Review Section

sammy17: I'm glad you liked it

whisperedrainbow: Why do you have to go and tell everybody, huh?

Broken clay of me: I'm glad I'm not generic.

MistyRiver17: I will do my best to draw out the last chapter as much as possible. It also occurred to me that I didn't answer your question from before. I might go back to writing SON fics after I'm finished with my Paige / Alex fic that I'm going to be writing after I'm finished with this. Either way, I'll be taking a break.

Author's Note

I hope you guys like this chapter. I know I liked writing it.

This chapter's dedicated to all those wonderful 'first times'.

Disclaimer: The only character I own is Dr. Courtney Thomas. Everyone else belongs to the creator of South Of Nowhere, Tom Lynch

We're Finally Here

Chapter 5

By Persephone's Nautical Nun

Ashley and I had spent some time at her house after my last session with Courtney. It was actually kind of custom for us to do that. Her room had a soft, orange glow to it, due to the setting sun filtering through the curtains.

We were laying in each other's arms in silence, just listening and feeling each other breathe. I loved being with Ashley like this. When we were like this, I could pretend the outside world didn't exist.

I had been thinking about what Courtney had said in her office, earlier. Her words kept ringing in my head. It was okay for me to feel this way for Ashley. A licensed professional even said so. I smiled to myself and reached over to kiss Ashley's cheek before resting my head back into the crook of her neck.

I felt her shudder at the gesture, and my smile widened. I was feeling a little bold, so I pressed my lips against the warm flesh at the base of her neck.

She didn't shudder this time, and I was a little disappointed. Instead, she sighed and said, "I think I'd better get you home soon."

This was also becoming custom. Every time we started to get a little closer, she'd pull away from me, like she was going to break me if she got too close. I sat up and positioned an arm on either side of her, my legs still to the side. "I have a better idea," I said, my eyes boring into hers. "Let's go to our special place."

She knew I meant the old playground. We had started going there more often, lately, to escape from everything. I knew she couldn't resist going there. She liked it just as much as I did.

"What about your mom?" she reasoned.

I marveled at her responsibility. She's really grown up over these past couple of months.

"Fuck my mom." Some one had to be the wild one. It sure didn't seem to be Ashley. "I want to be with you." I gave her my cutest pout, and it wasn't long before she smiled and pushed me off of her, grabbing her keys and a spare blanket. We had started taking a blanket with us a couple of weeks ago, because we never knew how long we'd stay anymore.

We hopped in her car and she put on her Katy Rose CD, turning it to the song 'Glow'. That had kind of become our song, lately, considering everything I was going through with my mom.

I feel the notes and rhythms course through my body and tearing through my muscles, disrupting everything I was and rearranging my cells. In that moment, with the LA lights disappearing into the distance, I felt infinite, like there was a different particle of me at each major point in the world. And I felt like I was within everything, and every soul I came in contact with. And I felt like they were all a part of me, and I was a part of them.

I think that was my moment of pure happiness.

We pulled up next to the playground, and Ashley went to turn off the car. I stopped her and turned up the music before getting out of the car, leaving my door open. It was windy that night, but not overly so. It was a comfortable wind. The kind of wind that makes you feel clean.

I smiled at Ashley through the windshield as I made my way over to her side of the car. The look on her face was priceless as I opened her door and offered her my hand. She took it, and I pulled her into the gravel with me, wrapping my arms around her and swaying to the music.

"I like this," she whispered, sending chills down my spine. "Dancing with you."

I liked it, too, to be perfectly honest. It felt like she was an extension of me, and I was an extension of her. It was really incredible.

We danced through the rest of the CD before finally turning off her car and settling ourselves on her blanket on the lowest platform of the play house thing.

"So, Spence," she started. "You never told me what you and the 'doc' talked about today." I wasn't surprised. We normally talked about my sessions.

"Well," I started, turning to look at her. She was looking up at the moon, its light reflecting in her eyes. "We talked about you."

She turned her face to me, curiosity flashing through her eyes before she could mask it. "Oh, yeah?"

"She helped me realize something."

"Really?" There was a hint of fear in her voice. It dawned on me that she was afraid the therapy was working against us. She was cute when she worried over nothing.

I took one of her hands and held it between my own. I looked up at her and realized that she wasn't meeting my eyes. I moved one of my hands to redirect her face to look at me. When I finally held her eyes with mine, I said in absolute honesty, "I realized that I love you."

Her expression was unreadable. She stood up and started pacing, and I started to panic. "Do you know that I'm afraid of that word? I mean, it's really big."

I got up and put my hands on her shoulders, looking her in the eye. "I know how big it is, Ash. I wouldn't say it if it weren't true." I pulled her back onto the blanket with me, and kissed her. She didn't need to say it back. I could understand that she was afraid. As long as she knew that I loved her, I was okay.

But, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't ecstatic when she pulled away, a single tear running down her cheek, and told me "I love you, too."

And then she kissed me, and it was different from every other kiss we had shared before this point. With this kiss, I felt everything that Ashley was.

I didn't notice that my hand had slipped under her shirt and that my fingers were tracing patterns on her stomach until she pulled away from me long enough to take her shirt off and discard it to the side. She cupped my face with her hands and captured my lips again.

I didn't know what I was doing, but I didn't want to stop. I felt my hands become strong and gentle all at once as they explored Ashley for the first time.

I really did have a new first time. With some one I really do love. Who gets me.

And most importantly, I didn't cry.