Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi

Author's Notes: First, I have to say that this chapter...is long - compared to the others, 8 pages on paper and there is some swearing. I originally put stars in there (yes, I drew pretty little stars on the paper) but the site got rid of them all so I had to go back and fill in the rest of the word. Should you spot any other anomolies, blame them on this site as well.

WARNING: This author will not be held responsible if this fic should cause the reader any annoyance or loss of concentration due to songs becomming lodged in said reader's brain.

A special note to Ryou VeRua: THANK YOU! You have been such a loyal reviewer of this fic. With people like you out there how can one little ass bother me? Fear not!When children (who's parents obviously haven't raised them, nor have they raised themselves) throw tantrums I generally ignore them, and I certainly wouldn't allow said tantrums to interfere in my art.

I would also like to thank T.Lei and everyone else who reviewd. You keep me inspired and therefore, keep this string of blips going.

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On Songs That Do Not End and Unfortunate Perverts

Ring Ring

Oh shit, the phone was ringing. Bakura hated the telephone. It was right up there with the hair dryer and the toaster on his list of hated appliances, not like the refrigerator and the tv, the telephone only existed to annoy you to death or to pass along bad news in an "emergency".

Ring Ring Ring Ring

Maybe whoever it was would get the hint and go away. Ryou wasn't home. Whoever it was wanted Ryou anyway and Ryou was out visiting the Pharaoh and his midget hikari.

Ring Ring Ring

The last time he had sent a telephone to the shadow realm, Ryou had told him he could fix his own dinner for a week – which of course he couldn't (Ryou owned him, really) and he had been forced to live off corn chips and cereal. To this day he couldn't look at a corn chip without getting sick.

Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring

Finally Bakura snatched the phone off the receiver and yelled into it, holding the mouth piece in front of his face.

"Ryou is not here! How many times does the fucking phone have to ring before you get that through your thick skull!" Bakura grinned a sickeningly malevolent grin as he put the phone to his ear hoping to hear the terrified stuttering of whoever was on the other end. "Or perhaps you phoned this particular residence hoping to have your pathetic soul devoured by the shadows at your feet? Is there any particular way you would like to die?"

"Bakura." Bakura blinked, the smile leaving his face instantly as Ryou's exasperated, unimpressed tone came over the receiver. "Is this how you answer all of the phone calls when I'm not at home?"

"Uhh…"

"Yes. Bakura, I know perfectly well that I am not at home. That would be why I called you."

"W…why did you do that, again?"

Ryou sighed slightly on the other end of the phone. "Yugi's grandfather had an emergency and had to leave to be with a friend. I told him that I could get a ride home but when I called Malik his phone was busy. Could you please walk to his house and ask if he can give me a ride?"

Bakura frowned. "Let me guess. He heard about the "emergency" from the telephone."

"…Yea." Ryou answered hesitantly. "Why?"

"Can't you just take the underground train instead?" Bakura asked, ignoring Ryou's question.

Ryou sighed again. "No. My subway pass ran out and I left my money at home. I thought I wouldn't need it."

"Well I'll come and get you."

"No!" Ryou panicked. He knew Bakura hated asking favors of anyone – even the Ishtars – but he hadn't thought his yami would make a big deal of this. Ryou didn't even want to think of the havoc Bakura could wreak between their house and the game shop – and that was assuming he didn't get lost. He should have called Honda. "No. Don't do that." Ryou said into the phone, praying his yami would reconsider. "I'll just call Honda. It's ok."

"I said I'll pick you up." Bakura repeated firmly. "It's not like you're a hundred miles away. Just stay put."

"No, really." Ryou pleaded. "Bakura?"

"Which direction is the Pharaoh's store, again?"

Ryou started to cry.

"Nevermind. I'll find it." And Bakura hung up the phone.

Bakura had been to the Kame Game Shop plenty of times. He'd just never gone on his own before. His "social life" had gone downhill since he'd gotten his own body – especially where the Pharaoh was concerned. Ryou had warned him that becoming a recluse could be psychologically damaging – then he'd caught himself and apologized. That was the last Bakura had heard of the subject. Bakura pulled on his short, black leather jacket and headed out the door, making doubly certain that it was locked behind him – wouldn't want thieves stealing his stolen goods after all. If he remembered right, he could take the underground subway thing to within a few blocks of the Game Shop and walk from there. Simple.

Bakura shoved his hands into his coat pockets. People stared as he walked by. Usually the attention didn't bother him – he was worth staring at, right? But after a while it just became like: Oh get a life!

As Bakura rounded the corner, a mother and her son were crossing the street, holding hands, and fell into step behind him. Bakura could feel the kid staring at him. Any second now he would ask "Mommy, why does that boy have white hair?" or "Mommy, what's that stuck in his pants?" if he was attentive enough to see the line of his dagger through the back of his jeans. Instead, when the child opened his mouth, the results were far, far worse.

"THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN'T END!"

Bakura visibly bristled. He almost stopped in terror but he managed to keep walking.

"YES IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEND!" the child behind him belted out.

Bakura had heard that song just once before and it had been stuck in his head for a week after that. He had been hungry and channel surfing and he'd thought it was a cooking show. By the time he'd realized the hand puppets weren't going to cook themselves – it was too late!

"SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS. AND THEY'LL CONTINUE SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE…THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN'T END!"

Bakura whimpered and covered his ears tightly but he couldn't keep out the words as they tumbled around in his head. 'Yes it goes on and on my friend!' Bakura broke into a full out run and didn't stop until he reached the subway entrance.

Bakura tried to force the dull murmur of the waiting crowd past his abused ears and into his brain. That song was damaging. It could drive otherwise sane individuals to the loony bin (and before you all raise your eyebrow in that 'you-would-know' look, keep in mind that he's about to have a really bad day).

Bakura wasn't in the mood for dealing with people today, so rather than run the risk of being caught on the train without a card, he decided to steal one. He assumed that this subway was like the trains on tv and a conductor would walk around making sure that everyone had a card.

Bakura looked around, sizing up the targets. Children who had been allowed to hold the cards often held them in plain sight but they also held on tightly and would scream if the item should turn up missing. Ultimately, he was looking for someone who wouldn't miss it.

His eyes fell on a busty woman nearby, rooting through her large cloth purse. Bakura wrinkled his nose in disgust. He had never understood the concept of enlarging one's body parts, female or male, which was obviously what this woman had done. Making the best of what you had was the art form, in Bakura's opinion. Apparently, such views were long outdated in this day and age. These days, you didn't even have to remain the same gender, if you didn't want to. Bakura kinda wished Ryou'd been born a little earlier, maybe a couple hundred years. Of course, then he would have been criticized for being girly – which was apparently a normal condition nowa days. Bakura decided on the woman and moved to take his card before the train arrived.

As it turned out, he ended up waiting for the train and by the time it got there he had figured out how to get where he needed to go; actually, he had politely asked someone and they had told him. Ryou would have been proud.

Bakura didn't feel like sitting so he allowed the seats to go and took a spot near the door, standing in front of one of the windows. As the train began to move Bakura realized something. He absolutely hated the subway. It had filled up so quickly and now the people behind him were only a foot away. Where were all these people going? And then they started talking – over the sound of the train – and there was noise and bad breath smell and Bakura felt sick. He leaned against the window, his fingers tapping against the glass – or not-glass – absently in rhythm. After a while he started to notice his fingers and he stared at them with the distant thought that he knew that rhythm from somewhere. tap tap tap tap tap 'Yes it goes on and on my friend…' With a look of horror, Bakura yanked his hand away from the glass. 'Some people started singing it not knowing what it was…' Bakura growled and covered his ears, shaking his head.

"You look stressed."

Bakura blinked. He thought maybe he'd heard something and uncovered his ears curiously.

"Bet I can help with that."

Bakura's eyes flew open in shock as a hand cupped his ass from behind. The hand gave a little squeeze and Bakura nearly choked. Even his brain was sputtering, unable to offer him any coherent thought. This wasn't… was not… did not just happen. He was Bakura, not some meek little mortal. He was the thief king, the Soul Stealer. Who would dare! The hand moved a little and Bakura's eyes narrowed, his mind snapping to clarity.

"You know," he growled, a low rumbling so that only the man could hear "where I come from, the penalty for touching a king is death." The hand hesitantly removed itself, though its owner remained near. "And for taking what doesn't belong to you, you could lose a hand." Bakura turned slowly to face the stranger, sliding the dagger from his jeans easily. The man, around forty, who obviously had never chosen his target so poorly, stared at the blade with surprised, frightened eyes. Bakura allowed a grin to spread slowly across his face as he obliged the man's fear by snaking his tongue along the shinning blade. "Then again I never was much of one to follow the stereotype." Energy crackled around the sennen Ring, shooting out in dark tendrils of shadow energy. Lights shattered, windows cracked, and people screamed as the train was plunged into darkness.

As the subway slid tiredly into its station and Bakura stepped onto the platform, he vowed he would never take that confounded contraption again. Bakura took advantage of the light in the train station to examine his clothes as crowds of people hurried past him in a rush to get as far away from the scene as possible. His jeans and the tail of his shirt were splattered with blood. Bakura wrinkled his nose. "Oh shit."

Every time he came home with blood on his clothes Ryou would ask the same three questions: Are you ok, to which the answer was always yes (If the answer was no he simply didn't answer.); Why did you do it? (which was his least favorite); and Are you sorry? (which always came later in the night and never meant 'are you sorry for what you did', but 'are you sorry you have to be here' to which the answer was always no – regardless). Once, Bakura had thought to wash his clothes in the fountain in the park at night in an effort to escape the questions. Apparently the patrol officer in the park had had a problem with that. Bakura had found that sending police officers to the shadow realm was a greater offence than fighting in Ryou's eyes so he had just resigned himself to his fate in receiving the questions that came with the blood stains. He had also discovered, around that time, that tv news reporters were his enemy. And he was convinced to this day that Ryou had some sort of secret link with them that enabled him to know exactly when Bakrua was lying to him or when he'd done something "wrong". At least his jacket had managed to stay clean. He had an idea that it was expensive, he wouldn't know, but Ryou liked to wear it sometimes.

"Isn't it a bit early for the news?" Yami asked, sitting next to Ryou on the couch.

Ryou flicked off the tv. "Yea."

Yami frowned. "Let me guess. You're waiting for the disaster report on whatever Bakura did getting here."

Ryou nodded. "I told him not to come but you know Bakura, when his mind's made up there's no changing it."

"Yes well, for your sake, I hope it's not anything too dramatic."

Bakura walked for some distance before he noticed a familiar building. It was the Black Clown Game Shop, across the street. Gritting his teeth, Bakura spun on his heels and started going the other way. Not. A. Word.

A half an hour later he arrived at the Kame Game Shop and went around back, pounding on the door. Of course, the Pharaoh answered.

"Oh? I see you found your way here alright."

"Outta my way." Bakura ordered, shoving his way inside. "Ryou!" he bellowed.

Ryou appeared in the living room entryway and his bright eyes dimmed as he noticed the blood stains. "Are you ok?" he asked with concern, taking a step forward.

"I'm fine." Bakura snapped. "Pharaoh, I'm using your phone." And he yanked said devise off its wall-mounted base and punched in the only number he'd memorized on his own. Yami raised an eyebrow and Yugi appeared in the entryway behind Ryou. "Malik!" Bakura barked into the receiver after a moment. "... Yes it's Bakura! … No! Why the fuck would I call you! You can't fucking drive! Put Malik on! … Do it or I'll steal back that fucking Rod and hand it over to the priest!"

Obviously he was having a bad day.

"Why did you do it?" Ryou whispered, fingering the blood stains at the hem of Bakura's shirt.

Bakura swatted the hands away distractedly. "Because I am still the King of Thieves and no one crosses me! People like that only exist to prey on people like you anyway. You should thank me."

Yami frowned. "Bakura, what did you do?" he asked with all authority.

"Some animal touched my ass on the subway. I just saved him a vet bill, that's all."

Yugi winced.

"Yea, that's right." Bakura said into the phone which was apparently occupied once again. "… Shut up! Just get your ass over here and drive us home!" There was a pause as Malik spoke on the other end and Bakura growled in return, slamming the phone back on the hook.

"I'll wash it for you." Ryou said and Bakura stared at him in the silence that followed.

"Hey Ryou," Yugi said, standing next to the other light "why don't we go and watch the movie until he gets here."

Ryou nodded and followed Yugi into the living room. Yami and Bakura trailed after them as Yugi restarted whatever movie they'd been watching before Bakura arrived. The two yamis watched the movie start with some guy droning on about the end of the world while dolphins were doing tricks at Sea World or some such place. Then all of a sudden, a song started and Bakura stared dumbly at the scene, blinking as the ridiculously insane tune burned itself into his brain.

"So long and thanks for all the fish…"

Bakura screamed, drawing the attention of everyone else present as he covered his head with his arms and dropped to his knees in some sort of private agony.

"So long and thanks for all the fish…"

Bakura clutched at Yami's form-fitting black shirt desperately. "Mind crush me!" he begged and Yami raised an eyebrow at him as a grin spread across his lips.

"Don't tempt me." he said eventually, prying Bakura off of him to cry on the floor while Yugi and Ryou stared.

"Hey Bakura." Ryou said, lying in the dark in bed that night.

"Mmm?" Bakura asked from his spot in the window at the foot of Ryou's bed.

"Are you sorry?"

There was silence for a moment as Bakura stared into the night.

"No." he answered finally.

More silence.

"Goodnight, Bakura."

…

"Goodnight Ryou … and thanks for all the fish."

Ryou giggled and Bakura grinned his way.

"You do realize of course, that whoever wrote that stupid song is going to be vacationing in the shadow realm just as soon as I figure out who's responsible." Bakura joked and Ryou calmed down with a small sigh.

"Well, if you do that I'll just have to start singing the 'song that never ends' until ya bring 'em back." Ryou threatened good naturedly.

"I hate you." Bakura responded through his grin.

"I know." Ryou answered through his.

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Post Comments: The songs torturing Bakura (and me and hopefully you, now) in this fic are from Lambchop and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, respectively. These are two of the most annoying songs on the face of the earth. If you know any songs more annoying ... please don't share. If you have never seen Lambchop, it was a childrens show (right along with Barney and Sesame Street) starring Sherri Lewis and her puppet Lambchop, who was a lamb. And Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a movie rated PG (I believe) and was a "stupid comedy" that I found to be ... stupid. So I guess it was a success.

As always, if you like a fic (any fic, not just mine) please review.