppliers to work with me."

"That's…not going to be a good idea," she said slowly. "This planet is about to become very dangerous for anyone even remotely associated with Czerka." Matton started nodding slowly, his eyes dropping briefly to her lightsabers. "I've taken the liberty of getting you a seat on the next shuttle out of here so you can –"

Her words were cut off by the need to jump back a few steps as the pilot Jolee and Canderous were escorting practically threw himself at a stunned Carth. "Carth Onasi, is that you!"

Carth had to squint at the other man for a moment before the recognition came. "J – Jordo?" he stammered.

The pilot didn't even bother to nod, throwing his arms around Carth enthusiastically. "I don't believe it – how have you been?" Carth started to say something in reply, but his old friend was too excited to be stopped. "I thought for sure an old spacedog like you would be fighting on some ship out there."

"I was," Carth protested with a laugh. "But I crashed."

"Really?" Jordo replied, arching an eyebrow in disbelief. "That's pretty rich. I can't imagine what it would take to keep you on the ground." To Ilithia's horror, Carth immediately glanced over at her. "Oh…ah, how do you do, miss?" Jordo said quickly, suppressing a surprised grin as he extended his hand.

Ilithia shook his hand lightly. "Nice to meet you," she said, pausing to glare at a sniggering Jolee. "I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do," she continued, giving Carth a you're-dead grin – which only made him blush – "So we'll finish up here and meet you back down at the gate to the Walkway." Carth barely managed a feeble nod before Jordo had him by the arm and dragged him off in the direction of the landing pads, jabbering excitedly.

Matton cleared his throat. "So that's my ride?"

"Yea," Ilithia said quickly, plunging her hand into her pack and pulling out a fistful of credits. "And this is to make sure your stay on your next planet is a lot nicer than your stay here was."

The mechanic tried to back away. "You don't have to –"

"No, I don't," Ilithia cut in, thrusting the credits at Matton. "But I'm going to anyway." Matton looked like he was going to argue with her for a moment, but eventually took the credits while mumbling reluctant but genuine thanks. "Good luck on…" She hesitated, realizing she didn't know –

Corellia.

The shock of hearing Jolee's voice rumbling in her mind froze Ilithia for a few seconds. "Well…uh, wherever you're going," she finally forced out, shaking herself back into reality.

"Thanks," Matton grinned, picking up his pack. "Safe flying to you, too." He strolled off in the same direction Carth and his friend had gone, his step joyful and light.

Ilithia whirled around. "Don't tell me I've got a Force bond with you, too," she snapped at Jolee.

"What are you talking about?" the elderly Jedi replied defensively. Canderous decided to start rifling through Eli's supplies for any spare blaster upgrades.

"The only person who's ever talked to me in my head like that is Bastila," Ilithia explained. The harsh emphasis she put on the young Jedi's name produced a small "oh" of understanding from Jolee. "And that's got to be because of that 'bond' I'm stuck with."

Jolee shook his head, chuckling. "Nope. Nothing to do with that." Ilithia blinked, frowning in confusion. "Almost anyone who can feel the Force can project their thoughts into someone else's mind. It's just ordinary politeness not to do that unless invited, which is probably why no one but Bastila's tried it with you."

"Oh," Ilithia replied, crossing her arms over her chest. Funny how Bastila neglected to mention that. "So what does the fact that you just did it say about your respect for privacy and 'ordinary politeness'?"

"That I don't have any," Jolee said gleefully. Interesting that she'd even care.

Her frown twisted into a scowl. "Well I do, so don't do it again if you don't have to, especially not around the others." Jolee said nothing in reply, just narrowing his eyes in the slight, pensive frown he often seemed to wear. "And stop looking at me like that," Ilithia added.

Jolee's face became a picture of placid innocence. "Like what?"

"Like…" Ilithia frowned – she wasn't sure how to describe the mixture of expectation, suspicion and surprise that she usually felt from Jolee, only how it made her feel. "Like you think I should be shorter." Jolee's expression wavered for a moment before going back to serene ignorance. "If you've got something you want to talk about just let me know, but I've already got enough eyes burning holes in the back of my armor," she muttered, turning to cast a glance towards the landing pads.

"Right," Jolee grunted. "The flyboy."

Not again… "Bastila's already read me the riot act about 'emotional attachments' so you can save your breath," Ilithia growled.

The old man laughed, but there was no humor in his eyes. "Far be it for me to try to lecture headstrong young women about the potential dangers of canoodling with dashing pilots."

Ilithia rolled her eyes back so far she was surprised when they didn't stick. Why bother with the lecture when the one-sentence summary will suffice? "Does everyone have an opinion about this?" she muttered.

"If you're half as energetic in bed as you are in battle, I suggest keeping a medkit handy," Canderous' voice rumbled from amongst the supply crates. "And buy him a new jacket," he added, straightening up while examining a mint-condition accuracy scope with glee. "Orange is definitely not his color."

"Thanks," she said slowly, not sure whether she should burst out laughing at the idea that Mandalorians had fashion sense or slug him for having pictured her in bed – and doing what…with whom…ick. "I'll do that." She settled for scanning the docks for any sign of Carth, regretting for a moment that he was in the silvery grey armor pinched from Calo Nord's corpse rather than the much-maligned-but-easier-to-spot jacket. It had only been a few minutes, but Jordo had a shuttle to fly, and they had a Wookiee rebellion to instigate.

She finally spied him just a few steps from the gateway to the Czerka landing pad, leaning on the railing and gazing out at the forest, alone. "I'll go grab our pilot and we'll meet you guys down at the gate, okay?" Canderous shrugged his assent, unconcerned, but Jolee stood silently as Ilithia headed up the ramp towards Carth.

The set of his shoulders told her something was wrong long before her Jedi senses did. They were slumped, as if he was exhausted and was leaning on the railing for support. Oh no… "Carth!" His head snapped up at the sound of her voice, his face pale and streaked with tears. Grief mingled with hope poured from his senses, and a name: Dustil. "What happened?" she asked softly.

He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears to stop as she came alongside. She's got enough to worry about already; I can't put this on her, too. "It's nothing – I'm fine," he choked out, his voice raw.

"Carth," she said gently, moving one arm to offer him some more support, "I have Jedi senses now, remember?"

He laughed sadly. "Right." He tried to wipe his tears away, sniffing. "You already know it's about Dustil, then?"

Ilithia frowned guiltily. "Every feeling you have is screaming his name – I couldn't help hearing it," she confessed.

"I suppose not," he sighed, shaking his head. "But you've got much more important things to worry about, I'm sure the Jedi –"

She cut him off with a wave of her hand. "I decide what's important to me, not the Jedi," she snapped, harshly enough to make him wonder if Jolee had started preaching about the sanctity of the Jedi Code, too. "And what's important to you is important to me." Carth's features convulsed, threatening another wave of tears. "Is he…is he dead?" she asked in a fearful whisper.

"No!" he exclaimed, forcing himself to look away from her. "No – that's what Jordo told me – Dustil's alive!"

An incredulous, joyful smile filled Ilithia's face. "Carth, that's wonder –" feelings of confusion and pain spiked in his senses – "Only it's not," she finished, frowning.

"He's on Korriban," Carth whispered. "At…at the S-Sith Academy. He's studying – " He broke off, one tear sliding free.

"To be a dark Jedi," she finished, a dull ache rising in her own emotions. "Carth –"

Suddenly he shook her arm off, gripping the railing until his knuckles turned as pale as his face. "I don't want to talk about this now."

Not this again. "Carth…"

"We're already running late," he snapped, pushing himself away from the railing and stalking down the ramp. "That Wookiee's counting on us to be there." Ilithia followed, concern creasing her features. "We…we can talk about this later," Carth said quietly.

Ilithia nodded reluctantly – she was dying to ask, but they were running late. "Alright." Jolee and Canderous came into view, flanking either side of the gate to the Walkway. "But you haven't forgotten what my definition of later is, right?"

"The first chance you get," Carth replied with a short, shallow laugh. "No, I haven't."

"Just checking," she murmured. Canderous pushed the gate open, and after giving the Czerka guards a wouldn't-want-to-be-you glance, the four companions passed down and headed towards the Wookiee village.

---

Ilithia swirled the contents of her cup, studying the patterns it left on the curved sides as the remaining liquid flowed downwards. She knew Jolee had told her what this stuff was, and that it was "pretty strong, even for you kids," but after the third joyfully hooting Wookiee had given her a refill she'd forgotten the rest. Stronger than Tarisian ale but not as flavorful…I'll just finish this one off and head back to the ship. Her wounds from the fight with Chuundar still smarted, despite Jolee's healing skill, and after all the distance she'd covered in the last two days a week of boredom in hyperspace would be the most luxurious vacation imaginable.

Freyyr's challenge of his son's leadership had gone as well as Ilithia had expected – Chuundar and his followers had reacted violently, paying for their crimes with their lives. The hilt of Bacca's sword, which had been in Chuundar's possession, was reunited with its blade and then given to Zaalbar, who now seemed to be the designated successor to his father's restored rule. A happy ending at last, Ilithia mused, thinking ruefully of all the good works on Taris lost to the Sith attack and her failure to reconcile the feuding families on Dantooine. The boundless, optimistic joy of the Wookiees gathered around their village fires was almost enough to make up for that.

Her gaze was inevitably drawn to Carth – he had replaced his armor with the familiar orange jacket, and despite the headache she almost always got from staring at it too long she couldn't help but seek it out in a crowd. He'd detached himself from the revelry almost immediately after it had begun, staking out a section of railing over in a distant corner of the village. No sense in putting this off much longer. She drained the rest of her drink, then frowned at the empty cup for a moment before grabbing a new, brimming mug off a nearby table and heading over towards Carth.

He didn't even turn around at the sound of her footsteps. "Took you long enough."

"You'd rather I pester you more often?" Carth chuckled once and shook his head, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on his drink. "So…are you okay?" she asked quietly, stepping up next to him.

"Why do you ask?" he replied, staring off into the dark forest.

"Oh, I don't know," Ilithia said nonchalantly. "It's just that we've helped the Wookiees get rid of Chuundar, Czerka, and their slavers – even Canderous is celebrating – and here you are, off to the side, alone, and looking, well, miserable."

And in the middle of all that she takes the time to come and be with me. "Yeah, well, you try finding out your supposedly-dead son is alive and with the Sith and let me know what sort of a mood you'd be in," he muttered.

"You don't think I've already contemplated the possibility that my brother could be his roommate?" Ilithia asked softly.

Brother…right. Carth felt like an idiot. Again. "Oh."

"I turned out to be Force sensitive, so maybe he did too," she continued sadly. "And given the company I think he's keeping these days, I don't think he'd be invited to Dantooine."

He buried his embarrassment in his mug. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he mumbled.

Ilithia let out a single, short laugh. "It's okay to say you'd forgotten about him – he's been missing for five years but I didn't care enough to bother to look for him until now," she said bitterly. "And then only when I had other reasons for giving up scouting and joining the Fleet, first, and now the Jedi. Some sister I am." Carth blanched and turned away suddenly, white-knuckled hands gripping his mug. The grief and regret Ilithia had sensed in him up at the docks stormed back into his emotions. "You're not the only one who's family got messed up by the Sith," she told him gently, leaning in close to him.

"You don't know anything about it," he hissed, shifting away from her.

"And you don't have to tell me anything about it if you don't want to, but do not close yourself off and pull away from me," she said, her voice low and taut. I never thought I'd prefer trying to get information out of homicidal computers rather than an obstinate man. "I am not dancing this dance with you a second time."

"Why?" he croaked, his face a mask of self-loathing and pain. "Why would you want to know? Why do you care?"

The combination of fatigue, blood loss, and alcohol deprived Ilithia of the energy necessary to be witty or dissembling. "Because I haven't been able to get you out of my head since we met," she snapped, knowing her true feelings were tumbling out but too fed up with their missteps and mistakes to care. "Because you're stubborn, and strong, and every time you let me get close enough to get a taste of you I come away wanting more –" She broke off with an angry sigh.

The unleashed emotions flooding her face were too much for Carth to bear to look at. "Ilithia…I am a dried up, bitter, old man."

"No you're not," Ilithia insisted. "Maybe you've lived with that part of yourself for so long that's all you see…but that's not what I see. I see a man of conscience and courage, of principles; a loyal man, rightfully wounded by a friend's betrayal and its consequences, but who will never let me down." She laid a hand lightly on his arm. "Do you know how important that is to me? How much it means to me to have someone who can keep my feet on the ground?" You drive me nuts, she thought with a wry grin, but I need that sometimes.

Dumbstruck, he forced himself to look back to her. How…what did I do to deserve her? The glimmer of light her smile always drew out of him kindled and leapt to life, enfolding him in its warmth. So beautiful…

"Are you going to say something, or are you just going to stand there staring at me like I've grown a second head?" Ilithia muttered anxiously.

"Sorry," he said quickly, shaking off his bewilderment to reach over and pull her towards him. "I was just…admiring you." He brushed a disobedient strand of hair off her forehead with one thumb, then impulsively traced that path with a gentle kiss.

Or you could do that, she thought, failing to hold back a soft moan. Just in case I wasn't already addicted to your touch.

"I'll have you know I used to be a lot better at this," Carth whispered.

Ilithia nodded, brushing her lips up against his collar. "I don't doubt it." She pressed herself close against him for a moment, then backed away with a reluctant sigh. "You've had a rough day," she said slowly. "I won't pester you anymore."

"No –" he said hurriedly, his hands following her. "Stay."

She sidestepped his grasp. "It's alright, Carth. You said you needed time to get used to the idea of…of doing this again, and you must need that even more now."

"I do need some time," Carth admitted. To help Dustil, to deal with Saul…and then to have my way with you. "But I also need to talk." Ilithia leaned back against the railing, careful to keep herself a few inches away from him while she gave him an are-you-sure? look. "Please stay," he said fervently. "I'll tell you everything."

A gentle smile spread across her face. "I told you all your secrets would be mine," she purred.

Carth chuckled, remembering. "I really should take everything you say at face value, shouldn't I?"

An eyebrow went up. "You're just now figuring that out?"

"I'm just starting to figure a lot of things out." His quiet admission was met by her conciliatory blush. "Ask away," he murmured, grasping the railing in anticipation.

"Why are you so upset with yourself?" Ilithia asked quickly, skewering him with her eyes.

"I…" He wrung his hands around the railing, his guilt surfacing. "I was a horrible husband, and not much better of a father. It's bad enough I failed them once, not being there, not protecting them, but now…now I know I failed a second time." Ilithia raised a hand, ready to protest, but thought better of it and stayed silent. "I thought I'd looked everywhere," Carth continued miserably. "I thought I'd tried everything. And all this time he's been alive…" He leaned over onto the railing, sighing heavily. "I want to sprint back to the ship and take off to find him, to save him, but if he's as angry at me as he was, and a Sith…"

It's not exactly going to be hugs and smiles and happy how-have-you-been's, Ilithia thought, nodding sadly. "We're both taking that risk," she said, after waiting to make sure he'd said all he wanted to say for the moment. "I don't think my brother was angry at me for anything, but we've been separated for much longer than you and your son so I've no idea how he feels about me now. And he was one of the original converts," she added gloomily. "Probably directly influenced by Revan herself. I've no guarantee his first reaction to seeing me again isn't going to be a barrage of blaster fire at my head. Especially now," she muttered, glancing down at one of her lightsabers.

"What would you do?" he asked in a whisper.

"I – I don't really know," she shuddered. "I guess I'd consider it a chance to change his mind, but if I couldn't…" She shook her head quickly, cutting off that line of conversation. I don't want to think about that. Not now. Not tonight. A long silence passed before she wrestled her thoughts into submission and raised her eyes to gaze upon Carth anxiously. "Can I…can I ask you something?"

"I said I'd tell you everything," he chided her gently. She had the good humor to blush. "I meant it."

Ilithia took a deep, cautious breath and plunged ahead. "What was she like?"

Carth didn't have to wonder what Ilithia was really asking. "She was kind," he said fondly, his eyes softening. "She had courage, and she was stubborn – I could never talk her out of anything once she had put her mind to it." He gave a small laugh as he looked over at Ilithia, who was trying so hard not to seem nervous that she seemed…nervous. "A lot like you, in that respect." An endearing, adorable nervous, to be sure. "But she was calmer, quieter than you are, or probably ever will be." Ilithia let out a chuckle, shaking her head and starting to relax. "Whenever she had something she wanted to say, or ask, she'd drop little hints and then wait for me to figure it out – which of course I never did," he continued, grinning sadly.

"As opposed to me, who'll just flat-out ask you anything, anytime," Ilithia said.

Carth leaned ever further forward on the railing, shifting his elbows a few inches closer to hers. "Or shout it out so loudly the whole ship can hear," he teased. He enjoyed her blush and half-hearted indignant mumblings for a moment, studying the bright, almost orange highlights the burning fires behind them illuminated in her hair. "A raging firestorm as opposed to smoldering embers," he murmured affectionately.

"One brings warmth and comfort, the other death and destruction," Ilithia sniped. "Thanks."

"No – one grows cold and crumbles into ash," he replied quickly, laying a reassuring hand on her arm, "And while the other might singe you if you're not careful, it'll burn steady, enveloping you, and won't ever let you go."

Translation: he thinks he'd prefer the firestorm. "Oh – okay," she stammered.

He turned back away from her to stare blankly out into the forest, but did not remove his hand. "There's more to it," he sighed. "Even if she'd survived the attack…well, I wouldn't have been content to stay home and do nothing when there was a war going on, with the men and women I'd led for years out on the front lines again. Especially after that war had been brought to my own doorstep."

"You would've signed back on for another tour," Ilithia murmured, her momentary apprehension fading into sympathy. He led them, he trained them, he saw them more than he saw his family…they were part of his family. "No matter how much your wife hated it…or hated you for it." Lovely choice, that.

"She nearly walked out on me when I re-upped during the Mandalorian Wars." Damned if I did and damned if I didn't. "She would've done it this time, taking Dustil with her. I – I never would've seen them again," he choked out, his throat suddenly contracting as the emotions within him clamored for release.

Ilithia watched Carth warily, her senses touching the fringes of a rage so deep within him it left her skin prickling. We'll deal with that later, she thought. At least I understand its source now. "We'll get him out of there, Carth," she whispered, offering him the only comfort she could. "I promise you that."

The muscles around his eyes began twitching. Carth turned his head away, quickly, willing the tears to stay inside, but as he felt Ilithia's arms encircle him he surrendered, slumping against her, sobbing. She gasped at the sudden flood of emotions swirling around them. "Carth," she whispered, tightening her grip on his sagging form. She tried to use the Force to comfort him with her empathy, her understanding, her concern, and a thousand other feelings she didn't dare name.

They stayed like that for a long while, oblivious to the celebrations, the rustlings in the trees, even the sight of Jolee physically restraining Bastila from storming down upon them. Eventually the sharpness of Carth's pain dulled, and the depth of his anger shallowed until he lay silent, resting contentedly in the still waters of Ilithia's embrace. I never let myself hope – I never let myself dare to hope – that I could ever find another woman to love, let alone be free enough for me to love her. But this one…every time she touches me I believe a little more.

---

I will miss the sound of the forest at night, Jolee thought. The chirping insects, the croaking tach monkeys, even the strangled trumpeting of the kinrath, blending together in a discordant yet unified symphony that had always resonated in some deep place in his mind. It had given him peace for the last twenty years, but here he was, leaving it behind just when he was going to start needing it even more. But when the Force starts swirling, hop onto the nearest ship and try to enjoy the ride.

A movement at the far end of the walkway caught his eyes. Ah, the lovebirds. Carth and Ilithia were standing close together on one of the narrower parts of the walk, having what looked like a very intense conversation. Going to have to figure that out, but not tonight. Jolee turned around, heading back towards the bonfire, just in time to be crashed into by a charging Bastila.

"Excuse me, Master Bindo," she said curtly, pushing to get past him.

"Oh, no, missy," he replied, glancing over at the oblivious targets of Bastila's fury. "You're not going over there."

She shrugged out of his grip and hurled herself towards Carth and Ilithia. "I have to stop them!" she hissed.

Jolee got a hand on the back of her robes, nearly pulling her off her feet. "Don't waste your time," he said, hauling her away. "You're not going to be able to stop that, no matter what you say."

"But it's too dangerous – she's a brand-new Jedi, she doesn't know how to handle her emotions yet!" Bastila cried, staring despairingly over at the now-embracing couple.

Jolee turned and fixed Bastila with a frigid glare. "She is not a new Jedi."

Bastila spluttered indignantly for a moment, then suddenly stopped, shock and recognition spreading through her senses. "You met her…before, didn't you?"

"When she was seven," Jolee confirmed with a nod.

"That was quite a long time ago," she said, trying to recover.

The old man's expression softened a fraction. "She's pretty close to impossible to forget."

"You won't tell her, will you?" Bastila whispered, paling.

Jolee shook his head. "No, no – I had no part in the deceptions that have led her here, so it's not my responsibility to bring them to an end. That, my dear," he said, regarding Bastila with disapproval, "Is your job."

She paled even further. "She doesn't need to know. It would only put her in greater danger."

"She's going to run into Malak sooner or lateer," Jolee cautioned. "Better she find out from someone she respects and trusts, someone who can guide her gently to the truth, than from someone who'll use it as a weapon against her." He looked pointedly over at Carth and Ilithia, now wrapped in a silent, comforting embrace. "And those she cares about."

"She doesn't trust or respect me," Bastila sulked.

"Yes she does," Jolee countered, eyeing the young Jedi thoughtfully. "She doesn't like you, but she respects your ability. And she may disagree with your advice, but she trusts that you're giving her your honest opinion. She appreciates that."

Of all the reactions he might have expected, a flattered blush was not one of them. "Do – do you really think that?" Bastila stammered nervously.

Jolee gave Bastila the same warily appraising look he usually gave Ilithia. "Yes, I do. Which is exactly why you need to tell her the truth."

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"The longer you let this go, the more everyone is going to be hurt when she's…unmasked," he said, his voice low and angry. "You and the Jedi Council already have to answer to her for her own pain – now you're going to have to answer to her for what the truth is going to do to him." Bastila's lips twisted pensively. "To them," he added, glancing back over at the pair, still clutching each as desperately as drowning souls grasping for a lifeline.

Bastila's features darkened with every moment she spent watching the couple. "It wouldn't be anything she didn't deserve," she spat with surprising vehemence. The faces of dozens of friends maimed or killed in the wars floated just beneath her consciousness, whispering of their desire for retribution. "It wouldn't have been right for her to die then and there, but she must face judgment for her crimes."

"But after whatever you and the Council have done to her, are they really her crimes? Ilithia's crimes?" Jolee asked calmly. "And what has Carth done to deserve being punished alongside her?" Bastila's scowl deepened as she looked away, confused. "You're a bit young to be dealing out judgment to anyone, don't you think?"

"I am one of the most experienced Jedi in the entire galaxy," Bastila snapped, bristling.

Jolee nodded slowly, refocusing his gaze on Bastila. "Then why do you think all the others treat you like a child?"

A crimson flush blossomed beneath her pale skin. "I – I am much younger than she is," Bastila conceded. "I would hope they will eventually see beyond the numerical fact of my age and recognize the experience my Battle Meditation has given me, but I cannot control their perceptions." She speaks to the little Twi'lek as an equal, but cannot be bothered to show me such a courtesy, in spite of our bond.

"You can't control them, no," Jolee said slowly, "But you can shape them." Golden rule, missy – treat her the way you want to be treated. "If she thinks of you as a child it's because your words and actions have given her no reason to think of you otherwise."

"What am I supposed to do?" Bastila huffed, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly. "Stand aside and let her blunder her way into darkness by giving into these…forbidden urges?"

'Forbidden'? "You're supposed to trust her to find her own way, and you need to understand that her way will not be the same as yours," Jolee replied gently. Not 'repulsive' or 'undesirable'?

Bastila continued scowling for a few more moments before nodding reluctantly. "I…I see your point," she sighed. "I will meditate upon this. Thank you for your advice."

"Don't thank me for it unless you're going to use it," Jolee rumbled.

"Yes, yes, of course," she said quickly. "I –"

Jolee didn't even have to look up to know the cause of Bastila's sudden silence – Ilithia and Carth had abandoned their secluded corner and were advancing quickly towards the two Jedi. "Be patient," he whispered to Bastila before turning to greet the couple with a wave.

Ilithia returned his gesture. "We're going to head back to the ship and crash," she said, shifting a what-have-you-two-been-up-to gaze between the two Jedi.

Bastila's self-control didn't last beyond the word 'we'. "Together?" she asked testily, her voice dripping with disapproval.

Jolee saw the flash of anger rise in Ilithia's eyes, then just as quickly fade away as she took a deep, calming breath. "The Walkway is still dangerous – no one should travel it alone." She turned away from Bastila. "We'll raid the Czerka storerooms for supplies and head out in the morning," she said evenly. "Jolee, you're welcome to hitch a ride with us if you want."

"Wouldn't want to miss out on all the fun," he grinned in reply. "Thanks." Ilithia nodded sharply, then started walking towards the gates. "By the way," Jolee called after her, "Where are we going next?"

"Korriban," she replied immediately, without breaking her stride.

"Korriban!" Bastila yelped. "But that's –"

"Where the Sith Academy is," Ilithia cut in, looking up first not at Bastila but at Carth, who wore a strange expression of mingled shock, fear, and adoration. "I know. If you want to argue about it in the morning, that's fine with me. But that's where we're going." She turned her back on Bastila and strode away, Carth following just a half-step behind.

Jolee let out a low whistle. Now that was interesting. Bastila wheeled around, apparently willing to unleash a tirade on Jolee if she couldn't do it to the real subject of her ire, but he waved her away, his eyes never leaving the retreating couple. They stopped when they reached the gate, exchanging a few words – Carth, worried but grateful – Ilithia, betraying a hint of nervousness, but confident and determined. Jolee was about to turn back to the celebrations with a shrug and a sigh – kids – when Ilithia reached over and took Carth's hand in hers. The strength of the affection and peace that surged through both of them was enough to take even Jolee's breath away. It's a small thing, the old Jedi thought as he watched the two youngsters pass through the gates and start up the Walkway, twining their fingers together to clasp the other's hand even tighter. But they always say it's the small things that make the biggest difference.