Dear friends,
I sit here writing my last letter. You'll be shocked. You'll be surprised. I know you all to well. I want to write to you all one last time. I know I need to leave. I don't fit in. I've suffered more than any of you can imagine. I've done things to myself that would shock all of you. None of you can feel my pain. None of you know the full story. Some know bits and pieces, but I'm the only one with the full story.
My life has been one big lie. From my parents, to my friends, to what I'm really doing on those long nights in the library. I want you all to know what really has happened. That's why I'm writing to you all one last time.
My parents. I loved you to death. But you were never there for me. Couldn't you see my pain? Couldn't you see how I suffered? Didn't you notice the small things missing? The last knife? The bandages? Did you even care about me? I don't think you did. I loved you. You didn't notice. You didn't notice. You didn't notice your only child. I know that if you ever read this you're going to say that you did care, that you didn't notice. But I want you to know, you didn't. You left me on my own. You left me.
My friends. You were the ones who held me together most days. You guys were the reason this letter was not written sooner. You guys were the ones I lived, worked, and played with. You all affected me in your own way. But once again, you didn't notice. You couldn't see what I really went through.
Gin, I'm especially disappointed in you. I thought you'd be the one to figure me out. But you didn't. I'm disappointed in you for that. I opened up the most to you. I thought you would've gotten it. But I was wrong. I loved you like the sister I never had. I told you everything, but you were too blind to see the underlying message in it. The message that could have saved me.
Harry, you were the father figure in my life. You were the same age as me, but I looked up to you. You went through some of the same things as me. That brought me closer to you. But you didn't notice either. I may have loved you, I'll never know. If anyone could have saved me it would have been you. But you didn't notice either. It may have been because you were off saving the world from evil. Was saving the world more important than your own best friend? That is the question I have to ask you Harry. Was saving the world more important than your own best friend?
Ron, you were the one who could make me laugh. When I was feeling my darkest you brought me up. You may have never noticed, but you did. For that I thank you. I never expected you to figure it out. I'm not surprised you didn't. You were always the tagalong. Always there. I loved you for that. I loved you for it because it meant I wasn't. That made me brighter on some of my darkest days. But you didn't notice either. No one did.
My long nights in the library. You all thought I was just studying, but I wasn't. That was my time. I spent it in the bathroom with Moaning Myrtle. She always had a sympathetic ear. The one you guys never had. I spent that time crying in there. I cried about everything. It was one of my ways of unwinding after a hard day. I did other things to, but we'll get to those later. I needed those nights just to get by. I cried about no one noticing. I cried about my parents. I cried about my friends. I cried about my lies. I cried about still living. That's why I'm writing this. I need to get away, forever.
I but a few more things to tell you. Read closely. If you couldn't notice when I was here I want you to notice now.
I was mad most days. Sad most days. Not quite there most days. And not one of you ever made the slightest comment about it. All those days with red and black lining my eyes from sleep deprivation and crying. I couldn't expect you boys to notice, but all you girls. The ones I sat by, eat by, played by, worked by, all you girls who never noticed the tears, the pain, and the heart ache. I'm disappointed in you girls.
None of you boys noticed the slightest thing either. I left hints for you to. The days were I let you copy my homework. Those were my lowest days. You should have known with my personality that I would never let you copy without being half insane. You know that well. But you never said more than a quick thanks. I'm sad for those who have to live with you now.
I have one last thing to tell you all. Everyone who reads this should have been able to tell what happened, and why I did this. But none of you did. It was because of you, and everything else, that I did this. I cut myself. I cut myself. Pure and simple. Why, you ask? Because I needed an escape, cutting offered it. I cut to think. I cut to hear. I cut to go on. I cut to feel.
I have no more. That is all I have to say. My story is ended. Gone, diminished. And not one of you noticed anything. The ones closet to me. Not one of you. Not one. I'm disappointed.
Goodbye friends, family. I'll always love you even if you never loved me.
Hermione Granger
I signed my last letter with a flourish. I slowly picked up my knife and held it to my wrist. I slashed. Many times. Slowly my world began to grow dark. I had one last thought before I slipped away completely. Maybe now they'll notice. Maybe now….