Part XXX:

Alex breathed out as she entered the quad of the University of Cambridge. She's in new school. And she has a whole new year to make new friends. She felt as though she was a freshman again. As she walked she thought of Marissa. Although she was the reason she left Harvard, Marissa was where her heart was. She hoped Marissa was doing well. She knew she would phone in Jodie soon. She had to make sure Marissa was happy. She had to know Marissa was alright.

Suddenly it hit her.

"I think I'm lost again." Apparently, Alex hasn't gotten out of the habit of getting lost.

She walked towards the hall that was right in front of her. She smiled. As she walked, she took her wallet out of her backpack and took out a photo of Marissa. She stopped and took a seat under a tree nearby.

What I would do just to see you smile again? Probably everything I know...I wish you knew how much I love you. How much I feel for you… I couldn't stop you. I couldn't stop you from hurting. I tried, but I always did. I always made you cry.

Did you know Basketball isn't really a known sport here? And yet I took up the offer to be in their line-up. I took it so you'll cry less. I know you didn't mean to say you don't love me no more. Your eyes always tell me what you feel. You were hurt as much as I was. Sometimes I think we'll never be happy. But you know what? We were. We had happy times. Good times. And we both got too hung up on our pride that we forgot how much we love each other.

I know now. Bianca was right. I didn't have to run away. Because right now, what you did to me, all the screaming, all the embarrassment doesn't matter. Being without you, and knowing I won't see you the moment I wake up hurts more than that. Marissa, it rips my heart out. Knowing you won't be there.

But I can't tell you this now, can I? If I do, we would be apart. And I know Caleb and Julie won't let you come here. My mom can't send me back there to be with you. It would be like I deciding because of you. I don't want her to think you control my life. I don't want you to think you have control of it either. Because honestly, I think you have, but not anymore.

Confusing is it?

My world revolved around you. But now… You're not even here. And I chose it to be that way. I put more pain in my heart instead of relieving it. I thought it was otherwise when I decided to come here.

Marissa…

I think I'm lost. My mind is all mixed up with emotions that I can't really understand. But I know one thing will always be certain.

I love you…

I will always love you.

A single tear escaped from Alex's eye and she hurriedly wiped it off. She breathed out heavily taking Marissa's picture back to where she kept it. Alex looked at her hands. Both her ring fingers wore the golden rings she had bought for them. She smiled.

Someday, you'll be with her again. When the time is right. You'll be with her. I just wish things work out. I…

Alex's thoughts were halted when she heard the warning bell.

"I'm so late…" Alex grumbled standing up.

A new day in a new school. She knew she'll be alright. She had something to look forward to for the days, months, and years to come. One of which was finding Marissa Cooper again.

----

Summer was out of breath when she knocked into the Cooper's household. Jodie was close behind. She was also out of breath.

Julie opened the door with Caleb in tow.

"We couldn't find her in school Mrs. Cooper." Summer said trying to gasp for air.

Julie looked at Caleb worriedly. Caleb could only rub her back. Marissa was nowhere to be found. They didn't know where she had run off to. She couldn't have gone to see Alex. She didn't have the means. The police haven't found her either. All they could do was hope Marissa was safe. And that she was sane enough not to hurt herself.

----

The wind gently touched Marissa's cheeks which were moist because of her tears. She had been crying all day and all night. Sometimes she found herself wondering why the tears haven't dried up. She stared at the ocean which was calm and crystal blue. It was as blue as the eyes she wanted to lay her eyes on. The rough sand was slowly hurting her skin. Gently scratching and making marks because of hours she has spent sitting on it. Her heart felt heavy, her breathing was really shallow. She held on to the heart that was around her neck. The heart Alex gave her. The only thing that was keeping her from running into the ocean and drowning herself.

Why did I have to be so blind? Why didn't I trust you? Why couldn't I…

I'm stupid to ask these questions now. I've lost you already. You're a million miles away from me. And even if I scream you won't be able to hear me. I would call you. But I know you're hurt. I couldn't expect you to talk to me. I couldn't expect you to want me back.

After all I did. After I hurt you intentionally.

Alex.

I'm so sorry…

Marissa gripped the heart she was holding tighter. She watched the sun set from the horizon. She slowly stood up, the heart still in her grasp.

I will find you Alex Cohen. I need to find you. I want to make it up to you. Give you everything. Show you…

It's not enough is it? It won't be enough. Life isn't easy.

But you know…

You made life easy for me. I didn't have to worry about being loved, being appreciated and being cared for when you were with me. And I took everything for granted. I wish you could read my mind now. And my heart. Because I lied when I said I don't love you anymore.

I love you.

I still love you.

I'll always love you.

Alex…

Will I ever find you again?

Marissa felt the wind blow her hair, raising it up from her shoulders. She closed her eyes and imagined Alex smiling back at her. Tears fell. As she opened her eyes, she made a promise.

I'll find you Alex. And when I do. I'm not going to let you go. And I'll give everything to see you smile back at me. I'll give everything just to make you love me again…

-FIN-