Warnings: Kankurou's bad mouth, psychoticness, roller-coaster-ness, mental anguish
Disclaimer: the attendants aremine, other charries belong to Masashi Kishimoto-san, idea and setting are mine.
Also, this is the final chapter for this story. GASP
A force was pulling Inuzuka away from him, some dark and vicious claws latched around Dog-boy's smiling face and he fell away, laughing at the joke he'd been telling, oblivious. Kankurou's eyes widened and he reached, he grabbed –
His eyes slid open slowly. "Oi… Gaara… Lee…" He sat up slowly, placing his hands carelessly in his lap. His dark green eyes were dull. Akamaru woke too and hopped off the bed to sit at Kankurou's feet, whuffling softly and getting a pet from Gaara and Kankurou before he lay down before his master.
"Afternoon, nii-san," Gaara said, smiling that soft, unsure smile of his.
Kankurou glanced lazily at the alarm clock on the plain nightstand next to the bed. "Is it…?" he muttered carelessly. The unforgiving red digital display glowed 3:16.
Lee grinned, though cautiously. Even he felt awkward around Kankurou these days… But it wasn't anyone's fault, and they couldn't just forget about him… He was just so… off… since Kiba's death a few months back. He kept hoping it would get better… they all did, except, perhaps, Kankurou himself. "Good afternoon, Kankurou-kun!" He tactfully avoided asking if Kankurou slept well. Kankurou always slept well…. It was waking up that was hell.
Well, not always…. Sometimes he had nightmares… but usually his dreams disregarded that hateful event, and imagined the future as if nothing had happened.
Kankurou decided after a moment not to be troublesome and ask 'what's good about it.' He appreciated that Gaara and Lee and the others came and talked to him as much as they could… It wasn't their fault he didn't really care about anything anymore.
"Here," Gaara brought over a small box he'd left next to the door before waking Kankurou. "I found some old pictures I thought you might like, so I had them framed for you… The attendants made me take out the glass, but…"
Kankurou snickered. "Yeah… they're afraid I'll cut myself, or commit suicide…" He picked up one of the pictures and looked at it, his fingers running delicately over the image of Inuzuka's face. It was just a good snap shot of them laughing… He remembered; they'd been out drinking after a mission. Inuzuka got horny when he drank too much… He imagined he could feel the warmth and smoothness of Inuzuka's skin again…
He smirked. "Cutting is stupid… A few of the losers in the group do it… you should see those stupid shits…" he said idly. Part of their stupid treatment plan was 'the group'.
It consisted of the people in his hallway. They were treated for different things, and Kankurou didn't see how getting the lot of them together to talk once a week helped at all. He usually stayed more or less quiet in the back, analyzing what dumbasses they were and wishing he could go back to sleep so he could be with Inuzuka again. When they called him to talk, his remarks were brief and cynical. After a while, when he caused a few of the others to have mental breakdowns, they got more careful.
"Suicide is stupid, too," Lee added firmly.
Kankurou looked up at him abruptly. "You think so? Think Inuzuka would have told me not to if he'd have known…?" he said with perfect calmness.
Lee nodded, but Gaara spoke. "Suicide is the end. There is nothing more for those who take their own life; that is what I believe. If you're such a coward, you don't deserve any sort of… 'afterlife'… You don't deserve to ever see Kiba again…"
Kankurou jumped to his feet. "You bastard!" he hissed at Gaara, brows knit, his expression fierce.
Gaara put his hand on Kankurou's arm. "You know Kiba would be mad at you if you did…"
Kankurou sighed. He would. He raked a hand through his messy hair… He hadn't washed in a little while… "He wouldn't let me go near him out of spite… He was such a bitch!" Kankurou inhaled deeply, his chest feeling so tight, like he was being pressed in Gaara's sabaku kyuu… It was hard to exhale, as he pushed tears away.
Gaara rubbed Kankurou's arm gently. Slowly, because he was still unused to initiating such an act, especially with anyone but Lee, Gaara stepped forward and hugged his brother.
Kankurou still held the picture of Kiba in his other hand…. He sank into the hug, wrapping his arms around Gaara as he looked at the picture. Inuzuka had such a stupid grin… He let himself cry…. It was just him, his brother and Lee… it was alright. He wouldn't break down in front of the group like those stupid cutter-shits did, or open up to that stupid, fucking, superiority-complex shrink… But his brother was okay, these days. Gaara had gone 180 degrees from those days when he was a child.
Akamaru rubbed against Kankurou's legs, nuzzling him comfortingly. Lee joined in the hug too, after a moment's indecision. Eventually, Kankurou ran out of tears. He sat back down, drawing out of the hug slowly. He was shaking as he held the picture frame, looking at it intently.
Gently, Gaara took it and stood it on the nightstand. Kankurou was reluctant to let it go, his eyes pleading with Gaara's – another moment! Gaara avoided his eyes carefully, and Kankurou gave in slowly. He watched as though he were a million miles away, returning to the sterile, cynical outlook, distant again in the clinical surroundings, and waited as Lee began arranging the pictures at Gaara's gesture. Gaara took a seat on the thin mattress next to Kankurou.
"The attendants said it might not be a good idea to give you pictures of Kiba… But I know you'll be thinking about him no matter what… So I thought you deserved at least a few pictures. You won't forget and I don't think you should…" Gaara's voice was flat and even, like it had always been, always was, and probably always would be.
Kankurou nodded. "You're right… thanks, Gaara…" Kankurou's voice was eerily like Gaara's – deeper, yes, and still his, but with the same steady intonation. It was impossible to tell by his words that moments before he'd been sobbing. His hands still shook. Traitors… They made him feel weak.
"But… But they did say something that I agree with… You have to try… Kankurou, try to move on. Surround yourself with happy memories, but don't live in them…" he murmured. His eyes flicked back from the ground to Kankurou's profile.
"What would you do if Lee died?" Kankurou was sick of people always telling him, 'move on,' 'move on,'! Wasn't he allowed any time to mourn! Damn the lives of shinobi!
Gaara and Lee met eyes immediately. Gaara felt weak and gulped. Lee looked horrified. Gaara's hands shook.
"See?" Kankurou said pointedly.
Gaara tried again, switching tactics. "Kankurou…" It was hard to talk around the lump in his throat that idea had caused. "This…. This isn't a healthy way to deal with this…"
Kankurou smirked and started laughing. "Oh, really? I suppose you'd be the master of deciphering that!" Akamaru whined, pawing at Kankurou's leg, but Kankurou hardly noticed. "At least I don't kill everyone I meet! At least I don't decide my purpose is to kill every human other than myself, and say things like 'all who meet my eyes must die'!"
Gaara trembled, closing his eyes tight against the words, willing them away. Kankurou looked at him, as Lee rushed over to take Gaara's hand. "Do you remember, Gaara? Remember what it's like to be insane? To be isolated from everyone and powerless to save yourself!"
Lee glared at Kankurou, tugging Gaara up into his arms. He tried to but in, but Kankurou refused to let him. "I don't want to be healthy, Gaara, I just want my goddamn Inuzuka back!" he yelled.
"Well, you can't have him back, and if you keep hanging onto the memories you'll waste your life and you'll be trapped just like I was!" Gaara retorted, staring his brother down, shaking at the memories that he'd worked so hard to put behind him, determined to save Kankurou. "You're acting like I did after Yashamaru died!"
"Well, maybe I want to! Maybe it's my turn to be the crazy shit!" Kankurou said, advancing. Gaara backed away; running footsteps could be heard.
"No, you don't want that, Kankurou! You don't want to be alone and lost in your memories!" Gaara pleaded. "Mourn for him and remember him and live your life!"
"It took you six years to move past Yashamaru's death!" Kankurou challenged as attendants rushed in wielding tranquilizers.
"I was alone! But you're not!"
Kankurou pushed away the attendants but they overwhelmed him. "Yeah, but I want to be alone! I want to be alone with him again, but no one will leave me alone!" he growled as attendants grabbed him and one of them gave him the tranquilizer. He tried to bite the one with the needle but the man evaded him carefully.
Gaara was shaking as he watched Kankurou acting like an animal to free himself. Kankurou noticed and smirked. "Do you remember, Gaara? When everyone hated you and feared you? Do you fear me, Gaara? Does my existence scare you, because now I'm the insane one?" An attendant ran back to get another tranquilizer. "It's finally my turn! My turn to scare you, instead of fearing you! I hate you and your stupid, ugly boyfriend! I hate you and I've always hated you!"
Gaara's eyes widened. "No, no, you don't hate me anymore! You told me that!"
"I lied!" The assistant returned and Kankurou tried to kick him away, but the other attendants held him at every limb. As the attendant pushed the plunger with the second dose of tranquilizer the first one finally began to do it's work, now that it had some back up.
The emotion slowly drained out of Kankurou's face. Akamaru whimpered and rubbed at Kankurou's legs. "Will you calm down now?" the attendant asked.
"I hate you, sabaku no Gaara. I want to sleep. Let me sleep." The attendants dragged a reluctant Kankurou away. Kankurou glanced back at Gaara and Gaara shivered at his cold, dull, empty eyes. Gaara grabbed Lee's hand and held it tight, and they walked out, feeling shaken.