Quod me nutrit me destruit
(It's Latin)
Irken 101
"Talking"
'Thinking'
StressedDib rolled his eyes and walked out of the garage. He had found that he couldn't play the disk in his regular computer. So, he had taken out a part of the ship to help him play the disk. The ship had protested and he grinned as he ran through the house and to his room. He quickly hooked up the extra equipment and placed the disk in his new drive. A green bar appeared on his screen and he knew it was only a matter of moments now. He figured it would be best to learn about Irken biology before he permanently scared his mind with their reproductions habits.
The screen went blank and he watched as a numbers began to count down from ten. He raised an eyebrow at this and wondered why the numbers were the same. Dib groaned as some music began to play. This reminded him of one of those bad history movies they forced upon the students. Different symbols appeared on the screen and he recognized it as Irken. Dib typed up the code and watched as it quickly translated to English.
Irken for Dummies
"That's just stupid," Dib growled as he read the translation.
Pictures of different alien species flashed across the screen and he grimaced at some of them.
"There are millions of species of aliens in the universe…but none are as superior or tall as the Irkens."
"They all have ego problems," Dib mumbled.
A picture of a typical Irken appeared on the screen. The poor alien was looking around his area with a confused look. The alien sighed and hung his head in defeat.
"The Irkens are a proud and superior race that has been around for many centuries. The race was close to extinction, but on to other things."
"Extinction," Dib repeated.
"Yeah I said extinction…now stop mumbling," the recording ordered as Dib jumped back.
"This is interactive?" Dib shouted as he hid behind the chair.
"If you'd shut up and listen then I wouldn't have to be!"
Dib slowly and unsurely nodded. He sat back down watched the alien on the screen sigh again.
"Meet Invader Stunk, he's a normal Invader before the time of the Great Event."
"What's the Great Event?" Invader Stunk questioned.
"The Great Event was a time before the Pak was invented."
A metal arm came down and pointed to the Pak on his back.
"The Pak is a device that every Irken has attached to their spine at creation. The Pak contains the Irken's personality, memories, and contains the key to an Irken's existence."
"Zim isn't screwed up, just his Pak," Dib mused with a grin.
"I thought an Irken couldn't live without a Pak, how did the Irkens live without a Pak before the Great Event." Invader Stunk questioned with a questioning look.
"This is why I'm explaining it and not you," the recording laughed as the metal arm poked the invader. "Invaders were once a race of beings that thrived much like any other race. They lived life the way they wanted it and just did stuff."
"Stuff," Dib sarcastically repeated. He swore he felt a glare.
"You mean there were no Invaders?" Invader Stunk questioned with fake shock.
"Correct, Irkens were a race that held traditions, families, and regular lives!"
"What happened?" Invader Stunk questioned with fake interest. The metal arm poked him and he winced.
"What does this have to do with biology?" Dib growled.
"Fine…if you want an overview here it is!" the recording snapped. "Irkens have a heart, brain, and squeedly spooch. The squeedly spooch is a larger organ that performs all living operations in order for an Irken to live. The Pak that is attached to every Irken's spine is what helps Irken's breath. The Pak breaks down most atmospheres and creates a breathable gas that is directly inserted into the bloodstream."
"This Pak is key to their life?" Dib questioned.
The metal arm reached down and pulled the Pak off the Irken. Invader Stunk fell to his rear and twisted in pain. Dib grimaced at this and began to think that this recording was psycho.
"Without a Pak the Irken will slowly die within ten minutes. Thebrain is the first organ that ceases to stop because the Pak is no longer available to send a signal of function to the organ. The brain slowly breaks down as intelligence and memories begin to vanish. Ten minutes later and the Irken body shuts down due to the lose of the Pak."
Dib watched as the Irken began to drool. His eyes glazed over and fell to his side. Dib felt sorry for the little alien. That was a cruel way to die. The screen turned a different color and Dib could see the Irken skeleton structure.
"The Irkens have a basic skeleton structure similar to a humans."
"How'd you know I was human?" Dib questioned.
"I know all. Anyways, the skeleton system is made up of a calcium substance. The most fragile bone in an Irken's body is the spine. Within the spine there are certain receptors running inside the bone. The receptors are from the Pak that is attached to the spine. The receptors receive signals and control the entire body. Because of these receptors, the spine is fragile and the bone has been hollowed out to allow room for the machinery."
"That's cool," Dib mumbled.
"Any damage done to the spine is instantly repaired by the Pak. The Pak is an organ in itself. It is fully mechanical. Each Pak holds three lights, which is usually the same color as the Irken's eyes. The Pak is also encoded with what rank an Irken will serve in life."
"That sucks," Dib mumbled and he felt another glare.
The screen went back to normal and the Pak was reattached to the Invader. The metal arm then shocked the Invader. Stunk sat up and glared at the metal arm.
"You suck," Stunk mumbled and received another shock.
"Irken's have a basic external structure. The external structure of an Irken may also be modified to fit their rank within society. Their skin is not durable to different climates. The skin is thicker then flesh. Irken skin may take many wounds before damaging or bruising. The Pak is able to modify the skin to fit current conditions if fully functioning. There is skin is prone to injury if exposed to any type of liquid or meat."
"No, not the meat!" Invader Stunk pleaded as a steak smacked him the face.
"Their skin is likely to burn or absorb the product into their body if contact is made."
"You really suck," Invader Stunk cried. Water spilled on him and he began to scream.
"Another sensitive part to the Irken it the antennae. The antennae in Irken society is no longer the most impart body part. It is mainly used to communicate different emotions and salute those higher in rank. The antennae was once a key part in Irken survival before the Great Event."
"What were they originally used for?" Dib questioned.
"That will be covered in Irken reproduction."
"Irken eyes are able to quickly adjust to changes in light. A thin covering surrounds the eyes and thickens to protect the eyes from changes in light. This skin burns and crusts over the eyes if exposed to an extreme amount of light in a short period of time."
A light flashed on the screen and Invader Stunk began to scream. Dib raised a questioning eyebrow as he watched the Invader cover his eyes. He removed his hands and Dib winced. The Invader's eyes were burnt and covered in a thick layer of black skin.
"Why? Why do you keep torturing me?" Invader Stunk whimpered as he mourned his lose of sight.
"Irkens do have two different genders. There are male and female Irkens within the race. Females are less common because there is no need for breeding. When a female comes into existence, it is usually by a miscalculation in the DNA mixing."
"Then how do they breed?" Dib questioned.
"Since the Great Event, Irkens have collected thousands of samples from every person within their race. They entered the DNA code within a machine. This machine matches up different codes in a variety of ways. When the machine finds a match that is suitable, it creates the DNA and injects it into a tube full of plasma. The tube is then placed with an incubator and left to develop. The machine that mixes the DNA removes all reproductive organs, but not hormones."
"Why not the hormones?" Dib questioned.
"The hormones are a permanent part in Irken biology that cannot be removed. The Pak sends out certain electric currents in order to keep the hormones dormant."
"I can see again!" Invader Stunk cheered as the burnt flesh peeled off.
"Irken females, though rare, vary in physical qualities. They have eyelashes and their antennae are naturally curled."
"They why weren't Tak's antennae curled?" Dib questioned.
"When an Irken female trains for the rank of Invader they are allowed the option to have their antennae reshaped to that of a males. It is optional, but the process is very painful."
"What about height?" Dib questioned.
"The height of a Irken varies. They usually grow to a standard height of four feet. Irken society is based on height, because height is very rare in the Irken race. Irken ruler ship was only based on height after the Great Event. Their height has diminished over the centuries due to the constant mixing of old DNA."
"I'm short because someone else screwed up," Invader Stunk growled.
"I hope you idiots learned something today."
"Hey!" Dib shouted.
"Not the meat!" Invader Stunk cried out as a ton of meat fell on him.
"Irkens for Dummies is not liable for any wrong information."
"That wasn't very…comforting," Dib mumbled as he removed the disk.
He stored the disk away for further use and figured that it was time to move onto Irken reproduction. He looked at the disk and realized that it was actually labeled as something else.
"The Great Event," Dib read as he popped the disk in.
"What are you doing?" Gaz questioned as she kicked in his door.
"Gaz!" Dib shouted in surprise.
"Your door was shut and the ship kept bugging me…said something about wanting his parts back," Gaz growled.
"Your back early…did you get caught?" Dib questioned.
"No, I'm just here to pack," Gaz responded.
"Why are you packing?" Dib questioned not liking where this was going.
"I'm going to move in with Zim," Gaz casually responded.
"WHAT! YOU CAN'T!" Dib shouted as his eyes widened.
"Not like I want to, but I'm on a hit list," Gaz responded as he she turned to walk to her room.
"Hit list?" Dib questioned, he was still in mild shock.
"Zim's leaders want to kill us and so they put us on a hit list," Gaz responded.
"Gaz, what did you do?" Dib softly questioned.
"I've cast their souls into a pit of despair that will only continue to deepen," Gaz replied.
"I know I can't stop you…but I want you to be careful," Dib sincerely whispered.
"You know I will," Gaz scoffed as Dib followed her.
"I'm going to check on you everyday," Dib promised.
"You're a dork," Gaz groaned.
"I have every right to be a dork. My sister is on an alien hit list and is now moving in with an alien," Dib listed as Gaz rolled her eyes.
"You make it a sound weird," Gaz replied as Dib shook his head.
"It is weird," Dib grumbled.
"Yeah…just don't attack Zim when you come over else those creepy gnomes will zap you," Gaz warned.
"Are you concerned for me?" Dib questioned with a teasing smirk.
"No…I just don't want to have to explain to dad why his creation is dead," Gaz dryly said.
"Fine, but—"
Dib was cut off as Gaz promptly slammed her door in his face. He rubbed his bruised nose and simply smiled. He knew his sister cared, even if she didn't show it. Dib shrugged his shoulders and turned to go back into his room. It was time to permanently scare his mind. Dib shuddered and stopped at his door. He ran down the stairs and figured he better get some popcorn.
Author's Notes:
If I'm wrong about anything just let me know, but my theories are just theories
Invader Stunk: Just ramblings of a madman!(meat falls on him)
I started a forum, it has different pairings challenges that can be taken up. If you want to post a challenge go ahead and I might take it up.
Please leave a review and ignore my Invader's screams of pain (Smiles)
I'll update again if get at least five reviews, I'll probably update tomorrow night or Friday
Much thanks to Spazzyfries and Invader Izafor reading last chapters author's note and giving an opinion(hands out cookies)