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MistyRiver17: I have now made it illegal to call my chapters boring. Hopefully this one will be better for you.

Author's Notes

Sorry about last chapter. Come on, you guys, you know I needed it. I had to finalize the nature of Glen and Aiden's relationship, just so everyone would be clear. I'm not going any farther with that, so you don't have to worry about that boring you, anymore. Hopefully this chapter will be better for you all.

This chapter is dedicated to my old theater director. I can never find enough ways to thank you.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Well, okay, I own Dr. Courtney Thomas, but everyone else belongs to Tom Lynch, the creator of South Of Nowhere.

We're Finally Here

Chapter 4

By Persephone's Nautical Nun

I stared at the now familiar Spongebob poster next to the window behind Courtney's desk. Yeah, I was already calling her Courtney. This was probably about my third therapy session. That heavy door leading into this office no longer felt heavy. In fact, it felt very light, like I was going into a portal to just be myself and stop worrying what everyone thinks.

Courtney and I had talked about a lot of things. We talked about how religious my mom was. It was funny, she asked me what religion I practiced. It was then that I realized I didn't have to believe what I was told to. I was actually allowed to have my own ideas and beliefs. And it was okay for me to have my own virtues, instead of my mothers.

We talked about how I'm going to be turning eighteen in two years, and then my mother won't have a say in my life anymore. She can't tell me what to do, then. And we talk about how wonderful it would be if she would realize that now and begin to loosen her grip on me so that I can grow into who I'm going to become without complications.

I had learned that she always sits on her couch with her patients, that she never sits at her desk unless she's working on paperwork. I learned that the paperwork was what she hated most about the job. That surprised me. I thought the hardest part would be working with some one who's been through rape, or child abuse, but she says that that's actually very nice. She feels like she's making a difference.

I learned that she was in her early thirties, just a few years out of college, but she had already talked a few kids down from the edge, so to speak. She didn't go into any details, but I suppose that's because she's not allowed to. I learned that she was clinically depressed, and couldn't afford therapy growing up, and that's what turned her on to the job, so that maybe she could help people like herself. I learned that she mostly works with teens, but sometimes works with adults, too, and that she hated working with small children.

I really liked Courtney, because it seemed like we were equals. Not only did we talk about me, but we talked about her, too. That was important to me. Who knew adults could be this cool?

I still hadn't talked about Ashley. Ashley seemed too special to talk about. I also didn't really want to talk about the reason I was here, for fear that Mom's plan would actually work. But, Courtney had my trust, now. She seemed okay. She was now special enough to hear about Ashley.

"She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen, and not just on the outside. So many people... all they see is the troubled teen, the product of a screwed up home life, but there's so much more to her, and I just wish people would see that."

I looked over at Courtney to see her reaction. She was just looking at me in that same unassuming way, waiting for me to go on.

"She makes me feel alive, in a way that I've never felt before. And, I guess I don't understand how that can be bad. Because I almost feel like I was some wooden puppet before I met her. And then she came into my life, and suddenly, my heart started beating, and the blood began to flow."

I was shocked at my own words, but they were true. I knew they were completely true without even saying them.

"Let me ask you a question," she said, putting her hands together, resting her index fingers against her lips before pulling them away and using her hands to gesture to me. "Do you love her?"

The question took me by surprise. It was then that I realized that Ashley and I had never talked about that word. It was a pretty big word. Okay, a really big word.

"I hadn't really thought about it," I said, with a slight frown on my face.

She was quiet for a minute, no doubt trying to find the right words. "I think you've thought about it, but you haven't consciously used that word. Spencer, how you describe Ashley... it sounds like you think about her a lot. Or maybe you don't, and all of those beautiful things that just came out of your mouth are from your heart."

I sat thoughtful for a while. She was right, I didn't have to think about the words. They just came naturally. But, was I really ready for such a big step? Was I ready to cross the line between 'I care about you' and 'I love you'? It was a lot to think about.

Courtney broke me from my thoughts. "Ashley... is she a smaller girl? Does she have loose brown curls?" she asked, gesturing to her head, making swirling motions with her fingers to indicate curly hair.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Funny thing. I can see into the waiting room when you open the door. Did you know that she watches you until the door closes?"

I shook my head. I was astonished at how perceptive this woman was.

"I also notice that she's always smiling at you when you leave."

Need I say how shocked I was? I couldn't believe that Courtney knew all of this. It was crazy.

"You're lucky, Spencer," she continued. "A lot of kids your age don't have people who care about them like that. How many sixteen year olds do you know that will sit amongst the nut cases, reading magazines from twenty years ago on a weekly basis, just to offer their support?"

"Not many," I said, dumbstruck.

A question came to me that I was terrified to ask. But, I had to ask. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I didn't.

"Is it wrong for me to feel this way?"

She threw her head back and laughed. It was a genuine laugh, as if I had just told the funniest joke in the world.

When her laughter subsided, I was pleased to hear her answer.

"Oh, Spencer, no. It's actually the opposite of bad. It means that you are a living, breathing person with a heart beat. And more importantly, you're being who you are despite your mother's wishes to change you. Do you know how big that is? Do you understand how much strength that takes to accomplish?"

I couldn't speak. I was completely and utterly speechless. The concept of language left me. At that point in time, I don't think I could have told anyone my name.

After smiling stupidly at her for a while, she ushered me out the door, claiming that we were out of time. As soon as I saw Ashley, I ran into her arms, making sure the door was still open so that Courtney could see.

Even though I couldn't see her, I felt her smiling at us.