Chapter 5
"I'll show him who's wasting their time!" Nienna muttered as she stalked through the halls of healing, taking no notice of the morning horn that signaled the first meal of the day. In fact, she heard nothing at all - save the pounding of her pulse in her ears. 'How could Nolo turn against me like that?' she wondered, turning and twisting through the golden washed stairways that wound around the great trees like huge vines, 'I thought he was my friend.' Nienna felt her eyes beginning to tear, and she rubbed the oncoming tears away before gently pushing the light-tinted door open.
He sat much in the same position that she had left him that night, his chin nearly touching his chest, eyes closed as if lost in deep thought. Nienna sighed inwardly, he looked like a complete wreck, everything from his rumpled clothes to his disheveled hair repelled her. She had never seen an elf in such condition. Now a man - she could understand such a gross ignorance of hygiene, but an elf? It seemed impossible. But, then again, she mused, Haldir was nothing if not impossible. The room was dark, the curtains hung languidly in front of the large windowed balcony doors. Everything was bathed in an eerie earth-tone glow. She coughed lightly, not wanting to startle him with her sudden appearance. 'I must watch what I say this time' she thought, not wanting a repeat of the previous night.
At first, there was no response. Nienna sighed, noticing the shards of glass still glimmering on the floor at her feet; she bent down to pick them up once more.
"Leave them."
Nienna's head shot up, startled. Haldir sat there, regarding her with an undecipherable expression. "Why are you here?"
She opened her mouth to explain, to tell him how she had come to see about his recovery, and that he was her responsibility. Instead, nothing came out at all; she merely stared at his eyes. It was funny, she thought, how the rest of him could be so tousled, while his eyes maintained that same stately, noble stare. His gaze seemed unquestionable.
'I've struck her dumb.' Haldir mused, inwardly reflecting upon his appearance. 'She's so sheltered; I doubt she's ever seen an elf 'this' far gone.' He laughed at the thought; even death would leave him with more dignity than this.
"Are you going to say something.Hine?" Child? Haldir raised an eyebrow, an acidic tone rising in his voice, "or, are you simply going to stand there like a helpless calf?" Nienna felt her blood warming; she could feel her face turning red.
"I'm here to help you, not suffer from childish insults."
"If you suffer so." Haldir's voice grew cold, "why do you not just leave?"
She drew in a deep breath, 'I will not let him win this.'
"You are my patient, and as such I have certain responsibilities regarding your care. Your recovery is my main priority right now."
"And what if I don't want to 'recover'? What if I don't wish to hobble around Lorien with a wooden cane? What if I don't want to feel the eyes of my kin watch me, mocking my every step?" With each word, his voice grew more agitated, his grip on the bed sheets tightening, "What if, my dear little healer, I don't wish to be reduced to some sniveling weakling, unable to do my job, or even live in civilized society without being ridiculed?!"
"But, you wouldn't-" Her voice was weak.
"I'm hardly finished. I could go on, of course, but it's clear to me you care nothing of how I feel." A chill wind began to draft into the room, the curtains rustled softly. Haldir closed his eyes briefly, memories of the past darting across his eyelids. "You could not possibly understand what I have lost."
Nienna felt as if her heart was ready to break in two on account of his suffering, his stinging words still making her head spin.
"Surely." She paused, "Surely it can't be all that bad?"
Haldir's head jerked upward, meeting her square in the eye with a hard, frenzied look. "Can't be all that bad?" He said the words as if he could not believe she had said them. "Can't be all THAT BAD?" After all he had told her, after he had nearly cried in front of her, she still had the impudence to demean him? For a moment he regretted throwing the glass, if he had it now he might have been able to actually hit her with it. For now he would have to settle for words.
"Is that what you tell your friends, Hine? It can't be all that bad? Surely no elf could be so freakishly crippled, it must be some kind of joke?" Nienna shook her head feverishly, unable to say anything. "Of course you do, gossiping with your little friends, winning some stupid little bet no doubt." His eyes narrowed, sensing she was on the verge of tears. "You are no healer! Look at me! If you had possessed any shred of decency you would have let me die!" He stabbed his finger at her accusingly, "YOU condemned me to this!"
Nienna began to back away towards the door as tears welled up in her eyes, "I...I never.I couldn't let."
Haldir paused, half regretting what he was doing to her, still he steadied his gaze upon her, it had to be done, there was no other way she would leave him be. "You have no business preaching to me about recovery, I am already dead!" His last words rang in the room as if it were a great hall, and Nienna found herself pressed up against the door, barely keeping her sobs at bay. 'Just get out of here,' She thought, feeling for the handle. She turned as the opened the door receiving another chilling look from Haldir, she felt the tears begin to stream down her cheeks, and she no longer cared.
Behind her the hall resonated with the sound of the door slamming, yet Haldir could swear her could hear her whispered words,
"I was only trying to help."
"I'll show him who's wasting their time!" Nienna muttered as she stalked through the halls of healing, taking no notice of the morning horn that signaled the first meal of the day. In fact, she heard nothing at all - save the pounding of her pulse in her ears. 'How could Nolo turn against me like that?' she wondered, turning and twisting through the golden washed stairways that wound around the great trees like huge vines, 'I thought he was my friend.' Nienna felt her eyes beginning to tear, and she rubbed the oncoming tears away before gently pushing the light-tinted door open.
He sat much in the same position that she had left him that night, his chin nearly touching his chest, eyes closed as if lost in deep thought. Nienna sighed inwardly, he looked like a complete wreck, everything from his rumpled clothes to his disheveled hair repelled her. She had never seen an elf in such condition. Now a man - she could understand such a gross ignorance of hygiene, but an elf? It seemed impossible. But, then again, she mused, Haldir was nothing if not impossible. The room was dark, the curtains hung languidly in front of the large windowed balcony doors. Everything was bathed in an eerie earth-tone glow. She coughed lightly, not wanting to startle him with her sudden appearance. 'I must watch what I say this time' she thought, not wanting a repeat of the previous night.
At first, there was no response. Nienna sighed, noticing the shards of glass still glimmering on the floor at her feet; she bent down to pick them up once more.
"Leave them."
Nienna's head shot up, startled. Haldir sat there, regarding her with an undecipherable expression. "Why are you here?"
She opened her mouth to explain, to tell him how she had come to see about his recovery, and that he was her responsibility. Instead, nothing came out at all; she merely stared at his eyes. It was funny, she thought, how the rest of him could be so tousled, while his eyes maintained that same stately, noble stare. His gaze seemed unquestionable.
'I've struck her dumb.' Haldir mused, inwardly reflecting upon his appearance. 'She's so sheltered; I doubt she's ever seen an elf 'this' far gone.' He laughed at the thought; even death would leave him with more dignity than this.
"Are you going to say something.Hine?" Child? Haldir raised an eyebrow, an acidic tone rising in his voice, "or, are you simply going to stand there like a helpless calf?" Nienna felt her blood warming; she could feel her face turning red.
"I'm here to help you, not suffer from childish insults."
"If you suffer so." Haldir's voice grew cold, "why do you not just leave?"
She drew in a deep breath, 'I will not let him win this.'
"You are my patient, and as such I have certain responsibilities regarding your care. Your recovery is my main priority right now."
"And what if I don't want to 'recover'? What if I don't wish to hobble around Lorien with a wooden cane? What if I don't want to feel the eyes of my kin watch me, mocking my every step?" With each word, his voice grew more agitated, his grip on the bed sheets tightening, "What if, my dear little healer, I don't wish to be reduced to some sniveling weakling, unable to do my job, or even live in civilized society without being ridiculed?!"
"But, you wouldn't-" Her voice was weak.
"I'm hardly finished. I could go on, of course, but it's clear to me you care nothing of how I feel." A chill wind began to draft into the room, the curtains rustled softly. Haldir closed his eyes briefly, memories of the past darting across his eyelids. "You could not possibly understand what I have lost."
Nienna felt as if her heart was ready to break in two on account of his suffering, his stinging words still making her head spin.
"Surely." She paused, "Surely it can't be all that bad?"
Haldir's head jerked upward, meeting her square in the eye with a hard, frenzied look. "Can't be all that bad?" He said the words as if he could not believe she had said them. "Can't be all THAT BAD?" After all he had told her, after he had nearly cried in front of her, she still had the impudence to demean him? For a moment he regretted throwing the glass, if he had it now he might have been able to actually hit her with it. For now he would have to settle for words.
"Is that what you tell your friends, Hine? It can't be all that bad? Surely no elf could be so freakishly crippled, it must be some kind of joke?" Nienna shook her head feverishly, unable to say anything. "Of course you do, gossiping with your little friends, winning some stupid little bet no doubt." His eyes narrowed, sensing she was on the verge of tears. "You are no healer! Look at me! If you had possessed any shred of decency you would have let me die!" He stabbed his finger at her accusingly, "YOU condemned me to this!"
Nienna began to back away towards the door as tears welled up in her eyes, "I...I never.I couldn't let."
Haldir paused, half regretting what he was doing to her, still he steadied his gaze upon her, it had to be done, there was no other way she would leave him be. "You have no business preaching to me about recovery, I am already dead!" His last words rang in the room as if it were a great hall, and Nienna found herself pressed up against the door, barely keeping her sobs at bay. 'Just get out of here,' She thought, feeling for the handle. She turned as the opened the door receiving another chilling look from Haldir, she felt the tears begin to stream down her cheeks, and she no longer cared.
Behind her the hall resonated with the sound of the door slamming, yet Haldir could swear her could hear her whispered words,
"I was only trying to help."